A friend suggests the Assassin’s Creed series to you. You decide to try it. You like the first game a lot, but wish it got remastered. It never does. Altair’s American accent rings in your head for the rest of the year.
You think that Ezio Auditore is alright, but you’re confused at the sheer amount of merchandise he has. There are Ezio figures, Ezio posters, Ezio clothing, Ezio dinnerware, Ezio blankets, and Ezio pillow pets. You’re disgusted at how much merch Ezio gets. When you go home, you slip into your Ezio pajamas and slide under your Ezio sheets. You have no idea when you got them, or who gave them to you.
After playing Assassin’s Creed 3, you decided you liked Connor Kenway. When you researched the series, you found out that they decided not to make a sequel around his life. At first, you’re confused. The more confused you become, the angrier you get. The Connor Kenway fans come for you then. The next time you check your Facebook, you’ve made over a hundred posts about Connor Kenway. You own a replica tomahawk. The Hamilton soundtrack is blasting at full volume. You have tears running down your cheeks.
Aveline de Grandpre and Shao Jun have their own games, you insist. You friends just shake their heads. When you search for pictures online, your only results are more pictures of the male protagonists. However, the first picture is always the Ubisoft logo. It stares, watches, judges.
Black Flag is the best game, they say. You play it. You wake up in a bar three weeks after finishing it. Every single image of palm trees transports you to the Caribbean. At work, you hum sea shanties to yourself, never answering your co-workers when they ask the names of your tunes.
While playing Unity, you bring a red rose to a random gravestone every single day. It’s never the same one. Should you pass a site you visited, the rose is never there. Your watch has stopped. Still, you bring the roses. There are more graves. There are always more graves.
It takes a bit, but you notice that birds seem to flock to you after you finish Syndicate. They’re usually crows. They hunt you down during lunch, during your car rides, during your dates. You’ve named them Jacob, Evie, and Greenie. When they crow at you, you nod knowingly. You always have such interesting conversations.
You swear that you’ve seen Desmond Miles walking down the streets of your city. You call out to him. He turns, but doesn’t respond. A week later, a man in a white hoodie goes missing. You don’t know him. You miss him.
You pop the newest version of Assassin’s Creed into your system. The graphics are 144 pixels, just squares of color moving across the screen. You beat the game in 14 hours. A week later, you discover that the game has becoming the 8th best selling game in history. You aren’t even surprised.
If Ubisoft couldn’t be bothered to give them an official date of death, then I say they’re still alive. They somehow became immortal and walk among us in secret. Connor? Arno? Definitely still alive and vacationing in the Bahamas, probably. Aveline and Shao Jun are backpacking through Europe, while Arbaaz, Henry Green, and the Frye Twins tool around Northern Africa doing God knows what.
How would the assassin's (plus Shay and Elise) use snapchat?
Desmond: He’s on snapchat way too much. Literally he has a ridiculous snapscore, and he responds immediate. Like Des, I love you but get a life. (Like my joke? It’s funny because he’s dead)
Altair: He does not like/use snapchat.
Ezio: StReAkS aNd NuDeS.
Connor: He uses it for the stories. If he gets a snap from someone he usually leaves it unopend for a week, or he replies with a text. C'mon you pure cinnamon roll you, some people just wanna start streaks.
Edward: He usually sends random pictures of him making multiple chins and a goofy grin, or nudes, either or. He doesn’t reply instantly and doesn’t leave you unopened for days. “The snapchat god.”
Shay: He doesn’t really use his snapchat. His longest streak way 3 days.
Arno: The fucking pure cinnamon roll who uses the filters. #saveArnoDorian2017.
Élise: She has like 50 long ass streaks with people, and half of them she fucking hates. She just snaps them for their drama. #goals #petty #honestly me.
Jacob: MeMeS aNd NuDeS.
Evie & Aveline: They both usually just sends a “gm,” “s/r,” or a “gn” to keep their streaks. If they loses them they doesn’t really care.