dark clerks


#BigRonFilmReviews Top 100 Movies of all time


I’m finally there.

This was hard work. I collated a list of about 130 movies in Excel (yep) and moved it around for approximately 3 days until I ended up with a final list. 

I’ve ended up with a movie from each from Tarantino, Scorsese, Coppola, The Coens, Nolan, PTA and two from David Fincher. People may question the addition of Kevin Smith and Bryan Singer but as ever these are movies ranked according to an inexplicable, personal enjoyment algorithm. If you disagree do your fucking own. (Smiley face).

1) Pulp Fiction. It had to be really. I’m very happy with this being my all time favourite movie (so far). QT perfects the formula he created with Reservoir Dogs. Wonderful characters in amusing situations chomping through fabulous dialogue. A movie I simply do not tire of rewatching. Review here.

2) The Godfather Parts 1 and 2. And here we do not see The Godfather part 3. The first two Godfather movies are simply put. Masterpieces. A deeply intense look at the inner workings of a Mafia family with (at least) three stellar performances from three Titanic Hollywood Stars. Just Epic and beautiful whilst viscously violent and horrifying at the same time. Review here.

3) Fight Club. David Fincher’s cerebral, darkly comical commentary on consumerism and masculinity. A strange and very cool film with plenty of surprises. Love it, love it, love it! Review here.

4) Goodfellas. 

“You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little fucked up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to fuckin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny?”. 

What a film. Review here.

5) Clerks. A super low budget movie set solely in and around a convenience store in New Jersey. Very little happens other than the two eponymous store Clerks shooting the shit talking about sex and Star Wars. I mean what more do you want? Review here.

6) Se7en. A slow burn Police Procedural with a very dark heart. Pitt and Morgan are trying to track down the serial killer who is in turn trying to send a message to society by mirroring the seven deadly sins. Awesome. “Whats in the Booooooox?” Review here.

7) The Usual Suspects. A surprising crime thriller with a übersupermega twist that absolutely blew me away. “Hand me the fucking keys, you cocksucker, what the fuck?” Review here.

8) Boogie Nights. All of Paul Thomas Andersson’s work is pretty special but this 70s porn industry tale is essentially a masterpiece. Perfect levels of humour, drama and sadness with a absolutely killer soundtrack to boot. Review here.

9) The Big Lebowski. Another of those films where not a great deal actually happens. There is a case of mistaken identity and a pissy rug. There is a kinda-kidnapping, some bowling, a few white russians and a fair amount of weed but because of the superb characters and wonderful dialogue it is just….. brilliant. Review here.

10) The Dark Knight Trilogy. Best Trilogy ever? Cor, could be man. I rewatched these recently and completely reordered my ranking of the three movies. Batman Begins is superb. This is how I want my Batman, flawed, brutal and dark. Aces. My Batman Reviews here.

The full list is available here.

Aiden- I Never Said I Did

Request-  I love your work!❤️ could you please do one where y/n is scotts adopted sister for half a year and she’s a werewolf and the whole pack is being al protective over her but then aiden falls in love with her but y/n doesnt know aiden is bad (he’s still in deucalions pack) and nobody wants to break her heart so they Dont tell but they’re all mean to aiden but he wants to step out of his pack for y/n. I understand if you don’t want to do this Xoxo

A/N- Thank you! I changed this up a bit, but I hope it’s along the lines of what you wanted. I also added a read more link because it was around 16 pages on google docs. 

“Look, I told you-” the store clerk began.
“I know what you told me,” you snapped, cutting him off. “You get a lot of runaways, I get it. But I’m asking about these two specifically.”
The clerk, a dark haired guy in his early thirties, groaned. “Seriously, kid, don’t you have a bedtime?”
“Just look,” you insisted, pulling out your phone. “Their names are Erica and Boyd-”
“Why are you asking me?” the guy complained. “My store’s on the edge of the woods. Why don’t you go check the one by the Greyhound station?”
You huffed and rolled your eyes. The guy had a point, but you had picked this place because it was close to the woods. You had a feeling that if anyone would have seen them, it would have to be this guy. Besides, you had already checked the one by the bus station. 

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  • Me: hi I'm looking for the latest Rick Riordan book
  • Bookstore clerk: you mean the new companion guide?
  • Me: uh no the second Trials of Apollo book, the one that came out today?
  • Bookstore clerk: oh we haven't unboxed it yet but it'll definitely be on shelves tomorrow :)
  • Me: well okay then
  • *next day*
  • Me: so, The Dark Prophecy?
  • Bookstore clerk: hmm... yeah... about that... did I say May the 3rd? I meant the 4th
  • Me: *sigh*
Charlie - Prom Shopping with Ms. Quill

“I’m back,” Charlie announced closing the door.

“Well, La di da,” Ms. Quill replied.

“I am going back out.”

Ms. Quill was confused. “I won’t give a warmer greeting.” He seemed ludicrous to her, coming in and out of the doorway.

“No,” Charlie said entering the kitchen. “I am going to the prom tomorrow night, but I need a proper jacket and pants.”

“Some glass slippers too,” She sneered at him. Charlie was confused, and took his mobile from his pocket. “Put it away,” sometimes she thought he couldn’t do anything without the thing. She had broke it in class hoping it would stop being a crutch, all it did was cost her a hundred pounds.

“I will need money,” Charlie said looking at her.

“I haven’t got any,” she said.

“The card the doctor gave us. It is in your name, I cannot use it.”

She smiled at that. She controlled the purse strings. One of the few things she could control, it brought her pleasure. “I should get my jacket then.”

Charlie sighed. Shopping with Quill was not going to be like shopping trips on TV; Laughing, music, and what was it, montages. No this would be unpleasant. Still, he wanted to look nice.

“I am not going to Redchurch Street,” Ms. Quill interjected. “We will do the shops around the corner that is it.” Charlie was ok with this, it was quicker and there were some nice shops there anyways.

The two walked not saying a word. When they arrived at Koss, Charlie held the door open for Ms. Quill, who brushed by him. She sat in a chair and took out her book, but not before giving him a quick severe look. “Go to it then, I am not your girlfriend.” She had seen the shows as well.

Charlie turned and looked at the suits. April had said boys tend to wear black, so black he would choose. The lighting in the shop was bad. After looking at a few jackets he couldn’t tell if they were all black or maybe dark blue. The clerk seeing him struggle, came to his aid. “Do you need help with anything?”

“Yes,” Charlie said confidently. “I am going to prom. I need something nice. Black, it should be black.”

“You have a smaller frame. I think over here.” Following the clerk to the back of the shop; he watched him pull three suits and placed them on a rack. He felt oddly at home. Charlie pointed to the one on the left. “That one I think, it looks smart.”

The clerk whipped out a tape and wrapped it around Charlie’s neck. He felt apprehensive, and Ms. Quill kept a close eye on him. He took the tape off and handed a shirt to Charlie. “This should fit well.” Ms. Quill returned to her book. “You can try it on in there.” Charlie thanked the clerk and backed into the change room.

The room was small and had three mirrors. Charlie thought it odd that there would be so many. He wondered, do humans enjoying seeing themselves dress? Perhaps it is to make an illusion, yes to make the space feel larger.

Charlie neatly folded his clothes and put on the shirt. It did fit. Next went the slacks and belt. He looked up and noticed his backside in the mirror. These humans are clever, he thought to himself. Admiring, he decided Matteusz would be pleased.

He was about to open the door and get Ms. Quill, when he stopped, why would she want to see his suit? He took the suit off, folded and carried them to the clerk. “I will take these.”

Ms. Quill stood and headed to the till, glad the shopping was relatively painless. “Is this the lucky lady?” The clerk questioned him.

“Ms. Quill, no I think not. Matteusz is my date.” Ms. Quill was unsurprised in the announcement. She had seen them making eyes at each other in class.

“That is a boy’s name, isn’t it?” The clerk looked at Charlie disapproving. Charlie couldn’t quite understand. Was it wrong somehow? Surely humans didn’t put such limitations on who people danced with.

Ms. Quill’s eye’s narrowed at the clerk. She thrust her card towards him like she was brandishing a knife. “Take it.” The clerk hastily rang the card through and returned it. Placing the clothes in a bag he handed it to Charlie.

The two silently walked back to the flat. Before arriving at the door, Ms. Quill broke the silence. “You should be careful, not everyone here approves of same pairings.” Charlie looked up at her, confused at her concern. “Can’t have you getting hurt,” she chided him. That sounded more like her.

She opened the door and Charlie went to his room. He put his things neatly away in his wardrobe. He started to think of school. Had he seen anyone act strangely around him and Matteusz? Matteusz freely held him in the coffee shop. He had looked around the shop before putting his arm around him. Charlie thought he had been looking for someone, but was he being careful?

I will look this up, he thought to himself. But first, I need to learn to dance like humans. He turned on his computer and queried YouTube.

That night was not Ms. Quill’s favourite. She had to put up with a great deal of awful music and listen to Charlie stomp around. At one point she heard a loud thump, followed by “I am ok, just tripped.” She enjoyed the thought of him tripping.

reckonedrightly  asked:

I just sat up straight very suddenly with the phrase 'fem!Vetinari, though' on my lips, and I thought you ought to hear about it.


fem!Vetinari quietly taking over from Snapcase so subtly and quickly the entirety of Ankh-Morpork goes from of course a woman can’t be Patrician to of course a woman can be Patrician, why not? in less than a few days

fem!Vetinari doing nothing but raise an eyebrow at the guild leaders who try to patronise her and smiling thinly and then once they’ve left ordering some of her dark clerks to deal with them, please

bb!fem!Vetinari in the Assassin’s guild, sending a dubious look to the lessons about corsetry and feminine wiles

fem!Vetinari and Sybilllll

fem!Vetinari and Vimes, with Vimes trying to be polite because she’s a woman for maybe five seconds and then forgetting all about it and just acting like he would with a male Vetinari



Dance Like Nobody’s Watching

Sort of based on this post. Gas Station AU. Much thanks to winjennster, supernaturallynoble, trekchik and metatron-the-transformer for the musical input.

Dean glances over his clipboard, doing his nightly inventory check. The gas station is strangely quiet save for the hum of the coolers and the whir of the slurpee machine. He scrutinizes the candy rack, silently counting the Snickers bars and making a quick note on the sheet.

When he took the graveyard shift at the Pump and Go station, Dean never expected it to be so boring. As many emails as Sam sent him detailing the dangers, Dean expected to see a little more action. Instead, all he got were random drunks, stoners and antsy teenagers stopping to get late night slurpees as he leafs through tabloid magazines.

Dean smiles as he taps his foot along with the beat of John Bonham’s drums; at least his boss lets him pick the radio station.

“All of My Love” fades away and  familiar opening piano chords drift through the speakers. A wicked smile crosses Dean’s face. He sets the clipboard on top of a row of cans, and snags a pair of sunglasses from a nearby rack. He takes a running start and slides across the linoleum, doing his best Tom Cruise impression as he sings along with “Old Time Rock and Roll.” He grabs a People magazine from the rack, rolling it up for a microphone.

Dean swings his head around, getting into the music. Hetakes full advantage of the solitude, moving around and dancing like nobody’s watching.

… Only someone is.

Out of the corner of his eye, Dean notices the silhouette of an employee at the Gas n’ Sip across the street on the opposite side of the road. He’s peering out the large window at the front of the station, face nearly pressed to the glass and looking directly at Dean.

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Castle Ficlet: Honey, Honey 1/1

I swear, this is my last ficlet of CastleFanficMonday. Thank you for putting up with me today!

Honey, Honey


Prompt:  “So, I brought cough syrup and manuka honey, for your throat, and- oh there’s another girl helping you get over your cold?” (from castlefanficprompts​)

Kate Beckett was a woman on a mission.

She’d been to three stores already and enough was enough. At the first stop, she’d managed to get most of the things on her list. At the second she’d picked up all but one of the remaining items. At the third she was shit out of luck, and gruff, dark-haired clerk was happy to tell her that.

Now she had two options: She could go to another Duane Reade and hope maybe they stocked it, or she could make the hike to the Vitamin Shoppe and buy the jar she’d seen advertised on google.

For forty dollars.

Whatever. It was her last resort and she only had half an hour before they closed.

Her husband was, by far, one of the best things to ever happen to her, but sometimes he was a massive pain in the ass.

The man couldn’t just have regular honey, local honey, honey she could find in any store. No, he needed Manuka Honey. Expensive, hard to find Manuka Honey.

All because it was purported to have properties that would help him get over his cold faster. She was skeptical, but if Castle believed it, she would go along with the idea and hope for the placebo effect to work its magic.

Thankfully, she didn’t have to walk the entire way; as she waited for a light to change, a cab dropped off its passenger and she was able to snag it before it sped away. It was a good thing, too, because she stumbled into the store with fifteen minutes to spare, only to find them already preparing to close.

Apologies rose to her lips as she glanced at the now-crumpled paper her husband had pressed into her hand before she left the loft.

“I only need one thing and I’ll be out of your hair, I swear. Where can I find the Manuka Honey?”

Of course, once they realized she was going to give them forty-plus bucks, she was a lot more welcome. Exactly five minutes later, she was back on foot and one bag heavier. But she’d accomplished the mission.

Well done, Beckett, well done.

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The Night Before The Wedding, Chapter 4

Summary: Belle French goes to Vegas and wakes up married to someone who is not her fiancé.

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3

Author’s Notes: Again, your response floors me. Sorry if I haven’t responded to comments as much. I just started a second job. Thank you so much.


“I still don’t know why I had to come,” said Emma as they walked into the courthouse.

“You’re a cop,” said Ariel.

“She’s a cop,” Emma said motioning at Mulan.

“She’s going through something,” said Ariel, waving her hand at her friend.

“What? Like losing her last tenuous grasp on her heterosexuality?,” asked Emma.

Mulan snapped her head at Ariel. “You told her!”

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Inspector A. E . Pessimal of the Ankh-Morpork City Watch and Mr Mavolio Bent, chief cashier of the Royal Bank of Ankh-Morpork are friends. No-one who knows them is surprised by this. They are only surprised that they met this late.

They met for the very first time shortly after Making Money. The Dark Clerks had asked A. E. Pessimal to help them to sort out the mess the Lavish Family left behind. Naturally he did. He is resposible for forensic accountancy after all. He appreciated that Mr Bent had two sets of books and that the secret second one was one of most correct books he’d ever seen. (Even honest people made a fault here or there.)

During the investigation A. E. Pessimal made is very clear that he thought that Mr Bent was completely innocent and that without the second set of books, the sorting out and cleaning would have taken much much longer. 

Mr Bent was surprised to find out that he was the one who could make the numbers dance but that there was a man who could make them shake in fear. Who was as fast as he was. Who never made a fault.

They meet normally weekly. 

A. E. Pessimal likes to copy some of the more difficult equitations he finds during work and give them to Mr. Bent to solve. Mr. Bent fabricates a fake accountants book every year and leaves the tinniest faults in the columns. This is a birthday present - along with a typical clowny cake.