Dragon Dave who keeps stealing people’s older brothers for his hoard (he collects older brothers okay he has issues) and ends up picking up Jake English because he’s just so nice to and so appreciative of Jade and goddamn giant-ass-dragon-full-of-sharp-scales-and-fire!Dave covets that for himself.

So he scoops Jake up in a fit of impulse and long story short he has a big long vent session to Jake who pats his scales and nods his head and they talk about archaeology and Jake reads him a story from one of his adventure books and then finally Jake asks Dave to take him home to his little sister but promises to return to Dave whenever he needs a little pick-me-up, chap, and Dave just kind of stares at the wall afterwards with a distant gaze of self-discovery and decides maybe he’d like to collect neat bones.

I feel like Dave would have had a much more harmonious childhood if Bro had had a big buff gentle giant of a boyfriend like Jake. Like I mean just imagine all the things:

  • Jake would never let Dirk try to throw a baby off the roof
  • Jake calling little Dave ‘pumpkin’
  • Cute little family vacations to Jake’s island where Dirk always gets sunburned but they still have a good time
  • Family Halloween costumes (Jake as the Scarecrow, Dirk as the Tinman and baby Dave in a lion onesie and they talk Roxy into being their Dorothy? Idk)
  • Dirk and Jake out walking with lil Dave and holding one of his hands each and swinging him between them.
  • Dave not wanting to share Jake with Dirk when they’re playing and Dirk getting so impatient
  • Jake always convincing Dirk not to ground Dave when he fails a class or comes home way after curfew
  • Jake making his grandma’s special soup when Dave is sick
  • Dave having an awkward crush on Jake when he’s thirteen, but Jake never notices because he’s oblivious like that
  • Jake always forcing Dirk and Dave to hug and make up after a fight

Q: how to instantly improve Dave’s childhood
A: add Jake


TG: as you can tell
TG: ive got it kind of bad for the guy can you blame me?? look at that fuckin smile
TG: shit should be *illegal* in like fifty-some different countries its not even /fair/ its flat out cheatin at life you feel me
TG: i mean hell
TG: ive got it bad for all three of these idiots if im bein honest with myself here
TG: so i guess im kinda biased yeah?


TG: unlike john and dirk, jake is more than wiling to indulge me in my shenanigans and the guy never fails to impress
TG: his favorite way to ignite the scandalized gasps of at least a dozen horrified new college freshman is to straight up dip me in the middle of the hallway
TG: shits so fucking ironic and sappy its gone full circle back to ‘romantic’ 
TG: … not to say thats a *bad* thing

TG: like i said, s’whatever you know??