dash nye

Internet runs out of Manti Te'o girlfriend jokes

By CNtributor Dash Nye

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It was a sad day for Notre Dame football when on Jan. 17 at approximately 12PM PST, the internet simply ran out of Manti Te'o girlfriend material.

The joke deficit could not come at a worse time for the widely publicized girlfriend hoax in which Notre Dame linebacker, Manti Te'o, is facing scrutiny over his internet relationship with a woman who supposedly died during the season.

“It’s a damn shame,” said Twitter user @69ALLStARr69. “The Catfish references alone gave us a really deep pool for wisecracks, but even those have run dry. #Disappointing”

Other social media humorists are more optimistic. Redditor, Trojandoody, intends to recycle old premises to keep the hoax’s laughability alive.

“It’s not over ‘til it’s over,” said Trojandoody. “What about the fantasy football angle? Get it? Fantasy? I've barely seen any of those with more than 200 up votes.”

The efforts of Trojandoody disappeared into the recent online flurry that saw everything from Narnia similes to fake dating profiles.

“I got it! We can say the two were matched up by Santa Claus!” shouted one desperate anon whose nose started bleeding before he immediately fell unconscious.

The unfortunate joke shortage is a black mark on Manti Te'o’s otherwise illustrious collegiate career. All the internet has now is niche-specific parody accounts to take up the challenge.

“Manti Te'o’s girlfriend DID die,” tweeted @Lord_Voldemort7. “But dude didn’t count on that Samoan horcrux coming back to bite him in the ass.”