dean is a better father than john ever was

Who Was She?

Summary: Sam and your son visit you for your birthday.

Word Count: 1,595

Warnings: Angst, all the angst, feels, Death

Pairings: Sam x Reader

Author’s Note: @oriona75 :) 

“Daddy… Can you tell me about Momma?” Sam’s son looked up at him with those wide eyes that he could never say no to.

“Your momma was wonderful, John. She was so smart that even Uncle Dean couldn’t argue with her.” John’s attention was solely on his father now as he listened to the words he’d heard a hundred times before. “She could hunt better than anyone I’d ever met but still looked like heaven when she was done. Your mom was the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.”

“What about her singing, Daddy.” A small smile tugged at Sam’s lips.

“She could sing like angels, John. She’d always hum when she was walking around the kitchen cooking. She had these little songs she’d make up and sing on long car rides that would drive Uncle Dean crazy and she’d just laugh and tell him to deal with it.”

“Are we gonna go tell Momma happy birthday tomorrow?” Sam nodded before pulling the covers up to John’s chin.

“Yeah, we are, little man. Get some rest and after breakfast we’ll go talk to your momma.”

“Night, Daddy!” The words came out garbled at the end of a yawn and Sam knew his son would be asleep before he made it back to his own room.

It was barely six o’clock when Sam woke from his sleep with dreams of you dancing on the edge of his consciousness. He rolled over and his eyes met the picture he kept on the side table. Sam couldn’t help but smile at the photo, you had just told Sam you were pregnant with John and Dean had snapped a picture of the radiant smile that had spread across your features.

Sam rolled out of bed and groggily padded his way through the halls of the bunker to the kitchen. Dean was already sitting at the table with a cup of coffee in front of him.  The elder Winchester nodded at his brother before tilting his head towards the almost full pot of coffee.

“I’m taking John to see Y/N today, you coming with us?” Sam’s voice was sleep weary as he poured his cup of coffee.

“Yeah, we should probably take the kid out for lunch or something after…” There was a sadness weighing heavy when Dean spoke. “He’s getting older and it might mess with him, ya know?” Sam nodded. He knew John was growing up and your absence was starting to affect him more and more each day. It wasn’t long before the tell tale signs that John was awake rang through the bunker. His giggles sounded from his room and Sam stood from his seat at the table to collect him.

When Sam opened the door to the bedroom you’d decorated for your son a smile tugged at his lips. John was sitting on his bed with a toy cell phone pressed to his ear and he was pretending to talk on it. Sam’s cheerfulness quickly dissolved into a bittersweet taste in the back of his throat when he heard his son’s words.

“Daddy misses you, Mommy, Uncle Dean misses you, too.” John had a smile on his face but his words were far too wise for a child of only six. “I know you’re in heaven, Uncle Cas told me. He said you’re with the angels now. Do you like it with the angels? Are they nice?” There was a pause as if he was listening to someone answer him. “I bet you’re the prettiest angel there.”

Sam cleared his throat and John looked up from his lap. The father forced a smile onto his features and his son’s answering grin was all it took to keep it there. “Talking to your mom?”

John nodded sheepishly. “I know she can’t hear me but it’s fun to pretend.”

Sam sat on the edge of John’s bed and felt it dip under his weight. “She can hear you, buddy. She’s listening to everything you say to her. Your momma knows how much you love her and I want you to never forget that you were her whole world okay?”

John nodded again. “Mommy’s the prettiest angel, isn’t she daddy?”

“Of course she is, buddy. Now, let’s go get you some breakfast before we go see her.”

The morning passed uneventfully and the drive to the cemetery was short. John had picked wild flowers outside of the bunker to leave on your grave and Dean had found a piece of string to tie them up in.

“Momma would have liked these, huh Daddy?” John was a ball of energy and his father couldn’t help but chuckle.

“Of course she would, you picked them.” Dean glanced over at his brother from the driver’s seat with a proud expression on his face. “Did you bring the picture you drew for her?”

John nodded vigorously. “I almost forgot it!” Sam just chuckled again and shook his head.

The three men you’d loved more than anything in your life pulled into the graveyard just before 11 o’clock and Sam had to take a steadying breath. It was always hard seeing you here but you’d wanted a regular funeral. You were cremated of course but you wanted a place that John could come and still feel like you were there.

“Daddy! I can see where Momma is!” John was practically vibrating in his booster seat. Dean pulled the Impala over on the drive by your grave and the trio piled out of the car. John was the first one to reach your headstone. He was bubbling with energy and Sam and Dean could hear his little voice telling you everything that had happened since the last time they’d all been there.

“Uncle Dean ate so much pie he couldn’t move off the couch, Momma! It was so funny! He keep making weird noises and saying he was gonna puke!” Dean shook his head at his nephew’s retelling of what he considered a tragic evening. “Daddy reads me stories all the time but he doesn’t do voices as well as Uncle Cas does, Uncle Cas makes the best monster voices momma!”

It wasn’t long before John had tired himself out of talking to your headstone and had taken to running up and down the dirt path that led back to your grave. Dean was watching him and Sam sit on the grass in front of the wild flowers and picture John had left for you.

“He’s great, Y/N, everything you thought he’d be and more. He misses you, we all do… I know Cas comes to see you sometimes… I hope your heaven is a good one.” Sam sniffed slightly and bit his lip to keep tears from spilling. “I know I’ll get to see you again but… God… I wish you were here, sweetheart. It’s not the same without you… John looks just like you and he’s got that cocky attitude you always had.” A flutter of wings pulled Sam from his monologue and he turned to see his angelic best friend standing behind him.

“You know she’s listening, right?” Cas had a small smile playing at the corners of his lips. “She said Dean’s an idiot and she loves you all.”

“I know, man… I just wish… I wish I could talk to her directly.” Sam rested his head in his hands.

“I know, Sam. I wish I could help… Heaven is just getting back to normal… There are rules.” The angel placed a hand on the hunter’s shoulder.

“It’s fine, Cas. You’re doing everything you can. I just miss her.”

“She’s always with you, Sam. She spends her days watching John grow up and laughing at the little fights you and Dean have much like before.” Cas turned his head up towards the sky. “I have to go but I can take that to Y/N.” He pointed towards the picture John drew for you.

“Yeah. She should have it.” Cas nodded before taking the drawing in his hand and with a flutter of wings, he was gone.

Sam stood from the ground and wiped his eyes with the back of one of his large hands. John was running back towards the Impala with Dean running comically slow behind him.

“I think it’s time to go get lunch, what do you say, buddy?” John’s face lit up and he was bouncing on the balls of his feet.

“Can we get Burger King, Daddy?” Sam looked down into the perfect reflection of your eyes on his son’s face and he was lost, he could never say no.

“Of course, buddy, whatever you want. Tell your momma ‘goodbye’.” Sam watched John run off towards your headstone and felt Dean’s hand grip his shoulder. John leaned down and placed a small kiss to the edge before turning back and running to the car. Sam lingered for a moment while Dean strapped John back into his booster seat and before he turned to climb in the passenger side he swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat and spoke in a hoarse voice. “I love you, Y/N.” He turned his eyes towards the clouds. “Keep an eye on her, mom, Y/N’s a free spirit just like you were.” Sam swallowed again and made his way back to the Impala before watching your grave disappear in the rearview mirror. As it was fading away he could have sworn he saw you and Mary Winchester waving at him and he spent the rest of his day with a smile on his face.