“I’m reluctant at this stage in the game to expose you to new ideas, but having taught you all history on a strictly non-gender-orientated basis I just wonder whether it occurs to any of you how dispiriting this can be? Can you for a moment imagine how depressing it is to teach five centuries of masculine ineptitude.
Why do you think there are no women historians on TV? I’ll tell you why: Because history’s not such a frolic for women as it is for men. Why should it be? They never get around the conference table. In 1919, for instance, they just arranged the flowers, then gracefully retired. History is a commentary on the various and continuing incapabilities of men. What is history? History is women following behind with the bucket.
And I’m not asking you to espouse this point of view, but the occasional nod in its direction can do you no harm.”
I Don’t Know Who I Am Anymore(Zach Dempsey x Reader)
A/n: This little idea was based off of the artist Grace
Vanderwaal. Grace was on Americas Got Talent last year and I feel in love with
her. She has such a beautiful voice and personality for a 12/13 year old girl. And I apologize if all my writing is crap/depressing lately.
Word count: 1006
Warnings: just dealing with
self-hate/depression/anxiety/not know who you are anymore
Songs: both are by Grace, “I Don’t Know My Name” and “Clay”
Summary: After the death of her best friend, she’s loses
herself and doesn’t know how to find her way back. That’s what he’s there for.
She bats her eyes, eyelashes fluttering against her cheeks
as she tries to adjust to the brightness of the morning sun. An arm moves
against her side, she tenses. It’s been so hard for her, all the hate, all the
discouragement, was breaking her piece by piece. Her head is in a dark place,
darker than it’s ever been. The entity behind her moves more, allowing her
free. She turns over to face the boy who has been her with her every step of
the way. He’s been so patient and loving towards her. He’s temporary moved in
with her, both of their parents understanding. Her mum tried everything she
could to help her daughter, but even for a mother, she knew that the only way
she would survive this is if he was there.
“Good morning beautiful.” His voice hoarsely whispers out,
making a small smile spread across her face.
“Are you gunna come to school with me this morning?” He
asks slowly, already knowing the answer. She shakes her head, making him sigh.
“You have to come back sometime.” He whispered before
taking her hand and placing it across his heart. He did this as a simple
reminder that she had his heart no matter what.
“I know Zach…” She whispers. She felt bad, he drove by
himself now. Most of his friends have been giving him so much shit for still dating
the dead girl’s best friend. The only one that still stuck around was Justin.
He gives her a small smile, leaning before giving her a
quick peck on the lips. But he went back in, letting the kiss linger for a
little longer. Ever since he plucked up the courage to ask her out, he’s been
trapped in her ever since. Her smell, her personality, her eyes trapped him in
a trance and his love for her grows every day.
She frowns when he gets up, moving to get ready for the
day. It hurt every time he left, but she knew he would be back in just a few
short hours. She watches him as he got dressed, admiring the way his muscles
moved as he tossed things here and there. She was so lucky to have a boy like
The beginning of their relationship started off awkward,
because she knew that Hannah had liked him and didn’t want to push her away.
But as their love grew for another, it kinda became inevitable. Then she died,
she blamed herself greatly, shutting him out, becoming quiet and completely
disappearing. Yet he has been there.
He grabs his backpack from the ground, and his keys from
the bedside table. She gets up, clutching a smaller blanket around her. They
both walk downstairs, he goes to grab an apple before giving her a lingering
“Call me if you need anything okay?” He whispers. She nods.
She gives him one quick kiss before he heads out the door.
As she hears his car reverse out the drive and down the
street, she walked to the kitchen. Grabbing the tea kettle, filling it with
water before setting it on the stove, awaiting the whistle. Footsteps sound
down from the staircase. Her mother comes into view as she looks for something
to eat before going back to her room.
“I’m off to work, I’ll be late tonight, and meaning dinner
is on you and Zach. How you holding up?” Her mom asks. She just shrugs, making
her mother sigh. Her mom comes over to her, giving her a quick kiss on the
forehead before making her leave.
As the water boils, she puts two pieces of bread in the
She pulls her blanket closer as makes her self-breakfast.
The tea kettle goes off. She takes the steaming cup of tea, and small plate of
toast into the living room.
It was a quite smooth morning. She felt calmer, not as on
edge as she normally is. But that all comes crashing down.
She walks up to the bathroom. Just wanting to wash her
face. She splashes her face with water. Looking up, she stops. A figure looming
in the back ground, Hannah. Her heart beat quickens and her breath becomes
She’s not there. She’s not there.
Was repeated over and over in her head. She walks to the
wall before sliding down it. Shakily, she takes out her phone, calling Zach. By
the 3rd or 4th ring she’s about to give up. But he answers.
“Baby? Are you okay?” Zach asked.
“I…” She couldn’t speak.
“I’m on my way, baby. Hold on.” The line went silent. She
sighed heavily as the tears flowed. Her body shook.
Not to long after that she heard the front door slam.
“Baby?” Zach’s voice boomed throughout the house. His heavy
footsteps sounded as he came up the stairs. The bathroom door opens and he
stands there, exhausted and worried. His face falls when he sees her.
Zach rushes over too her, scooping her into his arms and
carrying her into her bed. He lays down with her, cradling her while list she
cries. He shushes her and whispers sweet nothings in her ear.
Things were going to take time. They always did. He was
willing to wait no matter how long it took to keep her going. She was strong.
He had faith in her while she didn’t believe in herself. He was there for the