Punishments and rewards do not work to create nurturing, loving people who care about the needs of others. They actually create people who seek approval, removing them from their internal compass of their own *goodness.* Forced obedience to an authority is narcissism at its finest, hence the tactics one uses to control breed narcissists.
I want my children to be motivated by internal values, self love and caring about the needs of others - not controlled by fear of external threats of punishment, bringing the focus on them and them only. If you want self-focused children who are slowly conditioned to not care about how their behavior affect others, reward and punish them.
There is no such thing as *Quitting* in our lives! We simply enjoy something, until we don’t anymore. The idea of “quitting” is a judgement made by someone else who feels that we should have taken part in something longer than we chose to.
Many people do not realize that common parenting practices today do not empower children, they cripple them. One instance being when you give children the false illusion of choice. Not only is manipulating and dishonest, it is taking advantage of them. When you want your child to get dressed, and they don’t want to, yet you ask, “Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue one?” you are conning them and training them to be victims of manipulation in the future. Your children feel your dishonesty and can’t quite put their finger on it. Giving the false illusion of choice does nothing but meet your need only and it creates distrust between you. Most of all, it grooms them for others to prey upon their innocence.
Ms Martin has been inspiring others for over a decade by sharing her experience through natural birth, attachment parenting and Unschooling. Author of, Radical Unschooling: A Revolution Has Begun, and her newest book, Sexy Birth.
Are there any places you know of that we can donate to raise awareness for peaceful parenting?
Dayna Martin is one of the best advocates of peaceful parenting. I’ve been following her youtube for a while. One of her daughters didn’t like her name and wanted to go by something else. What did she do? She accepted her daughters individuality and used the name she wanted.
If I begin to feel judgment towards others, that is my indicator that I have some inner work and self-love to focus on. Never attempt to self-sooth internal pain through external judgement. It’s a cop out. True acceptance of others comes from accepting ourselves in all of our perfect imperfections and healing from our past.