Deadpool #19 Written by Daniel Way; Art by Carlo Barberi and Juan Vlasco and Sandu Floreala 2010-03
Peter Parker is asked by some tourists to take a snapshot of them, but before he can do so, Deadpool takes the camera out of his hand and snaps a shot instead, telling the family to say “Deadpool is the greatest of all time!” to their confusion.
LOOKS/CLOTHES: Deadpool is in casual clothes with a ball cap and hoodie, but he is wearing a red hoodie pulled up. Based on the short sleeves from the family and Peter, it’s a bit warm for the hoodie he’s wearing. So while he is in civilian garb , he still covers himself a great deal.
QUEER/LOOKS/CLOTHES Also if you look carefully, he is totally wearing his bondage collar.
SPIDEYPOOL: [Deadpool to Peter Parker]: An’ hey, Skippy? Don’t quit your day job.
CRAZY/SPIDEYPOOL: [White]: Okay, so… We’re here. What’s next? [Deadpool]: Find Spider-Man. [Yellow]: Any idea HOW? [Deadpool]: Get his attention. Get him to come to ME, somehow. Hey! Hot dogs!
Peter watches Deadpool from the window of the Daily Bugle. Despite never really seeing Deadpool out of costume before, he picked up quickly that it was him. He’s worried about Deadpool being in New York.
Later that night, while out on patrol, Spider-Man stops at a deli he frequents and discovers the owner, Mr. Cheng has been murdered.
(just showing off Spider-Man’s super strength)
Peter learns that Mr. Cheng had a back side of his business, and that he was killed by a pro. He puts two and two together and comes up with…
Deadpool is hanging out on a rooftop regretting some life choices, namely, having eaten 40 pushcart hot dogs.
REP/SPIDEYPOOL: [Deadpool]: Sorry. I couldn’t help myself. [Spider-Man]: You couldn’t help yourself? You’re sicker than I thought.
Deadpool is ecstatic to see Spider-Man.
NOTABLE/FOURTH-WALL/SPIDEYPOOL/REP: [Deadpool]: SPIDEY! What up, Baby Boy? Haven’t seen you since Amazing Spider-Man #611! [Deadpool]: Outta curiosity, how sick did you think I was?
Spider-Man responds by pounding on Deadpool.
SPIDEYPOOL: [Deadpool]: Holy #$%& you’re fast!
Deadpool either jumps off the roof or is knocked off. Spider-Man lands beside him and berates Deadpool for how big a family Mr. Cheng had. Deadpool is confused and starting to feel very nauseous. Spider-Man punches Deadpool hard across the face again. He grabs Deadpool by the collar of his top, lifts him up, and demands to know why he killed Mr. Cheng.
CRAZY/HERO/HEALING/SPIDEYPOOL: [Yellow]: Did we kill somebody tonight? [White]: Dunno… MAYBE? Brain’s kinda SWOLLEN right now, can’t think straight… [Yellow]: Waitaminute… Why are we even HERE?! [Deadpool]: Wanted to… get Spider-Man’s attention. [Spider-Man]: Well. You GOT his attention.
Spider-Man winds up for another punch.
HEALING/SPIDEYPOOL/QUEER: [Deadpool grins sickly] [Deadpool]: Heh… Awsh’m…. shock it to me… prob'ly wanna avoid the left eye, though.. it’s ozzin’ something…
Spider-Man is kinda disgusted with everything. (Whether he’s disgusted by Deadpool’s oozing eye, gassy stomach, or his hard beat-down on a man he’s realizing hasn’t been fighting back, or all of the above, he doesn’t say) He drops Deadpool who lets out a huge, stinky fart and then passes out.
When he comes to, Spider-Man has him bound up in a huge cocoon of webs in an alleyway.
SPIDEYPOOL/HERO/REP: [Spider-Man]: Why didn’t you fight back? [Deadpool]: Ooooh, my head… DUDE. Get off the ceiling–You’re freakin’ me out. [Spider-Man]: I’m not ON the ceiling. The cops’ll be here soon, but before they show up, I wanna know why you didn’t fight back. [Deadpool]: ‘Cause I wanted to check out your moves. [Spider-Man]: My “moves”? [Deadpool]: Yeah. So I can… be more like you. Y'know, do what you do. [Spider-Man]: Yeah, right. But F.Y.I.? What I don’t do is kill innocent shopkeepers.
Now that his head is cleared, Deadpool explains that he didn’t kill Mr. Cheng. Spider-Man doubts him.
SPIDEYPOOL/HERO/REP: [Spider-Man]: Whatever. Save it for the cops.
But Deadpool thinks he can alibi himself out of suspicion… About the time of the murder, Deadpool had been at Front Line newspaper, trying to take out an ad to be run on the front page.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP: [Deadpool’s ad]: Hey Spidey! Hollatcha boy! [Editor]: I told him to get the hell outta here. Just another nut-job wanting to meet Spider-Man…
Spider-Man realizes Deadpool wasn’t the killer.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP: [Deadpool]: Don’t worry, man… You can apologize AFTER you get me outta this. I’ll wait.
Spider-Man does let him loose.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP: [Deadpool]: Seems to me that we both have something the other wants. [Spider-Man]: Seems to me that you’re INSANE. And also, WRONG. Leave New York. Tonight. [Deadpool]: Was it a pro hit? [Spider-Man pauses before he swings away] [Deadpool]: I’ll take that as a YES. Let me take a look at it. Odds are, I’ll be able to fill in some blanks for you. All I ask is that you let me tag along when you go after 'em.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP/CRAZY/HERO: [Deadpool: holding out his hand for a handshake]: Deal? [A beat] [Spider-Man]: No killing. [Deadpool]: Deal! [Yellow]: Wha-HUH? [White]: We’re LYING, right? [Deadpool]: YES! Dude, this is gonna be AWESOME!
QUEER/SPIDEYPOOL: [Deadpool, piggy-backing on Spider-Man]: Spider-Man and Deadpool, teamin’ up to serve white-hot justice! We should celebrate! You like hot dogs!
Spider-Man brings Deadpool to the crime scene. Deadpool is amazed at what he sees.
HERO/SPIDEYPOOL: [Deadpool]: Yowza. These angles are BONKERS, Man! If I didn’t know better I’d say you did this! [Spider-Man]: What? WHY? [Deadpool]: Because whoever did this was jumpin’ around like a –
Deadpool stops as he realizes who the killer was.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP: [Deadpool]: You’re not gonna BELIEVE who did this. [Spider-Man]: Try me. [Deadpool]: No– Seriously. You’re really not gonna believe it. His name is Hit-Monkey.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP: [Deadpool]: He’s a HITMAN. Who’s a MONKEY. [A beat] [Deadpool]: You don’t believe me. [Spider-Man]: No. Of course not.
Deadpool explains that Hit-Monkey targets other assassins.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP/HERO/CRAZY: [Spider-Man]: Can’t believe I’m asking this… How do we find Hit-Monkey? [Deadpool]: We don’t. We can’t. Best we can do is find who he’s AFTER, then hit HIM before he hits THEM. [Spider-Man]: Then that’s the plan– Except for the killing part. [Deadpool]: I never said “kill”… [Spider-Man]: Yeah, but you meant it. [Deadpool]: I did…? [White]: Yeah. [Yellow]: We totally did. [Deadpool, shaking Spider-Man’s hand]: Okay, partner– Deal. [White]: Still lying, right? [Deadpool]: Absolutely.
Deadpool ponders Hit-Monkey’s next target, since he never comes to an area for a single hit. Spider-Man points out the obvious: The next target is Deadpool!
X-Men Origins - Deadpool #1 Written by Duane Swierczynski, Art by Leandro Fernandez 2010-09
A man pulls up to a house on Mulholland Drive. He sees a trial of blood leading from the house. Another man runs from the house, holding a gunshot wound from his leg.
REP: [Shot guy]: He’s INSANE! Run! Run while you still can! I’m tell you man, don’t go in there!
The first man is shaken, but he shrugs off the injured man and continues into the house. There he sees Deadpool, holding a smoking gun.
[Deadpool]: Guess you’re my 3:30.
Deadpool wants to beat anyone else to the punch before Hollywood turns his story into a movie, by turning his story into a movie first. he’s been interviewing screenwriters all day and they “didn’t go so well”.
After 38-minutes, the screenwriter is super excited.
REP/HERO: [Screenwriter]: Listen, dawg– we go all Michael Bay on this mother. I’m talking monster brawls. Huge action set pieces. you vs. Sasquatch. You vs. Hulk. Wait, can we get the rights to the Hulk? I don’t know. doesn’t matter. [Deadpool]: Uh, yeah. I was kind of thinking… [Screenwriter]: Don’t be like that, bro, don’t be stuck in the old paradigm. You’ve got to go HIGH-CONCEPT! [Deadpool pulls his gun and points it in the screenwriters face] [Deadpool]: This high? Or maybe a little higher? [Screenwriter]: Wait, what are you… [Deadpool shoots him in the upper arm.]
The screenwriter runs away, holding his injured and bleeding arm.
The next screenwriter isn’t much better. He wants to cut out all the “downer” mercenary stuff. He’ll change Deadpool’s job to country singer and “you’re drunk, and broke, and looking to reconnect with your son…”
HERO: Deadpool shoots him in the leg.
Deadpool is out of patience with the next screenwriter, but the next one says he’s not here with a pitch, he’s here to listen. So Deadpool pours them both a drink and tells him his story.
PAST/ABUSE: [Deadpool narration]: And like so many origin stories, it starts off with me butt nekkid and in a crazy-ridiculous amount of pain. You may ask: how did I end up in this tank of water, sharp needles jabbin my yin-yang and tubes up my hoo-hah-and-how’s-yer-mother? I, uh… VOLUNTEERED. [Deadpool narration]: See, it was either painful death from Stage IV cancer– or these experimental trials up in Canada. And looking back on what happened, some might say I should have taken my chances with the big C.
PAST/HEALING: [Deadpool narration]: As the docs explained it, the experiment was a MIXED BAG. Sure my body could regenerate itself at amazing speeds.
ABUSE/HEALING: [One of the doctors shoots him in the hand. It heals immediately.] [Deadpool]: Ack… Is it… Supposed to… hurt… so much… [Another hits him with a blow torch]
PAST/LOOKS/HEALING/SELF-LOATHING: [Deadpool narration]: But no matter how radical the injury, I still looked like human hamburger after regenerating. Which wasn’t exactly useful for top secret assasin-type missions– Kind of the whole point. I’d stand out too much in a crowd.
PAST: [Deadpool narration]: They told me not to worry, while they sorted it out, I could chill out at a resort to recover. And it was a real club med, if by club med you mean Club Failed Med-ical Experiments. [Deadpool narration]: Rotting away in my cell, I realized I signed on for a fate worse than cancer. At least cancer ends. This went on and on… potentially forever. I had to find a way out.
In his cell, Deadpool sits on the bottom bunk vocalizing how much pain he’s in.
PAST/HEALING/ABUSE: [Deadpool]: Ow my skin. Ow my skin. Ow my skin. Ow my skin. Ow my skin. Ow my skin hurts. Ow my skin….
[Many people see the above image and use it to point out how much Deadpool suffers from the Weapon X procedure, and it’s possible that it does constantly hurt him as it appears in this image, but at this point, he is actually trying to attract the attention of a guard. And he does.]
PAST/HEALING/ABUSE/REP: [Guard]: Shuddap or I’ll give you something to complain about. [Deadpool]: Yeah? You want a shot at the title, tubby? [Guard]: Be GLAD to– [Deadpool]: Please– I-I… I’m sorry. It just hurts so much. [The guard leaves, so Deadpool calls out to him again] [Deadpool]: But seriously– Do you have any Vaseline handy? You know, the kind you use on your stretch marks? [Guard]: Okay, freak–It’s on. Wait until you see how much your skin can REALLY hurt.
But this is playing into Deadpool’s plan:
PAST/ABUSE: [Deadpool narration]: Ah, bullies. They can’t resist kicking the snot out of the little guy. [Deadpool narration]: And I can’t resist kickin’ the snot out of bullies.
He knocks the guard out and escapes.
HEALING: [Deadpool narration]: You don’t know the sheer joy of knowing that, no matter what they through at you, they can’t kill you. I’ll admit it. It made me a widdle giddy.
He’s shot repeatedly by the guards but it doesn’t slow him down. He knocks the guards out and keeps going. He escapes and falls back “on the whole mercenary thing” only now he has “certain competitive advantages”.
He then goes on to describe an early assignment
CABLEPOOL: [Deadpool]: –killing this grumpy cyborg mutant from the future. Predictably, we ended up BEST FRIENDS. So anyway…
The screenwriter stops him though, and insists that Deadpool tell him more about “Wade Wilson, the man before he put on the mask, before the Weapon X experiment. Before everything.”
So Deadpool shifts his story back to his pre-cancer days.
PAST/SELF-LOATHING/ROMANCE/COPYCAT: [Deadpool narration]: You want to hear the truth about Wade Wilson? He was an idiot. Wade Wilson was a mercenary with a moral code–Only took jobs he “believed” in. He was more earnest than a lifetime original movie. In fact, Wade Wilson was pretty much the only mercenary alive who WASN’T in it for the money. He’d go out, kill some dirtbag dictator who deserved it… then go home to his hottie girlfriend in Boston.
QUEER/ROMANCE/COPYCA: [Vanessa]: Wade! Oh, the things I’m going to do to your body… after you shower, of course…
ROMANCE/COPYCAT: Wade puts her off for a moment to check for the mail; he’s expecting a letter from the NYU Medical. It’s the letter he’s been dreading: the diagnosis of his cancer. He collapses onto the couch and Vanessa sits with him, assuring him that they can get through this together.
PAST: [Deadpool narration]: But I… er, I mean, Wade Wilson refused. Long ago, he swore not to be a burden to anybody–especially not those he loved.
So Deadpool left, and after a while of bumming around, getting into bar fights, he decided to fight back against the real enemy: cancer. And so he wound up to “this crazy medical experiment up in Canada”.
[Deadpool]: Annnnnd you know what happens from there, needles up the yin-yang, et cetera et cetera. Moving on to the cool stuff.
But the screenwriter wants to get deeper about “the young Wade Wilson, before he was a merc for hire. Before he was an adult. What was his childhood like?”
SELF-LOATHING: [Deadpool]: What is this– Diary of a wimpy merc? Nobody wants to hear that stuff.
PAST/FAMILY: But the screenwriter insists, so Deadpool takes another drink and talks about his dad, telling knock knock jokes at the front door.
PAST/FAMILY/ABUSE: [Deadpool narration]: But one day my dad slipped behind the door. And never came back. I’d do our knock-knock routine, just to see if he was waiting me out. He wasn’t.
PAST/FAMILY/ABUSE: [Deadpool narration]: After my dad left, my mom tried to ease the pain with booze and ordering junk from cable T.V. channels. She’ joked about everything–even the crippling debt she’d racked up.
PAST/FAMILY/ABUSE/SELF-LOATHING: [Deadpool narration]: I blamed myself: she’d be fine if she didn’t have me to worry about. I swore I wouldn’t be a burden to anybody, ever again.
PAST: [Deadpool narration]: When I was old enough, I took advantage of the one opportunity open to broke young Americans everywhere.
He joined the U.S. army.
PAST/QUEER: [Deadpool narration]: My superiors said I was a crack shot with a great tactical mind, a born survivor. I didn’t have to heart to tell them that’s because I practically grew up with a joystick in my hand. No, I don’t mean THAT kind of–Oh never mind.
Deadpool went from the army to working on his own.
PAST/HERO: [Deadpool narration]: As long as I agreed with the cause, I’d pull the trigger. Now isn’t all that different from then, come to think of it. Except I don’t give a crap about the cause. You care too much, you bleed.
NOTABLE: [Deadpool narration]: When you’re confronted with a horrible situation, there are only two reactions that make sense: laughter and tears. Tears hurt too much.
Deadpool stops for a moment. He lifts up his mask slightly, complaining of the heat and how stuffy it is, but that is to cover the fact that he is wiping away tears.
He then starts a tale of him against the Hulk, but the screenwriter stops him, having heard enough for the movie.
Thirty-five months later, Deadpool: Origins is premiering.
QUEER: Deadpool attends the premiere with two conventionally beautiful women at his arms.
Deadpool meets the screenwriter at the entrance amidst a media circus. Deadpool says he’s avoided the reports and rumors as he didn’t want to get his hopes up.
[Screenwriter]: You liked the script? [Deadpool]: No, the script was great. It’s just– [Screenwriter]: Don’t worry. It’s everything we talked about. You’re going to love this.
It is NOTHING like what they talked about.
It starts off wrong, misspelling of his name (Dead Pool not Deadpool), and gets worse as it goes. No torture at Weapon X, over-the-top out-of-place explosions, bad jokes. It’s terrible.
Deadpool envisions himself standing up and shooting up the movie theater in a scene that would never have been drawn today since it hits too hard now to be “funny”.
He doesn’t actually shoot up the theater. He leaves, glumly.
But he does torch the screenwriters car to express his displeasure.
Later, Deadpool drives out to a lone house and knocks on the door. An older man asks who it is.
PAST/FAMILY/LOOKS: [Deadpool]: Wade. [The father]: Wade… Wade who? [Deadpool removes his mask]: Wade until you see what happened to me, Dad.
‘Tis doneeee! I profess, I kinda like how that turned out. I’d do more lino print for my illustration assignments if the carving wasn’t so time-consuming (while it’s actually quite relaxing, I reaaally can’t spare the hours) and if each piece of linoleum wasn’t $6 -_- (THAT’S LIKE TWO WHOLE BEEF, BACON & CHEDDAR BULLETS FROM QUIZNOS RIGHT THERE. CHIALYNN IS NOT IMPRESSED)
Why can’t I comment on my own post?!?! Anyway, yea, I found my linoleum plate haha. Jon Perez found it and brought it to my room : )))))
Deadpool #21 Written by Daniel Way; Art by Carlo Barberi and Sandu Florea 2010-05
Spider-Man brings Deadpool’s lead filled corpse to the Baxter building for help. The Reeds are less than pleased. But they did take care of Deadpool and patched up Spider-Man’s injured shoulder.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP/HEALING: [Spider-Man]: How is he? [Reed]: Normally, I would use the term “STABLE”, but– [Spider-Man]: Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, Reed. [Reed]: No apologies necessary. Just get him out of here.
Meanwhile, Deadpool shoots himself in an attempt to shoot his gun with his feet like Hit-Monkey did.
Reed strongly suggests Spider-Man take Deadpool and leave. Spider-Man sheepishly leads Deadpool out.
REP: [Sue]: How did he get a GUN in here?!
A short while later…
SPIDEYPOOL/QUEER: [Deadpool]: Swanky hotel, huh? You could be rollin’ like this too if you let me hook you up with that Spider-Cave– [Spider-Man]: I told you I don’t want a Spider-Cave. [Deadpool]: Offer’s still good partner. Let’s see what’s on the tube. [Spider-Man]: Don’t get comfortable. We’re just here so I can–OW!–change my clothes. And because I can’t TRUST you any farther than I can SEE you.
Spider-Man recaps the end of last issue to “fill in the blanks” after Deadpool was killed.
Deadpool notes that Hit-Monkey didn’t shoot Spider-Man on purpose, and Spider-Man agrees that Hit-Monkey seemed “sad” about shooting him
SPIDEYPOOL/REP/HERO: [Deadpool]: Really? That’s weird… [Spider-Man]: No, actually, it’s NOT. Unlike YOU, MOST people would regret… [Deadpool]: Unlike ME, most people would be dead right now. Because that’s what happens when Hit-Monkey shoots you.
Deadpool then takes his turn in the bathroom and offers up a bit of bathroom-humor as distraction.
Some time passes, and Spider-Man is getting annoyed. He finally knocks on the door…
SPIDEYPOOL: [Spider-Man]: Look, my roomma–I mean… We gotta go.
The door opens and he discovers that Deadpool has stolen the costume Spider-Man had just changed out of and has taken off out the window.
The next morning… Peter is horrified to read front and center about Spider-Man’s death.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP: “Spider-Man” came to a hospital with a gunshot wound to his shoulder. The bullet was lodged to close to his heart and he died. The hospital confirmed that the man was “something more than human” but they won’t reveal his civilian identity as a final request to “Spider-Man”.
Peter calls Reed Richards to confirm that he is in fact still alive, and that he’s going to his funeral to see if he can find out what’s going on.
There’s a bit of a stir in the crowd when Hit-Monkey comes to pay his respects. Peter realizes what’s up and calls out that there’s a gun. A cop wonders how a gun could get past the metal detectors, and Deadpool, popping out of the coffin, answers:
HERO/CRAZY: [Deadpool]: Officers? Arrest that money. [Yellow]: We did it! WE DID IT! [White]: We followed the rules and everything! WE’RE A HERO! [Deadpool]: This might just be the proudest moment of my– [Cop]: Drop your weapons! [Deadpool]: Huh? [Cop]: Now! [Deadpool]: Hey, you got it all wrong–I’m the good guy!
But the cops don’t believe Deadpool that the monkey is the threat, not when it’s Deadpool and he’s armed up with assault rifles in both hands.
Hit-Monkey knocks out both cops and takes their guns. But when he goes to face Deadpool, he’s gone.
HERO/CRAZY: [White]: Well, no one can say we didn’t try… [Yellow]: Hey, we gave it our best shot. [Deadpool]: Not yet, we haven’t…
But before he can shoot at Hit-Monkey’s back, he’s stopped by Spider-Man grabbing the gun out of his hand and holding him in a choke hold.
SPIDEYPOOL/HERO/REP: [Spider-Man]: What the hell are you DOING?! We agreed–NO KILLING! [Deadpool]: I… tried… [Spider-Man]: What about faking my death? Do you have any idea how much damage you caused to my family? To this city? [Deadpool, looking downcast]: No…
Despite, his frustration with Deadpool, he still works with him as they plan what to do next. Deadpool asks for his gun back. Spider-Man gives it back, but the tip is bent back.
Deadpool snickers because he has another gun, but when he grabs it he sees that Spider-Man bent the tip of that one too.
Deadpool steps out, pretending like he’s about to fire at Hit-Monkey, and does draw Hit-Monkey’s attention. Then Spider-Man swoops in and knocks Hit-Monkey to the wall, disarming him.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP/HERO: [Deadpool]: What’re you waiting for? Web ‘im up! [Spider-Man]: That just sees so…inhumane. [Deadpool]: What’re you, a PETA spokesperson all of a sudden? That thing’s a killer! [Spider-Man]: So are you! [Deadpool]: What?! I’m nothing like–! [A long beat] [Deadpool]: Yeah. You’re right.
Deadpool kneels down to talk to Hit-Monkey on his level.
REP/HERO: [Deadpool]: We’re not so different, are we? We’re both… TRAPPED, compelled by forced we don’t understand to do the things we do. We weren’t BORN this way–this is just how we… ended up. [Deadpool]: But I’m trying to CHANGE that, Hit-Monkey… I’m trying to change MYSELF. and if I can do it, maybe you can, too. Whatta ya say?
Hit-Monkey bites Deadpool’s face. They both pull guns on the other.
SPIDEYPOOL/HERO: [Spider-Man]: No–Don’t! If you pull those triggers, those guns will blow up! You’ll BOTH be killed! [A beat as the two killers glare at each other] [Deadpool]: Deal.
He fires and the guns explode, blasting both Hit-Monkey and Deadpool.
The cops come in to take care of things and see Spider-Man.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP: [Cop]: Spidey…? …You’re ALIVE?! [Spider-Man]: Yeah. But he’s not. [Cop]: Who cares?
They cops hold out Spider-Man to the crowds outside like a hero.
Four hours later, in Rikers Island Prison…
Deadpool is sitting on a prison bed, his heads and feet bound up in chains.
HERO/SPIDEYPOOL: [Deadpool]: You know I’m gonna bust outta here, right? The only question is WHEN. [Spider-Man]: How about NOW?
Spider-Man bursts through the wall. He removes Deadpool’s bindings.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP: [Deadpool]: Ooh, you’re gonna get in trouble for that… [Spider-Man]; No, I won’t–YOU will. Get outta New York City. And take your psychotic monkey hitman WITH you.
Hit-Monkey’s body wasn’t found, so he’s still probably just as alive as Deadpool. Spider-Man wants them both gone.
SPIDEYPOOL/REP/HERO: [Deadpool]: Kinda ironic, isn’t it? This town LOVES you so much, they’d let you get away with MURDER, but ME…? They’d never give me credit for so much as helping an old lady cross the street. Y'know, I never assumed that this whole “hero” thing would be EASY… kinda disappointing to find out that it’s actually IMPOSSIBLE. For me, at least. [Spider-Man]: Oh, BOO-HOO. “I’m a lonely and misunderstood freak of nature and no one loves me!” [Deadpool is taken aback and looks rather hurt]
SPIDEYPOOL/REP/HERO: [Deadpool]: Wow. THAT’S cruel… [Spider-Man]: No, it’s ME… or at least, it USED to be me. I’ve been where you ARE Deadpool– I could’ve BEEN you. It would’ve been EASY to be you. [Deadpool]: You think this is EASY?! [Spider-Man]: It’s ALWAYS easy to be what you are–What’s HARD is to be what you WANT to be. [Deadpool]: I just wanna be the good guy. [Spider-Man]: No, you want people to LOVE you for BEING the good guy. It’s not the same thing. [Spider-Man swings away, leaving Deadpool to leave or stay as he will] [Deadpool]: Yeah… it is.
Deadpool: Suicide Kings #3 2009-08 Written by: Mike Benson & Adam Glass, Art by Carlo Barberi and Sandu Florea
Deadpool enters the Black Ops magazine headquarters. As Deadpool didn’t leave the message about a kidnapping note, he isn’t a process server, and he’s not a disgruntled former employee, so the receptionist sends him in. He finds the editor playing a first-person shooter game.
Deadpool’s arrival interrupts the editor’s concentration and he dies. He sticks a gun in Deadpool’s face, but Deadpool slices the gun in half. Deadpool asks again for the name of the man who put out the ad that started this mess, but the editor refuses.
QUEER: [Deadpool]: Okay, I got a proposition for you. [Editor]: I don’t swing that way, boy. [Deadpool]: Don’t flatter yourself, grandpa.
Deadpool offers to help the editor get past the level he’s stuck on in the video game.
NOTABLE/REP: [Deadpool]: You’re looking at a level 37 four-star general. [Editor]: Bull! I’m looking at a #$?$#%? in a clown costume.
They come to an arrangement.
Deadpool meets up with Dare Devil and Foggy.
QUEER: [Deadpool]: Guy paid in cash, no name, just this envelope. [Dare Devil]: The envelop is made of one hundred percent cotton paper. There’s an embossed crest stamped on it. [Deadpool]: You can feel that? Wow, you must be popular with the ladies. [Foggy]: A raised design on the paper? I see it now… [Deadpool]: Envelopes? Crest? What is this–“Queer Eye for the Straight guy?”
It turns out that the embossed crest is for the O'Shea family, a very wealthy and well-connected family. And there is indeed a son…
Henry is able to find video of Deadpool and Dare Devil making their way through the city and passes the location on to Punisher.
SELF-LOATHING/REP: [Dare Devil]: I can count on you to lay low tonight, right? [Deadpool]: I don’t know– Tuesdays are usually my karaoke night at the China Club. I do Neil Diamond’s “America” like nbobody’s business. [Dare Devil]: Are you EVER serious? [Deadpool]: Sorry, I use humor to deflect my insecurities. Plus, I’m hilarious. So don’t hate.
Dare Devil tells Deadpool to lay low.
REP: [Deadpool]: Remind me why you’re helping me again? [Dare Devil]: Because YOU’RE innocent of this crime… and there’s someone out there who isn’t.
SELF-LOATHING/CRAZY: [Deadpool]: List, I appreciate all the help, boy scout, but if you think I’m not attending this Mardi Graz, you’re crazier than me– and I hear voices. [Yellow]: You realize you said that out loud? [White]: There goes the team-up. [Deadpool]: Y'know I was kidding about the voices thing, right?
Punisher arrives and blasts a sonic blast, debilitating Dare Devil, but Deadpool…
PAST/HEALING/NOTABLE: [Deadpool]: The noise doesn’t bother me. Huge Metallica fan. Over a hundred shows.
While Dare Devil is knocked out of the fight, Punisher and Deadpool fight it out with blades. When it looks like Deadpool is about to get the upper hand, Dare Devil orders Deadpool to stand down.
REP/HERO: [Punisher]: Since when do you come to the aid of mass murderers? [Deadpool]: Hey! First, I only kill for money. Second, looks who’s talking. Third– [Dare Devil]: Because he’s INNOCENT, Frank. He’s annoying, but he didn’t commit this crime.
Their talk is interrupted by approaching cops. The group breaks up, Punisher back to his van, Deadpool with Dare Devil.
Dare Devil and Deadpool go to the O'Shea house. Papa O'Shea knows immediately upon seeing our heroes that his son has gotten himself in trouble again.
HERO: [Deadpool]: …Sent me on a wild goose chase, then blew up a building of innocent people. When I find that little ####, I’m gonna disembowel him. [Dare Devil]: No, you’re not. [Deadpool]: Am too. [Dare Devil]: Mr. O'Shea, we’re not sure what role your son plays in all of this, if he’s innocent or guilty– Deadpool]: Guilty! [Dare Devil]: –But we do know he’s in over his head– [Deadpool]: Which I’m gonna chop right off with this sword. [Dare Devil]: We just need to FIND him.
Mr. O'Shea agrees that he wants his son found, and if guilty, punished. By the law. He tells the heroes that his son can be found with Tombstone.
Tombstone is playing golf and terrorizing Conrad when he learns that Dare Devil and Deadpool were at the O'Shea place.
Dare Devil and Deadpool split up for a few hours; Dare Devil goes into Harlem looking for Tombstone.
Meanwhile, Deadpool heads over to see Outlaw.
CRAZY: [Deadpool calls her Crazy Inez, and she sucker punches him. He envisions her as a beefy black boxer punching him]
She’s in a new place, having her last place damaged during the Punisher/Deadpool brawl, and then getting kicked out for the disturbance.
HEALING: [Deadpool]: You wanna be mad at somebody– be mad at that sick bastard. You lost a couch. That psycho cut off my limbs. I might have the ability to regenerate, but trust me, it ain’t pleasant.
FRIENDS: [Deadpool]: Look, Outlaw, I promise you, once I clear my name, I’ll pay you back. Every last cent. I’ll buy you a barcalounger. We’ll go to Bed, Bath, & Beyond. Sky’s the limit.
Outlaw then asks about how the hunt for the real culprit is going. Very well at the moment, as Deadpool catches sight of Tombstone’s spy.
Deadpool swings across to the building across the way where the spy realizes he’s been spotted.
Deadpool manages to catch the spy on the roof. The guy screams and runs away.
REP/SELF-LOATHING/QUEER: [Deadpool]: Why do people see me and scream? I really have to work on my reputation. [Yellow]: You think? I mean we couldn’t get a date if we bought a calendar. [White]: Damn, that’s cold… but true. Strippers won’t even take our money. And they’re not exactly choosy.
The guy jumps onto a window washer crane, but Deadpool follows and slices the cables, sending it crashing to the ground.
HERO: [Deadpool saves the man before the crane crashes]
QUEER: [Deadpool]: That ride really excited you, huh? I can tell. GET OFF.
While Deadpool tries to shake the guy down for Tombstone’s location, he’s caught by Spider-Man.
SPIDEYPOOL/QUEER: [Spider-Man]: Nice costume. Love all the pockets. You’re like a walking fanny pack. Bet you have to beat the ladies off with a stick. [Deadpool]: You should talk. Your costume’s so tight you can tell what religion you are. Ever hear of a cup? [Spider-Man]: Yeah, but the chaffing was killing me, So I decided to go commando. [Spider-Man]: If you have anymore Spidey questions you can check out the Spidey-blog or ask them on the way to jail.
Deadpool proclaims his innocence, but Spider-Man doesn’t believe him. And then Punisher head-shots Deadpool, exploded his head in a nasty, bloody goo.