deamons run

icantthinkofausernamett  asked:

So I love Gladnis so so much. And Ignis angst is my life. So could you do some incredibly angsty blind Ignis and how Gladio's comfort him? Give him panic attacks because he can't see and all that. If you're okay with writing it of course > <

Waaaaaah, this one was tough! I hope it pleases you!

It wasn’t something that was easily conquered. It wasn’t something that was easily ignored. Who could ignore being blind? To see eternal darkness, no matter where you go.

It was so difficult for all of them, having him be the liability in battle. It wasn’t something that wasn’t said, but it was within their thoughts, he was a liability, he was the burden, and it didn’t get better as they continued forward. Nothing but tragedy awaited them, thoughts of victory were tossed to the wind. And in the end….

He was without both sight and king.

Though the others say differently, in a world that is run by Deamons, it was those like him that hindered everyone else.

He had tried to back out early on, during the early days without Noctis, but the others simply kept him by their side. He didn’t say anything then. He allowed them to do whatever they wished.

But what was the honest reason he was there? All his training, all his knowledge was useless in this new world. He was raised to advise the king, raised for only that reason and that reason alone, and for a brief moment, it was all that mattered to him. Noctis was the one who reminded him that he was as human as everyone else. That he could make mistakes and learn from them, that being emotional was not a weakness nor a burden.

But being weak was not an option anymore. He had to be strong.

When Gladio and Prompto left him in Lestallum so they could search for survivors, he hadn’t said anything because how would they find anyone if they had to watch out for him as well?

He had to be strong.

When people murmured sympathy to him and treated him as if he were fragile. He couldn’t say anything because he still stumbled about like a small child, he should have become used to it but it just seemed to get harder and harder by the day.

He had to stay strong.

When he heard the cries of mourning when another body was found and he felt agitated by his disability. He kept his mouth shut because he had no right to complain when others are dead and he should feel grateful that he was alive and safe.

He had to stay strong.

When he felt his chest tighten and his breath pick up when he could no longer determine if he was by the hotel or in the plaza. He should be ashamed as he quietly asked someone to lead him back to the hotel, simply because the city became a bit more crowded didn’t mean he could make such small mistakes, he had to learn to adjust.

He had to stay strong.

When Gladio and Prompto visited him on the rare occasion, only coming by when they were down on supplies or bringing more survivors. He had understood that in these trying times, everyone must do their part, he shouldn’t say a word when they must be exhausted and still searching for anyone who could be saved.

He had to stay strong.

When he couldn’t even walk across his room anymore without stumbling into something. He was disappointed in himself, he couldn’t walk around a tiny space without trouble.

He had to stay strong.

When another list of people found dead was posted.

He had to stay strong.

When he felt like suffocating when he stepped out of his room and walked into the sea of people.

He had to stay strong.

When he felt the effects of not eating properly because of food shortages and he decided to give away his share to someone who needed it more anyway.

He had to stay strong.

It didn’t matter in the end, he was one face in a crowd of many.

All he could do was keep out of everyone’s way.

In a world where every day could be the last, he truly was useless when it really mattered.

There were days when he simply refused to leave the room, sometimes not even leaving the bed.

He felt sick but refused to burden the others.

Sleeping was another hurdle to leap over.

Dreams of the final moments of his sight. Of what happened.

Dreams of what could have been.

Dreams of when Noctis vanished.

The emotions he felt as he jolted awake made him feel so overwhelmed, he barely had time to stumble the bathroom before vomiting.

There were times when he would simply just sit there for the rest of the day, too tired and weak to move.

Would it be best if he simply wasted away? Someone else who desperately needs shelter could then take his room, it was the least he could do after wasting precious resources.

Today was much worse. He had been feeling worse then normal the past few days, he had assumed it was simply the lack of a proper diet but now he was unsure. he remained on the bathroom floor. Resting his head against his knees as he tried to pull his thoughts away from the fog that started to cloud his mind.

He felt dizzy, and he felt very warm.

‘Perhaps a shower would help.’

He thought as he slowly crawled towards where he thought was the bath.

He reached over and felt for the knob before remembering that he would need to stand up to reach it, he did his best to reach up but his body was growing heavier, but he did not stop, forcing himself up to reach the shower knob.

It had been a mistake.

The moment he managed stand, he was hit was powerful nausea and dizziness. He swayed and tried to steady himself only to trip on his feet and fall forward.

He felt a sharp pain on the side of his head before collapsing on the floor with a loud thud.

He felt himself drifting off, the side of his head hurting greatly. He was then hit was something incredibly cold. A brief moment of clarity helped him realize that it was coming from the shower head.

“What the-IGGY!”

He knew no more.

When Gladio entered Ignis’ bathroom, he had not expect to be screaming for help at the sight of the blood around his head.

He had not expected to be informed that his friend was suffering from starvation and malnutrition. That he had a fever that had worsened due to the injury he sustained when he fell and hit his head.

He had not expected to sit at his bedside for a whole week, afraid that if he turned away, Ignis would succumb to the fever.

He had not expected any of those things after being gone for so long.

It was only the night before that his fever broke, the doctor had said that he would be waking up soon and to have patience.

During the time he sat there watching him, he began to notice things that he hadn’t before.

Ignis was much thinner than he remembered, he was much paler too. He could tell that he wasn’t getting enough sleep ether.

What the hell was he supposed to tell Prompto when they meet up?

“Ah…”

He straightened up when he saw Ignis stir, unseeing eyes opening for a brief moment before shutting again.

“You’re finally awake.” Ignis turned at the sound of his voice.

“Gladio…?”

“You’ve been out for a whole week, that fever was really bad for awhile too.”

“Fever…?” Ignis seemed to pull his thoughts together at that moment.

“Ah that’s right…”

“Mind explaining to me why the doctor told me you were nearly at death’s door when I found you?” He asked calmly.

Ignis opened his mouth before closing it, shaking his head.

“It was nothing.”

Gladio frowned.

“It wasn’t just nothing, I found you in the shower fully clothed and bleeding from your head.”

“I stood up too quickly when I shouldn’t have, I’m fine now.”

“Obviously since the doctor treated you when you were out.”

Ignis flinched at that.

“Oh….he treated me..?”

“Kinda needed to if we didn’t want you to die.”

“It was unnecessary, I was fine.”

“No you were NOT, Ignis what’s going on, really?”

“As I said, it’s nothing, simply a minor inconvenience.“

“You nearly DIED Ignis!” He said in desbelief, wanting to grab his shoulders and shake him. “How is that a ‘minor inconvenience’?!”

“It’s a minor inconvenience to me Gladio, enough.” He said firmly, as if his life was of little importance.

Gladio wasn’t having that.

He gripped Ignis’ face and forced him to face him. Making it known with that action he wasn’t happy at all.

“It may be ‘minor’ to you, but to me, I nearly lost someone because they were stupid enough not to ask for help when they obviously NEEDED IT!”

“I did not need any assistance, I was perfectly fine.” Gladio growled at his response.

“Was that before or after falling unconscious and bleeding from your head?” He barked back.

“I was careless and simply sl-”

“Slipping is one thing, but starving yourself? What, were you trying to become a corpse by starvation?”

Ignis clenched his jaw and turned away, not saying a word. Had he not been touching him, he would not have felt Ignis flinch.

As he stared at the him, something cold settled in his stomach. A realization that he didn’t want to believe.

“Dear gods…you really…”

“Gladiolus Amicitia, that is enough.” Was the cold reply.

“Iggy you can’t tell me tha-”

“It doesn’t matter anymore Gladio.”

“Like hell it doesn’t matter!”

“It’s over and done with, you can forget about this.”

“HOW THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO FORGET THE FACT THAT MY FRIEND HAS BEEN TRYING TO KILL HIMSELF!”

“BECAUSE IT DOESN’T MATTER!!”

Gladiolus was stunned by the sudden scream coming from the bedridden man, barely ever having a memory of him screaming at anyone, in any setting.

Ignis continued, not aware, or not caring of Gladio’s state at the moment.

“If I waste away here, what of it? You would mourn, then you would need to continue your days assisting others. There is no time to think about the dead, no time to deal with liabilities. So I merely decided to deal with a major liability in the best way possible so no resources were wasted.”

Gladio tried to say something but Ignis pushed forward.

“But I had not anticipated you making a visit two weeks ahead of schedule. You normally come every other month, and based on my estimation, I would have lasted another week, give or take a few days.”

Gladio was trembling as he heard the casual words coming from the man before him. As if him planning his own death was simply a tedious task that he decided to take on.

“I am not needed in this new world Gladio, nor do I need to waste the finite resources we have.”

Why was he still talking…

Stop it.

“But in the end, medicine that could have been used by someone who truly needed it, was wasted on me, so all that work was for nothing.”

Shut up.

“I must also apologize for causing such a mess in the bathroom, I’ll see about cleaning it up later.”

Shutupshutupshutup.

“If there is nothing else you need to speak to me about, I would ask that you-mmhph?!”

Ignis reached up and tried to remove the hand covering his mouth, but it wouldn’t budge no matter how hard he pulled.

“Shut up….” he turned at the sound of Gladio’s voice, which sounded rougher then normal.

“Shut up, shut up, shut. UP.” Ignis made a noise as the hand covering his mouth squeezed, causing pain.

“You fucking IDIOT.” Gladio gave Ignis a rough shake, wanting to do so much but everything was jumbled in his head.

“Not needed, waste medicine, a LIABILITY.” He removed his hand and gripped both sides of Ignis’ head, pulling him close.

“HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT!!!!!”

“Gladio wha-”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP!!” He roared, furious beyond belief.

“You think you can talk like that and assume you’ll get away with it? You think you can plan your own death and assume everyone will be okay with it? You honestly think you can assume that I’m going to forget this and act LIKE ITS NOTHING?!”

He did something he didn’t expect to do but was to enraged to stop himself. He struck Ignis across the face, sending him toppling off the bed with a cry.

He stood and moved to where Ignis had fallen, clutching his face as he curled into himself. He gripped his leg and dragged Ignis toward him, sitting on his stomach without hesitation.

Ignis gave a strangled yell at the massive weight falling on his stomach and tried to push Gladio off of him but he was to weak to do so.

“Let me tell you what would happen if you EVER try to kill yourself again.” Gladio growled to him, not budging in the slightest. He leaned down and forced Ignis’ head to the side so he could speak directly into his ear.

“I will come back here, and I will beat you until you are unrecognizable, and then kill you myself.” He felt Ignis freeze at his words, as if trying to register what he said.

“And if you manage to kill yourself before I reach you.” He moved closer until his lips were barely touching Ignis.

“I’ll kill myself to follow you and Make. You. Pay.”

He pulled away and got off of Ignis, grabbing him and placing him back on the bed.

Ignis was visibly shaking, tears falling rapidly as he held himself.

Gladiolus returned to his seat and remained quiet, his anger escaping him, leaving only a blank calm in it’s place.

Time past as Ignis attempted to calm himself. Only managing to stop the visible effects of Gladio’s actions. He was still a mess within.

“Why would you risk yourself on me?” Was the first words out of Ignis’ mouth after he managed to calm himself.

“Someone needs to.”

“T-That’s not enough.”

“It’s enough for me.” Ignis turned to face him.

“Gladio…” Gladio sighed.

“Not good enough? Fine, how about this.”

“Because I can’t stand the fact that you didn’t ask for my help.”

“And that’s all.”

“That’s one of the reasons.”

“And the others?”

“Because I hate how weak you’ve become? Because I hate how you assumed that I would be okay with this? That I would just ‘mourn and go back to work’ if you died? Because I’m pissed that I was blind to how you were feeling and didn’t realize that I should have done something to help? Take your pick Iggy, I have lots.”

Ignis choked a sob back.

“What..What you said then…did you..”

“I won’t hesitate to make what you want something you wished you didn’t ask for, and I won’t hesitate to take a bullet to the head to chase after you.”

“You are a fool.”

“And you’re stuck with me so knock it off.”

They stayed silent after that, simply basking in each other’s presence.

Ignis rubbed his arms, and Gladio rested his head in his hands.

“I’m not going to tell you I understand.” He said suddenly, not looking at Ignis. “Unless I was blind myself, I won’t ever be able to understand how you must feel.

He turned to face him. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t want to learn to help.”

“Gladio, nothing can help with-”

“I know!” He growled, slamming a hand onto the nightstand next to him, ignoring the small flash of guilt he felt when Ignis flinched. “But damnit Ignis, you aren’t the only one who doesn’t know what his purpose is anymore!”

Ignis could only turn his face away, keeping silent.

“Noct is gone.” Gladio said quietly. “Gone and maybe never coming back.”

He reached out and took Ignis’ hands into his own.

“But I sure as hell won’t allow anyone else I care about become lost to me.”

“G-Gladio…”

“Nothing is easy in the beginning Ignis, you didn’t have time to adjust to this new handicap. You were shoved into situations that no one in your state should have gone through.” He gave Ignis’ hands a squeeze. “But you did, and you made it up to this point, doesn’t that mean anything to you?” He could see Ignis’ face twist as if in pain.

“I won’t let you fall now. Not after everything.” He gave his hand a squeeze. “Not after we’ve lost everything else.”

“Gladio…”

“The Ignis I knew is gone forever.” He saw him flinch at that but continued anyway. “He died that day when they took his sight, and the person he was becoming after that point died when he tried to kill himself.”

He stood up and moved to sit next to him on the bed. wrapping his arms around his trembling shoulders.

“But I’m alright with getting to know the new guy he’s becoming if he’s willing.” Turning Ignis’ head towards him so he could place his forehead against his.

“I’m willing to help him stand on his own two feet without anyone doubting him if he’s willing to take that chance. So that he could stop feeling like a liability and start acting like the fighter I know he is.”

He didn’t say anything else after, just remaining in place while Ignis quietly shed his tears.

To think he held all of this in him for so long. Gladio was ashamed he didn’t see it sooner, but unlike many things, he had a chance to make up for his lack of awareness to his friend’s plight.

“P…please…”

“Hmm?”

Ignis took several deep breaths, trying to gather himself, he placed a hand on Gladio’s neck, giving a squeeze as if to ground himself as he spoke again.

“Please help me..” Gladiolus huffed to himself, giving Ignis a tight hug in response.

“All you had to do was ask.”

Ignis seemed to sob in relief as he hugged him back.

They both knew that they would have to tell Prompto about what happened, they knew it would be hard in the beginning, that there would be times when Ignis would fall.

But unlike before, he will have someone to help him back up, to push him forward when he wanted to stop.

And when you think about it, that’s how it should have been since the beginning.