Scandal Recap/ Review Heavy Is The Head, Episode 501
Well wasn’t that a freaking almost flawless episode of Scandal?
When was the last time that happened? Fuck knows. All I know is, I always have a good time when the writers remember who this show is about.
Anyway, I have shit to do so let’s get on with this.
What I Hated
1. The fact that Jake Ballard appeared on my screen for that one second.
Yeah I get it, he’s a regular, so the writers have to find something for him to do, but still, he was so pointless in this episode that it just means that I can’t say that the episode was perfect. Death to The Human Vibrator! ( Although truth be told, I wouldn’t be mad if he only had a second worth a screen time every week. I could live with that.)
2. The Shonda Rhimes recap of season 4 at the beginning of the episode.
I swear to God, I did not need to go back to season 4. As with season 3, I’m going to pretend that that mess didn’t happen. I’m happy living in denial dammit.
What I Liked
1. Sally Langston.
That bible thumping husband- murdering bitch is such a great character, and such a fantastic Big Bad. Her diatribe against Fitz and the White House was pretty awesome. Whoever came up with having her be the female version of Glenn Beck did a great job.
I thoroughly enjoyed Fitz and Olivia Sodom and Gomorrahing all over the White House to the sound of her judgey, scathing indictment of Fitz, she’s such a great consistant character, and she is played delightfully by Kate Burton. Love!
. 2. Olitz sexy time!
Hubba Hubba! For those of you out there who are adult enough to understand that sex is an integral part of any romantic relationship, how freaking hot were Fitz and Liv? At this point I’m rewinding the mirror scene several times, so bear with me for a moment while I fangirl the fuck out.
Ok, I’m back in the room.
3. Olitz playfulness and intimacy.
There is something about Olivia and Fitz being playful with each other and their more tender moments that will always give me the warm fuzzies. The hand holding as they walked towards the elevators to go down to the dinner. The hand holding when she answered the phone to the Queen, those sexy slight touches that only Tony Goldwyn knows how to deliver, Liv adjusting his tie, the sexiness of their casual interactions, their intimate eye contact at the dinner, just their whole easy demeanor with each other was wonderful to see. We’ve waited 5 long seasons to see this much development in their relationship, my fellow Olitzers, we deserve this!
4. Olivia’s State Dinner dress. Swoon!
5. Liz’s State Dinner dress. Swoon!
6. Huck lying on Olivia’s sofa watching the news.
I felt for him, I really did, however I can’t forgive him for A, putting his hands round Liv’s neck, B, slitting Kinky Sue’s throat for no fucking good reason, and C, murdering all those jurors. I hope Shonda can redeem him, because I’m not gonna lie, he’s dead to me until she does.
7. Abby’s dress and hair. Swoon.
8. Mellie being banned from attending the state dinner.
Honestly, the man threw her out a few days ago, and somehow she still thinks that she’s going to be allowed to attend a formal event at the White House? Cry those white tears Mellie, cry them well you entitled, no-pride-having idiot. Although, I have to say, I did love her dress. Paolo did well dressing the entire cast for the dinner, it’s not often I’ve been able to say that since season two.
9. Abby: “Rachel, muzzle your beast, we have a plan.”
I’m here for Abby referring to Mellie as a beast.
10. Susan being sat next to the queen with her provincial self.
11. Abby: “How long did it take for him to call you?”
Liv is so damn shady, but I howled at Abby’s look of cynical disbelief. Technically of course Fitz didn’t call her. He drove to her apartment, then went back home to find his beloved on the Trueman balcony. Lol
12. Princess Emily catching Abby gossiping about her.
13. Emily: “To them I’m not human, I’m just a spectacle.”
Uh-oh. We know where this is going.
14. Fitz: "I’d give them another six months if I could spend it all in this bed.“
We know Fitz. We know son.
He’s such a sex-starved machine and I love it! (Erm remember folks, consensual sex is good, great in fact.)
And Olivia wearing Fitz’s navy shirt! Triple swoon! Ugh, I love domestic Olitz.
15. The Princess Emily Car Death scene.
Did anybody else have flashbacks to 1997, when Princess Diana was killed in Paris? Man, that was such a sad day. I cried buckets for a woman that I didn’t even know, and had never thought in a million years her passing would effect me the way it did
. 16. Olivia throwing her Burberry over the dead bloodied princess.
Noooooooo! What was she thinking? That beautiful clean coat!
17. Olivia being swaddled in some sort of grey sack cloth as she sat talking to the Queen of Caledonia.
Lyn Paolo, what the fuck was that?
18. Quinn being the only functional associate left at OPA.
Man I can’t wait until Liv gets a full team again. Minus The Human Vibrator of course.
19. David Rosen: ”There are limits to my power.“
Olivia: "I seen what you can do with your power David”
David: “I’ll see what I can do.”
David stays being the most easily manipulated character on the show. Poor thing.
20. Liz: [to Mellie] “First, let’s be clear. You did not do anything for me. You did that for you. You only ever do anything for your own benefit. Second, you didn’t take me in. I was your prisoner. I was your puppet. I was your bitch. Third, my payment was that I got you elected. You are sitting in that chair, in this office, a United States Senator, because of me. That is how I repaid you. Fourth, one can only be betrayed if there is loyalty first. I was never loyal to you and you were never loyal to me. I don’t think you’ve ever been loyal to anyone. So when I made my move up the ladder of political success all in my own, I wasn’t even thinking about you. Because you don’t matter to me. And now you also don’t matter to the most powerful man on the face of the Earth.“
Yaaaassss! Read the bitch! This scene was glorious. For the first time, I saw Liz as a decent character that I might take a shine to. As long as she isn’t messing with either Fitz or Olivia. I love that she said all the things every character should have said to entitled Mellie Grant by now. Yay for white feminism.
21, The scene between Abby and Liz when she’s trying to persuade her to persuade the president to attend Mellie’s swearing in ceremony.
I laughed at how stressed out Abby was throughout this episode.
22. Olivia hiding from Abby in the White House.
Lol. I don’t know why she just doesn’t tell her. Liv knows that it’s only a matter of time before she finds out anyway.
23. Olivia: "Don’t you have a swearing in ceremony to get to?”
Fitz: "Liz North and I decided that I’m not going.”
Olivia: What do you mean you’re not going?“
Olivia: “Don’t Liv me. It’s a hugely public event. If you don’t attend, all it will do is raise questions, and you owe her this.”
I loved this conversation between them. I think Olivia was right, and it was very shortsighted of Fitz to think that he could not attend and not have the press give them the journalistic side-eye. I hate Mellie, always will, but for the good of keeping the press off their behinds, I think Olivia’s advice was sound. What I didn’t agree with was the part where Liv mentioned how often Mellie must have done similar things for him even when she didn’t want to.
My answer to that is, bitch wanted to be First Lady so she needed to suck it up. I don’t care about Mellie being embarrassed. The woman went on national TV and outed her husband’s affair, then proceeded to ‘stand by her man.’ when she should have been kicking his ass to the curb like any self-respecting woman would.
24. Abby being made to look a fool in front of the White House press corp.
Man she can’t catch a break. I’m sure she will by the end of the season though…
25. Mellie thinking that Fitz was at the Swearing In Ceremony to reconcile with her.
God she got on my fucking nerves during this scene. It was so painful to watch her try to show remorse for something that she clearly felt no remorse about. She was just sorry she was caught out.
26. Mellie: "I know that without a doubt, that you and I together a team is what’s best. For us, for the country, for our beautiful children, and I’m so glad you see it too.“
Jesus Mellie. How could she fail to see how much of a fuck Fitz couldn’t give about her attempt at apologizing? The man clearly didn’t even want to be in the same room as her. I wish the writers wouldn’t make her so freaking dense.
27. Fitz: "I’m divorcing you.”
Mellie’s delusions lead to this moment so I felt not one ounce of sympathy for her.
Sidebar, can I just mention how awful Mellie’s wig was in this episode. It doesn’t even look like it belongs in her head any more.
28. Mellie: "I’ll never sign.“
Fitz: ”You will. You have so many qualities I despise, but I do admire your brilliance. So do the math, Mel. Fighting this, fighting me, will mean both of us deploy every weapon in our arsenals. Every lie, every secret, every juror on that bus. Mutually assured destruction. We’ll be ruined. Now me, I’m a war hero, governor, two-time President. My bucket list is done. You? Your biggest accomplishment so far is waving and smiling. It’s your first day……you’ll sign.“
Damn, Fitz went in hard. I loved that his delivery had an eery calmness to it. Way more effective than shouting. I’m not crying any tears for Mellie. She has enough white tears of her own. At this point she should be trying to scheme ways to burn him, but alas, we have her quivering lip and doggy eyes.
29. Olivia: ”Divorce papers?“
Fitz: ”I thought you’d be happy, you don’t look happy.“
Olivia: ”No. I… I’m just surprised. I didn’t know that you were even… Divorce?Fitz: "I have dragged you into my marriage enough, you shouldn’t have to deal with this.“
Olivia: ”But we had a plan. Optics, your approval ratings.“
Fitz: ”Life is short….. I don’t wanna wait. Ok?
Fitz: ”This is good.“
Olivia: ”This is good.“
Ugh, I loved this conversation. We can obviously see how uncomfortable Olivia is with the idea of Fitz giving Mellie divorce papers so soon, but I was so Team Fitz right here. In my mind, if they were going to be cavorting around the White House, not being very discreet, it was only a matter of time before they’d get caught, and Fitz having at least filed for divorce might make a small difference to how this all plays out. And no I didn’t think they’d be outed in the first episode back. But we’ll get to that later.
30. David Rosen proving that he’ll always be Olivia’s lapdog by calling her and letting her know that the car accident was not an accident.
Bless him, he has his uses.
31. Fitz and Olivia’s epic professional fight (laced with the personal) in front of Liz and David.
Listen you guys. The fact is, I could watch Olivia and Fitz fight, fuck, hold hands, drink tea, cut grass, all freaking day. Their chemistry regardless of what they’re doing is off the chain. It’s so good to have that back this season. I saw some people talking about how Fitz treats Liv so badly. These people have clearly never been in a relationship before if they think that spouses shouting at one another automatically equates to being toxic or being treated badly. How old are the fucking morons who watch this show? I wish they’d go out and get some fucking life experience. Or have sex. Or something.
I love how uncomfortable David and Liz looked. I cackled.
32. Huck: "Are you back? Are you sleeping here? Are you back?” Olivia: “Have you been waiting for me to come home? I’m your plan?” Huck: You always fix me….my guy is out Liv, he’s running around and I can’t go home until you fix me.”
This entire conversation was heartbreaking. It really was, but I need for Olivia to get Huck professional help. Except of course he’s a murderer so who can he confide in? Sigh. I understand that to a certain degree, Olivia had a hand in him getting this bad, however I’m not going to absolve Huck of his agency in order to blame Liv for the way he is. Huck was already broken when Olivia saved him. Her mistake was asking him to let his beast out in episode 105. He hasn’t been the same since, however him asking Olivia to fix him when she doesn’t even know how to fix herself? That’s too much. Especially when he killed those jurors for Rowan because of something he wanted, his family. Olivia was right to tell him that he needed a better plan than her. She fixes other people’s problems, she doesn’t fix people, and she never has. It was all an illusion, when she felt she wore the white hat. She’s not the same person anymore. She can no longer lie to herself. She’s as broken as everybody else. She has a hard enough time trying to fix herself. I’m so glad she finally realizes this. Growth for my favorite. Heart-eyes motherfucker.
33. Olivia: Huck, did Quinn hurt you on the inside? Huck: Yes. But I hurt her too. We hurt each other. But I didn’t try to kill her.
Well that’s ok then Huck. Seriously Liv, the man needs a good therapist. I’m so glad you recognized that fixing people isn’t in your skillset these days…
34. Lizzie: "She didn’t waste any time did she? Olivia Pope is in the White House, which means that she’s in the president’s bed, which means she’s up in our business.“
Poor Abby, totally blind-sided again. Her story arc reminds me of David Rosen’s in season two, when he couldn’t catch a break, then at the season’s end, it turns out that he saves the day. I’m assuming that Shonda has the same plan for Abby. I really wish that Olivia had confided in her though, but I guess that’s not who she is.
35. Mellie telling Cyrus that they could have eight more years together if he’d just help her talk Fitz out of a divorce.
Honestly, when people come into my inbox defending this chick, I feel fully justified in excoriating them because here her husband has told her in no uncertain terms that he wants a divorce, and she’s still trying to fight it. What are you fighting for Mellie? The man doesn’t love you, and even worse, now he doesn’t even respect you. Move the fuck on, or at least start planning your vengeance against him, shit do something for yourself. Buy a new fucking wig, anything!
36. Mellie: ”He doesn’t want you Cy. He doesn’t want you. Any more than he wants me. He hates us.“
Gee, it’s like the penny just dropped on her big-assed wig, and knocked some sense into her.
Speaking of wigs, am I the only one who noticed how terrible Bellamy’s wig was in this scene? What a mess. It was huge and resembled a bird’s nest. I was fully expecting some newly hatched chicklings to come flying out of her hair at any moment.
37. Olivia: ”The princess was pregnant.“
At this point I figured out that the Queen had had her daughter-in-law murdered. She looked a stone-cold bitch.
38. The Queen: ”She had one job. To give us an heir and a spare. And that single job she failed"
I was right. That was cold man.
39. The Queen: "Not all fairy tales have happy endings my dear.“
I wish people would stop telling Olivia that. Bitch, she of all people knows.
40. Queen: ”What’s she doing here?“
Richard: ”You hired her, the same way you hired the man who murdered my wife. Your non-disclosure agreement didn’t apply to me. So when we get home you’re going to abdicate because of health reasons. Because of age. Because you’re no longer fit to rule…..the next time I see you, the next time I will even be able to tolerate the sight of you, will be at your funeral. If you oppose me, if you speak out in any way, Olivia Pope may not be able to tell the world what you’ve done, but I won’t hesitate.“
Olivia figured a way to get justice for Emily.
41. Olivia: ”You were right, not all fairy tales have happy endings, but evil queens? They tend to go down.“
Go Liv, Gladiate up in that bitch!
I refuse to include the next scene because, just ugh.
Anyway, the next scene was just wonderful.
42. Olivia: ”I want you. I want us. But I want to slow down. I want our business handled. I want our problems fixed. I want to be ready before the world is watching because once it is, once we’re in that spotlight being picked at and scrubbed and stretched in every direction we will never get the chance to make things right. If we are broken going in, we’re not getting out. They will destroy us. That’s reality, Fitz.“
*Sob* My babies are growing up at last.
The thing is, she’s right. The moment the news gets out about their relationship, the glare on them would be hard to get over. Hard to live with, and it would probably break them up. Not many couples could survive that kind of intense scrutiny, (look at all those damned Housewives shows, and reality shows in general) let alone a married president trying to make it with his long time mistress. This isn’t to say that I don’t think Fitz should have filed for divorce. I still think that was the right move, but there’s no way he could come out publicly so soon with Liv and her not suffer the consequences. Like he said to Mellie, he’d be fine, it’s Olivia who would suffer. All her achievements destroyed in a moment. Having to live the rest of her life branded as a black whore. By both blacks and whites. America will forgive a white man of any wrong doing, but it’s a totally different story for a black woman. Hell, black woman’s bodies aren’t even important enough to protect. They aren’t even considered to be human by a subset of Americans. So here, I’m so Team Olivia.
43. Fitz: ”Ok, we wait, until we’re ready.“
God these two break my heart. This was the biggest progression in their relationship to date, that we’ve seen. It’s what Olitzers have been crying out for. There is enough drama in them being together, nobody needed that raggedy assed triangle that Shonda subjected us to for two seasons.
44. Abby: ”Sir, there’s something you need to see.“
Seriously, how is Abby and everybody and his dog able to get into the White House private residence???
The look of guilt on Olivia’s face though, not just because she’d been caught canoodling with the president, but because she’d lied to Abby about it. The look of betrayal on Abby’s face was heartbreaking too. Their relationship is about to get majorly tested. I want them to stay besties dammit!
45. Sally Langston: ”I have it on good authority, that the trusted adviser, Olivia Pope, has found her way into the president’s bed. Before the high minded liberal feminist elite media begin howling charges of slander, these are not merely rumors, these are facts. Photos of Miss Pope, lurking in the residence at the White House after hours.“
Oh my fucking God! I was so shocked I can’t even tell you. This was the last thing I expected this episode. I fully expected Fitz and Olivia to go on hiding their relationship and sneaking around. Now they can’t do that. And you know what, perversely, I am so glad. This is movement and progression in their story. I want to see how they’re going to navigate this. Of course Liv has been outed once before, but this time, there are photographs. There’s no denying their affair this time. Time to come clean. Poor Liv. Her absolute worst nightmare is about to come true. What is she going to do? What would she tell her clients to do?
For me, the fact that Fitz filed for divorce before they got caught makes all the difference in the world. It’s the difference between a man cheating on his wife, behind her back, and a man who’s wife clearly knew something was up. As far as optics goes, it perhaps shows that Fitz never intended to cheat on his wife, willy nilly. For all that’s worth. The blowback will squarely land on Olivia though. Poor Liv. If I was her, I’d straight up try finding a way of revealing that Sally murdered her husband. The self-righteous wind-bag.
Anyway, moving on, I think this is why the word "Throuple” has been thrown round a lot in all the Scandal promos. I think a lot of what happens next will depend on Mellie, and what she does. They need each other,, and she can’t just throw Fitz and Olivia under the bus, not when her hands are so dirty. She could of course go the naive wife who didn’t know that her husband was cheating on her route, but this is Shonda, I don’t think she’ll take that route. I think between the three of them, they’re going to come up with a solution. What that is, I have no idea, but I’m looking forward to seeing if I’m right.
Who do we think outed Liv by the way? Knowing Shonda, it won’t be the obvious. It won’t be Mellie, or Cyrus. It won’t even be Lizzie or Abby. My bet is on Huck. He has the technical know-how to hack into White House security cameras, and he knew Liv was spending her nights there. I hope it doesn’t turn out to be him, but I bet it is. Eek.
As much as I enjoyed this episode, I couldn’t help but wonder which parts Shonda will reverse in the finale. If nobody else has noticed, that’s her thing. She reverses everything in the finale. Will it be Happy Olivia and Fitz that she reverses? Olivia and Fitz being in a good place while everybody else is scrambling to get used to the new world? Will she somehow put Mellie and Fitz back together? Will Fitz be the one walking out of the White House while Mellie is sworn in as president?
I already know that whatever happens, the finale will see Mellie smelling of roses, finally getting what she wants, but man I’ll be mad as hell if it’s at the expense of Olivia. Anyway, I don’t know why, but I have a better feeling about the finale this time around. Had Fitz and Olivia been happy throughout the episode, I’d have been inclined to believe that they wouldn’t be together by the end of the season. This way, the finale may be about Fitz and Olivia finally successfully navigating being together in public. We’ll see.
By the way, the next episode is titled “Yes”. What do we think this pertains to?
“Yes I’m having an affair with Olivia Pope”?
“Yes, I’m divorcing my wife”?
“Yes I love love Olivia Pope”?
Anyway, to celebrate the triumphant return of Scandal, here are some hot gifs of Olivia and Fitz getting hot and heavy. It truly was a thing of beauty. Fuck the haters.
They are so hot. Your fave OTP could never. Ok, maybe Jamie and Claire from Outlander, but no others!
Scandal Review, Episode 506, Get out of Jail Free aka The Mellie Grant Show...
This was my face through so many of the scenes last night.
Literally nothing made sense. It’s like the writers just clean forgot the strides that Olivia had made in the last couple of episodes, and all of a sudden, she was back to being that dumb bitch who couldn’t make a fucking decision to save her fucking life.
Why on earth can’t we get some character consistency? Why do some of these fucked up, no-talent writers insist on writing to plot rather than writing to character?
This was the first episode ever that I just wanted Fitz to move on from Olivia. Seriously, leave her disloyal ass and just stay single. I have never felt like that. Ever. I’m a huge Olivia Pope fan and it kills me to say this, but she was a mess in this episode. Of course I blame the writers. Chris Van Dusen, you failed the fandom, and I don’t mean just Olitzers. Hit the road Jack, and don’t come back with your shitty writing no more.
Basically Olivia tells us she loves Fitz too much to let him be impeached, so she chooses to plot with Mellie, tell Mellie that her father murdered Jerry, and then free her father rather than marry Fitz? I didn’t want them to get married under those circumstances, but surely marrying the man she loves is a million times better than freeing the man who killed her lover’s son and her friend? This writing for her makes no sense. We know that she doesn’t want to be First Lady, but that decision made no sense. No sense at all. Are we to believe that Olivia couldn’t just suck it up and marry Fitz when he only has 18 months left of his second term? I don’t care what anybody says, I don’t care how afraid of being in the spotlight Olivia is, she would never make this choice. After all the people that her father killed? Really Shonda?
Anyway, I’m not going to review this in my usual way, I’m going to highlight some of the shittier moments that left me wondering what kind of crack Chris Van Dusen and Shonda Rhimes were smoking when they wrote this shitty episode, so there will be no highlighting scenes that I liked.
What I Hated
1. Olivia telling Abby that she would perjure herself for Fitz, in the bedroom where she fake-seduced him with loud music on last week, just so that she could tell him about her West Angola discovery without fear of being heard.
So it’s now ok to not hide the fact that she intends to lie on the stand, when being discreet was such a big deal last week?
These fucking writers are the worst when it comes to continuity.
2. Quinn going all the way to the hospital to see Eli, just to tell him that she wouldn’t help him.
So she couldn’t just hang up the phone like everybody else did? Were we supposed to believe that Quinn who was in B613 for like 2.5 minutes would be so brainwashed that she would listen to a word he had to say? Especially when she knows that he got Huck to kill those jurors. The thing that happened that had her so mad she threatened to kill Huck? These fucking writers are the worst.
3. Olivia calling her Human Vibrator before and after she accepts Fitz’s proposal, to discuss what she should do with him.
I hate that Jake is such a pointless character that the writers have to keep shoehorning him into plots just so Scott Foley can keep working on the show. It makes no sense that she would keep calling him. Honestly, I cheered when Jake put the phone down on her, and you guys know how much I hate him. Olivia was tripping. Hard.
5. Olivia going to see her sperm donor in hospital.
This version of Olivia is awful. I just can’t with this wishy-washy mess. This fuckwit of a character that the writers treat any how they want, just to serve the plot. Five seasons in and Scandal fans still have no idea what she wants. We have a handle on everybody else’s character no matter how messed up they are, yet Olivia’s true desires still eludes us. One week she wants to be with Fitz and she’s declaring her love for him to the world, the next week, she’s freeing murderers to avoid marrying him. Inconsistent mess.
6. Olivia asking Mellie to free her sperm donor so that he can make the impeachment trial go away.
At the end of season four, we saw how much she needed to get rid of Rowan, and how relieved she was when he was finally put away, and yet she’s willing to free his murdering ass instead of sucking it up and marrying Fitz? She’s willing to jeopardize her relationship with Fitz and not only work with Mellie, but also The. Man. Who. Murdered. His. Son? What happened to last week’s version of Olivia Pope? Or even the Olivia Pope from the week before? Why are different writers not able to keep her character consistent? Or are we supposed to believe that the woman who left Fitz after she discovered that one of her parental units murdered his son, would willingly work with said parental unit again?
7. Olivia yet again letting Mellie speak to her like shit without a suitable rebuttal.
I don’t understand. I don’t get it. Why does Mellie get to spew her venom at Olivia, and she just stands there and takes it, like she’s a scared little girl? Can Shonda hire some black women who can write for Olivia please? I can’t with the number of white men in the writers’ room who love giving Mellie all these shitty things to say to Olivia. I maintain that Olivia Pope is the worst treated lead character on TV.
8. Olivia telling Mellie that Eli Pope is her father and that he killed her son?
What the fuck was that? Why would she do that? Here she was trying to persuade Mellie to set Rowan free, yet she tells her that the man she’s asking to be set free killed Mellie’s son? What kind of fucked up logic is that? Why did she do that? I don’t get it. Can somebody explain that mess to me please?
9. Fitz telling Olivia that “no man wants to do this” after she freaks out about his proposal.
So wait a minute, this is the guy who built Olivia a beautiful house in Vermont, the guy who lovingly put together everything in said house with such care and detail? The guy who who gave Olivia a ring passed onto him from his great grandmother, a ring that was meant to go to his wife, yet he chose to give it to Liv? A man who declares his undying love to Olivia every three seconds? This is the guy who took his country to war to save her life? This is the guy who we know would give up everything to be with her?
The writers think that this guy would say to Liv that no man ever wants to go to the trouble of creating a romantic moment for a proposal? What the fuck were the writers on this episode? How the fuck does that make any sense whatsoever? The amount of character fuckery on this episode was probably worse than anything we saw in season four, and that’s saying something.
10. Olivia’s white bridal suit.
What the fuck Lyn Paolo? That entire look was awful. She looked like somebody’s old-assed Aunt Pearl. I know that they were going for a Jackie O look, but she looked an entire mess. I was so relieved when she took it off and her hair went back to normal.
11. Mellie freeing the man who murdered her son so that she can be president.
Listen, I cannot stand Mellie, I loather her and I wish nothing but bad things to happen to her, however the idea that she would willingly free the man who murdered her son, and is now working with him just doesn’t compute. As wickedly ambitious as Mellie is, I find it difficult to believe that she would do this. Not after the song and dance that she show performed to show her as a mother who grieved endlessly for her son. Again with this terrible habit of having characters change willy-nilly just to serve the plot. Chris Van Dusen, you need to get another job, you suck at this one.
12. A junior senator having the power to pardon/free a prisoner charged with embezzling over two billion dollars.
Or did she forge the document as per Olivia’s flashback? In which case, wouldn’t that then lead back to Fitz? Wouldn’t somebody question the fact that Fitz apparently freed the father of his lover? And wouldn’t that be grounds for impeachment if that were discovered? And with further investigation, wouldn’t Mellie be revealed as the forger of the pardon document? I don’t get it? Somebody explain this fuckery to me. Please.
13. The impeachment investigating committee (or whoever Gibson and the other woman were representing) being given papers on live TV, then soon after deciding to cancel the entire thing and nobody blinks an eye?
So the press are just going to accept that and move on? Nobody in the media are going to ask any questions? How terrible at their jobs are these journalists? We know the answer of course. It was just another huge-assed plot hole that the writers kindly left us. I know that I should leave my intelligence locked up when I watch this show, but even I can’t suspend enough disbelief to swallow some of the shit-tastic fuckery that occurred this episode.
14. Elyse being murdered (by Rowan probably)
So I guess that now that Fitz is divorced, in order to keep the triangle going, they had to kill The Human Vibrator’s wife? What was the point of even introducing her if they were just going to kill her off three episodes later? It’s not like we care other than it means that Jake is going to be sniffing round Olivia again.
15. Olivia asking Abby give the ring back to Fitz instead of having the courtesy of doing it herself.
I can’t lie, I’ve never disliked Olivia so much as I did right then. It was such a cowardly thing to do. I could excuse her throwing Doux Bebe at Fitz after she was rescued from the kidnapping, because she was obviously traumatized, but I can’t excuse her not looking Fitz in the eye and telling him that yes, she loves him, but she’s not ready to marry him. Instead she had Abby just put the ring on his desk?
16. So the plan is for Olivia to work with Mellie to make her president in exchange for freeing Rowan and making the impeachment trial go away?
So, Mellie is revealed to have lied about knowing about the affair. The nation knows that she lied under oath in a judiciary court, yet we’re supposed to buy that she can become president with the help of Olivia, the woman her husband divorced her for, and the woman he cheated on her with? We’re supposed to buy that America, would vote for somebody as murky as Mellie has been revealed to be? Am I high right now, or is it Shonda who’s high as a kite? The woman would be lucky to get votes from constituents in the state that elected her junior senator, never mind anywhere else, but I guess we’re supposed to pretend that we’re all as dumb as some of the people who write this show?
17. Mellie thinking that she can control Rowan and apparently trusting him to help her win the presidency.
We know this can’t end well. Rowan knows all of her secrets, and he wouldn’t delay to use his knowledge to hurt her if need be. How dumb is this broad? Mellie Girl, this is the man who came to you and blackmailed you into giving him those juror’s names, then he promptly had them murdered. Mellie, this is the man who had no issues with murdering your son. Yet you think that he’ll be working towards your interests rather than his?
Mellie stans are all happy right now because she’s seemingly gotten the upper hand over Olivia. However yet again, her irrational nature and her greed and blind ambition has once again landed her in bed with the devil, and she wont be getting out unscathed. This time Rowan may just kill Teddy and his nanny Jenny.
There were good moment in the episode, but the truth is, the bad far outweighed the good, and everybody needed a good slap this episode. All of them needed to be beaten round the head until they bled. The funny thing is, out of all of the characters this episode, Fitz was the least problematic. Olivia was the worst she’s been in five seasons, and that’s counting all the fuckery of season three and four. Mellie is always a mess, but I fully expect her to be hung by her own petard.
At least the divorce between Fitz and Mellie is done now, which means that at least the writers and the black Olivia-Hating men who watch Scandal can stop referring to Olivia as a whore now. The problem is, Olivia now has a huge secret that she’s keeping from Fitz, and he will find out, and it will be Defiance 2.0.
18. Mellie blaming Fitz for everything that’s gone wrong in her life, including the fact that she was raped and kept it secret from Fitz for ten years.
Seriously, what is new? What’s worrying is how much effort the show goes to validate her point of view. Every damn time. Like she had no say when she married him in the first place. Like it wasn’t her decision to have kids. Like it wasn’t her decision to stay in a marriage when she found out her husband was cheating on her. Like she didn’t co-sign the affair. Like she hasn’t done everything she could to stay in the marriage, despite her husband asking for a divorce. Like she didn’t lie to her husband for ten years about the fact that she was raped. Like she didn’t sell her soul to the devil instead of confiding in her then supportive husband. Fuck Mellie Grant, fuck her delusions, and fuck her retconning bullshit. GTFOH.
Susan and David were one of very few bright sparks in this episode. They should totally bang.
I have a feeling that Shonda ultimately has a greater plan for Susan though. The fact that she absolutely doesn’t want to be president pretty much means that sometime in the future, she will change her mind, and challenge Mellie. I totally hope that Olivia runs her campaign. Quite frankly, I’d rather Lizzie was president rather than Mellie’s useless ass.
I see from the promo that Olivia is apparently kissing Jake, or Jake is kissing her, who knows? I can’t say I’m overly surprised, not when Olivia is being treated so shabbily by the writers. Again. Technically, if she’s kissing Jake, she’s cheating on Fitz, and there’s no excuse for it. He’s now divorced from Mellie and as far as he’s concerned, they’re a couple, which means no kissing other men, period. I can’t defend her if that kiss leads onto anything else. In fact, I’m pretty sure that if she sleeps with Jake after Fitz has gone through all of this shit for her, I’m done with the show, Kerry or no Kerry. Because for me it would have to mean that she doesn’t love Fitz, in which case, why else would I be watching? I am literally only invested in Olivia and Fitz, and if she’s just going to cheat on him or vice versa, what’s the point? It’s not like it’s a show that takes pains to develop characters well. It’s not like it’s a show that takes its time and makes sure that plots make sense. I mean, the promo had Jake plotting to kill Rowan. Didn’t we already do this for like two seasons Shonda? Your love for certain actors will kill this show for good one day. Nobody but a specific group of viewers here for Rowan/Eli, how do you not see that?
I’m tired of Fitz putting it all out there for Olivia, only for her to turn around and call The Human Vibrator. For God’s sake, he’s even lost Teddy to Mellie in the divorce, all this sacrifice to be with Olivia and she can’t even articulate her feelings to him, she can’t even reassure him that she wants to be with him. The writers just have her staring teary-eyed at him, instead of her using her words. Ugh.
Anyway after all that was said and done this episode, I’m fully expecting Olivia and Fitz to be back together next week, because the writers are inconsistent, and they don’t give a fuck what happens from week to week. The problem is though, Olivia is hiding something major from Fitz now. I predict that he will propose marriage again, and just as they’re about to tie the knot, probably in episode 509, he discovers somehow that she helped free Rowan, cue cancelled wedding.
I’d feel better if he finds out next week, but Shonda and those writers love writing for OMG moments, so no doubt they’re using the Defiance blueprint to shock and awe us. Oh joy.
I’m still holding out hope that Rowan dies by the end of this half season. I just don’t see how Shonda can keep going with this B613 fuckery and expect people to keep tuning in. I for one wont watch live next week. If it’s as terrible as it was this week, I wont bother watching at all. All I have to do is look on the Scandal tag to see what people are saying, and honestly, I don’t care if I’m spoilt. I’m not here for Olivia being treated this badly by the writers in favor of the white supporting actress.
Anyway, enough for now. I have no sexy gifs of Olitz this week, Shonda and Chris Van Dusen managed to kill my joy in them, so here are NSFW Jamie and Claire gifs for your pleasure instead:
Scandal Review, Episode 505, You've Been Served...
Well waddaya know, two episodes in a row, and I’m still mostly happy. Of course I knew that Zahir McGee would have to call Olivia some kind of derogatory name during the episode, he never disappoints. He did it through Edison, but he still did it. Overall it was a really good episode, and I was all set for giving him so much kudos for Olivia’s speech, only to find out that somebody else apparently wrote it. So sorry Zahir, you are still a douche to me. To be honest, even if you had written Liv’s amazing monologue, you’d still be like shit on my shoe.
Anyway, let’s get on with it shall we?
What I Hated
Every scene with Jake’s irrelevant ass of course.
Why can’t he just be killed off? Why Shonda, why?
And to find out that they cut the scenes of Liv and Fitz on an actual public date, just so we could watch Jake feed Olivia Gettysburgers? Really? Did anybody actually give a fuck about that scene? Did it even add anything to the episode? Even the fact that he finally admitted Elise was his wife was anti-climactic because as we saw, Olivia didn’t give a shit. What a waste of two minutes that could have been spent on that date and on this goodness right here:
God I hate Jake so much. I hate him in every capacity, and I will hate him forever and ever, Amen.
What I Loved
1. Michael: "We talked about this, we talked about keeping it together, didn’t we?“
Oh my fucking God, the show finally remembered that Cyrus is married! Woohoo! I liked that he seemed to be the voice of reason for an ever spiraling Cyrus. Now all we need is to see his adorable brown baby.
2. Mellie voting yes to open an investigation into impeaching her husband.
Oh Mellie, you are such a tool. How the fuck does this woman not realize that involving herself in this mess will, A, scupper her chances of being voted in as president, and B, her hands are as dirty as the rest of them. Mellie Girl, you had an affair with Andrew, the guy who had Olivia kidnapped in the first place. The guy who blackmailed Fitz into choosing between going to war for her, or letting her die. Mellie, you are the flaming idiot who handed the names of 16 jurors to the man who arranged for them to be slain. Mellie, you were a key part of Defiance. Mellie, Daniel Douglas was murdered because of what you and Cyrus did, and you helped cover it up.
Mellie, where the fuck are your brains? Right now, you’re just an embarrassment and I’m not sure what Shonda is trying to do with you. We keep being told that you’re usually the smartest woman in the room, but guuurl, you haven’t been the smartest person in the room for five seasons now, even when it was just you and Baby Teddy. Girl go get your life and learn to strategize for the love of all things Oprah.
3. Fitz and Olivia on a date.
Fitz looked so proud bless him, he has not one fuck left to give. He has Olivia by his side, and that’s all he cares about. My blinkered little romantic you. Olivia on the other hand looked like she was going to a lynching. This is not who she is at all. All this attention from the press. Literally her worst nightmare come true. As a Fitz and Olivia fan though? I squeed like a two year old. I love the idea of them just stepping into their truth and finally doing what we’ve longed for them to do for 4 long seasons.
4. Fitz: ”I have done nothing wrong and I certainly haven’t committed any impeachable offences.“
Fitz sweetie, you need to sit down with that mess. You’ve done a whole lot of shit during your tenure as president, it’s just that nobody knows about them. Yet.
5. David: "I’m just here to say, you need a lawyer.”
David was actually great in this scene. How often can we say that? Bless his cotton socks, but the truth is, he’s usually surplus to requirement.
6. David telling Fitz not to talk to Olivia about the possibility of impeachment.
Oh how I laughed. David, Sweetie, have you met this man? That’s like asking him not to breathe.
7. Olivia putting up all the newspaper headlines about her.
Sorry, all I could think was how pretty she looked in that black and white blouse, and her hair was flawless. Shallow much? Well I guess it was better than reading some of those awful headlines.
8. Quinn: “A lawyer can’t do all that.” Leo: "No, but I can.“ Quinn: ”You hired Leo?“ Leo: ”Thing 1, and Thing 2, and a new additions to the bestiary? Hold on, familiar face, recent headliner, yes, the man who hid in a closet while the mayor’s wife was being filleted. The coward of the county, Marcus Walker! If this bunch is your go-to, you obviously called me just in time.“
Oh how I love Leo’s presence. Olivia needs somebody as ruthless as him in her corner. I love that she was being proactive and trying to take control. Unlike Mellie who was still walking around clueless, without a solid plan. We’ll get to her later.
9. Leo: ”We’re going to take what the public views as a cheap and tawdry affair between the president and his former Communications and we are going to spin it, into the greatest romance ever told. Olivia and Fitz, a love like no other. See my plan even has a name.“
Who was surprised that A, Liv said no, and B, that she would have to change her stance by the end of the episode? I have to give her props though, the ”Olivia Pope, woman of the people“ slant was working until the discovery of Doux Bebe. Which I’m still confused about, but we’ll address that later.
10. Leo: ”That’s the thing about the great ones, they perform no matter what utter crap they are dealt.“
Leo has Jokes, and he made me laugh so much this episode.
11. Leo going through Olivia’s apartment.
So many lols. I especially love that he told her that she had to do her shopping at a regular mall. Poor Liv, even her wardrobe is under attack.
12. Olivia: ”He never gave me anything.“
Oh Liv, there’s the matter of a house in Vermont and a ring from his grandma. I knew one of them would have to come out before the end of the episode. Luckily it wasn’t the house.
13. Leo: ”Where’s all her food?“ Huck: ”You mean her wine and popcorn?“ Leo: ”Whatever, where does she buy it?“
Huck: "She uses a delivery service.”
Olivia: “I don’t have time to go grocery shopping.”
Leo: "Of course not, you’re too busy getting your freak-on with the Prez.“
Leo is so freaking shady though. But I did laugh, even while I was low-key thinking that was a Zahir McGee type line. I can’t help it, I’ve hated him since he called Olivia The Help in that horrendous episode in season three.
14. Olivia: ”Edison.“
Oh. Ugh. Ok. That guy.
I guess we were bound to see him again, but I hate that Olivia had to go to beg him for help. Oh well, desperate times…
15. Edison: ”A criminal. A whore, an idiot, and a liar.“
Olivia: ”Excuse me.“
Edison: ”A criminal, a whore, an idiot and a liar. That’s what you said to me. You dressed me down, then implied that I was clinically insane for suggesting that you were screwing the president.“
Olivia: "I should go.”
Edison: “Sit down Olivia. If you want me to help you, you’re going to be honest with me. You’re going to admit to my face that you were never in love with me, that you never had any intention of marrying me. That you tried to make a fool of me for seeing you for exactly what you are. A criminal, a whore, and idiot and a liar. You want me to lie, you owe me the truth.”
So that was how Zahir McGee chose to call Olivia a whore this time round huh? I was waiting for it, and there it was. Told y'all.
Edison was so salty though, and I kinda get it, but then I don’t because nobody in their right mind would divulge the fact that they were sleeping with the president. Also, Olivia called off their engagement, and she didn’t string him along for too long, and I think she meant it when she said yes, but then she agreed to wait for Fitz, and we all know how that mess turned out. Edison and Olivia were so incompatible though. They just did not fit, and when you’re telling your guy about having Chinese Walls between you, there’s a serious problem. Sorry Edison, I didn’t feel you back in season two, and I don’t feel you now. I guess you’re better than Jake though, in that you haven’t physically abused her, so there’s that.
Also. I guess he did as he promised in the end and gave her a glowing personal testimonial on national TV. I’m still salty though. Edison, dude, she was way outta your league, you just need to deal with it. I noticed that he must have given somebody else his grandmother’s ring though because he had a wedding band on. Still didn’t stop him from being salty and petty, four years later. Ugh.
16. Cyrus giggling at the Edison interview like he was watching a spectator sport.
17. Olivia and Fitz watching the Edison interview, looking like an old married couple.
I love them. So much.
18. Fitz: "It can’t have been easy going to him.“
Olivia ”Hmm.. He called me a hypocrite.“
Fitz. ”But he did what you asked.“
Olivia: ”Even hypocrites get to call in their chits.“
Fitz: "It’s good. It changes the conversation. Those chits might have just saved us both.”
Seriously, I could literally stare at the both of them together all day long. I can’t help but love how much Fitz adores her. The romantic in me practically screams whenever he looks at her. There’s just so much adoration there. I’m telling you, their relationship is more or less the only reason I’ve kept faith with the mess that the last two seasons wrought.
19. Patty Snell.
I’m in love.
20. Patty: "What I want is to glue your hands to the podium and say that the president and his administration are cooperating fully with the committee and the investigations, over and over, a thousand million times. Sing it, yell it, don’t care, just as long as that’s it.“
I’m a fan. She’s the female version of Leo and I loved it. Although, when she had the bright idea of sending all the apparently pointless White House document files over to the investigators at the senate, I did wonder if that was going to come back and bite them in the ass. Well this is Scandal after all. Nothing is ever straight forward.
21. Mellie: ”But also it makes them look like they have something to hide. We should take these over to the senate gallery, hold a press conference and show the American people how scared and sneaky this White House is behaving.“
Good Lord, Mellie Grant has to be the dumbest person on this show. Is this supposed to prove how worthy of winning the presidential election she is? Do the writers think that that they are actually selling her smarts? She’s dumb as fuck and I can’t listen to her without wanting to choke the bitch.
22. Senator Gibson: ”I’m sorry, we?“
Mellie: ”Not just us, the whole committee of course.“
Women’s Caucus Lady: ”You do realize that you have to recuse yourself from this investigation.“
Mellie: ”Recuse myself?“
Gibson: ”Yeah, resign from the committee. The conflict of interest is as clear as day.“
Mellie: ”This investigation is far bigger than my relationship with the president. I represent the people of Virginia. You can’t expect me to step down from this.“
Caucus Lady: ”Mellie, you’re in the middle of divorcing the man we’re investigating, your presence on the committee would be highly…
Gibson. “a distraction. A sideshow. It would taint an already salacious…
Mellie: ”I am not some scorned woman bitching about my ex, I am a senator and a member of the judiciary.“
Gibson: ”As far as the American people are concerned, you are a scorned woman bitching about your ex.“
Mellie stays being dumb as hell for not realizing without being told what a conflict of interest her even being involved in the committee is. As for not being a scorned wife, that was the entire reason she decided to get involved in the impeachment in the first place. Idiot.
However, did y'all notice that the caucus lady said ”You’re in the middle of divorcing the man that we’re investigating?“ So the divorce is going through? Wooohoooo! About damned time.
Now I just need Fitz to take off that damned ring.
23. Leo: ”Wake her up, separate her from that presidential spoon and drive her out of bed.“
Lol. Leo was mad. As Liv herself would have been.
24. Noah Baker: ”The president liked it, and he did indeed put a ring on it.“
So somebody leaked the existence of Doux Bebe to the press. What I can’t figure out is how this made things worse for Olivia? What difference did it make? Why was she no longer ”Every Woman?“ She was still the same woman that the president was having an affair with. Surely the ring validated what she meant to Fitz? I need somebody to explain this crap to me.
25. ”What is the first rule? Your first rule?“
Olivia ”Do not lie.“
Leo: ”DO NOT LIE! Olivia Pope, woman of the people, she is gone, she is history. It’s time for Olivia Pope love struck teenager.“
Olivia: ”I can’t sell that.“
Leo: ”You will sell that! You will sit down with an interviewer of my choice and you will speak as if you were chatting with your bestie about your innocent and your uncontrollably doe-eyed love for the president of the United States. That is the plan, that is the only way to spin your way out of the diamond ring you neglected to tell me about.“
Lol. Leo was mad as hell. At least it wasn’t Vermont that was revealed. Now that would have been a nightmare for everybody.
26. Mellie basically crawling over to Cyrus’s house, looking all sorry for herself.
So she was the one who told the committee about Doux Bebe? I wonder how she even knew? Actually I don’t care how she knew. All I know is, instead of hiring herself somebody to work on her image, she went to Cyrus with her bottom lip dragging on the carpet. I can’t with her woe-is-me bullshit.
27. Senator Gibson and the Caucus Lady trying to blackmail Marcus.
28. The next scene after that one was Olivia going over to the Human Vibrator’ house, and I just didn’t give a shit about it, so I saw up to the point where Elise tried to make a point by kissing THV, I saw Liv’s non-reaction, and I just fast forwarded. Jake doubling up as Lyanla trying to fix Liv’s life isn’t what I watch this show for.
29. Marcus telling Gibson and the Caucus Lady that he wants to be a good citizen.
I didn’t think for one second that he’d sell Olivia out, but it was nice to get the confirmation of that later.
30. Olivia starting out the Noah Baker interview trying to be all girly.
Girl what are you doing? I cringed so hard.I have to say that’s a testament to Kerry’s embodiment of this character, that Liv trying to be all girly and cute just made me want to die of second hand embarrassment, considering that that is how Kerry herself is in real life.