One of the most annoying parts of any break-up is all the stupid little everyday things that remind you of him afterwards. Inevitably, the longer you date, the more of these things there are.
It can be haunting at first. Turning on the radio in the car is no longer safe, because who knows what traumatizing song the DJs might play. You see his favorite kind of pre-packaged cookie at the grocery store. Someone else orders iced tea at the restaurant, and of course, that makes you think of him. He didn’t even like wine, (really, that should’ve been a clue things weren’t going to work out) but somehow, despite that, the wine section of the liquor store manages to remind you of him. And then it reminds you of that other boy you spent years splitting bottle of Italian reds with, and the thought spiral continues.
The list can go on and on and on. That great breakfast sandwich places you always went to together on Sundays, maybe the entire city where you reunited for a weekend once, maybe the neighborhood he said you two should settle down in, or the park where he told you that he loved you for the first time. Any roads you once drove down together, any of the places you went together, the places you were going to go together… They’re all fair game when it’s haunting season.
But see, I knew it was time to call a closing on this haunting season when I was weirdly losing it at Chipotle the other night. I went to Chipotle for the first time in high school. It has nothing to do with him. Okay, maybe I went there with him a few times, but c’mon girl. Pull it together.
He can’t have this one. Somehow, that crossed the line. I’ve had at least three very serious boyfriends since the first time I went to a Chipotle. And I’m not going to even try to count how many other people I’ve casually dated and possibly gone to Chipotle with in the past decade. Not that it’s any of your business anyway, but I’m no floozy, and I’d still guess I’ve been to Chipotle with more than 10 boys I’ve been varying levels of romantically interested in.
Anyway, that’s not the point. The real point is, he doesn’t get Chipotle. I’m just not going to let him have it. And I went to that breakfast sandwich place long before I knew him, so I’m claiming that one as my own too. And you know what, that other boy might have been part of the reason I learned to like coffee, but I think I’ve proudly taken over that habit as my own now. I’m claiming that one as mine too. He does’t get it all. None of them do.
That breakfast sandwich place? I went there this morning. The sandwiches are still awesome. Best in the city, if you ask me.
GENO IN YOUR FAVORITE AU - Day 10: ship - Day 11: favorite game Day 12: THE GANG’S ALL HERE - Day 13:
MOMMACQ Day 14:
MEANWHILE AT THE UVSTUDIO - Day 15:
THE FAMILY Day 16:
HUMAN GENO - Day 17: FAVORITE PART OF AFTERTALE
Day 12. Talk about ableism. Have you experienced discrimination? Have you been the target of hate speech or slurs? Have you been a victim of abuse or violence? What’s the rudest thing someone has said to you about autism or you being autistic?
The rudest thing someone has said to you about autism or you being autistic is what I now know to be because of it would be making me feel so small or isolated about my actions that I wanted to kill myself because I couldn’t stop doing the thing they made fun of me for
In truth I don’t know who the people were who were there and they didn’t stop me or talk me down but that cigarette break they took, just by being there they made me not jump, as I knew if I was saw they may get help and at that point I didn’t want it
Bagaimana di sana? Semoga doa-doaku turut andil memberi lapang dan terang di sana.
Its already 2 years.. And I miss you so badly.. Dan mencari sosokmu dalam nyata kini masih belum juga dapat ketemui.
Maaf, setiap pulang masih juga tak sempat berkunjung, masih bebal dengan alasan malas.
Istrimu baik-baik saja, sedang disibukan dengan rapat sana-sini dan berkumpul lagi dengan teman-teman SMA-nya. Terakhir bertemu dengan penuh tawa istrimu menceritakan tentang tingkah bapak dulu, bagaimana begitu cemasnya dan protektifnya bapak terhadap ibu. Dibalik tawa yang kulihat ada tegar yang semakin dalam juga rindu yang teramat kuat, dan ada air mata diam-diam yang ditahan.
Sudah lama sekali sejak terakhir aku banyak bercerita padamu, foto berdua pun terakhir kali enam tahun silam. Kini, terasa amat sekali menyesal telah begitu banyak waktu yang terbuang.
Putri keduamu sudah semakin dewasa, seperti biasa lebih dewasa dibandingkan kakak sulungnya. Dia sedang mempersiapkan diri masuk kuliah, keinginannya ternyata ingin kuliah di negeri Sakura. Kemarin hari dia bercerita dengan malu-malu, ingin mengambil kesempatan beasiswa di sana. Semoga keinginannya terlaksana.
Putri bungsumu sudah lebih besar daripada putri sulungmu. Hanya saja masih merengek manja. Dia putri yang paling dekat denganmu, paling merasakan kehilangan. Diam-diam aku selalu membaca diary-nya yang berisi surat-surat untukmu. Sambil menahan tangisan diam-diam aku coba tersenyum membacanya.
Rumah baik-baik saja. Hanya memang sudah tak lagi sama sejak kau tak ada. Televisi sudah jarang menyala, biasanya ada yang rebutan chanel tv setiap malam. Setiap pagi minggu tak ada lagi yang ribut minta dibelikan jajanan pasar, atau bersiap-siap pergi jalan-jalan menuju alun-alun. Tak ada lagi yang marah-marah jika cucian kotor menumpuk, dan bunyi mesin cuci yang menyala malam-malam. Bapak hobi sekali mencuci baju.
Aku rindu suaramu. Rindu dering telepon dengan nomormu yang terpangpang di layar. Di sana masih tersimpan rapi setiap aku pulang; parfumemu, pembersih wajahmu, sikat gigimu dan shampoo yang biasa kau gunakan. Di lemariku bertumpuk beberapa kemeja dan kaos yang dulu kubelikan untukmu, aku menariknya diam-diam dari lemari sebelum yang lain mendahuli. Lalu, dompet dan kartu-kartumu masih tersimpan rapi di satu kotak di sudut lemari.
Kuharap mendapati lagi sosokmu yang nyata yang memberi hangat pelukan dan kecupan di kening ketika aku pulang.
I MUST be dedicated. Because I didn’t workout yesterday since I got home really late. So I told myself I would get up early today to do it. And I ACTUALLY DID. 🙌 that’s cray. Lol. Anyways Week two of insanity is complete! Time for chuuuuch.