“Satan, on the contrary, is thin, ascetic and a fanatical devotee of logic. He reads Machiavelli, Ignatius of Loyola, Marx and Hegel; he is cold and unmerciful to mankind, out of a kind of mathematical mercifulness. He is damned always to do that which is most repugnant to him: to become a slaughterer, in order to abolish slaughtering, to sacrifice lambs so that no more lambs may be slaughtered, to whip people with knouts so that they may learn not to let themselves be whipped, to strip himself of every scruple in the name of a higher scrupulousness, and to challenge the hatred of mankind because of his love for it–an abstract and geometric love.”
I have been feeling very clearheaded lately and what I want to write about today is the sea. It contains so many colors. Silver at dawn, green at noon, dark blue in the evening. Sometimes it looks almost red. Or it will turn the color of old coins. Right now the shadows of clouds are dragging across it, and patches of sunlight are touching down everywhere. White strings of gulls drag over it like beads.
It is my favorite thing, I think, that I have ever seen. Sometimes I catch myself staring at it and forget my duties. It seems big enough to contain everything anyone could ever feel.
Requested by Anon. Thanks for the request Sweetie! Hope you like it. Please be safe when reading this. WARNING- TRIGGERING - SUICIDE. Thoughts of loneliness. Mention of murder/death, blood.
Song- Give me a sign by Breaking Benjamin
My first Jax Imagine,
Dead star shine Light up the sky I’m all out of breath My walls are closing in Days go by Give me a sign Come back to the end The shepherd of the damned I can feel you falling away No longer the lost No longer the same And I can see you starting to break I’ll keep you alive If you show me the way Forever, and ever The scars will remain I’m falling apart Leave me here forever in the dark
Morning, noon and night you didn’t want to get out of bed. You didnt want to live this life with out your older brother Opie. He had was murdered in prison. Before that your dad was killed by someone you trusted. You couldn’t deal with the sorrow. Jax tried to help, it was no use. You didnt want to see anyone. Your so called family was suppose to protect its members. “Y/N you need to get out and talk to someone”. “Talk to me or Gemma, one of the guys, someone”. He said sitting down at the end of your bed. “I’m fine Jax, just tired thats all”. “I’ll be better soon ok”. You gave him a light smile. “I’m just worried about you, we all are”. “You should be worried about catching the killers who murdered my brother”. You said getting angry. “ We are, I’m doing everything in my powers too”. “You should have used those so called powers to save him”. Jax looked at the ground tears rolling down his face. Your eyes where tearing up at just the thought. “I know’. "I gotta go”. He walked over, kissed your forehead and left. Daylight dies Blackout the sky Does anyone care? Is anybody there? Take this life Empty inside I’m already dead I’ll rise to fall again I can feel you falling away No longer the lost No longer the same And I can see you starting to break I’ll keep you alive If you show me the way Forever, and ever The scars will remain I’m falling apart Leave me here forever in the dark
That evening you went threw picture of Opie, Jax and you when y'all were little. It took you down memory lane. That time you three threw rocks at passing cop cars and ran as they turn around racing to the club house. Opie and Jax took the rap for all three of you, he said he didnt want his little sister to get in trouble. He was a great big brother always looking out for you. He didnt even get upset when Jax asked if he could take you on a date. He just trailed behind us the whole date. You smiled. Just thinking about Opie had thoughts you wanted to push out taking over..
AT THE CLUBHOUSE “Hey sweetheart, how’s Y/N”? Gemma hugged him “I don’t know, she says she fine”. “Baby, shes not fine”. “Do you remember that time when she was getting called awful names because of who her family was and how shes was a big slut that gave herself to anyone”? “ "Yeah, Opie and me kicked their asses”. “ Opie cut out one of the guys tongues for that”. “When she was suicidal , do you think she would do that again”? “Shit”. Jax ran out the door and jumped on his bike with fear on his face. Jax speeding down the road trying to get to you as fast as he could. MEANWHILE You walked in to the bathroom and opened the door to the medicine cabinet and took out a straight razer. Sitting down on the floor you took a deep breath and dragged it across your wrist. The relief you felt. You gave your wrist another red line. You felt like you could fly. You saw Opie standing in front of you, telling you everything was going to be alright.
Jax tried to stop the bleeding, getting on the phone calling 911. He kept saying everythings was going to be alright. The paramedics rushed to your side pushing Jax out of the way. All you saw was flashing lights going in and out. They hurried out of your drive way as Jax gunned it behind you following you to the hospital. God help me I’ve come undone Out of the light of the sun God help me I’ve come undone Out of the light of the sun I can feel you falling away No longer the lost No longer the same And I can see you starting to break I’ll keep you alive If you show me the way Forever, and ever The scars will remain
Jax paced the hall as the doctor was patching you up. He was beating himself. Knowing he should have never lefted you like that ,alone. He prayed to God that you didnt die, asking Opie and Piney for forgiveness. “Winston”. The doctor asked “Yeah thats me”. “Is she ok”. “Can I see her”. “She’s fine but we have to keep her for a couple day just to make sure she doesn’t try this again”. “Just for a moment”. Jax walked in your room, there you were with bandages on your wrist and your faces stained with tears. Sitting down in the chair beside your bed, he wrapped his hands around yours and cried. “Please dont leave me too”. “I promised Ope that I would look after you and I failed him”. “I failed you”. You turned your head to see Jax crying. “Jax you didn’t fail anyone, I chose to do this”. “I should have seen the signs that you gave me”. “But I was to blind to see”. “Jax I’m fine, I saw Opie and he told me everything was going to be alright”. “He looked happy, he was there with dad and Donna”. You weeped out. “ Y/N I only have you now, please never do this again”. “I’m going to get you some help”. “Jackson, I promise”. “Good, because I love you and I can’t live this life with out you. So if you ever feel like this again, I will be here for you”. “Thank you Jax, I love you too”. “I’ll keep that in mind, but Jax I’m here for you too. He stayed threw the whole hosptial stay. The feelings of loneliness faded away but the scars will remain forever. You had your best friend back and your brother watching over as an angel.
Give me a sign There’s something buried in the words Give me a sign Your tears are adding to the flood Just give me a sign There’s something buried in the words Give me a sign Your tears are adding to the flood Just give me a sign There’s something buried in the words Give me a sign Your tears are adding to the flood Forever, and ever The scars will remain