“does it hurt a little bit?”
“me too”
“i wish you nice holidays.”

we datet 4 years, he was my first love. He went to America for 3 months. i believed we can get trough. One week after he came home, he broke up with me. 2 months later we startet dating again, i went 5 weeks to indonesia.. he said that we look after my holidays were those feelings go to. I texted him, if he miss me. He said no and that he liked to being with me, but that he didn’t love me anymore. This was our last conversation.
My heart is still broken, and I wish he would come back. I don’t know what happened to our love, we had so many plans..

I love you..

Having a pity moment. *I accidentally type potty instead of pity and autocorrect figured me out*…but anyway…I am.

Might be feeling a bit sensitive on my life. 42 and feeling lonely and mature *was going to say old but meh…might be too strong of a word*.

I am lumping my fibromyalgia and being single forever in the same thought bubble *you would understand if you had seen the first draft of this paragraph*.

So ya…just a bit of a pity moment. Stupid moment really. Doctor for the fibromyalgia and single…we will see. Almost thought about doing a dating app again and then I remember stuff and things. Who knows….maybe someone will confess their sweet crush on me and we will be happily ever after…blah blah blah

anonymous asked:

What led you to your faith? It's really uncommon and I'm genuinely curious :^)

I think I made a long post a while ago when I first started, but I’ll summarise the most relevant parts.

After a few years of atheism/agnosticism (really against Christianity), I had this moment of curiosity and desperation. I had just started trying to date again after getting out of a psychiatric ward and wanted some sense of support or guidance about it. I didn’t feel the Christian god was what I needed, I doubted if he even existed. So I went with what I knew best, Greek mythology. I didn’t think of it as a religious thing, more of a “casting a line out into the universe” kind of thing. So I prayed to Aphrodite for help. And by the Gods I got an answer. It wasn’t what I expected, but my life changed. I then branched our to Apollo, Hermes, any of the gods I felt related to the things in my life. And before I knew it, I was believing, truly believing, in the gods. I only had a superficial understanding of them (and I probably still do though I do try to deepen that). But I felt more connected and had a better sense of belonging than I ever had in Christianity.
Then, months later, I discovered that Hellenism is a practiced religion. I then started to look at things on tumblr, Facebook, and just the genera google searching web. And as time went on, I developed a better belief system, a better understanding and I believe I have changed much over the past two years.

So it stemmed from curiosity and a yearning to be heard.

Cheers! If you want to talk religion my inbox is always open!


TBH, I have not dated anyone in over a year. My last relationship was rushed into and ended up not working out. It wasn’t fair to either of us, but it wasn’t anyone’s fault. He was a really nice guy… we just weren’t good for one another.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like I really want to try dating again. I feel like the time is right and I am finally fully content with myself and my goals are straight. I might start putting myself back out there again. 

We’ll see what happens.

anonymous asked:

If sexuality can be influenced by trauma, 70% of the people attracted to males would never date a dude again.

Good point. Plus, dealing with homophobia daily is a pretty traumatizing experience, not to mention actual conversion therapy, but we know that nothing can make a gay person attracted to the opposite sex.

-Mod Noel

one of the reasons people with bpd handle people rejecting them/abandoning them so hard is bc we base our identities around these people we get attached to. how THEY feel about us is who we ARE, in our minds. if they love us, we base our identities around that and believe we are loveable. if they leave us or decide they don’t like us anymore, we believe we are unloveable because we have no concrete sense of who we are, apart from how other people feel about us.

one aspect of… lesbian loneliness, i guess, that has always impacted me a lot is how gay activism tends to center around gay couples. being single was so hard bc not only was my dating pool minuscule and hard to find, but also because there’s a disconnect between “single lesbian woman who deserves respect to have her rights respected” and “lesbian couple who deserve to love each other”. i hear a lot about the latter in mainstream politics, but not as much about the former

being a lesbian can and does cause us heartbreak and hardships whether we’re in relationships or not. in fact, being single can be even more painful than experiencing homophobia while in a relationship

your family hopes you’ll finally fall back into your good old heterosexual ways and your friends offer casually to hook you up with men if you’d be down and any trauma or abuse you’ve endured from other women you can’t even breathe a word about around straight people because they’ll just blame your gay identity, so you bottle it all up and then suddenly your family can’t understand why you’re not dating anyone (“are you hesitant to start dating men again?”) when really you’re a traumatized shell of a person with so little resources for the kind of suffering you endure

being gay and gay suffering does not end at our love and relationships

Erotic Burping

Context: I’m DMing a campaign for four friends. One of my friends is playing an annoyingly perfect and charming fighter (her lowest stat is a 13 in Wisdom), her girlfriend is playing our bard. The others are a rogue and mage but not relevant to this story. The party has entered an inn to stay for the night.

Me: The inn is busy, but not overly crowded. Behind the bar a sweet looking woman looks up and smiles as you enter, gesturing to empty seats at the bar and an empty table nearby

Fighter: I walk up to the bar, smiling my most winning smile
In character as the innkeeper I welcome them, tell them our rates etc.

Fighter OOC: I’m going to seduce her

Fighter IC: *leans forward* Thank for that lovely welcome, you really are so charming, perhaps later we could *player burps loudly*

Everyone laughs


Me: Sure, why not

Fighter: *rolls a natural 20*


Bard: This is our first date all over again

Me: Was that in character or out of character?

Bard: Can it be both?

And that is how our lesbian fighter seduced an innkeeper by burping in her face.

let’s just talk for a moment here. 

I’m gonna say itLena Luthor loves Kara Danvers. loves her. and there are soooo many reasons why. 

first, let’s just list the reasons off the bat, then I’ll explain my reasonings. 

  • donuts
  • lip bites/glances/looks
  • the thirst factor
  • food dates
  • meeting Alex
  • gala
  • flowers
  • her heroics
  • “I’ve never stood behind a man” 
  • “I’m here for you, if you still want that”
  • “I miss you”
  • “I didn’t see your name on the by line”/ “unquit”
  • “I trust you”/Catco
  • heart emoji

ok let’s get started:

first, the doughnuts.

 lena is known for eating healthy. she drinks kombucha. she gets kara to probably eat vegetables. y’know the regular. probably is on a no carb diet. we never see her eating anything bad, because she’s probably been preened all her life to be picture perfect and eat only what’s good for you. but here comes her bff, her gal pal kara danvers, traipsing in with a bag of doughnuts. this happened a couple times, actually. lena indulged in a doughnut for kara. 

the lip bites, holy fuck. I’m going to tie this in with the glances too. because holy mother of god. 

lena is always checking kara out, biting her lip (most likely surprising moans bc hot damn she’s in love with this woman) and the looks. the looks of. pure. unadulterated. love. 

I mean you cannot tell me the look on lena’s face is anything but love? come on. even a blind man could tell. 

next, lena’s thirst factor. 

girl, she is always, always, (almost) always seen with a drink when around kara! 

exhibit A: their first meeting, lena has to pause and get herself a damn glass of water

exhibit B: granted, yes they’re at a restaurant, but lena’s got an almost empty glass, bc hot damnvers kara is something. (lets take in account that kara’s glass is empty)

exhibit C: in the most recent episode 3.01, lena is yet again, shown pouring herself some water bc girl is thirsty af 

exhibit D: oh looky here, Lena’s getting a drink. I am pretty sure Kara just makes her speechless and she needs water to talk

exhibit E: y’all see where I’m going with this, right?

their brunch/lunch/dinner/kombucha dates

lena always seems to have a food date with kara. always. I mean it’s one thing to have one on occasion but they’re known to have these? and I know damn well that kara isn’t always the one to initiate them. lena is probably the one to invite her because she’s rich and offers to feed kara’s immense appetite. 

what about the first time lena was introduced to Alex properly?

this. this is the face of jealousy. she shows up unannounced at kara’s apartment (where’d she even get kara’s address?) and sees this beautiful woman in kara’s apartment and she’s jealous af, and Alex doesn’t let on anything. doesn’t, for a split second, let on that she’s kara’s sister, because I’m pretty sure she knew what Lena’s thoughts were. she knew for a flash of a second, lena was actually jealous, but ew gross, kara is her sister, and that’s when kara finally speaks up, and Lena’s face softens, and she remembers what she actually came over for… 

the gala

she invites, not only kara and supergirl to the gala, but kara’s man friend, mike of the interns, because she doesn’t care. if kara’s friends with this person, she figures she can trust this person too, who tf cares if you met them five seconds ago and could’ve easily told him “It’s an elite party, and I’m inviting kara as my plus one, sorry” but no, she extends an invitation to mike of the interns…

the flowers: plumerias

these are plumerias, for anyone who hasn’t seen them before. they come in all different colors, ranging from blues, pinks, purples, melon, peach, yellow and white. they are an exotic flower, and a bit hard to come by. they have to be imported, usually from Hawaii. they have a few different meanings, but in Chinese, they symbolize love. they mean “I love you” and “you are special” 

and kara’s office, just so happens to be overflown with flowers, most likely plumerias because she mentioned they remind her of her mother, and lena would totally import those flowers and fill her office as a thank you to saving her just because she loves kara. and you know damn well she knows what those flowers mean. she’s smart, we’ll touch on this fact later.

lena being a hero

she is.. its a fact. whether it’s supergirl or kara danvers’s hero, national city’s hero, or anyone’s hero, lena is a hero. 

lena chooses kara and being the hero and will always choose kara and being the hero. when it came to saving jack or saving supergirl, she chose kara over her ex-lover. and we can probably assume that because a) lena is young and b) lena is a luthor, jack was probably her only real relationship. she did love him, you could tell with the emotion from the kiss and even the relaxed-ness of her date with him, they were friends. and she did miss is company, though she wouldn’t date him again. yet then it comes to kara, as supergirl, and she has to choose whether to save jack or end his life to save national city’s hero. she chooses to let jack go, therefore ultimately killing him so she can save kara. she also saves kara’s man child boyfriend from the evil daxamite guard. by shooting him with an alien gun. and she and Winn made whatever that thing was under the table at the gala and it stopped those evildoers from attacking supergirl, and the kicker, my favorite, saving the whole population of national city, not once, but fucking twice.

in s2e8 lena, after finding out her mother is the ringleader of CADMUS, and kara ultimately yells at her and accuses her of knowing what her mother did, etc, still saves national city. she undermines her mother, weasels her way onto her mother’s good side, double-crosses her and makes the medusa virus inert, therefore saving national city’s population of aliens when the only friend she had hated her for the moment. she could’ve easily just given in and killed all the aliens, but she didn’t. she chose to save them because she loves kara and her pro-alien bleeding heart views, even when they sometimes disagree and fight. 

and then again in s2e22, lena, and with the help of Lillian, build a device to rid the planet of the daxamites invading earth. a device that sends out lead into the atmosphere. and she knows what it’ll do. she knows that it’s going to send Mon-el away, and you know she was lowkey happy about that, but she knows it’ll put kara through hell, yet she let’s kara make the ultimate decision to choose whether to go on with it, and kara does. supergirl tells them to use the device. and lena yet again, saves everyone, all because she loves kara and kara is her hero.

and let’s not forget the best time lena was a hero and shot Corbin, therefore saving none other than Special Agent Alex Danvers with the DEO… hot damn, she’s my hero.

lena’s never stood behind a man

*eh hem* I’ll just leave these here. two examples of lena never standing behind a man, because she’s independent and fierce, but Kara is always protecting her and she lets kara/supergirl. we know damn well lena can hold her own, she is a Luthor after all, but she lets kara take the forefront and she stands behind her with grace and poise and love and admiration. 

“I’m here for you, if you still want that”

Lena knows the hell kara is going through. she knows that kara lost her man child thing of a boyfriend she liked for five days. and kara is going through hell. and yet, she’s still cautious. I think this is one of the most significant things ever and we’re going to dissect for a second here. in the second image: kara tells lena “I’m right here” letting lena know she can talk to her and she wants her to, she’s almost willing her to. 

yet in the top image, lena adds the “if you still want that”. she is letting kara know a few things here. a) that she feels guilty over the lead being released in the atmosphere b) she doesn’t want to use kara, because she’s not a talker herself. her walls are always built up so sturdy until kara breaks them down with her super strength and c) she doesn’t want to lose kara. she’s letting her know she’s there if kara wants her because its kara’s choice. she’s not going to force kara into being her friend just because kara is the only friend she has in national city and she will be ready to help kara any way she needs when the time comes. 

“I miss you” 

this also follows with the “if you still want that” because she’s telling kara that she’s being ignored, but she’s not pushing. she knows that kara is distancing herself. but she still lets kara know in a subtle way that she’s still here, she still loves her and that she truly misses her best friend. she just misses her. she misses Kara Danvers, the girl she’s falling in love with more and more as each day passes.

“I didn’t see your name on the by line”/”unquit”

now, first off, kara does anything lena suggests. Lena suggests, she become a reporter and guess who becomes one? Kara. lena tells her in such an unprofessional manner to “unquit” her job. and according to my laptop, unquit isn’t even a word, yet it came out of poised, perfect, prestined Lena Luthor’s mouth. “unquit” 

so kara unquits, and lena sends a heart emoji

a red heart emoji. man, do I have some words about this. Lena, you little lesbian in love with your bestie, damn. lena could’ve easily replied back with a “okay” or “sounds great” or even a “see you tomorrow!” or if we’re going the emoji route: a smiley face, a thumbs up, or fuck idk, a yellow heart? because lena is very, very, very smart. and we all know she knows the meanings that colors represent. like how yellow means happiness, friendship, sunshine, and energy, yet miss luthor sent kara a red heart. red meaning love, passion, heat. you can’t tell me she doesn’t know what they meant. she could’ve replied with so many different ways, yet she chooses a red heart.

and lets not forget the last points: lena buys fricken catco–– “I trust you”

lena “I bought your job for you and I have no fucking idea how to run catco” luthor bought a multimillion dollar corporation so a sexist bottle of cheap cologne couldn’t and she has literally no idea how to run the company, yet she’s enlisting and trusting her best friend and the woman she likes to run it with her. she bought kara a company. because kara asked and she 

lena just dropped everything, and potentially could ruin her career for this woman, and she did it all out of love. 

she even admits to not even knowing how to run the place! yet, just because kara asked, she did it. kara says “jump” and lena asks “how high”. the girl will do anything for the woman she loves. 

anyway, so those are my thoughts and reasonings as to why I believe lena is in love with kara. you can agree or disagree, leave your opinions if you like, but if you’re anti-supercorp please do not leave your opinion. 

*please note: gifs and pictures are NOT mine and I will not take credit for them, I simply borrowed them from the internet. also I stg if the gifs don’t load I will cry, I don’t know if they actually will, let’s hope.

edit: none of the gifs loaded I hate everything… oh fucking well, you get my point and y’all probably know what each gif is a scene of anyway… fml