For eruriholic, who says I hurt them too much. Have some shitty college au.

This is what the swing looks like.

“Help me, please.

Levi can barely stop laughing long enough to reply. “Y-you fucking fat ass,” he wheezes. Actual tears are gathering in the corners of his eyes.

Erwin is literally stuck on a swing set, more specifically, in the toddler’s seat of the swing set. Levi doesn’t even know how his meaty thighs managed to fit through the holes, but the sight of them pinched tight by the strained rubber has him doubling over again. His butt cheeks are spilling out over the sides and Levi gives them a harsh smack every so often just to be a pain.

He looks absolutely ridiculous.

“I can’t feel my junk,” Erwin groans, his eyes fluttering closed with a grimace as he grips the swing’s chains. Every time he tries to move he howls in agony.  “My cock may never work again.” It’s a desperate attempt to get Levi to help, but he’s unfazed.

“Just settle all your weight on it and break it already, you’re damn heavy enough,” Levi supplies with an impatient huff and an eye roll. “Or would you rather me cut you out like I already offered to.” He pulls the pocket knife out from his boot and lets it shine in the dim lighting supplied by the street lamp.

Kids use this, Levi! That would be so inconsiderate.”

“Fuck the kids,” he supplies unhelpfully. Erwin gives a stubborn pout and attempts to shuffle out again, but every move results in another agonised howl. Levi starts laughing all over again.

“What are you doing,” Erwin asks suspiciously as Levi takes out his phone and dials a number. “Don’t call emergency services, that’s humiliating!”

“Don’t worry baby, i’m not” Levi assures as he slaps Erwin’s crushed ass again. He listens attentively once the line is picked up.

“Yeah, Dok, I’ve got something for you. Yes i’m fucking serious. It’s good. Come down to that park down campus. Yeah i know it’s fucking midnight but you won’t regret it. Well you can eat shit too, then.” Levi scowls and stomps his leg impatiently. “Look, you greasy fuck. Erwin is stuck in a swing and it’s fucking hilarious. If you want to see it before I cut him out then be here in five minutes. No you can take a picture yourself, i’m not spending anymore data on you. Fuck off now.” He ends the call and gives Erwin a wicked smirk.

“You didn’t,” Erwin breathes, unbelieving.

Nile arrives in record time and takes over twenty photos, which are enlarged, printed and hung up all over campus the very next day.

Intelligent Design

I regularly get questions about intelligent design, and I don’t feel like making yet another video on it - but here’s how I see it.

Not only is the earth more hostile than not (about 6% of our planet, if I’m not mistaken, is actually habitable,) and are there many issues and oddities that would be hard to explain by this theory, but let’s take a look at the rest of the universe.

Our solar system makes up roughly 0.00000000001% of the Milky Way Galaxy, which in turn for all intents and purposes makes up 0% of the rest of the universe.

The place we have in the cosmos is far too small for us to comprehend or express properly. About 100% of the universe is beyond our reach, and most of it cannot be interacted with, or even observed.

So while I’m not going to deny that it is possible all this was somehow created by an enormous, sentient force, I would propose we rename “intelligent design” to “rather strange design” to put it euphemistically.

If we were to be the centerpiece of the cosmos, and everything was to revolve around us, there is nothing quite intelligent about the way it was designed.

-Richard Dawkins : “After sleeping through a hundred million centuries we have finally opened our eyes on a sumptuous planet, sparkling with color, bountiful with life. Within decades we must close our eyes again. Isn’t it a noble, an enlightened way of spending our brief time in the sun, to work at understanding the universe and how we have come to wake up in it? This is how I answer when I am asked as I am surprisingly often why I bother to get up in the mornings.”

In a first-of-its-kind report, World Health Organization (WHO) announced today that bacterial infections that can’t be treated with the antibiotics of last resort have emerged in every part of the world, which means that patients who pick up E. coli, pneumonia or staph infections don’t have an effective way to control their illnesses.

An open letter from Dr. Richard Dawkins written to his daughter Juliet on her tenth birthday

Dear Juliet,

Now that you are ten, I want to write to you about something that is important to me. Have you ever wondered how we know the things that we know? How do we know, for instance, that the stars, which look like tiny pinpricks in the sky, are really huge balls of fire like the sun and are very far away? And how do we know that Earth is a smaller ball whirling round one of those stars, the sun?

The answer to these questions is “evidence.” Sometimes evidence means actually seeing ( or hearing, feeling, smelling….. ) that something is true. Astronauts have travelled far enough from earth to see with their own eyes that it is round. Sometimes our eyes need help. The “evening star” looks like a bright twinkle in the sky, but with a telescope, you can see that it is a beautiful ball – the planet we call Venus. Something that you learn by direct seeing ( or hearing or feeling….. ) is called an observation.

Often, evidence isn’t just an observation on its own, but observation always lies at the back of it. If there’s been a murder, often nobody (except the murderer and the victim!) actually observed it. But detectives can gather together lots or other observations which may all point toward a particular suspect. If a person’s fingerprints match those found on a dagger, this is evidence that he touched it. It doesn’t prove that he did the murder, but it can help when it’s joined up with lots of other evidence. Sometimes a detective can think about a whole lot of observations and suddenly realise that they fall into place and make sense if so-and-so did the murder.

Scientists – the specialists in discovering what is true about the world and the universe – often work like detectives. They make a guess ( called a hypothesis ) about what might be true. They then say to themselves: If that were really true, we ought to see so-and-so. This is called a prediction. For example, if the world is really round, we can predict that a traveller, going on and on in the same direction, should eventually find himself back where he started. When a doctor says that you have the measles, he doesn’t take one look at you and see measles. His first look gives him a hypothesis that you may have measles. Then he says to himself: If she has measles I ought to see…… Then he runs through the list of predictions and tests them with his eyes ( have you got spots? ); hands ( is your forehead hot? ); and ears ( does your chest wheeze in a measly way? ). Only then does he make his decision and say, ” I diagnose that the child has measles. ” Sometimes doctors need to do other tests like blood tests or X-Rays, which help their eyes, hands, and ears to make observations.

The way scientists use evidence to learn about the world is much cleverer and more complicated than I can say in a short letter. But now I want to move on from evidence, which is a good reason for believing something , and warn you against three bad reasons for believing anything. They are called “tradition,” “authority,” and “revelation.”

First, tradition. A few months ago, I went on television to have a discussion with about fifty children. These children were invited because they had been brought up in lots of different religions. Some had been brought up as Christians, others as Jews, Muslims, Hindus, or Sikhs. The man with the microphone went from child to child, asking them what they believed. What they said shows up exactly what I mean by “tradition.” Their beliefs turned out to have no connection with evidence. They just trotted out the beliefs of their parents and grandparents which, in turn, were not based upon evidence either. They said things like: “We Hindus believe so and so”; “We Muslims believe such and such”; “We Christians believe something else.”

Of course, since they all believed different things, they couldn’t all be right. The man with the microphone seemed to think this quite right and proper, and he didn’t even try to get them to argue out their differences with each other. But that isn’t the point I want to make for the moment. I simply want to ask where their beliefs come from. They came from tradition. Tradition means beliefs handed down from grandparent to parent to child, and so on. Or from books handed down through the centuries. Traditional beliefs often start from almost nothing; perhaps somebody just makes them up originally, like the stories about Thor and Zeus. But after they’ve been handed down over some centuries, the mere fact that they are so old makes them seem special. People believe things simply because people have believed the same thing over the centuries. That’s tradition.

The trouble with tradition is that, no matter how long ago a story was made up, it is still exactly as true or untrue as the original story was. If you make up a story that isn’t true, handing it down over a number of centuries doesn’t make it any truer!

Most people in England have been baptised into the Church of England, but this is only one of the branches of the Christian religion. There are other branches such as Russian Orthodox, the Roman Catholic, and the Methodist churches. They all believe different things. The Jewish religion and the Muslim religion are a bit more different still; and there are different kinds of Jews and of Muslims. People who believe even slightly different things from each other go to war over their disagreements. So you might think that they must have some pretty good reasons – evidence – for believing what they believe. But actually, their different beliefs are entirely due to different traditions.

Let’s talk about one particular tradition. Roman Catholics believe that Mary, the mother of Jesus, was so special that she didn’t die but was lifted bodily in to Heaven. Other Christian traditions disagree, saying that Mary did die like anybody else. These other religions don’t talk about much and, unlike Roman Catholics, they don’t call her the “Queen of Heaven.” The tradition that Mary’s body was lifted into Heaven is not an old one. The bible says nothing on how she died; in fact, the poor woman is scarcely mentioned in the Bible at all. The belief that her body was lifted into Heaven wasn’t invented until about six centuries after Jesus’ time. At first, it was just made up, in the same way as any story like “Snow White” was made up. But, over the centuries, it grew into a tradition and people started to take it seriously simply because the story had been handed down over so many generations. The older the tradition became, the more people took it seriously. It finally was written down as and official Roman Catholic belief only very recently, in 1950, when I was the age you are now. But the story was no more true in 1950 than it was when it was first invented six hundred years after Mary’s death.

I’ll come back to tradition at the end of my letter, and look at it in another way. But first, I must deal with the two other bad reasons for believing in anything: authority and revelation.

Authority, as a reason for believing something, means believing in it because you are told to believe it by somebody important. In the Roman Catholic Church, the pope is the most important person, and people believe he must be right just because he is the pope. In one branch of the Muslim religion, the important people are the old men with beards called ayatollahs. Lots of Muslims in this country are prepared to commit murder, purely because the ayatollahs in a faraway country tell them to.

When I say that it was only in 1950 that Roman Catholics were finally told that they had to believe that Mary’s body shot off to Heaven, what I mean is that in 1950, the pope told people that they had to believe it. That was it. The pope said it was true, so it had to be true! Now, probably some of the things that that pope said in his life were true and some were not true. There is no good reason why, just because he was the pope, you should believe everything he said any more than you believe everything that other people say. The present pope ( 1995 ) has ordered his followers not to limit the number of babies they have. If people follow this authority as slavishly as he would wish, the results could be terrible famines, diseases, and wars, caused by overcrowding.

Of course, even in science, sometimes we haven’t seen the evidence ourselves and we have to take somebody else’s word for it. I haven’t, with my own eyes, seen the evidence that light travels at a speed of 186,000 miles per second. Instead, I believe books that tell me the speed of light. This looks like “authority.” But actually, it is much better than authority, because the people who wrote the books have seen the evidence and anyone is free to look carefully at the evidence whenever they want. That is very comforting. But not even the priests claim that there is any evidence for their story about Mary’s body zooming off to Heaven.

The third kind of bad reason for believing anything is called “revelation.” If you had asked the pope in 1950 how he knew that Mary’s body disappeared into Heaven, he would probably have said that it had been “revealed” to him. He shut himself in his room and prayed for guidance. He thought and thought, all by himself, and he became more and more sure inside himself. When religious people just have a feeling inside themselves that something must be true, even though there is no evidence that it is true, they call their feeling “revelation.” It isn’t only popes who claim to have revelations. Lots of religious people do. It is one of their main reasons for believing the things that they do believe. But is it a good reason?

Suppose I told you that your dog was dead. You’d be very upset, and you’d probably say, “Are you sure? How do you know? How did it happen?” Now suppose I answered: “I don’t actually know that Pepe is dead. I have no evidence. I just have a funny feeling deep inside me that he is dead.” You’d be pretty cross with me for scaring you, because you’d know that an inside “feeling” on its own is not a good reason for believing that a whippet is dead. You need evidence. We all have inside feelings from time to time, sometimes they turn out to be right and sometimes they don’t. Anyway, different people have opposite feelings, so how are we to decide whose feeling is right? The only way to be sure that a dog is dead is to see him dead, or hear that his heart has stopped; or be told by somebody who has seen or heard some real evidence that he is dead.

People sometimes say that you must believe in feelings deep inside, otherwise, you’ d never be confident of things like “My wife loves me.” But this is a bad argument. There can be plenty of evidence that somebody loves you. All through the day when you are with somebody who loves you, you see and hear lots of little tidbits of evidence, and they all add up. It isn’t a purely inside feeling, like the feeling that priests call revelation. There are outside things to back up the inside feeling: looks in the eye, tender notes in the voice, little favors and kindnesses; this is all real evidence.

Sometimes people have a strong inside feeling that somebody loves them when it is not based upon any evidence, and then they are likely to be completely wrong. There are people with a strong inside feeling that a famous film star loves them, when really the film star hasn’t even met them. People like that are ill in their minds. Inside feelings must be backed up by evidence, otherwise you just can’t trust them.

Inside feelings are valuable in science, too, but only for giving you ideas that you later test by looking for evidence. A scientist can have a “hunch’” about an idea that just “feels” right. In itself, this is not a good reason for believing something. But it can be a good reason for spending some time doing a particular experiment, or looking in a particular way for evidence. Scientists use inside feelings all the time to get ideas. But they are not worth anything until they are supported by evidence.

I promised that I’d come back to tradition, and look at it in another way. I want to try to explain why tradition is so important to us. All animals are built (by the process called evolution) to survive in the normal place in which their kind live. Lions are built to be good at surviving on the plains of Africa. Crayfish to be good at surviving in fresh, water, while lobsters are built to be good at surviving in the salt sea. People are animals, too, and we are built to be good at surviving in a world full of ….. other people. Most of us don’t hunt for our own food like lions or lobsters; we buy it from other people who have bought it from yet other people. We ”swim” through a “sea of people.” Just as a fish needs gills to survive in water, people need brains that make them able to deal with other people. Just as the sea is full of salt water, the sea of people is full of difficult things to learn. Like language.

You speak English, but your friend Ann-Kathrin speaks German. You each speak the language that fits you to ‘`swim about” in your own separate “people sea.” Language is passed down by tradition. There is no other way . In England, Pepe is a dog. In Germany he is ein Hund. Neither of these words is more correct, or more true than the other. Both are simply handed down. In order to be good at “swimming about in their people sea,” children have to learn the language of their own country, and lots of other things about their own people; and this means that they have to absorb, like blotting paper, an enormous amount of traditional information. (Remember that traditional information just means things that are handed down from grandparents to parents to children.) The child’s brain has to be a sucker for traditional information. And the child can’t be expected to sort out good and useful traditional information, like the words of a language, from bad or silly traditional information, like believing in witches and devils and ever-living virgins.

It’s a pity, but it can’t help being the case, that because children have to be suckers for traditional information, they are likely to believe anything the grown-ups tell them, whether true or false, right or wrong. Lots of what the grown-ups tell them is true and based on evidence, or at least sensible. But if some of it is false, silly, or even wicked, there is nothing to stop the children believing that, too. Now, when the children grow up, what do they do? Well, of course, they tell it to the next generation of children. So, once something gets itself strongly believed – even if it is completely untrue and there never was any reason to believe it in the first place – it can go on forever.

Could this be what has happened with religions ? Belief that there is a god or gods, belief in Heaven, belief that Mary never died, belief that Jesus never had a human father, belief that prayers are answered, belief that wine turns into blood – not one of these beliefs is backed up by any good evidence. Yet millions of people believe them. Perhaps this because they were told to believe them when they were told to believe them when they were young enough to believe anything.

Millions of other people believe quite different things, because they were told different things when they were children. Muslim children are told different things from Christian children, and both grow up utterly convinced that they are right and the others are wrong. Even within Christians, Roman Catholics believe different things from Church of England people or Episcopalians, Shakers or Quakers , Mormons or Holy Rollers, and are all utterly convinced that they are right and the others are wrong. They believe different things for exactly the same kind of reason as you speak English and Ann-Kathrin speaks German. Both languages are, in their own country, the right language to speak. But it can’t be true that different religions are right in their own countries, because different religions claim that opposite things are true. Mary can’t be alive in Catholic Southern Ireland but dead in Protestant Northern Ireland.

What can we do about all this ? It is not easy for you to do anything, because you are only ten. But you could try this. Next time somebody tells you something that sounds important, think to yourself: “Is this the kind of thing that people probably know because of evidence? Or is it the kind of thing that people only believe because of tradition, authority, or revelation?” And, next time somebody tells you that something is true, why not say to them: “What kind of evidence is there for that?” And if they can’t give you a good answer, I hope you’ll think very carefully before you believe a word they say.

Your loving,


                                                                         -Richard Dawkings


All my favourite scientists talking about the big bang in one hit. OK, Sagan does sound a bit like Kermit the frog on auto-tune but Dawkins sounds boss.

Nile Dawk Positivity Week Drabble: To Love (Day 1)

Nile sighed, long and deep, and entirely to himself. He could have told them what was about to happen. He could have warned them. But, in the end, he did nothing. He held no allegiance, after all, to the man on the throne, other than that man paid his wage.

Nile didn’t have the same luxury as Erwin. Erwin didn’t have a wife and three children to look after. Erwin didn’t know the fear that gripped the heart at the idea of anything happening to those people most beloved to him; his own flesh and blood. Erwin could act as reckless as he pleased.

If Nile, however, had as much as sneezed anything that remotely sounded like insurrection, he would have watched everything he cherished tumble to shit around him. He couldn’t take the risk, but that didn’t mean he had to do anything about what he saw unfolding in front of his eyes.

Nile could have told them that Erwin wasn’t the type of man to show his hand unless he was pretty certain he was calling their bluff. He hadn’t been sure until he’d visited Erwin in the prison; he’d been afraid, yes, but his eyes had also said ‘I know something you don’t know’.

Having grown up seeing that look, Nile knew what it meant.

And the fact that Erwin had, once again, asked about Marie and children, let Nile know that he understood; he knew why Nile stood back impassive and indifferent to his plight. He understood what length’s Nile would go to in order to protect his family. Even though, in his heart, all Nile wanted to do was stand by Erwin.

That night he had kissed the children each goodnight, and tucked them into their beds, safe and protected; and then he had held Marie so tight, battling his yell of frustration, figthing against the tears. Marie’d brushed the hair back from his face and ran soft fingers over his cheek.

“What is it?” she’d asked quietly into the darkness. “What’s wrong?”

He’d wanted to say that everything was wrong. He’d wanted to apologise for being useless. He’d wanted to pray for whatever Erwin was planning to succeed. He’d wanted to stand for something again. He’d wanted to stand by his childhood friend and brother in arms. He’d wanted to be able to breathe. But what had came out of his mouth was:

“I’m just tired.”

He should have known really, that day in the throne room, hearing Erwin’s words, seeing Erwin’s defiance in the face of such fucking hypocrisy, that it was all part of his design. But Nile’s heart had been beating so hard in his ears, his blood running hot and thick in his veins. He had overseen the building of the gallows; the gallows where he would have to lead Erwin, and place the noose around his neck.

The overwhelming guilt at what he was going to have to do, made him feel nauseous; made him feel worthless. He couldn’t even look at Erwin. He couldn’t bare to think of it.

When the messenger came, announcing that the wall had fallen, and the titans were heading forwards his family, Nile’s objectives changed instantly; his instinct to protect his family kicking in; and he did exactly what Erwin had always known he would do. He protected his family. And the monarchy fell.

Later, Nile hadn’t known whether he wanted to punch Erwin or kiss him; but in the end he’d gone with a handshake. Erwin would have known anyway. They’d all played the game exactly how Erwin thought they would.

Things were about to change.

Nile Week: Day 1

Prompt: To Love

Almost an Earl-verse: Lady Dawk finds herself concerned about her son’s infatuation with an unattainable girl, but Nile assures her that romantic love is only a very small portion of his life.

“You’re thinking of her again.”

Nineteen year old Nile Dawk’s attention was pulled from his own thoughts at his mother’s voice and he stepped back from the marble rail, looking down at the woman who had come upon his solitude.

“Leave me,” she instructed her maid, waving the girl away from her wheeled chair.

“I think of many people,” he replied, resting his elbows back on the bannister overlooking the Eastern gardens.

Lady Dawk raised her brows at that, smiling at him. “Oh but this one is very dear to you. Blonde hair that curls naturally to the distress of many of her peers, sweet, adoring light eyes—they’re grey, aren’t they?”

Nile let out a small breath of humor through his nose. “Mamá,” he chastised, but she ignored him, tapping one of her fingers against her cheek.

“She’s a head shorter than you, and not likely to grow any taller, as the rumor is she flowered two years ago—“


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