I feel like Dave would have had a much more harmonious childhood if Bro had had a big buff gentle giant of a boyfriend like Jake. Like I mean just imagine all the things:

  • Jake would never let Dirk try to throw a baby off the roof
  • Jake calling little Dave ‘pumpkin’
  • Cute little family vacations to Jake’s island where Dirk always gets sunburned but they still have a good time
  • Family Halloween costumes (Jake as the Scarecrow, Dirk as the Tinman and baby Dave in a lion onesie and they talk Roxy into being their Dorothy? Idk)
  • Dirk and Jake out walking with lil Dave and holding one of his hands each and swinging him between them.
  • Dave not wanting to share Jake with Dirk when they’re playing and Dirk getting so impatient
  • Jake always convincing Dirk not to ground Dave when he fails a class or comes home way after curfew
  • Jake making his grandma’s special soup when Dave is sick
  • Dave having an awkward crush on Jake when he’s thirteen, but Jake never notices because he’s oblivious like that
  • Jake always forcing Dirk and Dave to hug and make up after a fight

Q: how to instantly improve Dave’s childhood
A: add Jake