dean boring

Dean saw Cas’ wings when it was whole, years later he saw it on the ground, burnt, broken, almost featherless. And a thought came to his mind:

“I did it all for you.”

“Don’t lose it over one human.”

More than anything, he’s the one who broke Cas, cause all of this to happen. He led an angel to fall from grace, and never did once tell said angel how really grateful he is. He never really told him what he feel.

“I love you.”

He looks up to the sky as he remembers this, he slowly realize that his feelings for the angel are more than what he thought they are.

And now he prays to Chuck, mind spinning countless words and not stringing them into coherent sentences.

He just wants Cas back.

But heaven is silent, and he sees the broken wings once again. He traces the lines on the ground, it occurred to him that he never once asked Cas about his wings, of what would it be like to touch them. 

He’d lost the chance to annoy Cas about this, it would have been funny to run around the bunker following Cas and grabbing the back of that stupid coat, stubbornly telling the angel he wants to see the wings.

He’d lost the chance to tell Cas that he loves those wings even at their current state. He loves them as much as he loves Cas.

He’d lost the chance to return that “I love you” in words.

He looks at the burnt wings because he can’t look at Cas. He looks at the charred remains of Cas’ wings as a reminder of how broken he is right now.

Since I’ve been traipsing around a different continent for the past three months, I haven’t even seen the rest of the season and the finale… but let me tell you what happens anyway after last night’s Apparent Clusterfuck:

As Dean Winchester stands next to his prone angel, morbidly fascinated by the ash wings burned into the ground around his feet, he feels completely and utterly numb. He’s only had the presence of mind not to step on them, an easy thing given the fact that they’re so bare of feathers.

Carefully, and still without thinking, the hunter lowers himself to his knees, brow furrowed and lip trembling as he attempts to process what is clearly right before him.

Castiel is dead.

Still, Dean can’t help extending a shaking hand. His fingers gently trace the curve of Cas’s cheekbone in a way he never would have allowed himself if the other was still breathing, and despite the fact that his mouth feels like sandpaper and he can feel Castiel’s skin turning cold he asks the question anyway:

“…C-Cas?”

Dean can feel Sam staring holes through his back, but that’s the extent of any response to his query.

“Cas, wake up.”

His voice is a broken croak, but Dean keeps speaking anyway, turning bolder and more desperate with every second that reality sinks in.

“Cas? Castiel, wake up. Wake up, Cas! Cas!”

He’s pawing at his angel now, vision blurring until he has to blink to clear it. He all but throws himself across Castiel’s torso to uselessly slap at his cheeks in an attempt to rouse him.

“You stupid son of a bitch, wake up! Wake up, Castiel! Don’t you dare leave me, don’t…”

Castiel is still motionless when Dean collapses against him. “Don’t go,” the hunter whispers pitifully into his angel’s neck. He squeezes his eyes shut and swallows a sob. “Please. I… Cas, I…” His heart is in his throat as he turns his head to press a light kiss behind the other’s ear, moving to put his lips against Castiel’s own for the first and last time. “…I love you, you dumb angel,” he murmurs. “So you gotta wake up. Cas. Cas, I love you, so you hafta…”

When nothing happens, Dean curls himself over his angel and cries.

Sam joins him after a time, crouching to put a hand to his shoulder and blinking back tears himself. Soon, though, they have to go. “Dean. Dean, we have to get out of here.”

“Sammy, I–”

“I know. It’ll be okay.”

But when they both turn away from Cas for the first time, God isn’t who they’re expecting to find. In all honesty, they’re not expecting to find anyone… and yet, there he is: Chuck, dressed in a robe and stained pj pants.

“You love my son?” Is all he asks, piercing gaze boring into Dean. Dean takes a step back as if to protect Castiel’s form from his own father, and that apparently is good enough. Chuck nods sagely. “I don’t play favourites, you know,” he says. “I did that once with Lucifer and it didn’t end well… but Castiel is, different. He’s everything I didn’t know I wanted angels to be. He makes mistakes. He learns. And yet every time I bring him back, he ends up risking his life for you.”

Dean holds his breath. Chuck sighs. “I love my son, I would give him the world if I could.” There’s a beat, and Chuck tilts his head to the side. “But we’ve both seen what happens when he has unlimited power. Besides, at the end of the day… I think he really just wants you.”

And then God is gone.

Dean is confused for only a moment before there’s a gasping breath from behind him and a hacking cough, Castiel sitting upright and flushed and so very alive that Dean can do nothing but throw himself to the ground. He tackles Cas in a kiss before the other has time to say a word, pressing him to the floor and putting everything he is into the contact.

When he pulls away, Cas is bright red and smiling with the approximate wattage of the sun. “Dean,” he murmurs, awed. “I’m… I mean, I…”

Dean presses a finger to the other’s plump lips. “I love you,” he says simply.

And Castiel moves to kiss him again.

“What, are you gonna look up more anime, or are you strictly into Dick now?”

A lengthy exploration of Dean Winchester as a consistently queer character, thank to themes he embodies with his core characterisation of occupying both sides of binary traits.

(aka the reason why I lazily shove random things into my “Dean vs cake” tag with no explanation, written out while on a 8hr train journey)

The writing of Dean is of a character split between endless examples of duality, moments of characterisation which have stark opposites (either generally accepted or made up into a false dichotomy by the show) where he appears to embody elements of both at all times. Generally, the less-expected or pleasant part is something he resists admitting liking or labelling himself as.

He may be described as a killer while being shown to be the most compassionate character by his actions in the same episode; his projection of himself as a dumb grunt has been so successful that we have to scrape up lists of dozens of examples to prove his intelligence in arguments, despite one of the most-used examples being in only the fourth episode but is cited all the time to prove he’s not the stupid brother in contrast to Sam’s college-educated introduction leaving a lasting impression there; a lesser example of Dean wobbling between sides of a duality includes his strict favouritism of pie being shown in stark contrast to cake as if he must surely hate it, having declared himself for pie; and of course his frequently shown interest in women is contrasted with extremely consistent queer subtext implying that Dean is attracted to men as well.

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Imagines List

1. “Why are you so nervous?” 2. “You could have died!” 3. “Just go!” 4. “I can’t do this anymore!” 5. “Are we gonna cuddle or what?” 6. “Steve said you were here.” 7. “Really, that movie?” 8. “I am a gentleman you know!” 9. “I really hate you sometimes.” 10. “You are such a flirt!” 11. “Can I just kiss you?” 12. “I always see you around.” 13. “I think you’re adorable.” 14. “I think I need a break.” 15. “Oh, I’ll just leave then.” 16. “Help me.” 17. “Tony said you had a major crush on me.” 18. “Why are you so red, doll?” 19. “Geez, you’re so dramatic!” 20. “Get a life!” 21. “You should really get smacked!” 22. “Those were mine!” 23. “Go to hell.” 24. “You’re special to me, darlin’.” 25. “Can I have my sweatshirt back?” 26. “What are you doing with that?” 27. “Stop doing this to yourself.” 28. “I love you so much.” 29. “I had a nightmare.” 30. “Oh, shit! I’m so sorry.” 31. “Why are you so angry?” 32. “Calm the fuck down!” 33. “WHO? WHO DID THIS?!” 34. “You look different.” 35. “Are you sure?” 36. “Nice shirt.” 37. “I don’t want to hear about your date.” 38. “Get the fuck away from me!” 39. “If you change your mind, I’ll be here.” 40. “Stop acting this way.” 41. “Why are you so butthurt?” 42. “I wish you knew how much you mean to everyone. To me.” 43. “Don’t you fucking die on me!” 44. “They called me a slut.” 45. “Bitch.” 46. “Can I just die already?” 47. “I’m done.” 48. “I need to get away.” 49. “I’m going to fucking hit you.” 50. “I’ll always protect you.” 51. “Today is what?!” 52. “Just kiss me already.” 53. “Oh no!” 54. “Stop raiding my drawers!” 55. “You’re so goddamn loud!” 56. “Come over here!” 57. “Are you hurt?” 58. “What’s your darkest secret?” 59. “You first.” 60. “Are you tired?” 61. “Why are you so tough on me?” 62. “Me or him/her?” 63. “I’m bored.” 64. “Pie?!” 65. “There are ads popping up fucking everywhere!” 66. “We are here!” 67. “Oh. My. God!” 68. “I think I’m going to faint.” 69. “I think I sprained my wrist.“ 70. “Stark needs me.” 71. “Hell is going to LOVE me.” 72. “I hate my life.” 73. “What is this?” 74. “You’re really going through with this?” 75. “I love you too much to let you do that.” 76. “What’s your fucking problem?” 77. “Don’t flirt with her. Don’t touch her, or we will have a problem!” 78. “You want to try that again?” 79. “Leave. Or I’ll have Tony blast you out!” 80. “Why are you leaving me?” 81. “So soon?” 82. “I’m going to be so late!” 83. “Love is not a choice.” 84. “What is a meme?” 85. “This is offensive.” 86. “I love this movie!” 87. “I feel like I’ve seen you before.” 88. “Why did you make me a snapchat?” 89. “What? It’s funny!” 90. “He’s ugly.” 91. “You’re too pretty.” 92. “Holy shit, you look good.” 93. “Uh, scratch that!” 94. “Keep it.” 95. “I’ll fucking punch him!” 96. “I am so tired of you!” 97. “How’s this look?” 98. “You need to take a break!” 99. “It’s too hot in here.” 100. “Killing yourself is not the answer.”