Hi! Can I request some good old jealous Wilford and Dark?
This is what happens when you give me a very vague idea for a request, it turns into a monster that needs more than one part. Hope you don’t mind too much Anon Requester. I just really wanted to get something out to all of you. Love to my editor @tenaciouslovechopshop <3
I’ve been on President Trump’s mailing list since I attended one of his rallies in Dallas early last year. All of his emails were perfectly normal, containing absolutely no lines that would ever be considered hilarious in hindsight.
On Election Night 2016, his victory email was the picture of class and statesmanship. It was exactly what you’d expect from a new president-elect.
But less than two months later, Trump had changed. I first noticed it after weeks of relentless media attacks over his campaign’s alleged ties to Russia and whatever else we were angry about then (at this point I can’t remember political news from further back than March). On January 3rd, he sent out an email, inviting his friends, including me, to buy special inauguration pint glasses.
As the weeks went on, his emails started to show more and more signs of paranoia, as well as suspiciously repetitive pleas for money …
Sorry for the delay! it’s also a bit shorter than usual, so I’ll try to make the next one longer. Enjoy! @intplier
Mark awoke cramped with a throbbing headache. Groaning, he sat up, pushing his hair out of his eyes. He was on the floor. Had he seriously fallen asleep on the floor? Mark wiped a drop of drool from his cheek and pulled himself into his chair. After a moment of racking his memory, he groaned again. He’d passed out, after tripping and falling. He wasn’t exactly swelling with pride at this second. Now he needed to figure out what had actually happened and what he’d dreamed up. Had he actually emailed Dark…?
A loud noise caused Mark to leap back and knock his chair over. He might’ve just broken it. His gaze darted to the bench, where his phone screen had lit up. He let his heart rate calm – it had just been his phone vibrating. He felt his face heat up as he untangled himself from the chair, groggily pulling himself into a standing position. He went to answer the text when his ringtone went off causing him to jump. He peeked at the screen. It was Tyler and the time was 11am. Shit. He answered the phone quickly.
“Hey man.” He spoke dazedly.
“Oh, thank god. Did you actually just sleep in this long. Wasn’t the phone next to the bed?” Mark bit his lip in embarrassment.
“Yeah, no. I slept on the floor.”
“Dude. What the fuck.”
“Yes Tyler, what the fuck. I am now going to take an official break considering that fact.”
“Mark, that’s fine, seriously. We were more worried that you had died. But…” A pause.
“If something was actually wrong, you’d tell us, right?” Mark heart plummeted, but he let on a confident tone. His tired, crackly voice helped make up for any mistakes in his words.
“Of course man, I wouldn’t lie to you. I just didn’t think up a schedule after Amy left with friends. Plus, I haven’t slept well, just a small break and I’ll be back with you guys tomorrow!” The pause was longer and Mark waited with bated breath.
“Sure alright. Just tell me if anything happens. See ya, Mark.”
“Buh-bye!” Mark hung up, letting out a sigh. He’d never even told his childhood friend about the egos. It’s not like it was a recent issue. There was just a lot more of them now. He scrolled down his notifications. So many texts.
Mark, I swear to god if you don’t pick up Ethan and I are gonna drive over there.
Mark cringed slightly. He didn’t like lying to his friends, but he really didn’t have a choice right now. He picked up his chair – the leg was definitely broken. He groaned for the third time that morning, dropping the chair and approaching the computer standing. He had emailed Dark last night, and his messages were about as horrible as he should’ve expected. He sighed. He was actually going to do this.
He was going the accept Dark’s offer.
Amy leaned back in her seat, smiling softly. She’d spent yesterday with Bim and Google in the theatre, and he’d immediately asked her to come back again the next day. It was an impressive room, with a full stage with curtains and a large auditorium. Of course, you needed people to actually work the backstage, and since Google wasn’t going to do it, Bim had resorted to illusions. It was honestly more impressive, he created entire sketches and shows using characters he’d made with his mind. Amy was thankful for the distraction, and the plays were rather good. Google wasn’t having a bar of it. He stood deadpan between the curtains opening into the auditorium, a scowl on his face. She was fairly convinced he hadn’t moved since they’d gotten there, and he certainly didn’t appear to be enjoying anything Bim threw at him. No wonder the gameshow host was so desperate to perform for her if this was his only available audience. She’d been watching these acts for a while when Google suddenly spoke up, stepping to the side.
“Incoming. Might want to duck Trimmer.” It took a moment for these words to process before Bim’s eyes suddenly widened. The illusions flickered away.
“AMY DUCK!” He leapt to the ground and Amy immediately followed suit. Her hands had only just hit the ground when a gunshot shot rang out. A moment of silence where her heart thundered in her ears.
“Mr. Trimmer! My apologies,” came a drawled voice, “I thought some random stranger had broken into my theatre!” Amy risked a peak. It was Wilford. He stood flicking his gun around flippantly, and Amy ducked back behind the red theatre seat.
“Wilford that’s not possible, we live in a different dimension!” came Bim’s shaky response. He wiped dust from his suit pants and glanced sadly at the bullet hole in the back curtain. “Going to have to replace that again.” Amy risked revealing herself, and Wilford beamed happily.
“Miss Nelson! I was looking for you!” He pointed the gun and she flinched back. He furrowed his brow, but placed the gun in his back pocket. She doubted the safety was on. He glanced over at Bim. “Sorry you have this amateur looking after you.” Bim flushed.
“I heard that.” Came a droned response from Google, and Wilford whirled around. Amy didn’t have time to yell a warning when a gunshot rang out. Google scowled, glancing at his arm. Only now did Amy see the robotic parts under the synthetic flesh. The bullet had impaled itself in the robot’s forearm, causing sparks to fly out. The robot glared up and Wilford, his arm hanging limply. “I’m going to have to fix that again thanks to you, Warfstache.” The journalist just shrugged.
“That’s what happens when you sneak up on people you creepy machine!” He chirped, before spinning to run towards Amy, causing her to take rapid steps backwards. He grasped her arm. “I was wanting that interview Miss Nelson! And we’re in the perfect place!” He gestured wildly with his gun, before pocketing again. Bim shook himself from his gaze.
“No, absolutely not! That is not happening! No, no, no!” Bim leapt of the stage, glaring at Wilford.
“Why not, Mr. Trimmer?” he lisped. Bim gasped, furrowing his brows in disbelief.
“That’s obvious! Nearly anyone you interview dies!” Wilford crossed his arms, clearly offended.
“Not like you’re much better!” Bim flinched, glancing at Amy.
“Of course, I’m better than that! It’s not hard to avoid murdering innocent people!” Wilford furrowed his brows.
“Ok, but one of them asked for it! Now Bim can you make the audience for the interview? No show is set without an audience!” Bim gaped, gesturing wildly.
“Since when did I agree to this? And you know I can’t make an entire audience! My illusions aren’t that powerful!”
“I saw you make that entire show with just your illusions! Don’t lie to me!” he drawled, twiddling his pink mustache and violently fiddling with his bowtie.
“It’s c-complicated.” Bim muttered quietly, biting his lip at the stutter. He regained his composure. “I’m not letting you interview Miss Nelson!” Amy snuck away from to argument, noting Google irritably attempting to pull the bullet out of his arm.
“Are they always like this?” Google glanced up at her, rolling his eyes.
“They can go on like this for hours.” He muttered, “Bim usually stands down. But he’s gotten feistier recently – he used to let Wilford shove him around continuously.” The robot fell silent, and Amy took this as ending the conversation. After a minute or so of the two alters bickering, footsteps could be heard.
“I need to speak to Miss Nelson!” Wilford spun and the alter in the doorway ducked out of instinct. A bullet whizzed past. Amy guessed this was a regular occurrence. The alter in the doorway stood, revealing themselves to be none other than Dr. Iplier. They examined the room, noting a few bullet holes instantly. “Did someone get shot?” Google raised a hand and the doctor sighed. “I can’t treat that. Want some tweezers?” The doctor pulled a pair out of his coat pocket and Google snatched them away.
“Can you watch Miss Nelson? I need to fix this mess.” He swung his limp arm, a few sparks flying out. Dr. Iplier nodded.
“Go ahead Google. We’ll be in the clinic when you’re done.” He gestured to Amy and Bim. “Come on!” Wilford moved to follow and the doctor stopped. “Wilford! Would you like to set up the stage while Miss Nelson is gone? Just checking on her concussion! I can take Bim off your hands!” Will didn’t pick up on the attempt to get rid of him. He swept his fluoro pink hair out of his face, shrugging.
“Sure Doc! Just make sure to bring her back!” Dr.Iplier smiled, grasping Amy’s arm.
He pulled her into the hallway and up the stairs towards the clinic. “Of course!” He yelled back as Bim closed the curtains, trailing behind them. He still looked upset from the argument. The doctor turned to Amy. “Don’t worry, I won’t actually, I need you.” Despite his bustling attitude, he would pause occasionally, focusing intently on the silence. Amy suddenly realised he was listening for ringing. He pushed her and Bim into the clinic, closing the hospital-style curtains behind him with force. The doctor turned to Amy. “Something important has come up! It’s about Mark!” Amy froze up slightly, shocked. “Nothing bad, so don’t worry! Very good news actually!” She blinked rapidly.
“What is it?’
“He’s coming to the mansion! Tomorrow, 11am!” The doctor grinned broadly, clasping his hands together. “Except he’s actually going to arrive at 9!” Amy furrowed her brow slightly, staring in confusion. “We’re going to organise different times! That way I can get you back with Mark safely without Dark ever knowing he was here!”
“You’re helping me leave?” Amy asked, stunned
“Exactly! You don’t deserve to be trapped here with him, I won’t stand for it! I’m a doctor, not a kidnapper!” Bim piped up suddenly, looking nervous.
“W-what if he finds out?” Bim flinched at his stutter, flushing, and the doctor noticed this with a frown, but didn’t comment.
“Then the blames goes to me.”
“And if Miss Nelson does escape?” He turned to her with desperate eyes. “You’ll come back right?”
“Bim! Now is not the time to…”
“Yes.” Amy said firmly, locking eyes with Bim. “I will figure out a way to get you guys away from this hellhole. I just need to get out of it first.” The gameshow host beamed, and the doctor nodded quickly.
“Then it’s official! Oliver has already offered to send the schedule change to Mark. They’ll pretend to be Dark in case this plan does go awry. We can’t have Mark rushing in guns blazing asking to see you. Now, let’s…” That was when the ringing started.
The figure appeared between the curtains, a smile tight upon his lips. The room went dim and cold. All eyes darted to the entrance. Bim physically shrunk down, a whimper leaving his lips.
“Ah, Doctor. You’ve informed Amy of Mark’s arrival tomorrow?”
okay i know we’re all about jupeter here, hell i’m all about jupeter here
but may i take a moment to propose something to you
or, uh, rita/sasha
rita gets bored and taps into dark matter confidential emails, sasha is sent to figure out what the fuck juno thinks he’s doing, but it’s not juno, it’s– this
odd little lady with a charming smile and hair out to there, practically wiggling out of her seat because forget the intergalactic politics dark matters is privy to, chad from accounting has a CRUSH ON ELLIOTT
oh. says sasha, and it’s good that rita doesn’t realize what she’s stumbled on, but– wait, elliott? i know elliott. chad can do better.
and she bites her tongue because that was unprofessional, but now there’s no hope for it
and, well, there may be a time when dark matters needs someone… innocuous to gather information, and we do know that consultants are given a handler.
sasha’s told she’ll be on that assignment, and she immediately knows exactly who she wants to call.
mightyena was my favourite pokemon as a kid cus it was my main pokemon on a game called pokemon crater- gg even my email had dark poochyena in it- anyway decided to draw some fanart! what a qt ammirite mightyena needs more fans c:
Four weeks. That’s how long it had been since, she had seen his goofy infectious smile. Beast Boy or Changeling as he went by now, was on mission in France. A “simple assignment” that was currently turning into the longest weeks of Raven’s life. She had a hard time admitting it but Gar had her heart and it’s hard to breath when your heart is thousand miles away from your body. Her fingers drummed on the table, her gaze fixed at the screen of her laptop. The browser was open and she couldn’t help but watch the little blue circle as it spun automatically refreshing the page. Still no, new unread message popped up. Sighing she moved her finger to the track pad and manually refreshed the page not believing that it was doing what it seemed to be. Perturbation swelled in her chest as she glared at the screen. Gar never miss sending her the weekly email. 4:03 AM right on the dot. He was consistent and predicable. He never when into great detail about what was going on in Paris, merely mentioning that he was getting real sick of the food. This made her sick with worry even though she had been reassured by her leader a billion in half times. She just didn’t like to be kept in the dark. His emails were usually simple telling her, that he was thinking about her, wishing she was next to him, that he couldn’t wait to get back so they could continue from where they left off.
4:16 AM the white little symbols, at the bottom of her screen, seem to be on a mission to send the Empath into hysterical fit. Raising her knuckle to her mouth she bit down, it didn’t seem to ease her but she couldn’t help herself. It was a bad habit she had developed over the course of a year. With still no message the woman’s leg bounced up and down as her thoughts and emotions began to swirl in her mind.
‘Maybe the internet is down, he can’t get a Wi-Fi signal.’
'He’s hurt or worst, stuck somewhere were we can’t reach him and save him.’
'Maybe he just isn’t able to get to a computer.’
'He’s with someone!’
'He’s forgotten all about us!’
'It is Sunday right?’
She bit down hard on her knuckle until she could taste the sharp metallic taste on her taste buds. She pulled her finger away and frowned at the small puncture wound. Flexing it a few times she was surprised to find that it didn’t hurt as much as she thought it would. She glanced back up on screen and let a loud huff refreshing the page once more.
By 4:30 Raven was completely restless. She did her best to calm herself but her gray cloaked clone seem to have taken over her brain. As she saw it, if Gar wasn’t hurt the reason his email never came in was because he was obviously with someone else. Somewhere deep inside she knew that she was being utterly ridiculous. Who could he possibly meet while on a secret mission? Some Floozy French girl that’s who. She had been to Paris once she knew how those women could be. All her logical reasoning had vanished. She paced the carpet floor wondering if she should go wake up Nightwing. Her stomach tossed in turned as she wished that she knew where he was. She would use all her power which would surely drain her completely, to make sure he was alright. Then she would promptly smack him for making her worry.
The laptop made a soft ding and Raven’s head snapped back to the laptop. Her heart began to pound hard in her chest as she prayed it wasn’t just some junk mail notification. Sitting down she blinked a few times again thinking her eyes were playing tricks on her. Her finger moved the mouse as it clicked on the little envelope.
To: Raven (firstname.lastname@example.org)
From: Garfield Logan (email@example.com)
Subject: Sorry it’s late.
Meet me on The Tower Roof at sunset.
Raven stared at the sentence frozen in place. Her brain seem to not be able to process the simple message and she found herself staring at it reading it over and over again. After a long while Raven felt her mouth turn into a huge, cheek aching smile. “At sunset.” She whispered shutting her laptop. She was so relieved that her body began to tell her how exhausted she was. She looked at her clock and decided that she would go back to sleep for a few more hours.
She threw open door a little to eagerly and cringed as it smacked against the wall behind it. Sending a evil look at the door she stepped on to the graveled paved roof her eyes searching. Bright pinks and oranges illuminated the sky, while the sun sunk closer and closer to the horizon. Frowning she looked in the sky searching for a sign of green. Spinning around she came to the conclusion that he wasn’t there. Her excitement boiled as the same uneasy feeling tried to regain its spell, from earlier this morning. Rubbing her clammy hands on the sides of her jeans she did her best to pushed down her feelings. This wasn’t a time to worry. He was finally home. She focused on the sunset and then gave another once over in the sky. She didn’t really know if he’d be flying, he may be too tired. Stepping softly she moved to the front side of the tower and looked over the edge. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. No green fish swimming to land, and the T-garage was still closed. Sighing softly she lifted her hand and opened her mouth.
“What did I tell you about biting yourself.” Came a smooth husky voice. Withdrawing her hand, her eyes instantly lit up as she spun around. There he was leading his shoulder against the door. Wearing the same clothes as the last time she had seen him she felt like running towards him. Embracing him kissing his sweet lips, but she couldn’t move. Someone may have glued her feet to the ground. He gave her toothy smile before kicking back from the wall. He walked calmly, each step seemed to be in sync with her heart.
She couldn’t put her finger on it but something about him was different. He still had the same handsome features, and tall structure but his eyes seemed different. They were still that melted emerald that made her stomach ignite, but the emotion them was completely different. It was an emotion that she hadn’t quite seen before and made her stomach flip. Finally he next to her. His eyes locked on to hers.
“God I missed you.” He remarked then he grabbed her face. It was like he was kissing her for the first time. She melted into him and mirrored his moves her hands on his cheeks. He tasted so perfect it was enough make her feel as high as kite. Slipping her tongue into his mouth, she sighed softly. Oh how she missed this. Moving his hands off her face he wrapped them around her tiny frame and pulled her so that even air wouldn’t fit between them. She pulled away grinding her hips into him, her eyes fluttering open.
“I missed you so much.” She confessed her violet stare bouncing back in forth from each one of his eyes. Moving her hands back she rested her forearms on his shoulders. She began playing with the hair on the back his neck sending chills down his spine. He closed his eyes and brought her mouth to his again. This time the kiss was soft, chase, before he pulled back. Resting his forehead on hers he asked,
“Can I tell you something?”
Staring at him intently she gulped wondering if the sound of her heart was going to be too loud over what he was going to say. Biting her lip she nodded.
Inhaling her sweet lavender ginger scent he smiled, “While in Paris, I realized something.”
“What?” She mused tangling her fingers into his green locks. She gave him a curious look.
“I’m so in love with you.” he whispered like it was special secret for just them to hear. “Like over the moon, on cloud nine, madly, deeply, crazy in love with you Raven.”
He seemed to take her breath away with just these words. She let the small smile brush on her lips. “I guess it’s good thing that I’m in love with you too huh?” She responded and then gently pecked him.
“This would be so awkward if you weren’t.” His voice was very serious for him meaning it as joke. Raven held in a chuckle knowing him better.
“Yeah you freaking leave me again, you can kiss this good bye.” She replied shifting her hips against his.
“Never again Baby.” He purred then pulled back into his kiss.