david woo


“Marry, I cannot show it in rhyme; I have tried: I can find out no rhyme to ‘lady’ but 'baby,’ an innocent rhyme; for 'scorn,’ 'horn,’ a hard rhyme; for,
'school,’ 'fool,’ a babbling rhyme; very ominous endings: no, I was not born under a rhyming planet, nor I cannot woo in festival terms.”

This open mic guy at the comedy night was like “any nudists in the crowd?” And my friend David was like “woo!” And then the open mic guy was like “bring the lights up, hey you have clothes on!” so then David got completely naked.. Like dick and everything and everyone lost their minds

I was ten years old in the fifth grade sitting at my desk wishing I had studied a little harder the night before to learn all of our fifty states and their capitals. My best friend just sat down after acing the assignment. My teacher said, “David it’s now your turn.” Petrified, I slowly got out of my chair and walked to the big blank map in the front of our classroom.

Before I could start, the principal of our school announced that President Kennedy had just been shot in Dallas. School would be dismissed early that day…

I returned to school the Monday following JFK’s assassination. And I was able to name all fifty states and their capitals.


— David Woo