de la high

8

“I’m reluctant at this stage in the game to expose you to new ideas, but having taught you all history on a strictly non-gender-orientated basis I just wonder whether it occurs to any of you how dispiriting this can be? Can you for a moment imagine how depressing it is to teach five centuries of masculine ineptitude.

Why do you think there are no women historians on TV? I’ll tell you why: Because history’s not such a frolic for women as it is for men. Why should it be? They never get around the conference table. In 1919, for instance, they just arranged the flowers, then gracefully retired. History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind with the bucket.

And I’m not asking you to espouse this point of view, but the occasional nod in its direction can do you no harm.”

- MRS. LINTOTT (The History Boys 2006)

2

Frank Frink and Inspector Takeshi Kido // just wanted to sketch my faves from The Man in the High Castle

I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore(Zach Dempsey x Reader)

A/n: This little idea was based off of the artist Grace Vanderwaal. Grace was on Americas Got Talent last year and I feel in love with her. She has such a beautiful voice and personality for a 12/13 year old girl. And I apologize if all my writing is crap/depressing lately. 

Requested: No

Word count: 1006

Warnings: just dealing with self-hate/depression/anxiety/not know who you are anymore

Songs: both are by Grace, “I Don’t Know My Name” and “Clay”

Summary: After the death of her best friend, she’s loses herself and doesn’t know how to find her way back. That’s what he’s there for.

Originally posted by letsindiebands


She bats her eyes, eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks as she tries to adjust to the brightness of the morning sun. An arm moves against her side, she tenses. It’s been so hard for her, all the hate, all the discouragement, was breaking her piece by piece. Her head is in a dark place, darker than it’s ever been. The entity behind her moves more, allowing her free. She turns over to face the boy who has been her with her every step of the way. He’s been so patient and loving towards her. He’s temporary moved in with her, both of their parents understanding. Her mum tried everything she could to help her daughter, but even for a mother, she knew that the only way she would survive this is if he was there.

“Good morning beautiful.” His voice hoarsely whispers out, making a small smile spread across her face.

“Are you gunna come to school with me this morning?” He asks slowly, already knowing the answer. She shakes her head, making him sigh.

“You have to come back sometime.” He whispered before taking her hand and placing it across his heart. He did this as a simple reminder that she had his heart no matter what.

“I know Zach…” She whispers. She felt bad, he drove by himself now. Most of his friends have been giving him so much shit for still dating the dead girl’s best friend. The only one that still stuck around was Justin.

He gives her a small smile, leaning before giving her a quick peck on the lips. But he went back in, letting the kiss linger for a little longer. Ever since he plucked up the courage to ask her out, he’s been trapped in her ever since. Her smell, her personality, her eyes trapped him in a trance and his love for her grows every day.

She frowns when he gets up, moving to get ready for the day. It hurt every time he left, but she knew he would be back in just a few short hours. She watches him as he got dressed, admiring the way his muscles moved as he tossed things here and there. She was so lucky to have a boy like him.

The beginning of their relationship started off awkward, because she knew that Hannah had liked him and didn’t want to push her away. But as their love grew for another, it kinda became inevitable. Then she died, she blamed herself greatly, shutting him out, becoming quiet and completely disappearing. Yet he has been there.

He grabs his backpack from the ground, and his keys from the bedside table. She gets up, clutching a smaller blanket around her. They both walk downstairs, he goes to grab an apple before giving her a lingering kiss.

“Call me if you need anything okay?” He whispers. She nods. She gives him one quick kiss before he heads out the door.

As she hears his car reverse out the drive and down the street, she walked to the kitchen. Grabbing the tea kettle, filling it with water before setting it on the stove, awaiting the whistle. Footsteps sound down from the staircase. Her mother comes into view as she looks for something to eat before going back to her room.

“I’m off to work, I’ll be late tonight, and meaning dinner is on you and Zach. How you holding up?” Her mom asks. She just shrugs, making her mother sigh. Her mom comes over to her, giving her a quick kiss on the forehead before making her leave.

As the water boils, she puts two pieces of bread in the toaster.

Ding

She pulls her blanket closer as makes her self-breakfast. The tea kettle goes off. She takes the steaming cup of tea, and small plate of toast into the living room.

It was a quite smooth morning. She felt calmer, not as on edge as she normally is. But that all comes crashing down.

She walks up to the bathroom. Just wanting to wash her face. She splashes her face with water. Looking up, she stops. A figure looming in the back ground, Hannah. Her heart beat quickens and her breath becomes shorter.

She’s not there. She’s not there.

Was repeated over and over in her head. She walks to the wall before sliding down it. Shakily, she takes out her phone, calling Zach. By the 3rd or 4th ring she’s about to give up. But he answers.

“Baby? Are you okay?” Zach asked.

“I…” She couldn’t speak.

“I’m on my way, baby. Hold on.” The line went silent. She sighed heavily as the tears flowed. Her body shook.

Not to long after that she heard the front door slam.

“Baby?” Zach’s voice boomed throughout the house. His heavy footsteps sounded as he came up the stairs. The bathroom door opens and he stands there, exhausted and worried. His face falls when he sees her.

Zach rushes over too her, scooping her into his arms and carrying her into her bed. He lays down with her, cradling her while list she cries. He shushes her and whispers sweet nothings in her ear.

Things were going to take time. They always did. He was willing to wait no matter how long it took to keep her going. She was strong. He had faith in her while she didn’t believe in herself. He was there for the long run.