dear china

chavvot-n  asked:

I love your account!Great job!Keep going I really like it!~♥♡♥ Please: 2p drunk texts!!!

DRUNK TEXTS–

2P!America: [to the girlfriend HE broke up with] dollfce i miss u im such a dick ok i hve no1 and im always lonle y nd i didnt mean it wheni call ed your mom a whore i stg

2P!China: [to his crush] hey bby have i evr told u that once i almost spilled my tea becuz i was thinkgn about ur legs

2P!England: [to Allen] hi i love u so sO so so muCh we are at the pub& olivia says hi !! iknow u hate me lately but im so proud of u ~~~!

2P!France: [to a stripper] hoLy fck i think i fell in love for a ngiht

2P!Russia: [to his boss] i thnk youre a punkass bitch,,,

2P!Italy: [to Flavio] UR fACE IS SO ANnOYINGH WHY DO I LOVE YOUR FUCKNIG PORTRAITS SO MUCCH

2P!Germany: [to Luciano] GuTEN TAG TO MY FAVRITE LIL MIDGET

2P!Japan: [to his co-worker] im a secret anget in anothr life. i know what u did w those employe pictures

2P!Canada: [to his broadband service] hi wuts good

2P!Romano: [to his rival in modeling] UR BOOOBS R FAKE AND EVERYONE KNOWS IT HONEYY 8D

2P!Austria: [to his neighbor] I HEaR U AND YER HSUBAND FCKING EVERY NITE LOLOLOLO

2P!Prussia: [to a friend he hasn’t talked to in years] hi omgg how r u doing fren we haventt talked in so long nd my life iz a mess :))) plz talk tome again :))))))))

Dear North Korea,

Japan, China, South Korea, the US, and many other nations all have told you to stop and yet you persist.

You DO realize you are out numbered and out gunned and this won’t be a war it will be a blood bath with your people dead in the end?

Keep firing those failed missiles and see what happens. Just try it. You have a world of haters all aiming their -working- missiles at you bitches.

PS, your leader looks like a big dumb doofus and probably has a small dick and that is why he needs big missiles. He needs therapy and an execution.

Sincerely,
The world.

Blog Post #3

White Dreadlocks

Date: 23rd April 2017

Occupation: Teacher

Location: Zhenjiang, China


Dear the Internet,

It’s been about a month and a half now in the new job. I spent about a week in Beijing training and honestly I just fucking love big cities. I simultaneously love being crammed and pushed onto the subway and black tissues and avoiding traffic and everything else about being somewhere alive. Everyone I know hates Beijing. I don’t. Not only can you jump from Tiananmen Square to the Forbidden City to the Great Wall to some dodgy fucking noodle place where everyone drinks beer sitting round white tables, it just feels like a home, like somewhere you can settle.  

But right now I’m not in Beijing I’m in Zhenjiang, which was supposed to be Nanjing but was changed a week before I flew out and things are okay. Okay. Not perfect, but fine. I don’t have that crazy, holy shit I’m in China and everything is special and I’m doing something with my life, feeling like last time. This place is about work and about the kids and about earning some damn money and just surviving while I figure out what the fuck I want to do with life. Sometimes I get homesick. But I realise I’m homesick for a home that doesn’t really exist anymore. I want to write and drink and go to poetry festivals and see live bands and kiss girls and read books and be in a perpetual summer. I wish I was still studying and living that bohemian, student lifestyle but the fact is I fucking had to go and graduate and ruin everything for myself. I hang around with my religious, conservative co-workers and I feel something clawing at the inside of me. It’s like I want to scream Sylvia Plath at the top of my lungs while shaving my hair off considering the implications apartheid had on playwrights in post-colonial South Africa.

But I can’t. Because I have to be professional. And there are kids in China that don’t know how to say ‘spider’ yet and classes that want to learn to play the tambourine. So instead I scribble bad poems down about The L Word. It’s a release that’s not huge and beautiful and cathartic but more like loosening a belt buckle after eating so much you feel sick.

I fear this self-deprecating, mocking blog-post about travel has turned into a confessional diary entry and maybe this is far too personal to be posting online. I could claim this shit is culture shock and stay relevant but it’s more likely ‘turning-21-and-not-being-the-amazing-artist/activist-you-thought-you’d-be-and-instead-working-for-a-huge-corportation-that-makes-you-feel-really-grimy-and-not-in-a-cool-punky-way,’ shock. I’ll throw in some pictures of the Forbidden City and Xijingdu to compensate. Feel free to give me validation.

Lots of love,

White Dreadlocks

(Travelling Quote of the Day: The gladdest moment in human life, me thinks, is a departure into unknown lands and finding out you can still get a Mcdonalds.)

important things to note:

bc some idiots out there think it’s ok to misread a chinese name and apply american laws to a chinese person while writing birthday fics or whatever

1. “guang hong” is the first name (yes the whole fucking thing, we don’t do middle names in china, dear american people who always seem to be confused), “ji” is the last name

side note: we don’t call people by their surnames in china as much as americans do

2. yes, guang hong will be turning 18 the coming jan 7 and wow big surprise 18 is also the age of majority in china, so despite it being the same as the age of majority in the states please do some research instead of blatantly applying american laws to a chinese person, it’s not really that hard to google

anonymous asked:

The 2Ps reaction to meeting a girl that's raised in a jungle and has a habit on climbing every tree she sees.

Looking over their shoulder to make sure she isn’t halfway up a tree in the park: 2p Germany, 2p Spain, 2p China

“My dear, you can do whatever you want but please don’t get yourself hurt”: 2p Romano, 2p Prussia, 2p England, 2p Russia

All trees are now forbidden: 2p Italy, 2p Japan

Couldn’t care less and lets her do all the climbing she wants: 2p America, 2p France, 2p China, 2p Canada

Just a reminder for all of us.. I know we as his fans are all excited to see him and watch him competing, but let’s learn how to keep his privacy and feeling safe. Let’s learn from the previous mistake (red : the unwanted shouts before his SP in Worlds 2014 that made him lost focus). I believe we, all his fans around the world, would appreciate him and support him in a good way ^-^

Good luck for Cup of China dear Yuzuru Hanyu! *\(^0^)/*

i’m tired of being what you want me to be .