days like this are why memes exist

STUCK IN A CELL WITH JEON JUNGKOOK?!

Genre: romance/fluff/COMEDY
Pairing: Jungkook/You
Length: 3334 words
Summary: You somehow ended up in a cell with your best friend Jungkook


You sat next to him as you were sending death stares to each other. God only knows why you were trapped inside a cell with your best friend on a Friday night. If truth was to be said, you and Jungkook were caught in a heated fight, barely a few minutes ago, with him arguing as much as he could, and you, throwing his favorite vase off the balcony because you hated his handsome face. Did you really fight over his good looks? For sure it was one of the few reasons why you were even arguing in the first place. You were innocent that was for sure, but after being reported for obstructing the ‘’peace’’, you were called in at the office. The Irony of this, is that the so-called best friend is a cop as well.

“Officer Jeon, Seems like your badge is pretty useless at times like these” you commented arrogantly while crossing your arms over your chest

Jungkook follows you inside the cell, head hanging low with a very stiff posture. The last thing he expected from this Friday night was to end up inside a cell with you.

“Don’t get me started.” He turns around “I may be a cop but it still doesn’t mean that obstructing the ‘peace’ is allowed.” The boy ruffled his hair in a fury

“You can’t even do your own job properly, yet you’re here talking” you rolled your eyes

“I beg your pardon, but you’re the reason why we’re here in the first place” jungkook combs through his black bangs

Arguing with him was now your specialty. Both of you could go on and on for hours arguing over the smallest things. These days have been pretty sensitive due to your admission in med school. Jungkook screwed up again and you were on the verge of losing control when it happened.

“Oh, so now you’re going to put the blame on an innocent girl? I almost feel offended, officer.” You reply sarcastically

“ Innocent my ass, you were shouting at me barely 30 minutes ago and you even threw a goddamn vase off the window” he grabs the bars as he stares at his workmates laughing at him “ My favorite pink vase” he fakes a sob “ I liked that one so bad”

“Oh boohoo.” You cringed your face “Why do you even plant flowers in the backyards anyways! It always takes up the place. You’re a cop not a gardener”

“Flowers smell good and are beautiful, unlike a certain person” he sends you a side glare

“Excuse me?!” you scoff

“What?! Go wash your hair before telling me off, miss I-haven’t-washed-my-hair-for-three-days –because-of-school”

“What a neat freak. I didn’t have time because I has a shit ton of finals to take care of. LIVE WITH IT.”

“Exactly! Do you know that It’s a pain in the ass to live with you?” he stares at you

“Look who’s talking! You never wash the dishes and you’re practically a prince living at our place”

“Why do you bring my lifestyle onto this? I never asked you to be my wife. No one even has to cook because I only eat cereals and ramen. You should be thankful to have me as your roommate” he sighs “Why are you even mad about this? “

“You’re really annoying, you know that?” you groan “Tell goodbyes to the three meals a day I used to provide for the past year and a half.”

“Why?” he makes a meme face

“Because you’re a cheater” you glare at him

“I didn’t do it” jungkook buries his face in his hands “I swear on   Overwatch’s very existence that I didn’t do it ”

“Jungkook, you don’t realize how embarrassed you’re making me whenever you lie”

“I never lied about that!” jungkook sighed “It’s not like we got laid or anything like that! Why you are even fueled up about this issue! I have no girlfriend, so I’m not even cheating”

“You’re cheating on our friendship” you smack his arm

“I said, it wasn’t me for f*ck’s sake” jungkook grunts annoyingly “I don’t know if you have trouble understanding or if it’s your brain that has a serious issue, but I did not f*cking cheat” he turned around

“You didn’t cheat of course” you commented “You still f*cked or should I say, you’re still f*cked”

“I didn’t cheat” jungkook scowls “I’m always fair play when it comes to games and you know that!”

Jungkook’s workmates were having a blast trying to figure out the situation between both of them.Jimin was holding his cup of coffee in his fingers while Taehyung was munching on some chocolate flavored donuts. Meanwhile Hoseok was still typing in a few more details about their latest case, on the computer.

“Are they talking about a game?” Jimin whispers in taehyung’s ear

“I almost thought they were talking about a girl for a second” taehyung whispered back

“They’re obviously talking about video games.” Hoseok nodded with that irresistible smile

The cat fight was persistent on the other side of the cell, yet jungkook chose to put it to rest with his next action.

“Ugh…” jungkook sits down and takes off his vest to lay it on the ground “You can keep on talking to the walls. I’m going to sleep”

“You obviously feel no remorse since you feel comfortable about sleeping in a cell” you chuckled heartlessly

“I basically live in this police station, five days a week, I don’t see why I wouldn’t be comfortable here”

“Who’d ever hear you would think you’re a criminal” you rolled your eyes

“Yes, I steal hearts for a living” he makes a small heart with his index and thumb

“No jungkook. You make me barf for a living” you pretend vomiting

“Enjoy your youth, shorty. It’s not every day that you get to be inside a cell. With a handsome man on top of it” jungkook lays on his jacket cockily “Just take a moment to admire my sharp jaw. Instead of complaining. You can actually see it up close with no interruption this time”

“ You’re so f*cking cocky even in moments like these” you raise your brow “ Your jaw is so feminine along with your stupid lashes and that so called nose  , I don’t see what’s there to see. “

“Or maybe you can roast me while we’re at it” Jungkook sighed “My jaw has more structure than your life ever did” he laughed at his own joke

“Keep it down, Jeon” Hoseok shouted “No roasting is allowed in those cells, even though y’all are very entertaining to watch” he chuckled

“I wasn’t roasting, just stating facts here, Officer Jung “Jungkook bowed his head cutely

You decide to walk around inside the cell as jungkook was comfortably laying on the cold floor. The more you inspected this room the more disgusted you were. The scent, the coldness and the rusty vibe all over the place, gave you everything but comfort. It was your first time being inside a cell, yet your best friend was sitting there as if no harm was done and everything was alright. You both remained silent for a few more minutes before you suddenly started to bang your head on the nearest wall while murmuring the same few words

“Ugh, why am I in a cell with him”

“Because we sinned together” Jungkook replied with no warning as slowly sat up

“Did someone talk? I can’t seem to hear anyone” you pretend he’s inexistent

“So childish” he glares at you before bringing his knees closer to his chest, like a child would.

“Right back at you” you shoot daggers through your eyes

“Let’s make up already” jungkook shakes his shoulders cutely as he slowly walks your way

You slowly back up as he gets closer and closer to you. Your back hits the cold bars and Jungkook takes this opportunity to grab onto the bars on each side of your head, trapping you between his body and the cell itself. It was just like a fun game for him. You were being alert, anxious and angry, and he was taking advantage of your state to have a little bit of fun.

“We are not making up” you hold your head high as you stare directly back onto his dark orbs

“We are going to make up. Mark my words”

He lowers his head to close the space between your faces, now brushing the tip of his nose against yours. You shiver and ponder in your head, if the reason why you were feeling so nervous was due to the fact that this cell was extremely cold, or because Jungkook was having some effect on you.You chose to shrug off the thoughts from your head and push his rock hard chest with your index. Jungkook doesn’t even budge form him spot, as your small finger had nothing to win against his inhuman physical strength. He always had the advantage, whether it was about being imprisoned or cornering you inside a cell. You’d somehow end up being at his mercy.

“Get off, right now” you mutter under your breath

“I don’t think so” he presses his face on your cold shoulder

Jungkook’s workmates were just as confused as you

“What are they doing?” Jimin raised a suspicious brow

“Uhm…it looks like they’re being intimate, sir” Taehyung covers his eyes

“Officer Jeon does all sorts of things” Hoseok sighed “Let him be”

A million thoughts were running through your mind. You wanted to push him off but couldn’t bring yourself to do it. It wasn’t long before jungkook cut off your thoughts with his next action.

“Come on!!” he grabs your arm

“What?” you frown

“Let’s enjoy the next 24 hours we have left together in a cell” he pulls your small frame in his arms with no warning

“Let me go!” you struggle to get off his embrace as his muscles are tightly wrapped around you

“Come on. You’re a small bean and I’m a very bored bunny. Let’s mingle and call it a fun night” he whispers on your neck

“No one is allowed to mingle in those cells Jungkook” Jimin authoritative voice shouts from his desk

“I was just playing, Officer Park!” jungkook replies “But I still have extra handcuffs with me” he wiggled his eyebrows at you

“What on earth—“your eyes rounded as you felt heat reaching your cheeks

“BDSM Isn’t allowed either” Taehyung burst out laughing “I swear to god, I wish we could arrest entertaining people like you every day, it’d be more hilarious at work”

“Officer!” you stare at jimin “Please tell him to let me go” you whine

“Hugs are allowed for mental support” Jimin winked at you

“He’s not even hugging me! He’s trapping me!” you groan “Tell him to stop crushing me with his annoying muscles!”

“I’m not risking my safety over this. Officer Jeon usually picks up the things that annoy him and throw them somewhere” Jimin comments “I don’t want this to happen to me”

“What are you? Godzilla?!” you turn around to stare at jungkook in puzzlement “These guys are your superiors and you do those kind of things to them?” your jaw drops

“They’re good at obeying” jungkook replies cockily “As long as you got strength, power doesn’t even matter here“he raises a sexy brow

“What a WEIRD POLICE STATION” you stare at everyone

“We get that often” Hoseok nods

“It’s fun being in a cell, to be honest” Jungkook slowly frees you from his grip “I get to spend time with my best friend” he hugs your arm like a cute child

“Get it together you dumb bun, we’re in a goddamn cell because the police showed up at my place”

“I’m a cop and I’m always at your place. I never saw you freak out whenever I showed up with my cop uniform there” Jungkook backed up

“You’re just Jungkook okay! You’re not a cop” you argued

“But I graduated from Law school! I have my own badge. I arrested over 25 people over the last two months. Why would you think that I’m not qualified to be a cop! You better acknowledge me!” he scowls

Jungkook’s workmates found themselves laughing at the hilarious conversation

“Officer Jeon, seems like you’re not as qualified as you pretend to be” officer Jimin chuckled from the side

“Shut up Park Jimin” jungkook glared at the man

“Where did the hyung go to? Should I remove your promotion, for disregarding your superiors, you little brat?” Jimin threatened

“Hyung” jungkook sighed “Sorry” he apologizes with no sincerity whatsoever

“What if they end up keeping us here for longer” you fake a sob on his shoulder

“We didn’t kill anyone, we just fought. You won’t get imprisoned for life. It’s just 24 hours”

Jungkook stared at his surroundings before gazing at you a few times. He knew what would ease the tension.

“Hey, there’s so many fun stuff to do in a cell” Jungkook stares at you “Come here” he pulls your arm so that you sit close to him

“Like what? “you ruffled your hair “ Jungkook, it might not be that unusual for you because you’re always at the police station, but I’m just a normal citizen! What will mother say about this” you smack his arm

“I’ll just cover up for you then” jungkook scowls “ Now come here and let’s play rock paper scissors to pass time”

“Are you f*cking kidding me?” your jaw dropped

“I mean, wasn’t it the same when we were in elementary school? During recess time, we were surrounded by a huge fence, yet we still had fun. We were imprisoned back then as well, where’s the difference?”

“EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS DIFFERENT YOU DUMB idiot” you pinch his arm

“We can play truth or dare” jungkook snaps his fingers “Or even better! We could take this whole cell thing as an excuse to cuddle or something”

“You better stay away from me or I’m suing you” you point at him

“I get that a lot these days” he winks at you “People like suing me for my illegal sexiness” he rolls up his sleeves

“What is he saying now?” you sigh

“Come on, Y/N! Let’s do something fun! It’s not every day that we get the chance to be stuck in a cell together for 24 hours” he pokes your waist

“The chance?! What is lucky about this? Have you lost your mind? “You nudge his arm “Why am I friends with you.”

“I brought a pen with me” Jungkook blinked cutely “Let’s draw a few bunnies on the walls while we’re at it. As a memory~”

“What is good about this memory? Do you expect me to tell my future children that I got arrested and remained in a cell for 24 hours with my friend, as we both drew bunnies on the prison’s wall” you scoff

“It honestly feels like we’re back in old school days’ right?” Jungkook giggled as he took out his pen to draw cute bunny ears on the wall

“Why are you giggling?! Jungkook, stop laughing. This isn’t the time to be laughing” you grabbed his arm “Please get me out of here”

“What can I do?” he shrugged “Even, I, as a cop, has to get sentenced just like you. Let’s just live with the consequences we brought upon ourselves” Jungkook draws the big bubbly eyes of his bunny “Damn, he looks like me” he points at the half-drawn bunny

“Stop drawing self-portraits of yourself and listen” you whine

“Stop over dramatizing everything and learn from your mistakes” he uses his other hand to mess your hair in the process “We fought, you broke something and we got in trouble for it. Next time we’ll behave like mature adults do, that’s all”

“I’m not overdramatizing” you slap his hand away “You may spend every day working next to this cell, but I’ve never been in a cell nor was I ever arrested in the past”

“Then enjoy your first time here” Jungkook blinks “Why make a fuss about it when it could be the most thrilling 24 hours of your life? I always wondered how it felt to be on the other side of these bars”

“You’re a crazy piece of shit” you shake your head

“More like a positive minded piece of shit” he smiles sarcastically

“Jungkook” you whine again as you lean your face on his back as the boy keeps on drawing bunnies

“What?” He asks you “Are you going to complain again?” you feel his voice vibrating through his back

“It’s just a little cold in here” you wrap your arms around his waist

“What an amazing excuse to back hug me” He smirks as he keeps on drawing “You’re smitten over my beauty” he makes a sassy facial expression

“I hate cells” you muffle your face on his toned back

“Cells as in cellular composition or prison cells?” Jungkook laughed at his own joke

“You think you’re so funny.” you pinch his waist

“Ouuuch!!!” he jumps because of your touch “I will sue you for physical abuse”

“Come on Fetus, you like getting physical anyways, so it shouldn’t even bother you in the first place” you poke his waist as you press your chin on his shoulder

“There’s clearly a difference between hugging someone and pinching them! This is not my type of physical encounter” he frowns as he slowly pushed you away from him “ I will go take a nap now” he grabbed his wrinkled vest and laid it on the floor once again  

“ Jungkook, I’m well aware of the fact that you work here in the police station, but didn’t it occur to you to think about what prisoners do in these cells for 24 hours?! They could be peeing all of over the ground and you’re sleeping there. It’s disgusting”  you furrow your brows  


“Well technically they pee in a cup” Jungkook comments “this is also why I insisted that we share the cell”

“EXCUSE ME?!” you shout

“Are you going to obstruct the peace here too? Calm down Juliet. We’re just here for a few more hours” he made a pillow with his shoes

“If you didn’t get it yet, usually men and women are in different cells, but I insisted we get imprisoned together”

“And why is that? Why can’t you have a single brilliant idea for once AND GET US OUT OF HERE“ you sighed

“Because I know you were going to freak out as soon as we get there, so I thought I might as well be there as your mental support”

“Idiot”

“That’s what best friends are for right?” he smiles at you

“No, that’s what idiots do, you stupid son of a fetus” you smack the back of his head

“This so called son of a fetus has a job unlike you” he frowns “It hurts too” he pouts “Love me!” he pulls you into his arms once again

“Ew Ew We ! I’m not laying there!” you try prying his hands off you

“Stop being so stuck up and be cool for once. Med school turned you into a germaphobe, but may I remind you that we used to roll in mud back then in elementary school?”  He pulls your waist close to his body “Now let’s just sleep and get tofu tomorrow morning”

“Why tofu?” you blink

“Well, we did stay in a cell overnight. Might as well keep it traditional and buy tofu after being released” he stares at you

“Why am I his friend” you bury your face in his chest “I HATE YOU JEON JUNGKOOK”

Jungkook feels your muffled screams vibrations through his toned chest and he chuckles at your sight. He sure had lots of fun in that cell.

“We should get arrested more often.” He laughs at you as he secretly writes your initials next to his on the wall with a heart surrounding them


 DON’T FORGET TO SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS IN THE COMMENTS/ASK BOX

a few good men prompts

  • ❝ I appreciate your seeing me on such short notice. ❞
  • ❝ I’d like you to leave the room so we can talk about you behind your back. ❞
  • ❝ Who the hell knows what goes on down there. ❞
  • ❝ You’re stalling on this thing. ❞
  • ❝ Ow, that had to hurt. Walk it off! ❞
  • ❝ I don’t know why I’m agreeing to this. ❞
  • ❝ You just look like you have something to say. ❞
  • ❝ I’m sure you don’t have a good excuse, so I won’t force you to come up with a bad one. ❞
  • ❝ Do various, administrative, you know — things. Backup. Whatever. ❞
  • ❝ I have no responsibilities here whatsoever. ❞
  • ❝ Would you like me to take care of that? ❞
  • ❝ My job is to make sure you do your job. ❞
  • ❝ I think perhaps it would be better to hold this discussion in private. ❞
  • ❝ I want to know what we’re going to do about this. ❞
  • ❝ We’re in the business of saving lives. That’s a responsibility we have to take pretty seriously. ❞
  • ❝ If that’s a source of tension or embarrassment for you, well, I don’t give a shit. ❞
  • ❝ Wow. I’m sexually aroused. ❞
  • ❝ I don’t know what any of that means, but it sounds pretty bad. ❞
  • ❝ While I appreciate your interest and admire your enthusiasm, I think I can handle things myself. ❞
  • ❝ I’ll be back. You need anything? Books, paper, cigarettes, a ham sandwich? ❞
  • ❝ I’m the only friend you’ve got. It’s a concept you better start warming up to. ❞
  • ❝ I came to make peace. We started off on the wrong foot. What do you say? Friends? ❞
  • ❝ Whoa! Hold it! We need to take a boat? Nobody said anything about a boat. ❞
  • ❝ Have I done something to offend you? ❞
  • ❝ If you feel there are any details I’m missing, you should feel free to speak up. ❞
  • ❝ They have no point. They often have no point. It’s a part of their charm. ❞
  • ❝ You have to ask me nicely. You see, I can deal with the bullets and the bombs and the blood. I can deal with the heat and the stress and the fear. I don’t want money and I don’t want medals. What I want is for you to stand there and extend me some fucking courtesy.  ❞
  • ❝ I suppose it’s way too much to hope that you’re just making this up to bother me. ❞
  • ❝ You mind telling me why the hell you never mentioned this before? ❞
  • ❝ You don’t like me that much, do you? ❞
  • ❝ You can’t handle the truth! ❞
  • ❝ I have a greater responsibility than you could possibly fathom. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. ❞
  • ❝ My existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. ❞
  • ❝ I don’t give a damn what you think you’re entitled to. ❞
  • ❝ What did we do wrong? We did nothing wrong! ❞
  • ❝ I’m going to rip the eyes out of your head and piss into your dead skull! You picked the wrong day to fuck with me! ❞
How to confess trough twitter : a guide by a dumb guy in love with his best friend (part one)

“ @50shadesOfRamen : I need a hug ”

Hyungwon smiled when the notification popped up on his phone screen.
Wonho was the only mutual he activated his notification for because he wanted to be updated in case his best friend would set something else on fire while cooking (yes ,he did it the week before and the genius decided that it was a good idea to tweet it instead of doing something to avoid setting the entire house on fire.)
Anyway Hyungwon loved him endlessly no matter how many things he’d set on fire or how many instant ramen he’d eat in 24 hours (read: love can hurt sometimes . Or it can get you to the hospital because you’re stupid) .

Unlocking the phone he smiled at the picture of them.
They took it the first time they met and he never changed it since then.
Hyungwon started writing his reply smiling because he knew Wonho would blush.
He counted how many times his friend turned tomato-red the first time they got to spend time together.
Exactly 38 times and Hyungwon is sure he missed some more.

“@hyungmeme.thefrog: but my little bunny isn’t here how am I supposed to hug him :( ”

-

Wonho didn’t just blush. He also choked on his Reese’s chocolate bar.
He was paler than normally when he finally found a bottle of water to save his life with. Not that it was so important for him but he needed to claim his chocolate bar.

“@50shadesOfRamen: you almost killed me. PS: you owe me a Reese’s bar,son of a prickle”

“@hyungmeme.thefrog: whatever my little bunny wants”

Fair enough.
Wonho decided it was enough internet for that day. He looked at the clock: 1 pm.
Well he broke his own record.
One time he spent like 3 hours searching for memes when he found some gross things (see: the dark side of google) and he decided that enough was enough so he spent the whole day looking at the ceiling questioning his own existence ,why lemons were yellow and of course why pigeons were called like that.
He was still shook since then.

Anyway he didn’t last long because he was really bored so ,phone in one hand ,chocolate in the other ( and a bottle of water next to him because you may never know who could try to “”“accidentally”“”“ kill you) ,he was laying in bed.

”@50shadesOfRamen: my crush is really weird"

-

Hyungwon nearly feel off his chair (karma power over 9000 here) when he read Wonho’s tweet.

He felt betrayed but how could he expect his crush to reciprocate his feelings.
Of course Wonho would prefer someone close to him that some kind of creepy meme boy that lived 150 km far from him.

“@hyungmeme.thefrog: why didn’t you tell me that you have a crush *pouts*”

-

Wonho laughed at how cute Hyungwon was.

‘Maybe because you’re my crush?’

Gross .He was talking to himself instead of actually replying to his best friend and try to achieve something in his short and insignificant life.

“@50shadesOfRamen: meh,because it’s not a big deal . I’ll change idea in a few days because you know I have a really bad taste”

“@hyungmeme.thefrog: yeah ,I kinda got it when I saw your @ for the first time”

“@50shadesOfRamen: r u d e”

Wonho wasn’t sure his crush will go away so easily but he’d endure whatever it comes with it.
He was a strong independent bunny after all.

He began to scroll down his timeline.

@bababear: wikihow : survive without food
|
@50shadesOfRamen: is Kihyun mad at you again ?
|
@bababear: yes :( he said he won’t cook for me EVER again.
|
@50shadesOfRamen: oh god ,what did you do this time
|
@bababear: he dyed his hair pink and I may have laughed a bit when I was him.
|
@50shadesOfRamen: yoU TOTALLY DESERVE TO STARVE
|
@thefab.eomma: that’s what I told him when he laughed at me.
|
@50shadesOfRamen: you have your point.
|
@bababear: are you two really plotting against me ???!?
|
@thefab.eomma: #teampink


@I.M_U.R : JOOHEON WHY DID YOU BLOCK ME
|
@kinky_kitten: because you exist
|
@I.M_U.R: Minhyuk fuck off
|
@kukkukakka: CHANGKYUN THOSE WERE _MY_ CEREALS. MINE . M I N E.
|
@I.M_U.R: THATS IT????
|
@kukkukakka: yoU BETRAYED ME.
|
@I.M_U.R: are you fucking serious
|
@kinky_kitten: I guess someone’s sleeping on the couch tonight :3
|
@I.M_U.R: I may be sleep on the couch but if you don’t stfu you’re not even gettin in the house tonight ;)
|
@kinky_kitten: Jooheon say something
|
@kukkukakka: those were my cereals.
|
@kinky_kitten: #ruderoommates

@jackson5: Anyone that knows me knows i love ________.

Quote with what you think the answer is and copy this tweet to see what people say about you.

Wonho found it pretty interesting so he copied the tweet.

-

Hyungwon was perplexed.

'You’re an idiot’ he said to himself.

“@hyungmeme.thefrog quoted @50shadesOfRamen tweet: your cruSH?”

“@hyungmeme.thefrog quoted @50shadesOfRamen tweet: and me ofc”

-

'Cmon Wonho,go big or go home’

“@50shadesOfRamen: isn’t he the same person?”

“@hyungmeme.thefrog: I don’t know ,you tell me”

“@50shadesOfRamen: yes,he is”
|
@kinky_kitten: gross ,go take a room please.
|
@I.M_U.R: the room you’re not getting tonight because you’re sleeping outside ?
|
@bababear: 911 we need some ice here because someone’s been roasted.
|
@thefab.eomma: unlike your food.
|
@kukkukakka: 911 we have another victim here

I made a quick introduction to the characters of the short stories I’m gonna post from now on
Find it here : https://monstaxontwitter.tumblr.com/post/163103082445/get-to-know-the-characters

Alex from #thepinksquad

update. we’re watching Say Yes to the Dress on TLC.

my mom: *sees a girl wearing a low-cut wedding gown and then the girl also purchased a lacy romper for her reception*
my mom: she’s a slut. 

my mom: *sees a plus-sized girl trying on a gown that she’s not happy with*
my mom: she’s not gonna be happy with anything. look at her.
my mom: she needs to lose weight. not buy a dress. 
my mom: why is she not dieting. she has 45 days to her wedding and she looks like that.

my mom: I would hate to try on dresses with a man helping me
me: he’s gay, mother. 
my mom: still. it’s just immodest. she’s undressing in front of a man. 
me: MOTHER. HE’S NOT INTO HER. MEN CAN NOT BE INTO WOMEN. YOU KNOW THAT EXISTS RIGHT?????

my mom: *switches to real housewives of NJ, but I’m the one who needs to find my morals*
me: 

Originally posted by lizerally

yanablumka  asked:

Top 5 Shoma`s shirts!

god where do i begin, there is simply too much beauty to choose from!! i’m going to interpret this as costumes in general, not only shirts, because there are some wonderful onesies i simply can’t exclude.

1. what are those even supposed to be? giant nails? WHAT IS THAT PATTERN. WHY DOES THIS SHIRT EXIST

2. glittery butterfly over sheer fabric with fur on the collars because why not!!

3. THE SPARKLIEST TINY TOREADOR YOU EVER DID SEE

4. this is…a lot. like. wow. this is a lot.

5. garbage green over shiny garbage bag pants; shoma just wants to tell the world that he is the #1 dai-stanning trash

i should make a photoset of all of shoma’s costumes one day because there are SO MANY MORE that must be shared. truly he is an icon of figure skating fashion. #shomasuglyshirtemporium

fav dan quotes

- “sometimes when you intensely dislike a person due to something, you just have to take comfort in the fact that, one day they will be dead”

- “embrace the void and have the courage to exist”

- “well that’s my cue to skidoo right the fuck there”

- “whenever i slightly bump into the corner of something my flesh aches like i’ve been stabbed like wtf why am i so soft and sensitive”

- “you are a human with one life and it’s up to you to make it the best life you can”

- “if you’re a meme loving fuck clap your hands”

Straight White Boy Problem #894

*my crush who DOESNT like me gets 358 likes on an instagram post of her laughing with a friend on the beach*

me: *aggravated* I don’t understand why we live in such a narcissistic society which measures our social value based on how many people like an image or how many people view THE snapstory. our society is becoming so individualistic that we don’t even realize that our self-worth on social media is incrementally becoming a metaphor for our existence in real life

one day later…..

*gets 150 likes on a mildly funny meme that references South Park, Deez Nuts and John Cena*

me: *refreshing page to check for likes* i am a social media god. Everybody .….bow down

  • What she says: I'm fine
  • What she means: do you remember Klimpaloon, the magical old timey bathing suit from Phineas and Ferb that lived in the Himalayas? how did he get there in the first place? was that his place of origin or was he put there when his power was discovered? what even are his powers? just walking and making noise? how many people *actually* know about his existence and why isn't it a bigger deal? sure, he's just walking and saying "nang nang nang" all day but that's a pretty big feat for a bathing suit. how has he been around for almost two centuries and no one knows these things about him? i understand it's easy to be mesmerized by the fact that he's a magical bathing suit, but these are things i need to know.

Did you ever just wake up and wipe the crust from your eyes, only to unlock your phone and see a beautiful picture of the man named Phil Lester? It’s like revealing true beauty in the world; living proof that there’s hope for us. He is an adorable cinnamon bun too pure for this world. Just don’t eat him, I’m pretty sure that’s cannibalism. Phil is why I wake up every single day with hope, hope that one day we can all come together as a species and live in peace and harmony under his ruling. He would be such a gentle king, wouldn’t he? My dream would be to be right beside his throne with Daniel James Howell. Daniel would lead me into a world where violence doesn’t exist, only the freshest memes. We would smoke memes all day, until he eventually starts to grow fond of me. Going down, he unzips my pants delicately. As he slides down he can no longer hold back his feelings and begins to lick my - 🎺🎺🎺🎺JOHN CEEENAAAA🎺🎺🎺🎺

NO BUT THE BEST PART IS THAT THIS IS A LEGIT HEADLINE. In my junior year of high school some alum made a public Facebook page dedicated to memes about the school. I should note that my high school was a Catholic one, and one with like, a 100-year history and a lot of prestige. The governor of New York and David Caruso from CSI graduated from my school, just to give you an idea. It’s super upstanding and has loads of wealthy donors and basically besides being Catholic and upholding Catholic values it also had a reputation to maintain.

The memes started off pretty innocent, right? Just typical high school and Catholic high school stuff like this: 

But then people started posting memes that mentioned teachers by name and some of those were pretty offensive or kind of inappropriate–like, one in particular was that one “My body is ready” Snape meme and it was talking about this one hot TA that a lot of people were crazy over. Eventually the administration heard about it and after TWO DAYS of existence the Facebook page got shut down and like 30+ students got detention for violating rules against bad-mouthing teachers and faculty online. 

So of course, the school paper ran a story on it since it was one of the hot topics that month and caused a pretty big commotion and presented an example of why you should be careful about what you post online and blah blah blah blah blah. 

BUT THEN.

So, there’s this Catholic newspaper called The Tablet, and every year they do a High School Press Award–basically an awards ceremony for the newspapers of various Catholic high schools. My school consistently wins a shit ton of awards–like, the year I graduated, we won 14 awards, and the year this meme fuckery happened we won 10, six of which were first place awards.

GUESS WHAT ARTICLE WON A FIRST PLACE AWARD.

WHEN I SAW THIS I THOUGHT I MUST HAVE DIED. SOMEONE DECIDED THAT AN ARTICLE ABOUT MEMES WAS GOOD ENOUGH FOR BEST NEWS STORY. I UNDERSTAND THAT THERE’S MORE TO CONSIDER THAN JUST STORY CONTENT BUT. I COULD NOT BELIEVE THIS SHIT WHEN I SAW IT.

How many “spanish girls and black boys are meant to make babies together” memes do I have to see a day like I get it you fetishize black men, mixed children, and don’t believe afro-latinxs exist why does social media gotta hear it

it’s okay if you don’t use fancy themes, purple prose, symbols, or diverse formatting.

it’s okay if you do use any or all of those things.

what isn’t okay is complaining about someone’s decision to use or not to use them. if it bugs you, don’t follow or thread with them. no one will blame you for that. when you complain about it to the individual in question, it’s just plain annoying. you are not obligated to follow anyone, ever. point, blank, period. do what you want. let others do what they want. leave each other alone. why?

because at the end of the day, the person behind the screen is not there for you. they are there for themselves, to please and better and satisfy themselves, and they are under absolutely no obligation to do something the way you’d like just because of your personal preference.

thank you.