abandoning me

alone alone
and all alone
then, and now, but more alone
I chased away
the one I love
my sun, my light, my mourning dove
to save her from a life of pain
of must and swill and acid rain
I freed her from a life of me
from this monster misery

this wild animal
this mad hatter
this dark decent down Jacob’s ladder
this rabies ridden lunacy
this rotten decay that was me
impossible cohabitation
hopeless recluse rehabilitation
impossible love
no sensation
impossible life
slow castration

so I lock myself away from you
there’s nothing left but this to do
I bar the door hide the key
never found never free
never will I see her face
no more life in empty space
never remember what it’s like
no more love it’s just a spike
no more heart no more fear
nothing lovely lives in here
board up the windows
cut the lines
leaving all but me behind
pour out my water pour out my soul
moldy rusty leaky bowl
feed the birds and ravenous beasts
everything I had to eat

I throw my shit out the window
freaky fodder freaky kindle
I trash and burn everything I own
a reminder that I’m all alone
break and melt my valued things
every guitar song note and string
everything that made me smile
I found a new way to defile
art and beauty ripped from walls
no more sex life, no more balls

carefully I lay her dark dark locks
on her picture in a box
inside this precious drawer I lock
rests a locked and hidden box
I kneel before the picture drawer
bruised knees skinned from floor
I will see her, never more
(if I can’t see her, I can’t miss her
if I can’t feel her, I can’t kiss her
If I can’t steal her, I can’t kill her
I leave behind the things I will her)

then I throw the fucking key
and every hope that’s left in me
out the window to the ground
to the lover lost and found

drizzled discontent, scribbled hate
bloodied colors, no more paint
written on walls so I won’t forget
every single fucked regret
my shit and shame stare me down
no more glory, no more crown
if my eyes forget I’ll just remind them
of the brain that lurks behind them

everything is gone
it’s all destroyed
there is no song
there is no void

and now my world, my life, my being
is dripping water from the ceiling
and chipping paint from these feelings
everything I see is trashed
everything my anger’s bashed
all my love reduced to ash

I set my true love free from me
the way it always has to be
the one who suffers should be me
her silent burning memory

got nothing better to do

i taste her poison again
dripping into my mouth
like oil beads
or flowers blooming in summer
seeping nectar.

bugs and creatures
taste her, sampling my flower
stealing life from her
taking her away from me
bleeding her sweetness.

a frenzy builds
with cult-like fervor
and creeps in around her.

(i laugh at myself)
but then again, she isn’t real
i’m outta my mind
and nothing sound resonates
inside me anymore.

Toxic poet

I drip words like a leaky faucet.

The pipes creak and cringe

in the walls from what I write.


My words snipe an ant

on a blade of grass from a mile away.

one shot, one kill


My ideas burn intellectual libraries.

my contradictory concepts

unconventional, unpublished forever


My words clip the wings

of a hummingbird

freeloading off of nature.


My words frighten children,

but only the children of horrible parents

who let them read shit like this.


I bleed out truth like a dying soldier

The medic staring me in the eyes,

lying, “it’ll be ok”


I leak emotions like Chernobyl

Nuclear fallout imminent

If you can read this, you’re already dead.

her eyes bleed life

the world seems so different at night,
She said

it is different at night
it’s beautiful, dark, slow & creamy
it’s dreamy, like you
it’s like being lost in space
free to wander touch and explore
because being lost in the dark
feels like home
and so does your skin
our flesh screamed at each other
gliding and griping
electric and melting
breathing with the wind
into the stars
and now Mars is just a distant memory,
I said

I guess I'm not dead

I leave the city behind me
dazed and in a fog
her head in my heart
her eyes in my mind
her voice burning in my ears
I have taken nothing
but her scent with me
alone with the air I breathe without her
alone with the sunrise in front of me
her thoughts behind me
chasing me
she feels what I feel
breathes the same air
aches where I ache
she wants what I want
craves what I crave
clings to the same dream
sings the same song
she is who I am
and she is her own
but I am nothing but a witness
of Adam’s first pulsating
words to Eve
a groan
the lost utterance
of man’s eyes on the first woman

I disappear after her
like the setting sun
off the earth’s edge
into the night
and into her arms

seventy's stars still shine

staring at the stars
beauty beyond my grasp
running barefoot on wet grass
blades stuck between my toes
sticking to the top of my feet
the sixties sticking
to my tiny bell bottoms
running until my toes were numb
running until I kicked something hard
bleeding numb and lost
staring at the sky
halos teardrops and stars
I loved running as a kid
dreaming with the night
I still run as a man,
but I do it differently
and for different reasons

calmly, said the wind

within the blurry sound
of hearts drowning
in the distance
the moonlight passed me by
skidding into the trees
careening in the breeze
chased by the mob of a violent sun
hiding in the clouds
until the sun rolls over the hills

last night’s tears dry
in the morning light
I pull thick curtains shut
hoping to forget
how far away you are
and sleep
but abstinent aches surge
in rhythm with my pulse

you make wishes on shooting stars
while i stare into your picture’s eyes
and dream in color
that you’re in my arms
pressed into me
with soft sounds
wild hair
pheromone incense
and velvet skin
and me, with handfuls of you.


It’s cool, cold, stark and windy my love
the wind and wolves howl through the trees
they want me my love
the trees have come alive
like in a nightmare
but this is real my love
they stoop and bend
twist their gnarled bodies
stretch razor blade fingers towards my face my love
hell opens the earth before me
I refuse to say his name wants me my love
he wants to feel my sinew and bones
in his teeth

but then there’s this image of you my love
smiling in my doorway
an ethereal blue moonlit glow around your face
your eyes, dark, eternal deep doorways
into everything I’ll ever need
to places I’ve never seen
and never will without you

hold me in your heart
brush off the lustful attempts
others make to have you
ignore the words of those that care
but don’t understand
confess your soul to mine
pour everything into my cup
and I’ll drink the poisons for you
and share your burdens
I’ll consume your darkness
and lay to waste your enemies my love

then you’ll walk through my door
like in this dream
and the horror will die
with lost hope
when my one love comes home to me


the moon drips silver
tears into my lake
death sleeps tonight,
only because his work
is done
but his breath moves in
and out of windows
bruised skies
and bedded deer.
clenched fists and red eyes
soaked shirts
bunched up tissues scattered
across the floor
she looks across the lake
inconsolably alone
calmly exploding

Junk drawer preacher

The sun beats through the clouds
like I’m riding in a bullet riddled coffin
on my way to my funeral
what a beautiful beating
what a lovely death
such terrible chaos
under God’s canvas
and such salvation

looking for miracles
in drawers scattered with change
and forgotten things
dirt on my hands
hands on the plow
I sweat and bleed
my soul grieved and toiled
the sun pulls all the moisture from
my pain
leaving a dry, salty shell
clinging to my skin
covering my pride

when I wake up
to the new sun
just shifting
shatters the old me;
the shell of my filth and failure

There’s something about
walking into a new sun
while the chaff of the old
swirls into the dusk of yesterday

prophet, genius, screw-up

so says the end of all things

so says her pools of blue

eyes gray

made of stray thoughts

lost minds and bitten lips

the end of all things pretty

the end written in blood-

red paper

stained with bled, blue ink

collected to be lost

so says the ignorant girl

so says her foolish heart

of loss

mental floss fleeting

bleeding from her ears

the end of all things youthful

the end predicted

like truth

prophecy sleuth

an emotional Einstein

then said wisdom

then spoke truth

so says silence

so says youth

I told you so

so said I

there you go

here am I

The careening moonlight

sometimes the moon stares at me
like you do at midnight
after drinks
after everyone is gone
after the music fades into fields
behind us
and there’s just breath on my neck
and into your hair

when there’s no moon
there’s just emptiness
and breathing
into snow covered stubbled
fields behind me
it’s then that I dig deep inside my soul
and pull out your scent
it stirs the wind
agitates the breeze
cools my thoughts
and aches with me
until the sun burns my skin
and it starts all over again

rotten flesh, roaring spirit

I chase you, you pull away
when I pull away
you hunt me down, stalk me
I hear your hell hounds howling
bearing down on me
exposed teeth swelling hunger
wild eyes and foaming mouths
when I’m stubborn,
I’m stubborn for putrid garbage
I scream “Solomon was right,
it’s all vanity!”
my conscience is seared
my spirit severed from Eternity
my wicked selfish flesh left to run wild
my mind is just a piece of thick wire
full of kinks that cannot be undone
ready to break ready to snap at any moment
a wind blown ship of rotten planks
ragged, torn, tattered sails
floating on the edge of the world
my precipice, my ledge
I hear voices and I look down
just jump
I mutter some madman’s rhyme
something about either flying or dying

how am I both lost and I’m found?
hell if I know, but I am
I’m bonded and free
I’m chained yet I wander
I’m a slave and I am the King’s son
I’m beaten and bruised
leveled and ruined
but I rise again and again
smiling through the blood
and the guts and the bones
whipping boy turned warrior
dancing in storm’s fury
sound asleep while death and demons
cast lots for my things
but I rise in the shadow of the King’s glory
walking forward
the dead bodies of my enemies
parting like the Red Sea
before me

15 minutes

an empty pack of cigarettes
a room full of smoke
she’s easily impressed with herself
as far as you know
pissed off roommate
can’t make up her mind
dirty whiskey
decent wine
full tilt, auto-recline
2:37am is the time
she stays in hers
I head to mine