daydreaming nonsense

music-in-the-bell-jar  asked:

At first I was gonna be angry because I thought you were just shitting on maladaptive daydreaming/anyone with whom the word resonates (seen it before, unfortunately), but I think I agree with you. I spoke to my therapist about it and while I did not share all of my symptoms (namely the more embarrassing ones like movements or repeating voices), she remarked that it seemed perfectly adaptive rather than maladaptive...... (1/?)

Do you at least agree that the people who call themselves maladaptive daydreamer DO in fact have things in common with one another? If nothing else, we all daydream in a way and to a degree that most people do not. As someone who turned to daydreaming as my coping mechanism of choice for a shitshow of a childhood, I find interactions with other daydreamers to be really valuable. Whatever it should arguably be called, do you agree that this is some sort of identifiable phenomenon?

I’ve seen shitting on daydreaming myself, sadly. :/ I got onto the topic because I imagined a book to help daydreamers handle their shitty childhoods, and a few people assumed that my advice would obviously be “give up that daydreaming nonsense because it’s dangerous and wrong.” (Which is what I internalized when I was a child, much to my cost.)

I myself am an extensive and excessive daydreamer, and I would LOVE to see the phenomenon described and studied more extensively, and for people who share this experience to be able to talk to each other.  I also have ADHD-PI, and I know how soul-rending it is to have a mind that just won’t pay attention.  

Part of why I didn’t realize just how much the MADD community meant to people who were part of it is that I’ve been privileged to have had friends for nearly two decades who were also extensive daydreamers–it was just sublimated under identities like writers, artists, roleplayers, muse hosts, and paracosmists. I can’t imagine not having a community of people who understand what it is to have a head like this–so I’m very sorry for shitting on your community. It was inadvertent and entirely unmeant; I was aiming at someone else.

So yes, my entire problem with the phrase “maladaptive daydreaming” is the “maladaptive” part. Like I was saying last night, I think that extensive daydreaming is a coping mechanism for an emotional and physiological dysregulation that causes pain and distress, and I think the correct treatment for people whose daydreaming inhibits their functioning is to reduce the distress, instead of targeting the daydreaming.  

A lot of my tendency to drift off and difficulty focusing on only one thing is because of a deficit of dopamine and norepinepherine and that’s best coped with by taking atomoxetine to treat my ADHD; I know others who have difficulty paying attention to life thanks to dissociative symptoms of trauma, who can be helped with things like EMDR, bilateral stimulation, or mindfulness practice. Still others have trouble regulating their emotions and can be helped by treating mood disorders or gaining stronger self-soothing methods so they can be emotionally present when they need to.

It’s just–I came across MADD as a psychology graduate student. I thought, “Daydreams are very important in how I handled my trauma. I wonder how other therapists have used daydreams in therapy?” and what fell onto me from the databases was a SLOUGH of MADD research that seemed to say that daydreaming was pathological and ought to be eradicated. What I developed was a deep instinctive hiss of “FUCK OFF AND LEAVE MY DAYDREAMS ALONE.”

I don’t know about an alternate name for the community. I have the anti-Gift of Names; almost any name I bestow is likely to be unwieldy and slightly off. But maybe it’s not my job anyway, since it’s not a community I’ve participated in.

Anne With an E: Marilla Cuthbert [ISTJ]

OFFICIAL TYPING by Charity / the Mod

Introverted Sensing (Si): Marilla is more practical than either of the two lovely souls that share her house; she knows how the world works, and wants time to think before she makes decisions. She knows Anne will change their lives considerably, and is aware of the full implications (they need a boy; they are parents now; she needs practical things, and a good education). Though she holds to certain traditional beliefs, Marilla is also open to progress; she does not want Anne to be “stuck” in her life. She should have an education, get married or not, whatever she wants; the pastor is being unreasonable! She shows occasional sentiment, as she muses on the past, her lost love in Gilbert’s father, and how much their lives changed when their brother died.

Extroverted Thinking (Te): Her bluntness seems harsh to Anne at first, but softens over time; even so, Marilla is still practical. She thinks about the logical consequences of their decisions, and tries to make prudent ones. She objects to Matthew spending money on “frivolous” items (but likes the dress); she is furious when she finds out he took out a loan, without consulting her. She packs up everything of value to pawn, when their finances get in a hole. She often acts on her feelings, sometimes with a sharp tongue, other times through physical interactions.

Introverted Feeling (Fi): Marilla’s emotion are repressed in the first few episodes; Anne isn’t even sure that Marilla LIKES her, because she cannot interpret the quiet, gentle deeds (such as Marilla smiling as she hangs out Anne’s dress, or makes her another one). She is “as stubborn as a mule” when crossed, but has a compassionate heart. Anne’s tormented cries trouble her. The best example of her intense internal emotions comes in the third episode, when she scrubs the house top to bottom, bakes endlessly, and frets without a word over Matthew and Anne’s absence (Si/Fi loop).

Extroverted Intuition (Ne): She hasn’t much time for Anne’s “nonsense” or daydreams, but is the first older woman in Avonlea to open her mind to “feminism,” to believe in equality, to push Anne toward making her own choices, and to reject the pastor’s “old-fashioned” ideas about marriage.

Could your fave character actually tell you something important about you or your life?

When I was 24 I was desperately looking for an apartment of my own. I was living at my friend’s home’s corner, not really having my own space or not belonging there. I was also a huge FMA fan back then and I especially liked Edward. 

One day I suddenly stopped whatever I was doing, and started to think; why Edwards, of all the characters I liked in FMA, was the number one for me? Why? There had to be a reason to it! Why I even liked certain characters and most importantly, why they often appeared and then disappeared, just to come back later? 

I started to mull over everything I knew about Edward, from his history to family relationships, from how he treated people (unknown, colleagues, enemies and loved ones) to his personality. I knew there was some match but what?

Then I suddenly realized what is was; it was his quest to find the way to return Alphonse and himself back to normal, even when no one else believed in them. “Impossible!” they said to Edward and silently/loudly wished him to stop such daydream nonsense. “Impossible!” people said to me when I told them I was looking for an one room apartment, from central area with a cheap rent and water bill. “No, no, no, you can’t find it, there aren’t such apartments!”

I knew I had to keep my head and not let anyone tell me otherwise. I knew what I wanted and mostly, what I needed. I should go blindly forward believing in myself, even when I had no evidence of my goal ever coming true. Just like Edward did with his goal.

After a few months I found my apartment. It was EVERYTHING I wanted and even more; in central, one room flat, spacey, pretty, near nature, water was cheap and rent was extremely cheap. Neighborhood was quiet and peaceful and the apartment itself was pretty inside.

As soon as I moved there, Edward disappeared. After that I wasn’t FMA fan anymore. The series and Edward had fulfilled their mission as my personal guide. He didn’t reappear, as I learned my lesson. If I need reminding of always keeping my goals in my mind, no matter what other people say, I’m sure Edward will come back to kick my ass!


I don’t believe I’m the only one with this kind of an interesting relationship with favorite characters, but if you have never come across with this or though about it, I’d like you to sit down and think about your favorite character(s) and you. The connection is there and it’s not there by accident! What is this connection trying to tell you? What kind of courage the connection is trying to give you? Or is it trying to reveal something you can’t see?

Note that every character has a personal message for every fan, so there’s no reason to go arguing if your feelings are right or wrong when compared to some other fan. There are also fans who share similarities with their fave characters - or both; similarities and messages.

Sometimes finding the connection or meaning of the character can take a lot of time. I once pondered 6 months one specific character until I understood what the message was. Oh and you CAN have multiple message bringers at the same time.

To give you some idea what to start looking for, here are some of my fave characters and their personal messages to me. I always know what to do or what’s going on when a certain characters starts to inspire me (but I always love them, the love just sparks up like an “attention!”-sign and I know where and what I need to look at in me and my life)

Reno (FFVII)
Reno represent me being who you are and still be respected professionally and getting successfully forward with your career. If I start to doubt that I’m not professionally good enough, I should look and/or act certain way to be respected and taken seriously in works, Reno pops out and I know I’m just imagining these fears. I need to be me and respect it. That’s enough.

Axel (KH)
Axel is the only “negative” sign mark, as if Axel appears, I know I’m getting too lonely and I need to see more people and do more socializing. If I’m starting to feel too left out, out of place or similar, Axel comes to flash his red hair as a warning sign and I know I need to do something about my situation. He represents loneliness, not fitting anywhere-feeling and misunderstandings by others, but so that no one else sees his suffering.

Raiden (MGS/MGR)
Raiden for me is an essence of pure love, which is a bit strange concept and it took me years to understand this. Raiden’s appearance asks me to forgive myself, love myself unconditionally, let go of past and walk my own path in a positive way. He’s also a good reminder that bad past doesn’t determine your future as bad. There’s kindness in this world.

Dante (DMC)
Dante’s message is “not here, not there either”. I know it’s always a time between two times or life events, when I’m not really into either one of them yet but I have to wait, when Dante appears (like now, I’ve seen lots of dreams of him and I’m indeed in a waiting mode). The old is getting old and boring, but I can’t move forward to the future yet either. So I wait.
Dante also represent duality in my world view, where I’m not 100% my body but a soul and yet not 100% of soul essence either as I have an earthly body.

Hwoarang (Tekken)
Hwoarang’s message is simply “keep your eyes on the goal but respect higher powers”, the same way he goes after whatever/whoever he wants but always respects Baek and knows his place around him. I know it’s not time to push forward aggressively 24/7 or take every waiting time/set backs as sign(s) of a failure, but as sing(s) of higher powers working for me and giving me guidance. I need to keep my mind locked at what I’m after and follow the flow, not giving up. 

Dragunov (Tekken)
Dragunov represent surviving of ANYTHING. Literally anything. Even if the world’s end would come, if Dragunov is the main character kicking my ass, I know I will do fine and survive without a scratch. I need to adapt unemotional approach to my problem and just let it be, not minding it, as I’m strong and above it.

I hope you have fun time finding out your personal guidance! :3

try this

The overwhelming feelings of disappointment flourish through your body. While hopeless thoughts recycle through your mind. Write it down. Write down your heart break,
your headache,
your mistake.
Write it all down, what you’re feeling, what you’re thinking. Write down what the weather is like, what’s going on around you.
What day it is,
what time,
where you are,
what you’re wearing.
Release your feelings on that page.
Rip it out, fold it up and tape it to your wall. And leave it.
For days, weeks, months.
Return to it much much later, when you’re sitting in your room studying or return from a friends house, and discover this white sheet, randomly amongst your pictures of friends and family.
You forgot it was there.
Read it.
And remember what happened on June 21, 2012.
And realize how insignificant it became over time. So insignificant that you forgot you even wrote it down.
Toss the paper away in the trash and remember who you were that day three years ago…wasn’t the same you.
Move on.

omg, I’m still on hiatus ok
I can’t write anything because I’m constantly exhausted.  OTL 

Here is a little Hide thing for @dont-lovey-me

“Oi, Kaneki. What are you doing?” Hide was smiling, at first, but the question did hold an accusatory tone in the same quality it had years ago when he’d berated him for reading on the train and missing his stop again or falling asleep in class, or just plain losing track of time due to daydreams or some such nonsense that left Hide waiting outside the station, the library, or Big Girl.

“You look pretty beat up,” he added, changing his tone to emulate the same tone from the worried best-friend role he’d fallen into a thousand times before. He spoke his words carefully and chose them the same way he chose his actions- with great purpose and thought.

He was closer now, crossing the large base floor of Cochlea to move between the reaper dressed in black and his friends, technically their friends, now.

“It took you long enough.” Ayato frowned as he pulled Hinami closer to him. Hide didn’t respond. He was right on time, if not early. If anything, in the time that had passed, Banjou and Ayato had gone too far, though, likely, Kaneki had forced them into battle anyway.


The other’s voice was lacking any semblance of stability like the reaper was ready to collapse at any moment.

Hide wouldn’t let that stop him, so he swallowed his own concern and fears and, soon enough, was standing in front of the man he knew as a brother, a friend, and a soulmate. The brunette continued smiling and as he drew closer, without fear, he gathered the strength to do what he had been wanting to do for years.

He embraced Kaneki, and, without waiting for a reaction, whispered gently, “I love you. No matter what happens to you, or me, or between us, that will never change.” He pulled far enough away so that he could see Kaneki’s wide mismatched eyes, “So, come home with me … ok?”