dave 'pheonix' farrell

Digital painting of Chester Bennington, frontman of Linkin Park, the man with the voice of an angel, one of the greatest singers of all time, a bandmate, an incredible husband and father. 

I couldn’t be older than four or five when I first listened to Linkin Park. I still remember it because the music video I saw freaked me out. It was “One Step Closer”, Chester and Mike had super weird hair and I remember wondering how Chester could be upside down. And should I even mention the weird people flying around? Yeah, freaky. 

If there’s one thing my father passed onto me despite no really being around unless it was to cause trouble, it’s his love for music. Especially rock music, actually. So it wasn’t a surprise that I liked that weird ass band. Still do. Always has, really. I grew up being really lonely, I didn’t have many friends because I was different, a lot of people made fun of me because of that too. At home, it’s always been a mess. You know, there are times, when you are depressed, you think you have no one. That no one cares about you, that no one loves you. Well, at least, I had Chester. At least, I had one person talking to me every day as I grew up, through his songs. Someone who had been through such bad shit, someone who finally could understand me. 

I feel like I’ve lost more than an idol, more than an inspiration, I feel like I’ve lost my best friend, a brother, even. It’s been three weeks and I still can’t get over his death. I’ve only been listening to Linkin Park since I heard the news. I was on holidays when it happened, with my friends, watching TV, and suddenly one of them said “Hey, the singer of Linkin Park is dead, he killed himself, it’s all over Facebook.” I had to excuse myself, told them I was gonna take my shower, I just cried. I didn’t want them to think I was weird, crying over someone I had never met. I didn’t sleep that night, I didn’t smile the following days, and I still feel empty, I can’t stop thinking about it and I still cry sometimes at night. 

Just thinking about the way he did it… It haunts me, I know he suffered and I wonder if he regretted it as he did it. If it was just too late for him at that point, if there wasn’t any way to save him that day. I hate thinking about it but I can’t help it. I hate thinking that I will never be able to meet him, to thank him for everything, to tell him how important he is. 

Anyway, I just felt like I needed to do something too, so here’s a digital painting I spent the last two days making. It’s great seeing so much love being spread for Mike, Brad, Rob, Dave and Joe as well as for Talinda and his kids. I can’t even imagine the pain they are going through if some people like me are missing him so bad without having ever met him. 

I know my blog’s a Marvel blog and that some of my followers might be annoyed that I post a lot of stuff about Chester and Linkin Park lately, but you’re gonna have to get used to it. Chester didn’t need a suit of armor or some indestructible shield to be a hero. So he deserves his place on my blog too. I won’t let his memory ever die, even if that’s all I’ve got left of him.