FOFOP 55 - How Australian are you?

Wil saw a homeless man arguing with a tree.

Wil: He was having this fucking full on argument… with a tree. Like, he was so angry with this tree. I don’t know what the tree had done, but–

Dave: Were they arguing about something specific or…

Wil: Well, they weren’t arguing. It was one-sided… the tree could not get a word in.

Dave: Well, you say that, but maybe trees just talk really slow and in like five hundred years it will be like, “No!

FOFOP Episode 150 - Fallen Rock Angels

Dave: Obviously I’m going to probably go to Melbourne this year for the festival.

Wil: Melbin - [that’s what] you’ll have to start calling it.

Dave: Melbin?

Wil: Melbin.

Dave: But I am an American, so I get to say it like it sounds…

Wil: No. Not if you want people to come to your show. That sort of American attitude of “I’ll say it how I want to say it” is the exact thing that will not drive punters through the door of your show.

Dave: But it’s an accent!

Wil. No. Melbin. …

Dave: Okay, I feel like I’m losing this one. Umm, that’s going to be hard for me. But I’ll try. Melbin.

Wil: Melbin.

Dave: So I’m going to spell it in my mind as m-e-l-b-u-r-n. Melburn.

Wil: Yeah, or you could even take the R out of the end.

Dave: Take the what out?

Wil: The R out. Melbun.

Dave: Melbun.

Wil: Melbun.

Dave: No R? There’s an R in the word?

Wil: Yeah. There’s an E as well…

Dave: Ok go fuck yourself. Now you guys are just fucking with people.

Wil: And Brisbin. Melbin and Brisbin. Fascinating podcast.

Dave: You don’t get to ignore letters.

Wil: I hope we’re still doing this in ten years!


Charlie launches into his old stand-up routine.

Charlie: “Everyone relax.”

And everyone promptly LOSES THEIR SHIT. Like, for a full minute and a half. There is laughter, there is shouting, there is applause. Wil, Dave and Greg are completely incoherent.


Some more incoherent yelling and laughter.

Wil: It’s like we’re on a plane, and instead of the overhead announcement, the captain has come out with a gun in his mouth and gone, “LADIESANDGENTLEMENTHISISYOURCAPTAINSPEAKING!!”


Greg: Wait, wait, we need to stop laughing…

Everyone keeps laughing.

Greg: [to Charlie] I liked you before. I fucking love you now.

Charlie: I don’t think you’re going to be saying that by the time we get to the end of this.

Former Call of Duty Director Wants Plainclothes Soldiers in Our Schools and a Brainwashing Marketing Blitz to Make That Seem Okay

We’re breaking some new territory here at the Herb today. Typically, the only politics discussed center around topics like the “online-only” debate or the evils of Day One DLC. But on this day, we have a Mr. Dave Anthony to thank for setting my course to uncharted waters.

Anthony, whose video game career included directing Call of Duty: Black Ops and its sequel Black Ops II before he departed developer Treyarch last year, was invited to speak at the Atlantic Council, a think tank gathered to address global challenges; this week, the forum topic was “Future of Unknown Conflict,” a notion Anthony already somewhat tackled in Black Ops II (wherein an enemy force hijacks our own weapons technology and sics them on American soil).

In his speech, Anthony discussed very real threats that can’t be solved by engaging in seven hours of corridor-shooting and quick-time events – threats like ISIS that could, Anthony illustrates, attack the U.S. from within by arming indoctrinated citizens and having them carry out ordered strikes against casinos in Vegas or public schools. It’s a chilling thought made all the more sobering by an example Anthony gave in which Iraqi school children where senselessly murdered this year while attending their classes.

Though the point of the forum is to often times find off-kilter, even controversial solutions to global problems, Dave Anthony’s suggestion in particular of assigning armed military personnel to our nation’s schools has kicked up a heap of charged debate.

“Imagine there was a concept of something like a ‘school marshal.' These guys are U.S. soldiers who are in plainclothes, whose job and part of their responsibility is to protect schools. They’re not walking around in camo gear with machine guns strapped around their shoulders,” explains Anthony. “But they are armed and capable of dealing with threats as they happen.”

Anthony (correctly) predicted that the idea of a school marshal doesn’t sit well with everyone, saying that people will liken it to a police-state. I reckon because that’s the borderline definition of a goddamn police-state, but I digress. Either way, Anthony says that public perception is a “solvable problem.” All you have to do is brainwash people.

“When we have a new product that has elements that we’re not sure how people will respond to, what do we do as a corporation?” asked Anthony.

Well, gee, I suppose you offer up extensive details about the product, how it serves us, and educate people on what you’re planning to achieve by offering us this service?

“We market it, and we market it as much as we can–so that whether people like it or not, we do all the things we can to essentially brainwash people into liking it before it actually comes out.”

Fucking hell, man. Wear a hat the next time you decide to show your horns. A marketing blitz to hype up a down-trending franchise that iterates no more than half an inch a year – after year, after year, after year – may be well and fine, but for our nation’s government?

That’s not how you foster trust between our people and governing body. There’s already so much mistrust for the system as is. Adding a marketing firm into the equation is just another way of telling us our opinion isn’t valid until it falls in line with what you want. Again, you’re not selling a fucking video game here – you’re changing how we live life.

If you can stomach it, here’s Anthony’s full speech.

FOFOP Episode 127 - Russ Can Do It

Reading from Jaden Smith’s Twitter feed:

Dave: "You can discover everything you need–“

Gareth: ”You can discover"?! It’s discover!

Dave: "You can discover everything you need to know about everything by looking at your hands.“

Gareth: "About everything!

Wil: You know what? Let’s test it. Ask me something you need to know about everything and I’m gonna see if I can discover it by looking at my hands.

Dave: Okay, you ready? How much water is there on Mars?


Wil: Not enough?

Gareth: He ain’t wrong!