“Peter is a child.” Tony hisses into the phone. He’s keeping one eye on the kid from where he is standing, not hiding just standing, around the corner.
“He’s normally a child Tony, what’s your point?” Rhodey asks, Tony can hear him yawning over the line.
“Yes, he’s normally like 14 though not 4.” Tony is definitely not screeching in distress. “Normally he is my height, not this tiny thing.”
“What?” Rhodey asks, and he sounds more awake now.
“I don’t know, Friday says it’s Peter, but he’s like 2.” Tony peeks out to see Peter trying to pull himself onto the couch, he gets a wave and a gap-toothed grin.
“I thought he was 4.” Rhodey points out, and it sounds like he’s laughing at Tony.
“I don’t know what age he is, he’s small Rhodey. I need help, please come help me with the spider kid.” He pleads, waving back at Peter. Peter starts to toddle towards him.
“I’ll be there tomorrow morning.” Rhodey grumbles, and the dial tone sounds in his ear. Tony’s eyes are wide with fear when Peter bumps into his leg.
“Tomorrow morning?” His voice is little more than a squeak.
“That is what he said boss.” Friday replies, she sounds smug.
“Okay, hi Peter.” Tony greets crouching down next to the kid. “I’m Tony Stark.” He holds out his hand to the little guy.
“Hi!” Peter shouts, grabbing onto his hands. “I like your bobots.” He holds out his arms in the normal kid gesture for pick me up, and Tony does, hefting the kid onto his hip.
“Really, which of my robots is your favorite?” He asks, bouncing a little. Peter squeals excitedly.
“I like the nice wall lady, and the dumb rolly robot, but my favorite is suit lady.” He informs Tony, nodding excitedly. “She’s nice.” Tony laughs.
“She is, isn’t she? You know I think you are her favorite human too.” He pokes Peter’s nose for emphasis. Peter giggles, grabbing onto his glasses with one hand, and yanking them off his face. “Ow.” Tony winces, and the glasses snap in half, apparently the little spider still has some super strength.
“Oh no.” His eye’s go wide and glossy and he looks up at Tony. “Please no mad. I didn’t mean to Mr. Shark.” Tony is trying very hard not to look like he wants to cry. “Please don’t leave.” Peter sniffles.
“I’m not leaving Peter, I’m right here. The glasses are dumb anyways.” He takes what’s left of them from Peter and drops them in the garbage. “See all gone.”
“No gone. I broke the boat and you were gone, no leaving now.” Peter insists, clutching at Tony’s shirt. Tony drops onto the couch, he needs to look put together for the kid, but his heart feels like it’s breaking in his chest. He gave Peter abandonment issues. He was trying to break the cycle, and he failed. Gesturing with his left arm for Dum-E to come over, he tries to soothe the kid.
“I’m so sorry Peter. I shouldn’t have left you then, and I won’t leave you now. I promise.” He pats Peter’s pack in an attempt to be comforting. Dum-E rolls over, blanket clutched in his claw.
“Pinky promise?” Peter asks, holding up his pinky.
“Pinky promise.” Tony links his pinky with Peter’s just as Dum-E drops a blanket onto both of their heads. “Thanks Dum-E.” Tony grumbles, it makes Peter giggle so Tony will consider it a success.
“You’re not mad?” Peter asks.
“Nah those glasses were dumb anyways. I’m much prettier without them.” Tony informs him. Peter reaches out, grubby fingers poking at Tony’s cheeks.
“Your eye is dark under. Aunt May says it’s a bag but that doesn’t make any sense.” Peter informs him. “You put things in bags.” He informs Tony.
“I do not have bags under my eyes.” Tony insists. Peter looks as unconvinced as a four-year-old can. “I get a healthy amount of sleep.”
“Mr. Shark, you don’t sleep, ever.” Peter points out, and Tony doesn’t really have an argument, and he doesn’t really want to correct Peter’s pronunciation of Stark, so it’s time to change the topic.
“Friday, how long until Rhodey gets here?” He asks.
“Based on his flight plan, he should arrive at the building in approximately 10 hours.” Friday replies. Tony tries not to look absolutely horrified.
“I’m going to die.” He whispers, Peter pats his cheek comfortingly.
“Don’t worry Mr. Shark, I protect you.” Peter assures him, it’s the cutest thing Tony has ever seen and he’s going to wrap this kid in bubble wrap and never let him outside into the dangerous world ever again.