day of contempt

Things the Doctors Don’t Tell You:
  • It is lonely. Family will leave. Friends will leave. You will find yourself on forums and chatrooms, searching in vain for understanding. For compassion.
  • There is no glory in being broken. Your average disabled veteran or accident survivor will get adulation on a good day, pity on a bad one. You will get pity on a good day, contempt and fear on a bad one.
  • It is expensive. You will burn through your rainy day savings in the first year. It does not matter how big a house you live in or how nice your wardrobe is, you will inevitably find yourself crying over everything insurance does not cover. The co-pays will slowly kill you. Blue Cross seemingly spites you. You’ll go to the bike shop to tune up your chair, because it’s cheaper than the medical supply store. You will find yourself selling your childhood skateboards on eBay to pay for this month’s meds.
  • You are public property. Everybody suddenly feels entitled to share their opinion on your body and health. They will stop you in the street and corner you and holiday parties. They will tell you what they think. They will judge. They will intrude. There is no privacy in being an oddity.
  • There is no control. Nothing ever stays stable for very long. You’ll find yourself having a good month, convince yourself it’s getting better, until once again, you’re in the ER, within inches of your life. You can no longer make plans.
  • They will look. Say goodbye to anonymity. 
  • Pain is a constant companion. Every minute of everyday. You’ll never really get used to it, but you’ll learn how to deal with it. How to hide it. There are times it will be so bad you cannot breathe or see. Cannot think. There are times you will want to die and times you’re convinced you already are dead. You’ll find yourself at 3am, staring teary-eyed at a bottle of Vicodin or Oxy. You’ll debate it, fighting as long as you can. And then you’ll lose. You’ll take two, sleep for 16 hours, and wake up in the same burning, screaming pain. Opioids will always win over will power.
  • Nobody will take care of you. Friends are busy. Family is tired. You are alone. You’ll skip meals because you are too sick to get out of bed and make something. You will go a week without bathing because you cannot get out of bed. Eventually you’ll swallow your pride and ask for help- and nobody will be there to give it to you.
  • It affects everything. Your diet will be affected. The clothes you wear will change. The type of furniture you have will change. The books you read, the music you listen to, and the company you keep. Nothing is the same, nothing is untouched.
  • You have to fight like hell. You’ll fight tooth and nail for the care you need. You’ll fight your insurance company. You’ll fight the piercing eyes of strangers. You’ll fight your own body. You’ll fight for your life. You’ll fight with your family and friends.  Everything is a fight. Survival itself is a constant thought.
  • People don’t want to hear about it. You’ll know that you’re constantly complaining. People will call it self pity, but it doesn’t matter. You have to get it out. You have to tell somebody- anybody- about what you’re going through. And eventually, you’ll find somebody who listens. Hold on to them.
Along the Morning Sun

“I would’ve had breakfast ready, but you were sleeping on my arm and I didn’t want to wake you” + “You’re the perfect height for me to rest my chin on your head”

Based on: Along the Boardwalk
Pairing: Taehyung | Reader
Genre: Fluff
Word Count: 1,838
Author’s Note: Because I suddenly remembered that I had planned out a bunch of drabbles/one-shots for you guys for a variety of my stories, and the semester is already starting to go down and I don’t know when I’ll be able to finish my next full-length story for you guys. But for now, enjoy some more soft fluffy Taehyung. 


It doesn’t take you too long to figure out that Taehyung, at his very core, underneath all those galaxies of naivety, thoughtful and caring nature, is a romantic.

When you first made that discovery, you laughed about it for days—all done without contempt, of course—because you found it so odd that a boy like Taehyung, who hid from the world underneath his gray beanie, drowned himself in his music and ran away from his problems on a skateboard, could have enough space in his mind to think about and care for another person. You always found that concept so startling, keeping the thoughts to yourself for a majority of days, weeks, until you couldn’t stop and just had to report your findings to the boy.

Initially, you thought your words would fluster him, or maybe even offend him—you were, essentially, calling him self-centered—but he had merely looked you straight in the eyes and said that you brought out an entirely new side to him and his life. That god forbid, he may have been in love with you for a year, but every single day now spent in your presence felt like he was seeing you for the first time all over again. It was not his fault that the sight of you constantly sparked the desire in him to show off how much he adored you, how much he cared for you, and how much he loved you in whatever abstract or tangible form that could take.

You stopped teasing him after that day, heart swelled too big with pride and admiration to continue.

Keep reading

Steal My Heart (steal my whole life too) Chapter Seventeen

Genre: Chaptered, fantasy AU, Prince!Phil, Thief!Dan, romance, enemies to lovers, angst and fluff, slow burn (like serious slow burn)

Warnings: some violence, mentions of death (no main characters), dark magic, descriptions of wounds/blood, some hints of sexual scenes (but no actual smut), murder, dangerous situations, stealing/thievery

Summary: Captain of the Royal Guard and Prince of Morellia, Philip Lester has never been given the chance to find love. Instead, he’s run from a system that works to end class differences and improve equality for its citizens. Happy as he is to make the world a better place, Phil can’t help feeling bitter towards his ancestors for making it impossible for him to find someone who will actually love him for more than just his title, and strives instead for a life of justice and doing good - only to meet his match in the King of Thieves, a man who will change everything he once thought he knew in life. Together, they must depart on a quest to save the kingdom, and, in the process, destroy their differences and find their own form of love.

Word count: 240,000+

Updates: Sunday

Thanks so much to @botanistlester for betaing this giant monster, as she’s been super helpful and encouraging with her little comments and endless excitement. We couldn’t have done it without you <3

Disclaimer: In no way do I claim that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil

For reference, @snowbunnylester is Phil, @ineverhadmyinternetphase is Dan

(AO3 link) (Masterlist) (Previous)

Chapter 17

Keep reading

There you met it – the mystery of hatred.
After your billions of years in anonymous matter
That was where you were found – and promptly hated.
You tried your utmost to reach and touch those people
With gifts of yourself –
Just like your first words as a toddler
When you rushed at every visitor to the house
Clasping their legs and crying: ‘I love you! I love you!’
Just as you had danced for your father
In his home of anger – gifts of your life
To sweeten his slow death and mix yourself in it
Where he lay propped on the couch,
To sugar the bitterness of his raging death.

You searched for yourself to go on giving it
As if after the nightfall of his going
You danced on in the dark house,
Eight years old, in your tinsel.

Searching for yourself, in the dark, as you danced,
Floundering a little, crying softly,
Like somebody searching for somebody drowning
In dark water
Listening for them – in panic at losing
Those listening seconds from your searching –
Then dancing wilder in the darkness.

The colleges lifted their heads. It did seem
You disturbed something just perfected
That they were holding carefully, all of a piece,
Till the glue dried. And as if
Reporting some felony to the police
They let you know that you were not John Donne.
You no longer care. Did you save their names?
But then they let you know, day by day,
Their contempt for everything you attempted,
Took pains to inject their bile, as for your health,
Into your morning coffee. Even signed
Their homeopathic letters,
Envelopes full of carefully broken glass
To lodge behind your eyes so you would see

Nobody wanted your dance,
Nobody wanted your strange glitter – your floundering
Drowning life and your effort to save yourself,
Treading water, dancing the dark turmoil,
Looking for something to give –
Whatever you found
They bombarded with splinters,
Derision, mud – the mystery of that hatred.

– God Help the Wolf After Whom the Dogs Do Not Bark, Ted Hughes

His Jams (prologue)

So here’s the introduction to my Jikook fanfiction guys, it should give you an idea of what the story is about…when it’s done I’ll be sure to make a post that will link you to the story on ao3. So meanwhile, ENJOY~

Warning: Because there’s some coarse language(not that would stop you anyway, right?)

Jimin and Jungkook have known each other for almost 4 years now, including their debut days as trainees. At first, it was rather difficult for the maknae who left home at a young age, he missed his parents, friends and his life as an ordinary teenage boy. As he moved in with the boys, things were awkward at first. Because believe it or not, he was an introvert, waking up early to shower so he wouldn’t get in their way. It wasn’t that he didn’t like them or anything like that, he just didn’t know how to start a conversation without being awkward as fuck. 

But one rainy night, as the water pounded on the roof of their small dorm, Jungkook was by himself all curled up as he cried quietly behind the couch. The members had all gone out to have dinner but Jungkook had politely declined the offer saying he wasn’t feeling well, he wasn’t lying exactly…The room was dark and the only source of light came from his phone, which he used to scroll through photo after photo of his family and hometown, Busan, he missed so much. He hadn’t realised he was crying until droplets of water fell onto his screen, sniffling quietly he used his sleeve to clean them. Before he realised it, he felt a small hand on his shoulder and his eyes trailed up until they found the owner.

“Jimin hyung?” He saw a familiar face and unsuccessfully tried to sound like everything was fine.

And so, not to be that overly dramatic person but from that night onwards it felt like Jungkook’s life had changed forever. Jimin hadn’t said much, as if he personally knew what Jungkook was going through. He simply told him to scoot over, even though there was barely enough space in the corner for two, they somehow managed to fit. Jungkook was squashed against the wall and Jimin, somehow he found it was strangely comforting. They talked all night, not as idols, but as two young, ordinary, teenage Busan boys far from home. Jungkook would have never known they had so much to talk about, hell, he hadn’t realised how much he craved someone’s company and how much Park Jimin fitted that spot so perfectly; just as they fell asleep side by side, heads touching. Sometimes Jungkook wondered if Jimin hadn’t forgotten his Jams and had come back to the dorm to get them, he would have never seen Jungkook crying. But he was grateful because from that moment forward they were inseparable, people didn’t call him Satellite Jeon for nothing.

“Jeon Jungkook, I know it was you!” Jimin yelled as he picked up some red iron man socks under his pillow.

Oh, and did he forget to mention picking on Jimin had become something ritual? He spent more time with Jimin then with all the members combined but more importantly those were the moments he felt the most happiest. Sure they would fight but nothing too serious and it would always end with one of them offering to buy food and forgetting what they fought about entirely. Sometimes, Jungkook would crawl into Jimin’s bed or vice versa and they’d talk until their eyes gave up just like the old days. Jungkook was contempt with how things were…

So let’s just say the story should have ended here, life of course had to fuck things up again and Jungkook knew there won’t be a Park Jimin to hold his hand. That’s because this time Jimin was part of the problem…On a particular rainy night, yes because apparently rain is always present when something life changing is going to happen, Namjoon called them in for a meeting. You must be thinking well what’s so major about that? Well this time, Jungkook could feel tension and he knew it had something to do with him and Jimin hyung. And he was right. You wouldn’t believe what all the members were thinking…

”Jimin and Jungkook are you two dating?”

Jungkook wasn’t sure if he had heard correctly or maybe because recently he’d stayed up late to play games and his ears were tripping on him. But he knew he that wasn’t the case when him and Jimin locked eyes for a brief second before him turning away abruptly, he felt his face heat up and his heart beating faster than before. What was happening and why was his body reacting this way?

That’s when Jimin piped up, “Who’s going to lose the bet if I say no?”

He didn’t know why he felt a slightly disappointed, after all Jimin wasn’t lying, they weren’t dating or anything like that. The members didn’t push the case any further and as they dispersed leaving Jungkook by himself on the bed, confused as hell. Eventually, as days passed he tried distracting himself even though he could never get the thought out of his mind, what had made them believe Jimin hyung and him were dating? What frustrated him even more was that Jimin seemed perfectly fine and unaffected. It made Jungkook feel stupid, as he felt like he was the only one overthinking things and possibly hoping for more?

Originally posted by marikit257

My friend’s Brother - Luke - Part 2

luke is more in this one, and i can’t wait to develop the story and share it with you guys 

part 1 here 

The rest of the day went fast it consisted of: eating, reading, a bath and then sleep. The morning approached and it may have been the second day, but you were contempt staying here for the rest of the day. You were on the verge of going back to sleep, when your mum yelled out for you to get up and go to school. You begrudgingly did. You got dressed which consisted of a short black shirt, an long grey shirt, with combat boots. You pulled on your leather jacket and left. Yelling out a goodbye to your parents. You exited the house and strolled up to your bike, swinging your leg over and pulling your motorbike helmet on, you turned it on and revved it. you pulled out of the drive way and sped to school.

You had reached school and were heading to you locker to grab your books for your next 2 classes: Justice studies, and English. As you were pulling out your books, your phone buzzed and you pulled it out of pocket. It was from Morrigan ‘I’m out the front’ you remembered the deal you made, so you texted her back that you were on your way over there. You were on your way over there, when you ran into Ashley and her minions. She shoved you into a locker.

“fuck off Ashley” you grit out and kept moving.

“excuse me?” she glared at you.

“you heard me” and you walked off.  You finally made it to the front of the school and saw Morrigan with that blue eyed boy she was with yesterday, they both looked at you and smiled. “um hey?” you said a little awkwardly.

Keep reading


In celebration of our WHIT STILLMAN TRILOGY box set, Stillman star player Chris Eigeman swung by for a visit.

Christmas Eve:  A Dramione Drabble

Christmas Eve, she thought as she stood in the interminable line, was the worst time to have to return a present.  And it had seemed like such a good idea.  The present, that was, not this last minute, miserable shopping trip.


“Granger.”  The neutral tone stating her name made her nervous and when she turned to see who’d acknowledged her, she sighed.  


Keep reading

Alec & Simon

blue-boring-ers said:

I found Simon’s evaluation of Alec in CoHF very contradictory; he considers him to be the “most conservative of the Lightwoods”, and the one that looks down upon Downworlders the most. Throughout the entire series, at least in comparison to Jace, Isabelle, and his parents, he has seemed the most accepting of Downworlders in general. The Bane Chronicles also cemented this part of Alec’s character, in my opinion. Is this just a case of Simon not knowing Alec well and making false judgements?

Hello! CoHF spoilers under cut.

Keep reading

Okay but imagine: smol innocent replacement Snafu with his accent and slipping into French when he’s excited. And he’s getting hazed for it. And the Guadalcanal vets are telling him to better not have that shit happen in combat. So he bites his tongue whenever he feels French words on it, he can’t do anything about the accent but eventually people ask him about swamps and voodoo and alligators less often. Eugene Sledge never even knows Snafu speaks another language because Snafu does not want to look at Eugene one day and see contempt in his eyes. Eugene with his reading and fancy education, Snafu knows, he knows Eugene thinks backwoods idiot anyway when he looks at him, he doesn’t need further proof of it.

Then, when he gets back to Louisiana he’ll basically have to relearn not to hate and deny his whole heritage and identity

I have a new phone

It is customized. With a very specific goal in mind.

Google’s Moto X. Some people have expressed trepidation at what sort of personal information its voice recognizing virtual assistant might upload to Google’s database.

I figured if I am going to have an Evil AI Lady in my phone, I want to have The Best Evil AI Lady in my phone.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

To Anon who said they were "Lonely & depressed." Be brave, go outside, breathe some fresh air, find an organization to socialize with, take a class, volunteer- this place is fun, but won't help you overcome it or make you really happy or shine in the long run. Be Well!

Good advise, anon! 👍

As much as I am also a recluse and a loner at heart and on most days feel nothing but contempt towards people in general, I too realize that human connections do make a difference.

Just earlier this week when I took a night off from here, I spent an evening with extended family members I had not interacted with for YEARS. Second cousins and that sort of folks.

And it was SO MUCH FUN! And honestly it gave me energy and lifted my spirits on an otherwise mundane and stressful day.

I do recommend getting out there and mingling with people every now and then, it does make a difference.