dean is the one who told cas he can think for this own

The Tea is Decaf

[ao3]

3.7k words
Dean/Cas, Sam/Eileen
Based on this text post

Castiel just barely slips out the door into the hallway and turns the knob as he closes it so the latch doesn’t make a sound. The light is always on in the hallway, and Dean always wakes up if too much of it pours into his room, so Castiel has mastered the art of slipping through the smallest space possible.

He breathes a sigh of relief once he’s in the hallway.

A small voice to his right lets out an amused laugh. He turns to see a particularly tiny woman wearing a very large plaid shirt and nothing else. Well, he supposes she could be wearing shorts under the shirt. It really is very big on her.

“You must be Castiel,” she says rather loudly, mispronouncing his name just slightly.

He walks over to her with a finger to his lips.

She puts her hand over her mouth in embarrassment before signing, I’m deaf.

Castiel mouths an “oh” before dropping his head and laughing. He then pops his head back up fast and mouths, “Are you Eileen?”

She nods eagerly and signs, You’ve heard about me?

Sam has mentioned you a few times, he signs back. He says you’re a very good hunter.

Her face lights up. You’re damn right I am. Still, that’s very sweet of him.

So, are you two…? Castiel looks back toward Sam’s room and then down at Eileen’s shirt.

Eileen’s eyes widen in embarrassment. He’s asleep. I was just going to the bathroom.

I was heading to the kitchen for a cup of tea. Would you like some?

Is there caffeine in it?

Not at 4 in the morning.

Eileen smiles and gives him a thumbs up before moving past him toward the bathroom. Castiel watches her go for a second before it hits him.

He looks down at his plain black t-shirt and too-small boxer briefs and wonders if Eileen could tell that these clothes aren’t his. And that he came out of Dean’s room instead of one of the countless other extra bedrooms in the bunker.

By the time Eileen pads into the kitchen, Castiel has two mugs ready with decaf teabags in them and he’s standing at the stove staring at the pot so he can pull it off the burner before it whistles.

It’s only a minute longer before Cas pours the water into the mugs and takes a seat across from Eileen at the kitchen table.

You’re an angel, aren’t you? Eileen asks as her tea steeps.

Castiel nods as he takes a drink.

Does that mean you don’t sleep?

Sometimes I do. I didn’t feel like it tonight.

Is Dean good in bed?

Keep reading

12.12 coda. deancas.

“So…”

Dean.” 

“Oh, come on, man. You can’t expect me to just…”

“I don’t expect anything from you.”

“Well, I…” The words die on his lips. He doesn’t know what he wants to say, what he can say. Cas loves him, and that’s just- he can’t even wrap his head around it.

Cas takes advantage of Dean’s inability to finish to push past him and walk toward the kitchen. It takes Dean a minute to collect himself, steel himself, and round up enough courage to follow. When he walks through the doorway he sees Cas fiddling with the coffee machine.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Do you think on the ride home Dean took off his flannel and made Cas put it on to replace his bloody shirt?

“I really am alright, Dean. You don’t need to sit back here with me.”

Dean ignores Castiel’s reassurances, just like he has been ignoring them for the last fifteen minutes.

Dean?

“Cork it, Cas! Mom’s drivin’, Sam’s shotgun, and I’m back here with you, makin’ sure you’re really holdin’ it together. That’s just the way it’s gonna be so stop tryin’ to fight me on it!”

Both Mary and Sam give each other wide-eyed looks, but stay quiet—knowing that Dean is still processing everything that had happened back in the barn. He’s still drowning in the feeling of being out of control, and it’s driving him absolutely nuts.

“Here, Ma” Dean grunts, shoving the Impala’s keys at the woman and then turning back to tend to his angel.

She swiftly nods and takes the keys before ushering her other son around the far side of the car—and then, all at once, they climb in to join Castiel, who has already been carefully placed in the backseat by Dean’s steady hands.

“Does it hurt anywhere?” Dean asks—slightly calmer now but his voice still has a rattle to it.

“No, Dean. I’m feeling fine—just like I said before.”

“Well, you don’t look fine. You’re kinda pale. Sam, doesn’t he look pale to you?”

Sam turns around and gives Cas a sympathetic look before shrugging silently at his older brother, knowing that his opinion doesn’t really matter right now anyway.

“Yeah, see—Sam thinks so. You should lean back a bit.”

“These seats don’t recline, Dean.”

Dean frowns at him. “Then scoot down a little! Jesus, Cas … I’m just tryin’ to make sure you’re okay!”

“I am okay … I have already told you—”

“Scoot down, Castiel!” Mary grits  firmly from the front of the car—glaring at him through the rearview mirror, eyes flicking back and forth between the angel and her eldest son.

He wants to protest again, but then Castiel nods, finally understanding that the only one not fine right now, is Dean, and doing what he asks—no matter how pointless it is, will make him feel a little better … a little more useful. Cas scoots down in his seat.

Dean smiles, happy that his friend is finally listening to him. “Alright then … better?”

Castiel stops himself from rolling his eyes. “Yes … better.”

The proud smirk that immediately graces Dean’s face seems to trim away the tension in the car—until the moment that the folds of Cas’s coat fall away, exposing the dirty, blood-stained white button up beneath. “Oh … shit, man! That looks bad!” the man yelps as soon as he sees it.

Castiel squints and cocks his head to the side, finally following Dean’s eyes down to where the usually clean looking garment, is now a tattered mess strewn about his body. “Oh. Yes, well … I can just—” Cas begins, already lifting his hand to will the mess away, but he stops mid motion—cutting the magic short because the man beside him is starting to fidget in his seat. “Dean? What are you …”

Dean teeters back and forth, wriggling from side to side in the confined space until he finally manages to free one of his arms from the black coat and plaid overshirt that he’s wearing.

“Hold on … almost …” Dean soon rocks all the way over until his head is practically in Cas’s lap—but he doesn’t seem to notice because he’s too focused on freeing his other hand. “There!” he yelps victoriously, finally holding up the plaid shirt for everyone in the car to see.

Sam nods and Mary holds back a chuckle, and Cas just continues to stare at the man—confused and slightly annoyed by everything that he’s doing.

“Okay, Cas. Your turn” Dean says after another moment, eventually turning happy eyes back on the angel.

“My turn?” Cas asks, feeling suddenly nervous about what he’s expected to do.

“Yep” Dean chirps, looking Castiel up and down with a long pull. “Strip and put this on.” He holds the flannel out towards him, but he doesn’t hand it to the angel just yet, as if he’s planning on dressing him himself … and at this point, Cas wouldn’t be surprised if that’s what Dean had in mind.

“Dean …” Castiel grumbles again, now—rolling his eyes for all to see. “You realize that I can fix this, don’t you?”

Dean only grips the shirt tighter in his hand.

“I am an angel … I have the power to—”

“Just put on the damn shirt!” All three Winchesters bark in unison.

And that makes the angel finally throw up his hands in defeat. “Alright!” he exclaims, quickly sitting straight and leaning forward so that he can work his body free from his coat. But before he can completely shimmy it off, Dean’s hands are on him, fiddling with the buttons of Cas’s dirty white shirt. “Um … what are you doing?”

Helping” Dean snaps, but his cheeks are turning red and his hands are starting to shake against the angel’s chest.

Cas stares at him a moment, and then up to the front of the car where Sam and Mary are vehemently avoiding eye contact with anything but the road. So he turns back, just as Dean undoes the final button and pushes the cloth aside, displaying every inch of Castiel’s unmarred skin.

The man then stills for some time—never looking away and holding his breath until the second Castiel is finally able to speak.

You see, Dean … I’m all healed.”

Dean quirks up the side of his mouth, but his face quickly falls flat again, while his eyes bounce away and back several times, seeming torn as to where to look now.

After that, it only takes another minute for Cas to slip out of the ruddy, old shirt and into Dean’s flannel—and for the first time since they left the barn, Dean doesn’t interfere, nor do Mary and Sam act like anything is happening just behind their heads. In fact, the frenzied tone of their drive has seemed to mellow, and even Dean appears to have settled down; although, his hands still twitch with the need for something to do … which doesn’t go unnoticed by the angel at his side.

Castiel sighs, flicking his eyes down towards the soft plaid that’s now draped over his own shoulders—the fabric is warm and smells like Dean; so just as he begins to fasten the last two buttons, he purposely skips one—so the thing is now bunching up across his stomach. “There” he confirms, drawing Dean’s focus back to the task at hand, and of course—Dean notices the mistake instantly.

“Ah—jeez, Cas … you’re helpless, ya know that?” Dean mutters with a smile, reaching over eagerly to straighten out the buttons and get them all in the right order.

But Castiel just smiles too, taking the moment to take in the worried Winchester—his charge, his family … a man that he loves—and he nods. “You’re right. What would I do without you?”

12.14 coda

Dean may have missed out on the fight, but he still feels like drinking when he finally gets back home. Ketch’s expensive bottle of bribery is still sitting on the war room table and his glass is still in his favorite spot, right where he left it.

“Oh, hello, sweetness. Daddy’s here,” Dean coos at it. He hums as he picks up the bottle - still heavy even after a couple of drinks. “Shhh. It’s just you and me now.”

Sam scoffs. “Really, Dean? You’re that easy?”

Dean rolls his eyes over his shoulder. “So?”

Sam doesn’t really want to start anything, he’s feeling too good. He lets Dean smuggle his booze away to his room like always and revels in the still-fresh feeling of adrenaline-fueled ass-kicking. Changing the world. Power in the palms of his hands. He’ll try not to let it go to his head, but he deserves to celebrate the win at least.

Dean, meanwhile, falls like a heavy weight against the back of his bedroom door. 

Keep reading

For @profound-boning because I keep bullying her into writing fics for me. So have some dadstiel + dean in glasses.

Fun fact: babies love glasses.

Dean and Cas weren’t aware of this bit of trivia until Claire came into their lives. Dean picked her up for the first time and nearly combusted with the sweet smile the blue-eyed girl gave him before her fat little fists came up to wrap around his frames and pull them from his face.

And it became their Thing. Any time Dean was holding Claire, he lost his glasses to the little girl. She liked to wave them around or chew on them and occasionally throw them at the cat. 

Cas warned Dean he shouldn’t let her get in that habit. And sure enough Claire was soon ripping glasses off the face of anyone who was in arm’s reach of her. 

The first time Claire breaks Dean’s glasses, Cas gives what Dean assumes is an “I told you so” look. But he’s not sure. He can’t see. 

He goes through a few more pairs in the course of their first year with Claire before it’s decided that it would be easier to switch to contacts. 

Fast forward a few years, Claire is in first grade. She grew out of her glasses-wrangling phase a while back but Dean’s grown so accustomed to contacts he doesn’t switch back. Plus, he no longer looks like a total loser at work wearing goggles over his glasses.

But one day Claire gets sent home with a note from her teacher. She’s having difficulty seeing the board even from the front row.

Dean and Cas make an appointment with the eye doctor for the next week. They reassure a nervous Claire that everything will be fine but their little girl will leave that doctor’s office in tears.

“I don’t wanna wear glasses!” she cries when they get home. “I’ll look ugly!”

“Oh, honey, no,” Cas says and strokes her hair. “You’re beautiful and glasses won’t change that.”

“Garth wears glasses and all the other kids make fun of him! What if they tease me too?” She starts to cry harder.

“Isn’t that the funny kid with the sock puppet?” Dean wonders and promptly shuts up when Cas shoots him a look. “Hey, look, kiddo. No one is gonna make fun of you for just wearing glasses. There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re just a tool to help you see. And if someone does say something, sock ‘em in the-”

“Dean,” Cas warns. 

“Eh, tell the teacher,” Dean amends.

Keep reading

Stood Up

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Word Count: 1,159

Warnings: fluff, don’t date brett he’s a jerk

Prompt: The reader gets stood up on a date, but Dean swoops in just in time to save the night.

Originally posted by frozen-delight

You sat in the green backed booth, a cup of water in front of you. The waiter had been by twice already, asking if you were still waiting. You felt bad for continuing to tell him that you were, knowing that you were hogging a table that could be used for other people who had been waiting.

You were set to meet someone for a date. It was your first date, and you had met the man through a dating website. After weeks of talking, you were set to meet, tonight. He said he’d meet you at the restaurant at 6:00, and you panicked because you had arrived at 6:05, but when you got there, he wasn’t there and nobody had checked in under his name.

You sent him a message, asking if he was running late and not even three minutes later, he replied saying he was and asked you to get a table, assuring you he’d be there soon. Soon was said at 6:09pm, and it was now almost 7.

Keep reading

The Jealousy’s Evening

for the anon who sent in this amazing prompt, thank you! 


Today wasn’t Castiel’s favorite day. The past few days hadn’t been his favorite day. A lot of things were currently not okay and all he could do was fake a smile and get on with school, with life.
It wasn’t that he was allowed to complain - in the end Dean had never been his in the first place. But seeing him kiss Lisa… it hurt. It hurt seeing them together, so close and happy. 

Of course, Castiel didn’t have any feelings for Dean, he was just upset that he was losing his best friend. They had been close for a long time, stayed over at each other’s houses a lot, slept in the same bed, shared clothes and did everything together. They were inseparable, until Dean started dating Lisa. 

For Castiel it had been out of nowhere when Dean had told him he and Lisa were a thing. At first, he’d just been slightly annoyed, but when days passed he began to realize how much it influenced him and his friendship with Dean. Way more than he wanted to admit. 

He just wanted the old Dean back, spend time with him doing nothing- hang out on the roof and talk about school or Dean’s father being a dick and Gabriel who’d stolen from the candy shop. That was ages ago and Cas was probably never getting that back.

Dean never wanted to hang out and ‘do nothing’, had not once suggested to take a ride with the Impala and watch the sunset while sipping beer as they sat on the hood of the car. The only thing that was the same, were them staying over at each other’s houses, doing homework together and their movie night on Friday. 

At least, Castiel thought.

Keep reading

Persistence

content: Dean feels uncomfortable with the flirting attempts by the cashier at the grocery store, but thankfully Castiel comes to his rescue – though seriously not the way Dean expected.

word count: 2,174


Dean really doesn’t like visiting the small grocery store in Lebanon right at the town’s center.

And thankfully most of the time he’s got other options – mainly the big supermarket next to the highway –, but once in a while he’s got no other choice due to time issues or saving gas or whatever else might come up.

And it’s not like the store itself is crappy or something. No, not at all. It may be small, but it’s got everything they need, even Dean’s favorite brand of beer. Hell, they even sell those awesome chocolate brownies you can’t find nearly anywhere anymore!

So yeah, it’s a nice enough store.

But there’s a big problem – the cashier who seems to live in that stupid shop!

At least Dean’s got that impression since she’s always there when he walks through the door, smiling at him so broadly as soon as she spots him as if the only purpose of her life is waiting for Dean to arrive at the store.

Her name is Stacy and she looks like seventeen although she reassured him many times before (by emphasizing Every. Single. Word.) that she’s old enough to drink – while at the same time giggling like she just shared a juicy secret and fluttering her eyelashes in a way she probably thinks seductive. Her flirting attempts are countless, clumsy, awkward and leave Dean highly uncomfortable.

But she never stops.

Dean can’t help admiring her persistence a bit. Not even hints that he could easily be her father age wise made her back off. Dean tried being nice and polite about it and used grumbles and grunts a few weeks later when his maturity hadn’t been very effective, but nothing seems to impress that girl. Every time Dean starts to talk and attempts to make himself clear she simply sighs deeply and gazes into his eyes or checks out his ass, not at all interested in what he has to say.

It’s infuriating.

Even the apocalypse hadn’t been that annoying.

Keep reading

Can’t Go Back

Originally posted by justjensenanddean

This is for ma hoe @wayward-mirage​​​​ Rat Pack Challenge. I got the song ‘You’ll Never Know’-Frank Sinatra.

Characters: Y/n, Dean, Sam

Pairing: Dean x Y/n(GENDER NEUTRAL)

Warnings: Angst, argument, abandoned reader, regret, self hate. Just all angst.

Word Count: 1860

Summary: Dean finds himself back where he should be, but Y/n isn’t with him.

A/N: Ok, so some angst cos…this song just gave me a load of angst. I’m hoping it’s really angsty. I have no idea. Either way, hope u like it!!

Tagged Peeps: @waywardsons-imagines@whywhydoyouwantmetosaymyname@sallyp-53@salvatorexwinchester@helvonasche@notnaturalanahi@wayward-mirage@riversong-sam@nerdflash@miss-miep@impala-dreamer@mypeopleskillsarerusty0203@greek-geek481@chelsea072498@deals-with-demons@plaidstiel-wormstache@impalaimagining@deathtonormalcy56​ @scorpiongirl1 @the-latina-trickster@aingealcethlenn@squirels-angels-and-moose@meganwinchester1999@cubs2019-blog@lucifer-in-leather@p–trick​​ @straightestgay-voice@professsionalsinner

Masterlist


“No. No. NO!”

Dean frantically scratched at the floor, the doorway, anything he could get to so he could get back to you.

He turned back to Sam, eyes pouring with tears, not caring who saw him.

“WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?”

Sam swallowed hard, his heart pounding as the rage poured out of Dean.

“I…I did what I had to”, he stuttered, knowing Dean wasn’t going to accept this. Not with you still there.

“You…yo-you…”

Dean choked on his words, his vision completely blurred as he felt his heart break.

Keep reading

down to brass tacks

happy valentine’s day, everybody!! <3 canon verse, 3k+

ao3

They finally get a lead on Kelly Kline on a Saturday. Spurred on by guilt and probably a bit of cabin fever, Castiel turns right around from the hunt he just returned from with Mary to chase her down.

“Oh,” Castiel says, turning. He sticks a hand into his coat pocket. “I almost forgot.”

It isn’t like him to forget things, so the move has to be calculated. Then again, he loses his phone all over the place. Maybe he really did just forget whatever it is. Dean’s startled out of his musing by a shiny projectile hurtling towards his face, which he catches gracelessly in one hand. The metal, whatever it is, feels cool in his palm. He blinks up at Castiel.

Keep reading

You have to choose, Castiel, us or them?

Writing meta about Castiel is always interesting to me. For the past three years I’ve been talking about Castiel’s endgame and the fact that Jeremy Carver changed it. Since Cas was introduced, he has never stayed with the Winchesters for a long time. In this post from 2014, I explained what the questions regarding Cas were and that he had to make his final decisions based on something he wanted, not on something he had to do. As a complement, in this post from last year, I explained that Cas’ endgame was clearly heaven for a very long time until Carver came along and flipped the script. Cas’ journey has been pretty evident since the Carver era: In the end he’ll choose humanity. However, I think the meta I’m writing right now is necessary to explain that if Cas chooses humanity, he has to do it because he wants to, not because it’s the only choice available.

Many people are upset because Cas is going back to Heaven without even telling Dean. I, on the other hand, feel excited about what happened in episode 12x15. We already know that Castiel’s family, the angelic one, hates him. He’s not welcomed in Heaven at all, and he knows it. I suppose that must hurt. Let’s think about it for a moment. If our blood family rejects us, we can always have people in our lives that we consider family –although not by blood, but that doesn’t mean the rejection will stop hurting. What’s the point of Cas choosing Dean and the other Winchesters if they are basically the only choice he has?

I would thank Andrew Dabb forever if he found a way for Heaven to forgive Cas and welcome him once more. After everything Cas has done (no matter if he’s meant it or not), I’ve always thought that having the angels accept Castiel again as one of their own is a difficult but necessary task. Why do I say it’s necessary? I say it because when Cas makes his final decision regarding what he wants to be (angel or human), where he belongs (heaven or earth), and who his family is (the angels or the Winchesters), he needs to know that he can pick either.

Truth be told, it would be even better if Cas didn’t have to choose between heaven and earth. However, unless the narrative changes in the hands of Dabb, Castiel’s journey has been set to choose only one option. That was definitely Carver’s idea. Do you Remember Naomi’s words? “You have to choose, Castiel, us or them?” Cas’ endgame was foreshadowed back in 8x17, and I don’t think Dabb has changed his mind about what Carver wanted for Cas, or at least I don’t have proof of that in what the show is giving us. As recently as 12x14, Dean was angry with Sam because Sam’s always split in the middle. In fact, Dean asked Sam to pick a side. That’s precisely what I think Cas will have to do one day in the foreseeable future.

What I know for sure is that Castiel’s endgame won’t be in Heaven. Cas doesn’t belong there anymore, but he needs the chance to experience that for himself. If the angels accept Cas, and he’s welcomed in Heaven again, he will realize how much of an outsider he is now. He will always go back to his family, the one that means the world to him, the Winchesters (mostly Dean), but when he does it, it will be because he wants to, not because he has to. He will choose the Winchesters because he loves them, because they’re his family, not because Heaven won’t take him back. He will say goodbye to Heaven not because he’s not allowed there, not because he’s the most hated angel after Lucifer. He’ll do so because Heaven isn’t Cas’ home anymore.

And on Earth there will be someone ready to show Cas the way to find his real home:

12x20 Coda

“Spun out” doesn’t begin to describe it. This heaviness, this oppressive ache that is filling Dean’s lungs- it’s like nothing he’s ever felt.

He’s missed Cas before, sure. Lost him a time or two. Had every reason to believe the angel was dead (although he didn’t believe it, not really; he couldn’t bring himself to give credence to that thought- the very idea of accepting that Cas could be really and truly gone… permanently…) But this… this is different.

Dean abruptly shoves the phone he’s been staring at back into his pocket. There are no missed calls, no unseen text messages. He knows. He’s checked about once every two minutes for the past three days, ever since he came to on the cold, hard ground after Cas and his freaky display of surprise angelic power healed Dean and then knocked him unconscious on his ass.

Cas.

The feeling intensifies, spreads. It’s a burning now, a flaming vice squeezing around his heart, and between the pain in his chest and the pressure on his lungs Dean feels like he can’t breathe.

He can’t talk to Sam. He wishes he could. He wishes talking stuff out was a thing Dean Winchester was good at, was a thing he could do.

Their mom is now missing, and Dean knows that fucker Ketch is lying, and Cas- God, Cas is…

Dean paces the bunker kitchen, biting his thumbnail, his green eyes blazing. His fingers itch to grab a bottle of whiskey, something, hell, anything stronger than a beer… Even that wine he had yesterday with the Barnes family would do… he’d actually gotten downright tipsy, had forgotten wine packs a little more punch…  Dean’s mostly given up hard drinking since… well, when did he stop? He’s not sure.

That’s a lie. He is sure.

It was after Lucifer was expelled from Cas’s body.

It wasn’t a conscious decision, an “I’m done with the heavy drinking,” it was more of an unconscious response to losing his best friend (again) and then having him restored (again.)

Dean didn’t want to waste one second not being in full control of his faculties around Cas. He didn’t want his memories with Cas to be hazy, or blurry, or blacked out, because even though Cas was an angel, he wasn’t invincible. His continued existence wasn’t a guarantee, and Dean refused to be fuzzy on a single detail.

Dean has pretty much stuck to beer and a very light buzz after that (okay, that stupid Ketch thing was an exception… but really, for the most part, he’s been done with it.)

Sam’s voice shakes him out of his reverie. Dean hadn’t even heard him enter the room.

“Dean? What are you… are you okay?” Sam approaches him, concerned hazel eyes scanning his older brother. He reaches out a long arm to clasp Dean’s shoulder.

“’M'fine,” Dean brushes him off.

“Dude, you’re like, swaying on the spot. Are you drunk?” Sam presses, almost like he guessed Dean’s current train of thought.

Dean scowls. “No, I’m not drunk.”

The taller Winchester’s face softens, and for one hopeful second Dean thinks Sam might really understand. “You’re worried about Mom,” Sam guesses, and Dean sees Sam’s pain and fear written all over his face, too.

“It’s not that,” Dean shakes his head, then hastily corrects himself, eyes wide. “I mean, yes! God, of course yes. I’m worried. She can take care of herself, I know, but we need to find her. Stat.”

Realization dawns, but Sam hesitates. There is a long silence before he finally speaks again. “He can take care of himself, too, you know.”

Dean stiffens. “What?”

“Cas,” Sam says tentatively. “He can take care of himself, too, Dean. I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“Oh, you’re sure?” Dean snaps sarcastically. “Well, then. That’s a relief. If you’re sure, then there’s nothing to worry about.”

Sam sighs, leaning against the counter of the bunker kitchen where they stand. He scrubs his hands over his face then pulls his shaggy hair back. His eyes are red-rimmed and tired; neither of them have slept since losing Tasha and Alicia and getting Mary’s cryptic voicemail.

“Talk to me,” he says finally.

Dean’s shoulders are tense; he wishes he had something to punch. “It’s nothing.”

“It’s not nothing, so cut the crap, Dean.”

“It’s nothing you don’t already know! I already told you, Sammy, the guy who knocked us out and took off for Heaven, talking about- about faith and all that crap? That wasn’t Cas. Not really. So yeah, I’m gonna worry and you can just fucking deal with it.”

Sam doesn’t rise to the bait. “Talk to me for real. What’s going on?”

“What the fuck do you think I just did?”

“I think you’re trying to pick a fight,” Sam answers calmly. “You think I’m not worried about Cas, too? I am, Dean. He’s my friend.”

“He’s family,” Dean corrects.

Sam nods and mulls it over for a moment, his brow furrowed. “You think… you think that finding him, helping him… that it’s less important to me because of Mom?”

“What?” Dean responds hotly. “I never said that. It’s not about picking sides, Christ, Sammy! They’re both important. We’re gonna help them both. We’re gonna save them both.”

“I agree,” Sam says, and Dean nods, relieved. “But… Cas is different. Isn’t he.” It’s not a question, it’s a statement, but Dean knows he’s meant to respond.

“Yeah. He’s an angel,” Dean deflects bluntly, but Sam shakes his head.

“You know that’s not what I meant.” Sam holds Dean’s gaze, unrelenting, and Dean catches a glimpse of fear, of vulnerability, of hope. Dean’s heart pounds. Maybe Sam is more perceptive that Dean’s given him credit for.  Maybe it is something Dean could talk to him about after all. “Talk to me,” Sam says once more, his voice gentle.

Dean’s mouth is dry. His heart is hammering painfully; he feels sick to his stomach. He wants to tell Sam, he needs to, it’s eating away at him… He draws in a shaky breath. “After… after Cas killed Billie… after he got stabbed with Michael’s lance… He- he said some things.”

“Yeah,” Sam says shrewdly. “He told you he loves you.”

Dean’s head whips up so fast he thinks he might have given himself whiplash. “He said he loves us all.”

Sam shrugs. “He does. I know that. But it’s different with the two of you.”

Dean stares at him, his face pale.

Sam frowns, confused. “Isn’t it?”

Dean lets out a strangled half-laugh. “Yeah. Yeah… it’s different.” Dean swallows hard, visibly uncomfortable. A dark flush is slowly creeping up his neck and he’s now staring at the ground, refusing to make eye contact. “After Billie… we- we slept together,” he admits, his voice low. “After Ramiel, too.”

“Dean,” Sam says softly, “That’s- that’s great. I’m happy for you.”

“No,” Dean chokes out. “No. It’s not- it’s… I couldn’t say it back, Sam. He told me he loved me. Again, and again, when we were alone. He was so messed up. And I kissed him and I fucked him and I didn’t say it back…”

“But you do love him,” Sam presses questioningly.

“Of course I fucking do,” Dean hisses.

“Then why-”

“I don’t know, Sam!” Dean explodes. “Because I’m a fucking screwup. Because I’m a coward. Because I don’t fucking deserve him and I never have.”

There is silence for a moment. Sam crosses his arms over his chest, waiting for Dean to speak. When he doesn’t, Sam clears his throat, shakes his head. “That’s not true.”

“I made him a mixtape.”

Sam blinks, surprised at the sudden turn in conversation. “You- what?”

“I couldn’t tell him. How I felt. How I- I feel. But I didn’t want him to think I was just using him, either. I made him a mixtape. I dunno, it was stupid. He tried to give it back. When he stole the Colt.”

Sam sighs. “Dean-”

“He doesn’t know, Sammy!” Dean’s voice breaks, and his bright green eyes are drowning in pain and regret and self-loathing as he finally looks at Sam. “I made him a mixtape because I couldn’t tell him the truth, and he doesn’t understand, and now he’s gone and he might- he might never know how I feel. He couldn’t stand to be around me anymore, that’s why he was always gone, always off doing his own thing… Why he went back to the angel-douches. He told me he was in love with me and I fucked it up and I drove him away and now… now he’s gone, and he doesn’t know…”

It’s the most vulnerable Sam has ever seen his older brother.

“What if this time he doesn’t come back?” Dean asks gruffly, and Sam can tell Dean- Dean! - is struggling not to cry.

“He’ll come back,” Sam reassures. “He always comes back.”

“Yeah,” Dean swallows. “Yeah. He does.”

“He loves you,” Sam reminds him, and Dean can feel his heart breaking open.

Cas, you son-of-a-bitch, Dean prays desperately. I love you too. I love you. Come back to me so I can tell you in person. I swear I’ll tell you every damn day for the rest of my life. Please come back. Please be okay.

“Come on, Dean,” Sam says. “Let’s go find our family.”

Fragments - Part 4

Word Count: 3122

Pairing: Dean x Reader

Warnings: Canon typical violence, panic attack-ish 

A/N: Feedback and constructive criticism always appreciated. Unedited. Mistakes are all mine. *Made some adjustments to the timeline from part 3 cuz I changed some backstory. Had to edit to fix it. Changed their ages from getting together at age 26 to age 22.* 

If you’d like to be tagged you can add yourself Here

Fragments Masterlist


“Dean I can’t find Y/N. She’s not in her room and I’ve looked every – Oh.” Sam’s panic faded to a smile when he opened the door to Dean’s room and found the two of you together. Dean stirred and half opened his eyes, looking toward Sam in the open doorway. “Sorry, I just…I thought she might’ve bailed.”

“It’s ok.” Dean spoke softly, trying not to wake you. “We were talking. She fell asleep so I let her crash here. Didn’t see the point in waking her up to go next door.”

“Yeah.” Sam smirked knowingly. “More like you missed her and didn’t wanna let her go.” Dean shot Sam a glare and Sam held his hands up in surrender. “I’m not judging you, man. I’m just saying don’t push her too hard or too fast. There’s breakfast in the kitchen whenever you guys are ready.” Dean gave a small nod and Sam backed out of the room, closing the door gently.  

Dean absently ran his fingers through your hair, closing his eyes again and letting out a content sigh.

You woke up slowly, slightly confused. You didn’t remember falling asleep and you were up against something solid and warm. The last thing you remembered was Dean filling you in about your life and that was when you realized you must’ve fallen asleep on Dean and shot up like you’d been electrocuted. “I’m sorry. I didn’t – I – I’ll go.” You moved quickly, maneuvering out of Dean’s grip and out of the bed when he grabbed you and stopped you from going any further.

Keep reading

The nephilim and Team Free Will: future and determinism

This is a post that started out as an analysis of the scenes where Kelly’s and Cas’ eyes glow golden with the power of the nephilim, and ended up a long longer than I planned. My argument is that the nephilim is the new agent of determinism in the show, and somehow I accidentally ended up drawing the conclusion of romantic Destiel. I never do it on purpose but it always happens. (It’s not a post about Destiel. It’s a post about free will and destiny. Go figure.)

Please read this, it took hours to write and I should be writing my thesis instead.

The starting point of my reflection is: is the nephilim exercising a form of mind control over Kelly and Cas? My answer is yes and no. I mean - in the substance, it’s something like that. But I think it comes from a different place than ‘mind control’, and has larger implications in the context of the show.

Keep reading

Conversation Hearts

Valentine’s Day fluff masquerading as 12.11 coda fic. Enjoy!

3.8k, ao3

They stop in Salina on their way home from Eureka Springs. It’s still too far from the bunker to bother picking up groceries. Ice cream would be a lost cause by the time they got it into a freezer, but for the sheer sake of variety some of the big box stores in Salina offers both novelty and a conveniently timed pit stop in the seven hour drive home. The traumatic loss of and subsequent regaining of his memories over the last couple of days has left Dean feeling a little too shaky to drive straight through.

Not to mention he really needs to get a new phone. It sucks to keep borrowing Sam’s just to check in with Cas, who insisted on regular updates once Dean had finally told him what had happened. Just in case he suffered a relapse, or any other side effects of being both cursed and cured by witchcraft in the span of twenty-four hours. If he can’t be home already, replacing his phone feels like a good start. He hopes has hasn’t lost all the pictures on his crushed phone, the ones he hasn’t had a chance to back up on his laptop back at the bunker. He should really do that more often, he thinks. Losing his memories has given him an entirely new perspective on things like that.

Keep reading

Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets/The Most Sacred Oath

I’m guessing you can’t hear me squeal over your own squeals, but I’ll just keep at it a little longer, okay? Okay. 

Man, this episode read like very good fanfiction, and while I’m disappointed Dean never found out Cas used to be a woman (although, they did have a conversation about that, so Steve gets points anyway), everything else was plain amazing. I’m actually tempted to do a recap that’s just shouting words into the void, because, seriously, that would be enough, but - okay, let me watch that thing again and then I’ll write a proper meta.


Okay.

(Deep breath.)

So, let’s get one thing out of the way: we already know why this story works so damn well, but it’s worth saying it one more time, because this is what the whole episode was about.

A human and an angel: not meant to be.

Ishim said humans are dangerous to angels, and I agree with him: if angels want to understand humans, to truly become friends with them, to live among them - well - look at what’s that done to Cas. Caring about humans is, apparently, different than caring about another angel; it forces you to give up something deep inside yourself. You become - weaker, unhappy. Doubt-ridden. Trapped between two worlds, and fit for neither. And as for humans - if they truly wish to get closer to angels - to speak their language, to know enough about their magic and weapons to be able help them when they’re in trouble or hurt - that literally costs them their souls.

It’s a tragedy. It’s doomed.

But, of course, it’s not completely hopeless. What would be the point of writing a love story if you know from the start nothing can never happen at all? No - love can conquer all, and this episode dangled it in front of us - the angel who chose humanity, who tried to defend the person he loved from his own brothers, and the human who was fascinated with angels and knew enough about them to make it work.

(They had a daughter, sort of, and let’s cry about that for the rest of eternity, because can you see it? Dean loves kids, and -)

Anyway. We’ve known for a while that angels - I mean, the price Cas paid for his loyalty to the Winchesters (his love for Dean) - that’s harrowing. But this idea that humans need to sacrifice their soul to become closer to angels - thanks for that, Steve. I’m fine.

And surely, at this point, there is no other way this could end? Because what Sam and Cas share - yeah, that’s what friendship looks like, but Dean and Cas - right. And so Cas went and said it (“You mean too much to me.”) and Dean just holed up in his room for the rest of the week? He never said a word to Cas? And, Jesus, Cas thinks Dean’s angry? At him? I’m glad this, at least, was spelled out clearly, because apparently some people still don’t get it and read Dean’s emotions at face value and no, Dean was not angry - he was worried out of his damn mind, and he’s got reason to be, because Cas still doesn’t fucking get it: “I don’t regret what I did, even if it costs me my life”.

The idiot - the useless, fucking idiot.

(“Smelly. Dirty. Twice the worry about getting ganked.”)

Keep reading

Okay so if you don’t know already, I love Doctor!Cas in destiel fics SO MUCH. Like I don’t even need to read the fic if it has doctor!cas in it, i’m already there XD. 

So here’s a list of the best/my favorite destiel fics with Doctor!Cas in them. I’ll update this from time to time when I find more fics :) (I track the doctor!cas tag on ao3 lol) All of these are AU and complete! 

Tagging: @deanscolette, @lostboycas, @seraphmisha, @rebmathegisher <3

Keep reading

Home, family & other herbs

Davy Perez is sort of filling the huge hole that Robbie Thompson left in my heart when he left. His last two episodes have been incredibly good, so I’ve decided to take advantage of the motivation that has apparently come back to me. As usual, most of the posts I write focus on the Dean/Cas relationship, so if that’s not your thing, you will probably not like this. There are five things about episode 12x15 that I want to point out as relevant to me in regards to Dean and Cas.

The first relevant thing was that Dean’s the one communicating with Cas. Dean was talking on the phone with Cas while Sam was doing the same with Mary. Of course, Sam had to become Mary’s direct line of communication, mostly after he agreed to work with the BMoL. And of course Dean was the one receiving updates of what Cas was doing –both at the beginning and at the end of the episode. It’s exactly what anyone would expect. I simply liked the visuals. For example, Dean’s and Sam’s conversations were simultaneous the first time we saw Dean on the phone with Cas.

The second time, it was obvious Dean was the one making the call even if he had Cas on speaker. 

I think these visuals reinforced the idea that when Cas isn’t at the Bunker, Dean keeps an interest in whatever he’s doing.

The second relevant thing was that Dean noticed something was off with Cas. Just as Dean was the one who noticed that something wasn’t alright with Mary in episode 12x13, this time he noticed that something felt off with Cas, too. As I mentioned above, Dean had Cas on speaker; that means both Dean and Sam heard what Cas was saying. However, Sam didn’t notice anything weird, whereas Dean did. The same happened last season when Lucifer was possessing Cas. Dean noticed that something was off, but Sam dismissed Dean’s suspicions. Dean is very perceptive with the people he loves.

 Another important thing regarding the Dean/Cas relationship had to do with Cas’ conversation with the other angel in this episode. The other angel asked Cas if he ever missed Heaven. He said that no matter how much he loved Earth, it wasn’t home. Cas made no comment about it. Don’t you think it’s interesting that an angel talked to Cas about home just three episodes after Dean Winchester offered Cas to go home?

(Source x

It’s even more interesting to think that both episodes were written by the same writer. Don’t you think it’s also very remarkable that this angel used the words “family” and “true family” to convince Cas to give himself a chance to be forgiven and welcomed in Heaven? It was Cas himself who called the Winchesters his family three episodes ago; it was Cas himself who confessed how much he loved them.

(Source x)

All of that happened in an episode written by Davy Perez, so I’m pretty sure what’s going on with Cas is on purpose, and I’m quite excited about it. I’ve spent more than 3 years waiting for the moment when Cas will choose the Winchesters (and by that, I mean Dean) not because he has to, not to save anyone’s life, but simply because he really wants to.  

The fourth relevant thing I need to mention is the fact that Dean thanked Crowley for saving Cas. Dean Winchester thanking the King of Hell himself for saving Cas was something I never expected to happen. I knew Dean was grateful; I just didn’t think he would bring himself to say it out loud. For some reason that reminded me of Benny. In season 8 we were shown that Dean learned to trust Benny because he saved Cas. Dean never said it textually, but the subtext was very clear. This time Dean used his own words to express his gratitude to Crowley for saving the life of someone that means a lot to him. That was better than I could have expected.

The last thing about the episode I want to point out is the foreshadowing we were given during the conversation between Sam and Gwen. I’m perfectly aware that the lying part Gwen mentioned was supposed to make Sam realize that lying to Dean was a bad idea, and that was why Sam told Dean the truth about working with the BMoL at the end. However, in this episode we had another person who decided to keep information from Dean: none other than Castiel. Cas didn’t tell Dean that he was going to Heaven to talk to Joshua, but Dean will find out sooner or later.

The thing is that the relationship between Marcus and Gwen doesn’t foreshadow anything good for Dean and Cas. Gwen is the one who survived, the one who felt that Marcus loved her more than she ever loved him. The one question she asked herself was: Why couldn’t I just tell him the truth? She lied even though she knew everything was over, but why was everything over? I suppose it was because of the long distance thing. What about Dean and Cas? Cas was tempted with the idea of going back to Heaven. He lied to Dean (or at least didn’t tell him something) probably to make things easier, just as Gwen. What can be more of a long distance situation than going to Heaven while the other person stays on Earth? Is it possible that season 12 will end with Cas going back to Heaven? (Of course, even if that were the case, I’m sure it wouldn’t be forever).

Some people might think that Gwen could be a Dean parallel. Truth be told, I thought about that possibility as well, but I discarded it because I don’t think lying to Cas is part of Dean’s arc. In this episode the one who had to leave was Gwen, so I see her as a Cas parallel because it’s more logical to expect Cas to leave. Nevertheless, I have to say that the “Why couldn’t I just tell him the truth?” could apply to both Dean and Cas. Dean hasn’t told Cas his feelings. What if Dean’s the one staying on Earth feeling that Cas loved him more than he ever did and feeling guilty for never telling him the truth about what Cas meant to him. This could be interpreted in both ways, and for some reason I consider the two options too painful to bear.

These are the things about the Dean/Cas relationship that caught my attention from episode 12x15. Dean is obviously the one communicating with Cas, the one noticing that something is going on with Cas, and the one being thankful for still having his angel alive. In addition, Cas’ arc about choosing to be an angel or human isn’t over yet. He still has to figure out what family he wants for himself and where exactly his home is. Finally, season 12 is foreshadowing more unrequited love between Dean and Cas (or at least that’s what they both think) and a huge chance that Cas ends up this season upstairs.  This episode has a lot of layers to discuss, so if I missed something, I hope someone else can write about it. All in all, I appreciate the effort Mr. Perez is making to keep his episodes consistent to the themes that are being developed. Now I’m looking forward to the rest of the season that will probably make me suffer too much.

Ten Things That Are 500% True About Dean Winchester and Classic Rock Radio Stations
  1. He can tell what part of the country he’s in by which bands get the most play.  Sam thought he was making it up until Dean actually showed him an article on FiveThirtyEight about it.  Sam didn’t even know Dean knew what FiveThirtyEight was.  (“Apparently it’s a tool for proving you wrong, Sammy.”)
  2. He will judge a station harshly for censoring Steve Miller Band’s “Jet Airliner.”  (”Funky kicks?  What the hell is that?”)
  3. He wonders sometimes if radio stations realize that they’re incriminating themselves when they play Rush’s “Spirit of Radio,” or if they’re idiots like people who play The Who’s “Won’t Get Fooled Again” at political rallies.  (”Or people who think R.E.M.’s ‘The One I Love’ is romantic.”  “What?”  “Nothing.”)
  4. He has almost zero patience for most morning radio “talent” because they never.  shut.  up.  (”If I wanted to listen to some douche talk shit all day I’d call Crowley.”)
  5. He understands why the original Springsteen version of “Blinded By The Light” never gets any airplay – it’s terrible – but he wonders what kind of deal Manfred Mann made to get the cover version played all the goddamn time.  Like, the dude is still alive, so it can’t be standard crossroads fare, but something is going on there.  Maybe he should ask Cas.
  6. He will also judge any DJ who mispronounces Led Zeppelin’s “D’yer Mak’er.” (”It’s supposed to be a joke, Sam!”  “I know.  You’ve told me, like, five hundred times.”)
  7. He has a soft spot for the trivia and/or “name that tune” type call-in contests.  He almost never gets to play them – he’s always just passing through – but one of the best meals he’s ever eaten was paid for with a win from a station in Nebraska.  (”That’d be ‘Wild Horses’ by The Rolling Stones…”)
  8. He wishes fervently that stations would play almost any Warren Zevon song that is not “Werewolves of London.”  It’s catchy.  We get it.  For fuck’s sake, at least throw us a “Lawyers, Guns, and Money,” or even “Excitable Boy” now and again.  (”Hey, you want Chinese?  I think I saw a place a couple miles back…”)
  9. He remembers when “We Will Rock You” didn’t automatically segue into “We Are The Champions" and misses it.  Yeah, they go together, but they’re also meaningful on their own. And yeah, he knows that a single came out the year before he was born with the two of them together, but come on.  (”Fucking digital libraries, man…”)
  10. He wonders if all these ads for tractor companies are actually selling any tractors, because that’s fucking wild.  Chainsaws he can see, sure, but large farm equipment?  He’s got no points of reference for that.  He wishes Bobby was still around.  Bobby’d probably know.  

Bonus Thing: There’s a “modern rock” (or whatever) station up in Montana called The Moose, and it’s awful.  Every time they catch a case up there, he gives Sam shit about it.  (”Hey Sammy, I think somebody found your iPod.”  “You realize that’d be more insulting if I didn’t like Pearl Jam, right?”)