deadcrow!

No one gets me. Yes I cause my own problems , because I’m not mentally fine. I’m sick of being brushed aside because ‘your problems are worse’. All my friends write off what I have to say. Nobody knows what’s inside my head. Everyone they understand.  YOU FUCKING DON’T KNOW ANYTHING! I actually don’t open up to you as much as you like to think. I leave A LOT out. Why because I don’t even trust my closest family and friends. I have a little voice in the back of my head beating me down. I’m ashamed of who I am and I think everyone hates me and just thinks I’m a dumb little girl that should never talk again. So I bite my tongue. I don’t lie but I rarely share my real in depth opinion. I keep things vague to appease all of you. I’m also using this account to hide behind. Some of you know who I am. I just wish I could explain things when I spoke but alas I’m better at writing than talking. 

I think I crave intamacy. I think that’s why I cycle through so many people, because I pick the “wrong” ones. All I want is someone (that I want) to care and show compassion for me. I just want moments where he lays his head upon my chest, I run my fingers in his hair, and kiss him on the forehead and have it mean something. Instead of going through the motions of having this fabrication there is more than another night laying awake asking what am I doing with myself? It’s not like I am whining about being alone. For the first time I am seeking for out solitide. I just wish someone would be about me for me. Not their idea of me they keep trying to project onto me.