dean boring

Harry Potter’s to do list
  1. Hand in auror evaluation report for Dennis Creevey (Due last month, might actually need to start on that today)
  2. Reschedule curse break lecture
  3. Buy a housewarming gift for Ginny and Luna
  4. Ask out Draco sodding Malfoy because Seamus Finnigan hereby swears to Merlin’s dirty underpants that he will imperio you to kiss him if he catches you staring at his ass one more time without doing anything about it.
  5. Tell Seamus to stay the fuck away from my to do list, and I don’t stare at Draco’s ass thank you very much
  6. Stop lying to myself and my amazingly handsome friends and admit that I have a giant gay crush on the kinda sexy blond ministry potion master
  7. Murder Dean in his sleep because I do not have a crush on Draco Malfoy I hate him (besides, you’re the one who called him sexy, maybe you should ask him out)
  8. I only appreciate his aesthetic from an artist point of view, I wouldn’t leave Seamus for anyone, he’s way too cute
  9. Tell Dean to stop crushing on his husband on my to do list because just looking at the two of you gives me diabetes already
  10. Draco Malfoy
  11. Fuck off Fred
  12. Draco Malfoy
  13. You too George
  14. Tell Ron he’s the most amazing auror partner/best friend/brother from another mother evahhhh because he just faked your terrible handwriting and asked Malfoy out for you
  15. I hate you
  16. Love you too Harry

Me: I should study.

Brain: Look! Your favorite blogger wrote a 30k word post saying why your OTP is canon!

Me: What! Where?

Brain: Tumblr! Also, don’t forget to look up your OTP and read all the fanfiction you come across. And, make sure you see all of those juicy edits and crack videos. And when you’re done, go to Netflix and re-watch the series so you could never forget how amazing it is.

Me: But I need to-

Brain: Silence.

!!!!For anyone that didn’t actually scroll past this my names Hannah
I have hated my body and looks for years and I wanted to let people know that it’s hard learning to love yourself but once you do…it’s worth it
If anyone struggles with self love please message me on Instagram(hannahpearson0) cause your not alone
Everyone probably ignored this but even if I can help one person it would mean the world

It took a lot for me to post this
10

                                                     E I R S 

                                 Family secrets. Family scandals.

                  A story about love, money, ambition, and betrayal.

                                               By: A.Wölf.

                                                     [ * ]

Since I’ve been traipsing around a different continent for the past three months, I haven’t even seen the rest of the season and the finale… but let me tell you what happens anyway after last night’s Apparent Clusterfuck:

As Dean Winchester stands next to his prone angel, morbidly fascinated by the ash wings burned into the ground around his feet, he feels completely and utterly numb. He’s only had the presence of mind not to step on them, an easy thing given the fact that they’re so bare of feathers.

Carefully, and still without thinking, the hunter lowers himself to his knees, brow furrowed and lip trembling as he attempts to process what is clearly right before him.

Castiel is dead.

Still, Dean can’t help extending a shaking hand. His fingers gently trace the curve of Cas’s cheekbone in a way he never would have allowed himself if the other was still breathing, and despite the fact that his mouth feels like sandpaper and he can feel Castiel’s skin turning cold he asks the question anyway:

“…C-Cas?”

Dean can feel Sam staring holes through his back, but that’s the extent of any response to his query.

“Cas, wake up.”

His voice is a broken croak, but Dean keeps speaking anyway, turning bolder and more desperate with every second that reality sinks in.

“Cas? Castiel, wake up. Wake up, Cas! Cas!”

He’s pawing at his angel now, vision blurring until he has to blink to clear it. He all but throws himself across Castiel’s torso to uselessly slap at his cheeks in an attempt to rouse him.

“You stupid son of a bitch, wake up! Wake up, Castiel! Don’t you dare leave me, don’t…”

Castiel is still motionless when Dean collapses against him. “Don’t go,” the hunter whispers pitifully into his angel’s neck. He squeezes his eyes shut and swallows a sob. “Please. I… Cas, I…” His heart is in his throat as he turns his head to press a light kiss behind the other’s ear, moving to put his lips against Castiel’s own for the first and last time. “…I love you, you dumb angel,” he murmurs. “So you gotta wake up. Cas. Cas, I love you, so you hafta…”

When nothing happens, Dean curls himself over his angel and cries.

Sam joins him after a time, crouching to put a hand to his shoulder and blinking back tears himself. Soon, though, they have to go. “Dean. Dean, we have to get out of here.”

“Sammy, I–”

“I know. It’ll be okay.”

But when they both turn away from Cas for the first time, God isn’t who they’re expecting to find. In all honesty, they’re not expecting to find anyone… and yet, there he is: Chuck, dressed in a robe and stained pj pants.

“You love my son?” Is all he asks, piercing gaze boring into Dean. Dean takes a step back as if to protect Castiel’s form from his own father, and that apparently is good enough. Chuck nods sagely. “I don’t play favourites, you know,” he says. “I did that once with Lucifer and it didn’t end well… but Castiel is, different. He’s everything I didn’t know I wanted angels to be. He makes mistakes. He learns. And yet every time I bring him back, he ends up risking his life for you.”

Dean holds his breath. Chuck sighs. “I love my son, I would give him the world if I could.” There’s a beat, and Chuck tilts his head to the side. “But we’ve both seen what happens when he has unlimited power. Besides, at the end of the day… I think he really just wants you.”

And then God is gone.

Dean is confused for only a moment before there’s a gasping breath from behind him and a hacking cough, Castiel sitting upright and flushed and so very alive that Dean can do nothing but throw himself to the ground. He tackles Cas in a kiss before the other has time to say a word, pressing him to the floor and putting everything he is into the contact.

When he pulls away, Cas is bright red and smiling with the approximate wattage of the sun. “Dean,” he murmurs, awed. “I’m… I mean, I…”

Dean presses a finger to the other’s plump lips. “I love you,” he says simply.

And Castiel moves to kiss him again.

Understanding Dean

I wanted to talk more about all the Dean and Cas moments in 13x06. I was so busy flailing like a lunatic last night, and while I mentioned it briefly in my watch notes, I do think these moments of intimacy between them are telling of a bigger picture and worth examining more closely.

Look at just how much insight Cas has into how Dean works…

When Jack mentions Dodge City, Dean gets that dopey, bashful look on his face whenever he wants something badly. And it’s Cas that gives him a pointed and knowing look in return. 

It’s intentional, and our gaze is deliberately draw first to Dean, and then Cas’s reaction. Not Sam’s, who by all accounts in canon, has precisely the same amount of exposure to Dean and cowboys in 6x18. All flailing about the unwritten implications aside (okay not completely aside, because just think for a minute about how Cas has come to know this as intimately as he does), Cas knows inherently that this is something that gets Dean excited. And later, when Jack looks on in incredulity at Dean’s unabashed fanboying over the motel room and the old cowboys…

Jack: He really likes cowboys.
Cas: Yes, yes he does. 

I have trouble reading Cas’s line here as anything other than long-suffering. In my eyes, he’s framed as a long-suffering spouse who’s put up with this reluctantly, but lovingly, for what feels like forever. But whether you read their exchange as something more intimate, or just as a long-suffering friend, it’s still long-suffering. As in, Cas has had to bear witness to Dean’s cowboy obsession time and time and time again. We only know of one other instance in canon where Dean has had this particular kink on display: 6x18′s Frontierland. I’ll grant you Cas is a drama queen, but Frontierland on its own is just not enough to warrant this level of exasperation in Cas, because it was Sam who went back in time with Dean then and bore the brunt of Dean’s enthusiasm for the Wild West. 

Next, Cas knows that Dean is an angry sleeper. And okay, I’m not setting the flailing aside on this one, because JUST HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT, CAS? HMMM? We know canonically that Cas has a history of watching Dean sleep. We now know that he has a history of waking him up as well, and Cas knows how to do that in a way that is gentle and soft enough not to wake the sleeping bear as well. I would very much like to see precisely how Cas wakes Dean up.

And the coffee? That whole scene was so delightfully domestic. You get the sense that this is a ritual– a daily routine that they go through.  I adore the silent, wordless exchange between them and Cas just plunking himself down in resignation. Communication without words requires intimacy and familiarity with someone else, and we’re seeing that in spades here. 

When they split up to tackle the case, I love that it’s Sam who splits them the way that he does: Jack will stay with Sam, and Cas will go with Dean. It’s not necessarily the most logical choice, and it would have made arguably more sense for Cas to go with Jack.  I like to think that Sam is acknowledging that his brother and Cas need some space alone. 

Which leads me to my final point. Just as moments within an episode can’t stand alone and must be taken in context, so too should we look at the overall season arc and the choices that are made to put episodes where they are in chronology. 13x06 falls right after the episode in which Sam is trying is absolute, adorable best to cheer Dean up, but he’s doing it in all the wrong ways. I’m not saying that Sam doesn’t understand Dean, because he’s absolutely close with Dean and has to know things about him that others don’t because of their close proximity all their lives. But I feel like they’re making it glaringly obvious over the course of the past few episodes that Sam doesn’t relate to Dean in the way that Cas does, and contrary to whatever bullshit Dean might spew, Cas is not his brother

Sam’s insight into Dean (at least in the previous few episodes, and he certainly has a history of this in the past too) is well-intentioned and loving, but misguided. Frankly, I blame Dean for that because of how carefully he’s kept Sam from truly seeing him. The contrast between Cas and Sam and how they both relate to Dean is fascinating. Sam seeing the sanitized, performing Dean facade, whereas Cas sees beneath it. 

I’ve wavered in the past between “Sam knows” and “Sam is an oblivious moose.” I’m beginning to lean more in the direction of oblivious moose, not necessarily because that’s where I think Sam’s at, but because that seems to be the direction the writers are taking him in– as a stand-in for casual viewers and the lens through which we see the dynamic between Cas and Dean.