mood: that scene in dark of the moon where optimus lands on top of a crane then loses his balance and falls off and gets tangled up in wires and just remains there with his arms dangling and slowly swaying from side to side as he waits for someone to free him
Quick and easy, because we all have bills to pay and we all
hate doing it. This spell can serve a bunch of different purposes. If you’re
going to negotiate a bill, this spell can help decrease the amount you have to
pay. If you have been billed unnecessarily for something, this can help it go
away entirely. If you have a sudden, unexpected bill, this spell can help you
find some money to help pay it.
This spell is best performed on a Saturday, during the
waning moon or on the dark-of-the-moon. It’s a great spell for the dark of the
year too. It would be a good spell for the Autumn Equinox or Halloween.
The bill in question
Ground black pepper, for banishing
A cauldron (or any fire proof container, but
cauldrons are good because they are black and often made of iron)
A black candle (though you can always substitute
white for any colored candle)
1. Identify the bill. Meditate on why you need the
bill out of your life. State your intentions clearly.
2. Sprinkle the bill with black pepper.
3. Fold the bill, cursing the bill. I like to say
something like: O Lady of Fate, Horned Master, I pray to you that this bill will wither and die. Guide my hands to destroy this bill that it will never return.
4. Set the bill on fire and drop it in the
5. Chant. You could
chant “Never return, never return, never return.” You could also chant “Burn,
fucker, burn.” Your choice. This helps you focus your will onto the spell. You’re
now burning it with intent.
6. This is the important part. Dispose of the
ashes. I would not keep them in my house for more than a few days. You may want
to cover them so they don’t drift around the house. Dispose of them at the
crossroads. Give an offering to the spirits of the crossroads, such as a penny
or maybe a little bit of liquor. You could also maybe toss them in a a river or even dispose of them in a
graveyard (though that would move the spell into curse territory, but you do
you). The important thing is that they are off your property.
7. When you have disposed of the ashes, return home
by a different path and do not look back.
Warnings: This spell does involve fire. If you do something stupid like
set your house on fire, burn yourself, set your smoke alarms off, or get fined for littering, that’s on
you. I am not liable for your actions.