my perfect crime? I memorize the entirety of the macy’s store inventory. I then go on aliexpress.com and find exact replicas of every single purse in the store. I break in at 3am, and replace every purse with a cheaper version of the purse. I take my real purses home and open up an online store on the darknet featuring fake purses. I then sell these real purses as fake purses, making it so that when the feds catch on to my antics, they spend countless years trying to figure out who can replicate purses this well, and who is selling them. Soon an entire division of the FBI is dedicated to finding me and figuring out how my “fake” purses appear to be real. 45 years later they finally trace my ip address and break into my villa in texas and shoot me right in the leg when i attempt to flee. While this would normally not be a fatal wound, due to my constant devotion to my online fake real purse storefront i have suffered an iron deficiency for 35 years. My blood can’t clot and I start to bleed out. Turns out the woman who shot me was a girl who i made out with once in college, and she holds my dying body in her arms and asks me how my fake purses were so real. I spend the last moments of my fleeting life telling her about how every five years i break into a different Macy’s and replace all the purses, and that the purses I have been selling online for a severely discounted price were actually all real, and I have been doing this purely for the gag of it all. When my former college girlfriend gets home from work after rightfully murdering me for my crimes, she goes into her walk in closet, looks at the 13 gucci purses she owns, and realizes that they’re all fakes.

kiralamouse  asked:

I have a character who's a complete computer layman - competent layman, but nothing special - who gets involved in Mysterious Conspiracy and needs to find Unusual Resources. Would the dark internet be a possibility? If they had a friend who was a white hat hacker, would that friend likely be able to access the dark internet for them? Navigate it? (AKA, what is the dark internet and how does it work, in general terms.)

Ahhh, the dark web. Okay, before we go into this, definition of terms.

The Internet, or ‘web,’ is a set of interconnected computers. That’s all it is. Remember this.
What is called the ’surface web’ is everything that has been indexed by search engines, information you can find by typing it into Google. (or Bing) no!
The term ‘deep web’ simply refers to any information accessible via the internet that is not indexed by search engines. Things behind paywalls, behind login screens, email, heck part of Tumblr is in the deep web, any blog that is invisible unless someone has an account is technically part of the deep web. Most of the deep web is prettymuch harmless, just information that someone wants your money/information for.
The ‘dark web’ or darknet is different. The dark web is a small part of the deep web, consisting of small friend-to-friend or peer-to-peer networks; and large, encrypted networks accessible through things like Tor (The Onion Router) or I2P (Invisible Internet Project). These networks require special software to access them, browsers built for navigating the darknet.

The iceberg metaphor is actually a great way of looking at it. (Note: not everything on the dark web is illegal.)

Now. Would the dark net be a possibility for finding Unusual Resources? Yes. Absolutely. Depending on what your character is looking for it might be a little more difficult to find than other things, but yes. For most Unusual Resources you can make a convincing argument for its appearance in the dark web.

Competent Computer Layman the third™ esquire might know about this stuff, they might even know what to Bing Google in order to find the correct kind of software to access the dark web (it’s really not hard). That’s entirely up to you, though if they do go for it themselves there’s a treasure trove of ‘oh crap’ scenarios that they can get themselves stuck in because they’ve bitten off more than they can chew.

Their hacker friend (white hat or not) may be able to, it depends on the hacker’s skillset. Some hackers specialize in grabbing data from cell phones using hardware gadgets, that type of hacker may have never touched the dark web. Yes, the term ‘hacker’ in media implies a technological whiz who can solve any problem with a few lines of code, but that’s not what most hacking is.

For the purposes of this ask let us assume that your hacker character has used the dark web before and generally knows what they are doing. To the eyes of the uneducated, navigating that dark web looks prettymuch like navigating the surface web. The dark web is a smaller, more encrypted internet. A network of computers. At a base level, it’s the same. Some things are different, for example there was a website on the dark web that helped to introduce the term into the public eye: The Silk Road. Basically Ebay but with drugs, porn, and all sorts of other Unusual Resources. The Silk Road is closed down now, but many other sites just like it are still on the dark web.

tl;dr- The dark web is just like the internet, but smaller, slightly harder to access, and more lax on silly really very important things like laws. Yes, your character can find what they are looking for on the dark web. It’s probably in your character’s best interest to have someone who knows what they are doing, but they can learn themselves and become that person who knows what they are doing.

Hope that helped, and good luck with your writing :)



The Protest

“Adrien, please!”

“Absolutely not.”

“I cannot believe you are being this petty. This is so not like you.”

“These are unusual circumstances.”

“Well, I think you’re being a tad dramatic.”

“Me? Dramatic?” He scoffed. “I am not dramatic! I’ve never been dramatic a moment in my life.”

The look Marinette gave her boyfriend was positively withering.

They were standing in the kitchen of her parent’s bakery. She had on a scrumptious little green dress she’d worn for the special occasion. The apron she wore to protect it was covered in flour, pink icing and a particularly decadent chocolate ganache.

Adrien stood across the kitchen, arms crossed, feet firmly planted. He was not wearing an apron and his clothes were still spic and span as a result of him refusing to participate in the activities of the afternoon.

The object of all his protesting and complaining sat on the counter between them.

To be completely fair, Adrien had to admit the cake was mouth watering. Which made him all the more miffed. The whole thing was a massive round, two-tier affair. He knew inside was a rich, moist yellow cake made even more amazing by the presence of sour cream. A family secret, Marinette had told him. The two layers of cake had been swathed in a made from scratch buttercream vanilla bean icing. Adrien had thought she’d been done then, but to his horror, he had watched as his girlfriend started to melt some of the finest bars of dark chocolate and whip them into that damned ganache. Watching her pour the thick dark liquid over the top of the cake had almost been his undoing. He couldn’t believe the betrayal.

And to top it off, and the cake, she’d gone and made those pretty little pink roses all clustered to the side with the remaining vanilla bean frosting. Followed by the final dagger in the back. The piping of the message on top of the cake.

He tried to melt those words with his eyes.

‘’I cannot believe you chose her over my dignity!”

Marinette rolled her eyes and started to untie the dirty apron. “Adrien, you’ve got to be kidding me. Your dignity?!”

“You know the things she has done to me! And yet you still…!” He gestured meaningfully towards the obscene cake.

Marinette had had enough. He was being ridiculous! 

Finally untying her apron she threw it to the floor with a stamp of her feet. “Adrien! IT. IS. FAKE.” She ground out. “It’s just fan fiction! But, it’s flattering and sweet and she spends so much time and effort and does it for free. This is the least we can do on her birthday!” She came around the counter, on a warpath. Adrien at least had the sense to back up a step when she came stomping up to him, jabbing a finger into his sweater.

“I respected your wishes when you said you didn’t want to make the cake with me, but damn it, you will be in the stupid photo!” Her eyes flared like the center of a candle’s flame.

Not buckling under Marinette’s white-hot gaze was a feat not just any person could tackle, but there was a reason he was her boyfriend and not just any person. So, Adrien didn’t budge. “She’s been blue balling me in that fic for almost tens chapters, maybe more, I dunno! Who cares! It’s too long! I won’t celebrate someone who wishes such horrors on me!”

Marinette and Adrien locked eyes, each burning with their own type of fire. Matching each other degree to degree.

But then something shifted, and Adrien watched as those blue eyes cranked down to a simmer, then shut off entirely. Marinette looked down at her finger still placed in the middle of his perfectly chiseled chest. Slowly she spread her fingers until her hand rested fully against him in a much more friendly gesture. Still on his guard, Adrien watched as Marinette looked back up at him, this time through those thick eyelashes of hers and he watched as her lower lip puckered ever so slightly.

Damn it.


It wasn’t going to work. No, sir. Not this time.

“No.” He said firmly. His features not budging.

“Okay, okay,” she sighed, at some point, her fingers had started to softly stroke him. She flicked her eyes down again,“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t try to force you to do something you’re so adamantly against.”

Adrien remained silent, even as his heartbeat stuttered with each stroke of her fingers.

“Forgive me?” She glanced back up at him, the hint of a smile at the edges of her lips.

Man, those damned lips.

He swallowed, “of course.”

A full smile bloomed across those lips at his words. “Kiss and make-up?”

Adrien smiled back because no one could resist smiling back at Marinette. Not even him. “Of course.”

Popping up on her toes, Marinette grabbed the collar of his sweater and pulled him down to her level. Their lips hit the mark perfectly. And with as much practice as they had had, it was no wonder. 

The kiss he offered her was chaste and quick. The simple kiss you offer when you’re running out the door or saying hello or just because.

However, that was not the kind of kiss Marinette had had in mind.

When he started to pull away, she caught his lower lip expertly in her teeth and drew him right back in. He let out a little gasp and she did not hesitate in taking her opening. Hands sliding from his collar and up into his hair she let her tongue slip inside as she held him to her.

Adrien was not about to complain or even question any of this. He fell right into her rhythm and wrapped his arms around her, drawing her and that damned dress as close as he could.

Soon, she was leaving the warmth of his mouth and blazing a new path down his jaw and to his neck. He let out little sounds of contentment as she hit each and every one of his best spots with little nips and licks. Her hands left his hair to trail down to his shoulders and then his chest where she stroked and rubbed with knowing fingers.

Not one to be idle, Adrien’s hands started to wander on their own journey. They fell from her back, lower and lower until he had his hands full of pure grade-A Marinette Dupain-Cheng certified ass. And oh, boy what a wonderful thing it was. Giving a more than friendly squeeze he pulled her even closer, her breasts pushing up against him in a tremendously delicious way.

She gave a little gasp of approval and left her ministrations on his neck only to capture his lips all over again. This time, however, it was Adrien’s tongue who was first to breach the fortress. She let him wander, exploring every inch of her mouth, memorizing features he’d already memorized many times before.

It didn’t take long. It never did anymore, not when you’d been dating for two years and had spent many a night and day uncovering every single important trick.

Marinette grinned against his lips when she felt the hardened length of him pressing into her.

“Oh?” she whispered against his lips, “what have we here?”

Slowly, she let her hand trail down his abdomen and to his belt buckle, where she idled for only a moment before letting herself take a handful of the bulge in his jeans.

“Marinette,” Adrien said, his voice deeper and rough like sandpaper. A plead.

“I think I might be able to help you out with this little problem.” She redoubled her kissing intensity and busied both hands with undoing his belt buckle.

Adrien’s kisses became frantic, both of his hands left her heavenly posterior and cupped her face, holding her to him like she might drift away at any moment.

Stepping into him, until she’d backed him up to the counter, she finally got the belt buckle undone, the button popped and now her fingers clasped onto the zipper.

And paused.

Leaving his lips she slid her other hand around his neck and brought her lips to his ear and whispered,

“If you don’t take this photo, you’re going to really regret it.”

Nothing more needed to be said. Her point was exceedingly clear.

Adrien jerked back from her, the back of his hand covering his mouth, his eyes widened in betrayal.

“I cannot believe!” He gasped.

The smirk on Marinette’s face was the smuggest of the smug. She crossed her arms and cocked her hips, “believe it, minou. I’ll make your fiction horrors a horrifying reality. And I have plenty of reference material.”





By his own girlfriend.

Adrien knew he’d lost. In a very hard way. But, he wasn’t ready to coincide entirely.

“Very well.” He said, shifting uncomfortably and crossing his arms. “But, I propose a compromise.”

Marinette lifted an eyebrow but decided it was only fair to hear him out. “Go on…”

Thirty minutes later a compromise indeed had been reached and a call to Nino had been placed. Now, the three of them stood in the kitchen. Marinette looking quite satisfied and Adrien having had calmed himself down as much as possible. Nino was looking at both of them like they were crazy.

“So, just to recap, you want me to take a picture of you two, holding a birthday cake that you spent all day making from scratch for a fan fiction writer who writes what is essentially a smut story about you and Adrien and your superhero alter egos Ladybug and Chat Noir. And you’re telling me this fanfiction writer and a million others are a huge fan of this television show that apparently we’re all characters on?”

“Yes, precisely,” Marinette said.

“Where did you even find this?”

Marinette shrugged, “the darknet. Apparently, it contains wormholes to alternate dimensions amongst the illegal arms dealers and assassins for hire.”

“Huh.” Nino blinked. Then he shrugged, “alright cool.”

“Okay,” Marinette picked up her masterpiece of a cake and held it up with a huge grin, “ready!”

Adrien, true to his word, took his place right next to her and held up a creation of his own.

Nino lifted his phone up and focused the camera. “1, 2, 3, say fromage!”

Fromage!” Marinette chirped out happily.

Fromage,” Adrien grumbled out.

After he took a few different shots, Nino finally lowered his phone, “so, how does one send a cake through the darknet to an alternate dimension anyway?”


I hope you like these gifts from an internet stranger! Happy Birthday, @bullysquadess ! This is going to be cheesy as heck, but you really are a big ol’ inspiration to me, you’re really talented in a lot of ways and now you’ve got a job doing one of the things you love, and that’s just so darn cool. I hope your day is as fantastic as you deserve it to be!