darth vader is a banana

The Signs as @_FloridaMan Tweets

Aries: Florida Man Tries to Rob Convenience Store While Dressed as Darth Vader

Taurus: Florida Man Assaulted Girlfriend With Banana Because She Refused to Help Him Detoxify His Urine

Gemini:Florida Man Caught Watching Porn On Cell Phone While Teaching 9th Grade Reading Class

Cancer:SWAT Team Forced to Wait Outside as Florida Man and Girlfriend Have Sex “One Last Time”

Leo:Florida Man Says He “Just Can’t Help” Breaking Into People’s Homes, Flashing Them His Junk

Virgo:Florida Man Attacks Mother With Potato Salad

Libra:Florida Man Accidentally Shoots 12-Year-Old Daughter in Arm While Trying to Teach Her About Gun Safety

Scorpio:Florida Man Waves at Customers While Masturbating Outside Grocery Store

Sagittarius:Florida Man (Dad) Makes Joke So Bad It Gets Him Banned From Disney For Life

Capricorn:Florida Man Leads Police on Scooter Chase After He’s Suspected of Sniffing Women’s Feet in Library

Aquarius: Florida Man Refuses to Get Out of Hotel Pool, Demands Police Tickle Him

Pisces: Police Arrest Wanted Florida Man After He Butt-Dials 911

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