dave chambers

Quill As My Witness [4]

You attract the right things when you have a sense of who you are. -Amy Poehler


You arrived fifteen minutes early to your appointment with Thomas Jefferson. Taking note of his outfit from the party, you made sure to incorporate a velvet purple skirt to your attire.

Good first impressions and all.

The secretary told you that Mr. Jefferson would be down in a few minutes. So you took the chance to look around the front desk lobby.

Suspecting from Thomas’ inflated ego, you would think it would be filled with the latest gadgets, equipment and furniture.

But the lobby had a very welcoming, southern home feel. The walls were a deep mahogany with gold trimming. Large old time sofas sat in the corners near rustic windows and small tables with assorted flowers in the middle of them. Besides the bright lighting that lead from the entrance to the front desk, the rest of the room was in low lighting.

“Ms. [L/Name],” came the familiar voice of Thomas from behind you.

You turned arpund to see the man of the hour in his seemingly signature color. His eyes traveled down to your pencil skirt, approval written across his face.

You nodded. “Mr. Jefferson.”

“Please,” he said, smiling as he locked eyes with yours, “Only Thomas.”

Shrugging, you agreed to it. “I would say the same on using my first name but, I really like how you say ‘Ms. [L/Name]’. Probably because of that accent your sporting.”

Thomas chuckled. “Anything you like, Ms. [L/Name],” he growled at you playfully. He then gestured to an elevator that you failed to notice before. “Shall we?”


James Madison welcomed you and Thomas when the elevator opened on the up most floor.

His eyes lit up when he spotted you, pushing Thomas aside to give you a warmer greeting. Clearly, you left some sort of impression on the shorter man on that short time period you met.

And clearly, Thomas was hurt that he didn’t receive the same greeting from his second in command.

“A pleasure seeing you again, Madison,” you said, shaking his hand. James gave one good pump before releasing your hand.

“Pleasure is all mine,” was his response, moving back so he stood in line with Thomas.

He caught Thomas’s eye and received a 'We’ll talk about this later’ look from the taller man.

“As you already know, this is James Madison. He’s the Co-Ceo of this company. Really. Without him, I never would’ve gotten this far.”

You almost stuck your tongue out as Thomas looked at James like he found the one thing in his life he couldn’t live without.

But you did manage to slip out: “How about you go fuck him already.”

If you were one of those girls who slapped your hands over your mouth in embarrassment, you would’ve done that.

But you ain’t.

You held both of their stares until they glanced at each other and -surprisingly- burst out laughing.

Both men had tears rolling from the side of thier eyes, only wiping them away to speak.

“Oh, that’s gold,” Thomas breathed out. “You’ll fit in just fine.”

You thanked him while James nodded in agreement. You rolled your shoulders back before speaking again.

“So, are you going to show me around…?”

Thomas perked up, spinning on the tip of his dress shoes and walked towards the hallway in front of him. “Of course, of course. Follow me.”


Calling 'President Chambers’ a gossip blog was an understatement.

Everyone who worked under Thomas and James were hard hitting journalists. When they wanted the facts, they got down on their hands and knees and got dirty. The workers had tidbits on each other’s subject or had intel in their respective fields. They helped one another get what they needed without taking advantage of each other.

These were the type of people you needed to be around. This level of professionalism disappeared when Washington stepped down at Pen & Ink. Not to get it wrong, your coworkers knew how to get shit done.

But how this team worked. It’s just a breath of fresh air.

You met an older lady by the name of Angelica Schuyler who was the head Editor-In-Chief. Evidently, she was the elder sister of Elizabeth Schuyler, who was the middle sister, and Margarita “Peggy” Schuyler, who acted as a personal assistant to Angelica.

Unlike Elizabeth, the two didn’t annoy you. At all. Peggy’s little temper tantrums were, you dare say, cute. And Angelica had the same mindset as yourself, making her an easy person to talk to.

Thomas left you with the both of them, which was the smartest thing he did today because you feel more and more in love with the company. Just by them alone making your experience even better each day you spent there.

It soon was the last trial day at 'President Chambers’ and you genuinely felt heart broken to leave. But you do have to spend the rest of your week off, ya know, off.

Peggy had you wrapped up in a hug, Angelica settling for standing beside you both.

“We’re going to miss you,” she wailed, pulling you in tighter to her smaller frame.

You patted her curls, hoping to calm her down. “Well, we have each other’s number. We can always set up a get together. As long as it’s less than five people. Any more and I’ll get pissy.”

Angelica managed to elbow you in between Peggy’s hold. “So antisocial. We have to change that soon.”

You managed to pry Peggy’s arm from around you, jumping backwards on the sidewalk just as she tried to tackle you.

“I rather we not. I prefer my peace and quiet,” you huffed before facing the taxi you called earlier.

A flash of purple entered your left side and, turning your head, see Thomas leaning on the side of the taxi, holding out two cards to you.

With a raised brow, you took the cards from him, one being his business card and another-

“I don’t know who you think I am, but no way in hell will I use your card.”

You shoved his dark blue credit card in his face. What was he trying to play at? Bribery to get you to join his team was not the answer. You truly believed he had more class than this.

“[F/Name], are you serious?” Peggy stepped to your side. “This is like…telling you that you have his complete trust!”

You shot a confused look to Angelica, wishing for more input. “See, Thomas is weird. But I think we already established that.”

Thomas pouted but no one bothered to notice.

Angelica pulled the same brand of card from her jacket pocket. “I received this card not long after joining this team. Basically, if you have the honor of obtaining one from Jefferson there, you’re one of the very few people in his life he trusts. These babies lead straight to his own bank account, so you definitely made an impact on him. And it seems like you’re the third one to ever get one.”

“Okay? But I’m not a even on your staff,” you said turning back to Thomas. “I shouldn’t even be in possession of this.”

Thomas rolled his eyes as he opened the back of the taxi door. “Just say thank you. Like Ms. Schuyler said, I know that you won’t betray me. Probably because of your no bullshit attitude. And even if you don’t accept the job offer, you’ll still be close to us here.”

You threw your purse inside the taxi, placing one foot inside while you looked back at Thomas. “Trying to make me cry, Mr. Jefferson?”

“Of course not, Ms. [L/Name]. We’ll see you soon.”


You opened the door to your condo, Bluestar and Pineapple greeting you warmly. Scratching both of them in their favorite spots -and Pineapple taking perch on your left shoulder- you headed to the living room, hearing your roommate talking with someone.

“Hey. I’m back. Who are yo-”

You stopped once you turned the corner, Alexander sitting on the couch with a forlorn expression. An expression that you’ve never witnessed before.

Your roommate look to you and Alexander, then back again before standing up. “I’m going to leave you two alone. If you need me,” she said pointing at you, “you know how to yell.”

With that, she was up the stairs, leaving you and your boss alone.

You sighed. “Look Hamilton, how many times do you-”

“You’re planning on leaving us?”

You felt your body collapse slightly. You didn’t tell anyone about your trial at Jefferson’s company, so how did he know?

“[F/Name],” he said, his voice cracking. He leaned forward so his head was resting on his palms.

“[F/Name], please. Please don’t leave me for him.”

What Wu Tang Clan member describes you?

• Inspectah Deck - That dude that’ll sit back n watch you

• Raekwon - The Chef, cooking up shit ta get us mouth waterin

• Method Man - mad different methods to the way you do ya shit; basically like roll that shit light that shit, smoke it

• U God - a psychopathic thinker

• Ol Dirty Bastard - cuz there ain’t no father to his style

• Ghostface Killah - on some now you see me now you don’t, know what I’m sayin

• The RZA - the sharpest mu'fucka in the whole clan; on point


• GZA - the genius; he’s just a genius

  • Comedy notes: It was almost impossible for this year to live up to last year in this category. But while there aren’t quite as many specials this year that will go on to be my all-time favorites there were significantly more releases that were just straight-up hilarious. It’s also worth noting that I haven’t heard Rory Scovel Live at Third Man Records yet and I have the feeling if I had it would have been number one. While it wasn’t necessarily wall-to-wall hilarious, Kristen Schaal: Live at the Fillmore definitely earns its top spot for being the most interesting and elaborate special to come out of Comedy Central in years (and it goes without saying that overall it was really fucking funny).
  • Comedy honorable mentions: Sarah Silverman: We Are Miracles, Aziz Ansari: Buried Alive, Pete Holmes: Nice Try the Devil, Jimmy Pardo: Spezzatura, Todd Glass: Todd Glass Talks About Stuff, Dave Anthony: Shame Chamber

Every December the internet is flooded with “best of” lists, to the point that they ultimately become monotonous and unnecessary. Obviously I want to contribute to that. Between now and the new year I’m going to post four of these lists. This one for comedy, one for music, one for movies, and one for TV. Ultimately I didn’t read enough new comics or novels to make those lists this year which is a bit disappointing.