The first time Dick called Bruce Dad, Bruce practically melted, and enveloped his son in the largest hug he could.
The first time Jason called him Dad, it was after a fight, and they were already hugging. Bruce just smiled and wiped his nose.
The first time Tim called him Dad, Bruce cried, because this war of theirs had already cost Tim his real father and Bruce didn’t feel like an adequate replacement.
The first time Stephanie called him Dad, he got very confused. What do you mean, Stephanie, you have a father, he’s still around, but she just hugged him tight and said, no, he’s not my dad anymore. You are.
The first time Cassandra called him Dad, it was quiet, and subtle. The only acknowledgment was a nod of recognition on both sides.
The first time Damian called him Dad instead of Father, Bruce nearly had a heart attack. And immediately ran to grab a thermometer to make sure his son wasn’t sick.
The first time Duke called him Dad, it was a little hesitant. Bruce took him aside and explained to him, gently, that it was okay if he didn’t feel like a part of the family yet, he didn’t have to call Bruce Dad if he didn’t want to, but Bruce would always consider him his son. The second time Duke called him Dad came shortly after that, and Bruce cried.
The first time Terry called him Dad, Bruce asked him not to, because Warren McGinnis was the boy’s father for every purpose except genetically and Bruce didn’t want to take that away from him. Terry was secretly glad when Bruce explained this.
The first time Hal Jordan called him Dad, it was by accident in the middle of a firefight. Both of them stared at each other, and immediately agreed to never speak of it again.
Headcanon = Damian Wayne constantly confused about idioms
Damian: You’ve salted my injury Todd!!
Damian: You have added salt to my injury!!
Jason: I’ve..added insult to injury?
Damian: *Tim walks into the room* Ah yes, speaking of Satan
Bruce: I think you mean speak of the devil, and please stop calling Tim the devil.
Damian: Cease being a furniture vegetable and do something useful!
Jason: The phrase you’re looking for demon, is couch potato
Damian: I would prefer we not beat the shrubbery
Dick: He means beat around the bush
the gotham rogues have a betting pool on who’s gonna kill the joker first harley or the red hood and like. this is a very serious betting pool. rogues from other cities have money on this. lex luthor put so much money on harley that he’s now personally involved in making sure she’s the one that does it
Damian Wayne absolutely knows more about pop culture than his brothers think.
While it was true he was useless in that department when he first joined them, now not so much. Colin and Jon make sure Damian is kept up on the best references. When they started to show him, he noticed how much Tim and Jason quote vines to each other to tease him.
They weren’t always good jokes but occasionally there were a few where he had to bite back a snicker.
Jon, Colin, and Damian ended up quoting vines to each other regularly, so much so they started to slip out at home.
The first one was while Dick was Batman and they were in the middle of a car chase. “Road work ahead?” He said quietly and then paused, but continued before Dick could answer, “Uh yeah, I sure hope it does.” Dick nearly crashed the Batmobile.
Tim and Jason never believed him until in the middle of sparring with Tim, Damian yelled “YEET” before judo flipping Tim.
Superheroes in general tend to be pretty good with kids, right? But still, within the Justice League, there are definitive tiers of who’s best with kids.
Wonder Woman is the Best. Kids of all ages adore her, teenagers stop angsting, babies stop crying, you name it. Nobody expected anything else. But surprisingly — or maybe not surprisingly — Batman is also the Best. He just knows how to talk to kids, how to interact with them, so that they feel absolutely respected as people, instead of being talked down to as children. Kids always gravitate to him. Those aren’t even his babies hiding under his cape (this time), but you bet your ass he’s gonna act like they are.
Black Canary is the second best. Superman generally is too (unless the kid in question is a relative of his that appeared out of the blue, in which case he gets bumped down to like, twentieth).
Most of the younger Leaguers are good with little kids, since so many have younger relatives and/or little kids of their own. Starfire and Cyborg are aces with teenagers, for obvious reasons. Blue Beetle and Booster Gold delight the hell out of toddlers. Flash’s positive attitude endears him to everyone. And you wouldn’t expect it, but Big Barda’s notorious temper evaporates when small children want to play tag or hang off her massive shoulders.
Older Leaguers with kids of their own or sidekicks are generally pretty good, at least. Older Leaguers with no kids or sidekicks nearly always shunt kid-duty off to Canary or one of the Trinity. But nearly everyone can be eventually coaxed into holding a cute baby or telling a ten-year-old how excellent their Magic Marker artwork is.
Green Arrow and Green Lantern are the Worst. Hal lets the kids get away with everything. Ollie just has no clue what the fuck he’s doing.
-Bruce had originally made it for emergency use only, in case comms were down or whatever would warrant using civilian methods of communication
Naturally, it didn’t work out like that
-Barry uses it to send the team really bad puns and memes, as well as occasional science facts
-Clark sends pictures of animals he sees on the street (“look at this cute puppy I saw at lunch today” “Clark, this is for emergencies only” “Aw but look at its face”). He also will send advice and stuff, like once Barry stained his shirt and Clark gave him a quick stain remover recipe he learned from his mom
-In response to Clark’s animal photos Arthur will send pictures of various fish that he sees and will give extensive details about said fish (“this is an Acantholiparis opercularis, very nice fish”)
-Hal, who was originally excluded by Bruce but allowed in by literally everyone else, communicates almost solely through emojis
-Diana has threatened Bruce several times in the group chat while the others just sit back and watch the show
-Victor, who is also in a Teen Titans chat, is the one person who just doesn’t really say anything but will sometimes message at like 4 am with some random thing
-Since they’re all in different time zones, it can get really confusing as to when people are awake or working (but Bruce is always likely to respond since he’s all “no sleep, only justice.”)
-Sometimes they (mainly Barry and Hal) send selfies (“Just beat Captain Cold! #winning” “Barry, you are in costume, be professional” “Chill out B, it’s no biggie” “Did you just unironically say #winning?” “Okay Victor, nobody’s perfect”)
-Someone totally would have named it “Super Friends” out of nostalgia or like “The Super Seven”. Something really lame and cringey but amusing nonetheless
So I guess I went there. I was considering writing an imagine/oneshot with these (hence why so many), but for now I decided to just list em. Not sure if I’ll proceed to write it or not. In the meantime, enjoy ;) (s.o. = significant other)
When living with his lover probably has had sex with ‘em on every stable enough flat surface and against a couple of walls
initiative, usually prefers positions which have him on top
the stamina (and ready to go again the moment his s.o. is)
scattered on the floor is very common, regularly ‘loses’ an item of clothing
somewhere under the sheets/on the floor
to go down on his s.o.
tease when he has a lot of time on his hands; always
holds out with having actual full-on sex until his lover’s practically begging him for it
riled up when he feels his lover’s nails on his back
Leaves hickies and is low-key proud of it/does it on purpose
on when he hears his lover moan his name
Heated kisses or eye contact during sex 90% of the time
s.o.: “ Do you feel like it? “ Jason: “Babe, I always feel like it.”
Morning sex is the only thing he actually *wants* to wake up early for (+ Tries to keep his lover in bed with him in the morning by seducing them as well as possible, usually succeeds. Pretends to feel hurt the times it doesn’t work.)
Smug af after sex, knows damn well he’s good at it
has the tendency to hold his lover really close to him, spooning or nuzzling their neck.
Still runs his hands over his s.o.’s body but more in a caressing manner
He thinks that the commercialization is a disgusting display of Western capitalism, that romance is pointless and distracting, and that anyone who likes to indulge in either is deluding themselves about both the contents of their bank account and the national divorce rate.
But every year on February 14, Wayne Manor almost completely empties out as Bruce and the older Batkids head out to either spend the day with their s/o or spend the day moping with their other single friends.
(Statistically, the latter is more common.)
So Damian has an entire 24 hours unbothered by his family to do with as he wants.
His first Valentine’s Day at the manor, he was puzzled by how quickly everyone cleared out, until it was clear that he and Alfred would be the only ones at home until the 15th.
At first, he made an effort to avoid Alfred in his quest to have a day to himself. That is, until he baked a chocolate tart and left it out in the kitchen.
“Stop trying to entice me with sugary confections, Pennyworth. I wish to be alone today, as it seems that it’s the only day in this godforsaken household that I may be so.”
He snuck back to the kitchen later that evening and ate two slices anyway.
Since then, every year he and Alfred made it a tradition to bake and share a chocolate tart just like the first one.
“I imagine you appreciate the peace and quiet as much as I do, Pennyworth.” “Perhaps a bit more than that, Master Damian. After all, I have lived through all of you and Master Bruce.” “Yet today, they’re all out conforming to societal norms of romance. Delightful, isn’t it?” “Quite right, sir.”
Other preferred Valentine’s Day pastimes include taking all his pets, including Goliath, on a romp around the manor grounds (much to the horror of the gardener); researching important historical events that happened on this day (his favorites are the Saint Valentine’s Day Massacre and the assassination of Captain Cook); attacking training dummies with a sword; taking the Bat-vehicles for a joyride around town; and calling all of Grayson’s exes for the purpose of making rude noises down the line until they hang up.
As Robin is the only one on patrol that night, criminals and villains find themselves having to be extra-careful, because that kid is nasty when Batman and Nightwing aren’t around to restrain him.
Most of the Rogues just play it safe and reserve the one night for nice, legal dates instead. That way, Robin won’t beat you up, he’ll just lecture you instead.
“Tt. I don’t know what you’re thinking, Isley; adhering to a standard set by mass marketing, heteronormative sexual ideas, and American culture’s poor attempts to disguise their own inability to recognize lo–” “Kid, I’m gonna give you point-five seconds to shut the hell up before I feed you to a Venus flytrap.” “Aww, don’t get into it now Pammy; we haven’t even had dessert yet!“
He’s usually in bed at least two hours earlier than usual, Alfred the Cat curled up on his head and the original Alfred tucking him in after he falls asleep. He rests very peacefully…
…That is, until he wakes up the next morning on the 15th and realizes he has to deal with Drake’s constant presence again.
This aspect of Valentine’s Day Damian doesn’t know, but no matter how well his date is going, Dick always gets home before he wakes up so he can still give his little brother a goodnight kiss.
Every kid in Gotham knows to hit up Wayne Manor on Halloween, they give you MULTIPLE REGULAR SIZED CANDY BARS!! none of this fun-size shit
They also have a separate bucket of small toys for children with complex food allergies
Best decorations in town, it’s go hard or go home and Bruce never backs down from a challenge, cobwebs everywhere, GHOSTS! mother fukcing PUMPKINS!!!
Bruce isn’t allowed to answer the door because he lets all the kids dressed up as Batfam and Wonder Woman have as much candy as they want and gives dental floss to those dressed as clowns, also kids dressed as Superman but he’ll deny it
Damian:*Carves a pumpkin with a really ugly face* Drake! come at once! Tim: *Sigh* what? Damian:*Smirks and turns the pumpkin to face Tim* it’s you
Food fight in the kitchen with the scooped out pumpkin flesh
Almost everyone wears costumes to make Dick happy
Dick once forced Damian into a child’s Batman costume, Damian was outraged by the plastic Batarangs, Bruce totally didn’t have tears in his eyes fuck you
Jason never wears a costume no matter how hard Dick pouts at him, this leads to an array of replies when people ask why he’s not in costume e.g “My muscles are too big to fit in any costume” “I’m dressed as a sinner” “I’m dressed up as a serial killer. They look like everybody else” “I’m dressed as the miracle of life” “a pumpkin killed my parents, how dare you”
Tim once dressed as a Ghostbuster and wouldn’t stop trying to hoover up Jason and Damian
Stephanie and Cassandra always dress in matching or related costumes, it’s super fucking cute
Dick: Where’s your outfit, Alfred?? Alfred: *pulls out a pair of rabbit ears and places them on his head* I am a bunny Master Grayson. Hop. Hop
Barbara dresses as a mermaid which AmAZES!! all the kids, cause it totally makes sense!!! her red hair which means she’s related to Ariel #kidlogic
Dick:*Dressed as Dracula* I want to SUCK YOUR BLOOD!! Jason: You can suck my di- Bruce: LANGUAGE!!
Batcow, Titus, Alfred the cat, and Goliath all have home made costumes made by Damian
Dick always gets sick from eating the most candy, he says he’s doing it to save everyone else from having cavities, he’s a dirty liar
Tim: *Walks around Walmart pointing to decorations* Spoopy
Jason: Raisins!??? RAISINS?? who the hell gives raisins on Halloween Bruce??? Monsters that’s who
Little kid: *See’s Jason as Red Hood on Halloween* what are you meant to be mr? Jason: I’m a used tampon Others: *through the comms* JASON!!!
I want a DC TV show filmed in Gotham but instead of dark and gloomy tones full of grief it’s filmed like the office and Brooklyn nine nine. Shows the shananegins of all vigilantes and villains and when someone attacks instead of panicking and leaving the area Gotham civilians just look into the camera like the office and finish their turkey sandwich.
headcanon that whenever someone posts a conspiracy article about how Bruce Wayne is abusing his kids someone responds with the comment “no i think they’re all just really reckless” and provides a link to a video of Dick Grayson attempting to back-flip off of a moving car while Damian is driving