Alrighty, here we go, by popular request! The Dean version of this.
S1 DEAN IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
Honestly I feel for this one I should just let the gif below do all the talking. BUT. Let me just say. Guys, I don’t go for pretty boys. One of my standard phrases when I’m discussing heartthrobs with friends is ‘nah, too pretty for me’. So let my words carry water when I say: S1 Dean is the only guy I can think of, period, who is both ferociously pretty and makes me fucking pant to get him naked. He’s beautiful but in a way that’s shot through with toughness and testosterone. When you look at S1 Dean you want to paint him and you want to hold him and pat his head and eat pie with him and you want him to fuck you through the mattress.
LOOK at him. To me this gif says 4964 things about Dean.
So pretty even at death’s door. (This outfit makes him look like all the guys in my undergrad classes, except 400 times better-looking than any of them.)
S5 DEAN IS THE MOST STRAIGHT-UP BAMF
Let me say two words to you: The End. You all know where I’m going. I’m going here:
LET ME JUST DIGRESS FOR A MOMENT AND TALK ABOUT THE THIGH HOLSTER. You might have thought to yourself on occasion, I know that the thigh holster is insanely hot. I know that looking at the thigh holster too long makes me dizzy and possibly pregnant. But, whhhhy?
Fear not, gentle reader. Here is a preliminary list of four reasons:
It’s strapped around his thick, muscular, bow-legged thigh.
It’s there so that he can grab the gun out of it at a second’s notice, and that ties into something I’ve already thought a lot about today: muscle memory and ingrained, practiced skill. The kind of familiarity with a weapon that means he doesn’t even have to think about it. As I said to Myri earlier today: it’s skill incarnate, when something is become sunk right into your skin and bone.
It implies the fact that he lives a life so dangerous and full of peril that he needs a weapon that close to hand.
It’s a physicalisation of all those tropes that are so powerful because they hit such ancient things in us: protector, hunter, defender, warrior.
(And lest you think S5 Dean is just about 5.04, let me remind you about the Dean who sat down and talked to Death over deep dish pizza; the Dean who kept crawling towards Pestilence until he physically couldn’t move anymore; the Dean who went out and harvested demons so his brother could drink their blood; the Dean who said ‘I ain’t gonna let him die alone’ and drove out to a graveyard in Lawrence wearing his dad’s old leather coat and full of fear and unrelenting love.)
S6 DEAN IS THE HOTTEST
I’m including this season because the Sam anon said it was her personal hottest Dean, and I’m not sure I’d go with S6 Dean myself, but I can definitely see the argument, so let’s consider.
S6 Dean is flat-out gorgeous. He’s grown out of what was left of his baby face. His skin has settled a little over his bones and made his face a little more rugged. He deals with a lot of shit this year - you could argue that he goes through more upheaval and uncertainty in S6 than in any other year, because Sam’s not with him and then he is, but he isn’t Sam. He smiles less and is pensive more and he’s dealing for the first time really with a personal life that doesn’t involve Sam. So there’s a lot going on behind his face this year.
This is like my favourite S6 Dean. First of all because I find it unbearably attractive when men stretch their legs out like this. Secondly because he is so fucking done.
S9 DEAN IS A GROWN ASS MAN
Here is the thing, I feel like either the specifically late-season lust is strong upon you, or it isn’t. It’s not something I can argue you into. It probably depends partly on how old you are. I’m old. And so honestly the older Dean gets the less I’m able to talk in full sentences.
There’s the scruff, which is delicious and suits him, but there’s also the more fundamental fact that by this point Dean is just so very Grown Ass Man.I mean look at him. Guys, this man has been around the block. He’s killed a fuck-ton of monsters and a lot of men too. He’s seen a whole lot of life and how people live it and he’s lost everything in his life at least once and he can take you to pieces in about fourteen different ways and you can take that last thing however you like. True both ways.