For today’s inktober I drew my sister. My sister suffers from depression and often doesn’t think highly of their self. But my sister is the greatest y'all I’m telling you! So smart (4.5 gpa), so beautiful(inside and out), and super talented(plays multiple instruments,sings, and draws). I want my sister to know that they’re great and in dark times I hope you’ll remember that I’m always with you, I’ll always accept you, you always matter, and I always love you. You’re the strongest person I know so keep fighting 💕

Analogi Kopi dan Air Putih

Agar sesuatu berada pada tempatnya, biarkan dia masuk terlebih dahulu. Namun, sebuah cangkir tidak bisa menampung lebih dari satu jenis minuman, jika masih ada yang menetap di dalamnya keluarkanlah. Karena jika masih ada yang menetap di dalamnya, yang berusaha masuk akan terasa percuma, akan tumpah lagi keluar. Dan semua akan sia-sia. Terbuang begitu saja. Maka, jika menginginkan sesuatu masuk, keluarkan terlebih dahulu yang telah menetap di dalam sebelumnya. Kemudian baru bisa memasukkan minuman baru.”

Sebuah cangkir berisikan kopi di dalamnya, pekat, pahit, dan sudah tidak layak minum. Namun masih bertahan di dalamnya. Entah kopi yang masih betah diam di dalamnya, entah cangkir yang sengaja menyimpan kopi itu lebih lama di sana. Apapun itu, hal ini tidak boleh dibiarkan terus menerus. Lama kelamaan, kopi akan semakin pekat dan mengeluarkan bau tidak enak, bukan lagi bau kopi baru seduh yang sangat menanangkan seperti pertama kali kopi itu menghuni cangkir. Kopi yang pada awalnya wangi dan begitu memikat siapapun yang akan meneguknya, kini berubah menjadi kopi pekat, pahit, dan sudah tidak layak minum. Bahkan pencinta kopi sekalipun akan berpikir berpuluh-puluh kali untuk meneguknya, namun cangkir itu masih tetap menyimpan kopi di dalamnya. 

Sudah saatnya, cangkir putih itu memiliki penghuni baru, bukan lagi kopi pekat  yang sudah lama. Cangkir itu seharusnya mendapatkan penghuni yang lebih pantas. Memang, cangkir ini pada awalnya putih bersih namun perlahan ternodai oleh kopi. Meninggalkan bercak dan membuat cangkir putih itu menjadi sedikit kusam karena pekatnya kopi perlahan masuk ke dalamnya.

Sebaiknya kopi pekat itu dikeluarkan dan cangkir putih itu dibersihkan, dipersiapkan sebaik-baiknya untuk calon penghuni baru nantinya. Penghuninya yang jauh lebih baik dan tidak merubahnya menjadi kusam kembali karenanya. Penghuni yang akan tetap menjaganya tetap putih seperti warna asalnya. Cangkir tau benar, penghuni seperti apa yang memang seharusnya menghuninya. Bukan teh, bukan kopi, bukan jus, bukan juga wine, tapi air putih. Ya, air putih tidak akan merubahnya menjadi kusam, dia akan menjaga warnanya tetap seperti pertama. Putih. Karena memang air putih tidak berwarna dan tidak akan membuat cangkir berubah warna. Air putih pun tidak berbau, sehingga tidak akan menimbulkan bau tidak sedap bila lama berdiam diri di cangkir. Penghuni yang memang pantas untuknya.


Kini cangkir sudah tidak menyimpan kopi di dalamnya, semua yang disisakan kopi, bau, pekatnya dan warna kusamnya tengah dibersihkan. Cangkir itu tengah dipersiapkan sebaik-baiknya untuk penghuni barunya, air putih. Sehingga pada saat air putih akan menghuninya, cangkir itu sudah menjadi sebaik-baiknya tempat pulang untuk air putih. Sekarang, yang bisa dilakukan cangkir adalah menanti. Menanti kedatangan air putih untuk tinggal di dalamnya.

Tulisan lama hasil ngubek-ngubek laptop. Pernah diposting, sudah lama sekali. Direpost ulang karena ingin. Tak usah protes. Aku padamu. Kamu padanya? Silakan saja.

Ah bahkan sebelumnya bukan ini yang mau dishare, tulisan lama sekali yang terlalu personal. Malu sekali rasanya, jadi kuurungkan. 

Hihihi maaf malah curhat. Selamat malam, Mas! Jika ada nyamuk menggerogortimu, tolong marahi saja. Sampaikan Nona ini akan berang sekali jika ia terus menerus menyedot darahmu.

Day 17 / 30 Day Blogging Challenge

When I get older, I see myself seated in my office, not necessarily in the highest floor of the building. It’s just the room where there’s a humongous ceiling-to-floor window where the view of the neighboring towering skyscrapers are displayed in distinguishing sizes and forms. I’m glued to the table, a coffee mug in hand —no coffee but some ice-cold fresh o.j. instead— looking through a stash of papers where the articles had been imprinted and as well as piles and sets of photographs to be carried in the entire magazine itself. I choose the right ones, and approve of them to be in the mag for the readers to enjoy perusing at. I smile at myself and give a gentle punch at my shoulder for doing a job well done. I’m living the dream, finally. 

Right now, I know I’m going to. I’m already headed for that direction as I am striving hard with every opportunity that comes.

Hari ke Tujuh Belas: Rapuh

Kita adalah kerapuhan yang nyata. Tidakkah kita lebih merasa dengan kerapuhan yang dimiliki. Tanpa penopang yang lain, mungkin kita hanya sebatas diri yang terkulai.

Kita adalah manusia tanpa bisa sendiri. Akan sangat terlihat rapuhnya manusia tanpa ada yang menemani.

Sejenak termenung. Manusia tanpa manusia akan rapuh. Lalu seperti apa rapuhnya manusia tanpa Tuhannya.

Bandung, 4 Juli 2015

day6 challenge #17: why you love each member

so, so many reasaons but I’ll try and condense it down to 1-2 paragraphs each :P

Jae: Alright, tbh Jae isn’t like my ult bias but I think at one point he’s everyone’s bias or secret bias. I really look up to Jae a lot, don’t make fun of me I’m already kinda embarrassed lol, but the reason is because he was just a normal guy. He was going to college in Cali and then one day he just sees a flier for kpopstar and he audtions because why not? I doubt he thought that he’d be in one of the big 3 companies when he went to audition, that he would be standing where he is now, and that just inspires me. It inspires me to go after things even if I don’t think anything will come of it just because why not? Why not do the things we like or want? Also, Jae is really down to earth and despite his awkward cringe self he’s caring and loves to interact with fans. He’s open, real, and still tries to share himself with us. Personality wise, I want to be more like Jae and be happier. There’s just so many reasons to love him tbh but this is already long so I’ll finish with that Jae is just a beautiful person inside and out even with his flaws. 

Sungjin: Sungjin, Sungjin, Sungjin, our lovely busan-bunny leader. I don’t think Sungjin gets enough appreciation for his vocals but I’m not here to complain. I respect Sungjin immensely because he’s the leader. That in itself carries a lot of weight; he has the most responsability and despite Day6 not being “idol” idols, the members actions are still reflected on his leadership. I can, on a much more shallow level, understand Sungjin’s plight because I’ve had to be team leader and I don’t understand how leaders of idol groups can make it. It seems just like so much pressure and weight on their shoulders but they can’t show it. I can; however, understand caring about those who are family or like family because of my younger sibling. I have the urge to look out for them even though they’re not that much younger or not so little anymore. And, I’m going to briefly mention Junhyeok here, but imagine the pain Sungjin felt because as any leader would understand someone leaving the team, or the team falling apart, would kill them because they’re responsible. I don’t want to say anything else because I don’t know how Sungjin thinks nor do I want to project my own feelings onto him, but in situations like that you have to be strong for everyone else. And Sungjin is that. 

Junhyeok: In the begininning, I really loved Junhyeok’s vocals the most after Sungjin’s. There was something soft but strong about it and just added something. While everyone in Day6 is good-looking, Junhyeok added that more of an ‘idol’ factor of good looks, a flower boy if you will. I will not use that term again, but you guys know what I’m saying. Junhyeok went through a lot of training, and it pains me to think that hardly a year into debut he was pushed away. I’m still bitter tbh but he’s doing better and he’s happy and that’s all that matters. On that note, it blows me away that Junhyeok still performed even when fans would stay quiet, he would still perform even though he was hurting inside. I don’t know why he had to endure that, but all I know is that he did and it’s a shame. It’s a shame that he left but you can’t turn back time. Junhyeok is kind and thoughtful but above all he endured something he shouldn’t have until he just couldn’t handle it anymore. I wish Junhyeok nothing but the best because he deserves/deserved better. 

Youngk: In the group I probably know the least about the maknae-line along with their personalities. Youngk initially caught me with his rap, but he’s a true performer. When he’s up on stage, playing the bass, head-banging, singing, he comes alive. He changes from someone cute and dare I say slightly shy, to someone outgoing and loud. Initially, Younk gives off a very cool, aloof vibe, but I think he’s really sensative. When they had their showcase in Taiwan I believe, and the fans surprised the whole of Day6, Youngk cried the hardest and the most. Just like Jae, I don’t think Youngk ever thought as he was doing youtube videos, that he would end up getting into JYPE as well. Youngk is a bundle of talents that I often find myself envious of, but at the end of the day it all boils down to drive. Youngk goes to college, he’s in a rather popular band, plus he’s a composer. He has multiple facets, all of which he practiced really hard to master and is still in the process of mastering because an artist’s work is never done. He’s a true performer and you can feel his energy by just looking at and you can tell how much he loves doing it. 

Wonpil: The original maknae who is very much soft and cute. Wonpil definitely brings up the cuteness factor in the group and I love how unabashed he is performing it. Even though I bet there was some competition with Dowoon at first because he wasn’t the youngest anymore, he seems very close to him now and often does skinship as seen in ther livebroadcast of their dorm. Wonpil gives off a friendly, caring vibe and I think that’s really important because this friendly vibe is different from Jae’s and Youngk’s if that makes sense. Honestly, he’s just a beautiful soul who at times I shake my head at because of his cute antics but deep down I appreciate it greatly because lord knows no one else in the group would do it without putting up a fight. Wonpil is the type of person I would want to be best-friends with, that I would want to model myself after as a friend. He’s openly affectionate with his members and I think there should be more of that open affection in the world.

Dowoon: I could say that Dowoon is probably my ult bias but I don’t think that’s quite right. Out of all the members, I watch out for Dowoon as if he was my own little brother which doesn’t make any sense because he’s very much capable of taking care of himself and he’s a few years older lol I like Dowoon because he’s shy, and in real life I’m quite shy as well until I finally open up to someon I’m comfortable with and even then that takes a while. But Dowoon has grown a lot everytime he’s on camera, he jokes around more with the rest and doesn’t blush as much. I can’t imagine being on camera a lot, where people are watching your every move, I’d probably have a panic attack, so I can’t imagine how Dowoon feels. I’m really proud though that he’s gotten more outgoing and is able to show people more of himself and that kind of gives me hope. Not that there’s anything wrong with being shy, but as all my fellow shy people know it’s not really something to be overly joyous about either. So, I guess I can see quite a bit of my own personality through Dowoon and it makes me want to do things that I might be uncomfortable with because you never know the people you might meet.