During freshman year of college I roomed with my cousin and our friend Dan. The three of us happened to be quite the marijuana enthusiasts and enjoyed smoking…a lot. As great a luxury cannabis is, it wasn’t cheap, especially to three college kids. So naturally, when we wanted to smoke together we’d all chip in an equal sized nug so no one ended up getting short-changed and to obviously save a little cash here and there. As time went on, Dan began to run out of money due to his constant smoking. No money=no weed. So what went from rolling a spliffs everyday suddenly became smashing bowls and scraping resin off the shards of glass and mixing it with tobacco to get high. In our very small and cramped room, I had a mason jar filled with a baggie of my weed hidden in a spot that NO ONE (I thought) knew about. After class one day, I wanted to sit back and enjoy a smoke when I pulled my stash out of the hiding spot to find that the weed was missing. Instantly, I knew Dan did the dirty deed. My cousin wasn’t struggling too bad financially at the time so it couldn’t have been him. But before I pointed any fingers, I decided to wait it out and be 100% positive.
During freshman year of college I roomed with my cousin and our
friend Dan. The three of us happened to be quite the marijuana
enthusiasts and enjoyed smoking…a lot. As great a luxury cannabis is,
it wasn’t cheap, especially to three college kids. So naturally, when we
wanted to smoke together we’d all chip in an equal sized nug so no one
ended up getting short-changed and to obviously save a little cash here
and there. As time went on, Dan began to run out of money due to his
constant smoking. No money=no weed. So what went from rolling a spliffs
everyday suddenly became smashing bowls and scraping resin off the
shards of glass and mixing it with tobacco to get high. In our very
small and cramped room, I had a mason jar filled with a baggie of my
weed hidden in a spot that NO ONE (I thought) knew about. After class
one day, I wanted to sit back and enjoy a smoke when I pulled my stash
out of the hiding spot to find that the weed was missing. Instantly, I
knew Dan did the dirty deed. My cousin wasn’t struggling too bad
financially at the time so it couldn’t have been him. But before I
pointed any fingers, I decided to wait it out and be 100% positive.
When Dan came back after class, I noticed he was more nervous than
usual and didn’t make eye contact with me when we were shooting the shit
. Red flag 1. Per usual, he’d throw his jacket on the floor, like he
did with any other piece of clothing, and started to make ramen noodles.
While he was busy, I slowly lifted the jacket with my foot to reveal
the top of a baggy with a few nugs poking out of the inside pocket. Red
flag 2. I’m not a big fan of thieves, so I decided to get my revenge on
Dan in a very petty way. Just to let you all know, Dan is a very
gullible human being and tends to believe anything, even if it’s a
little far fetched…
One day, my roommates and I planned on having a Netflix night with a
bunch of our friends later on in the week. Me being me, saw this as an
excellent opportunity to do something devilish, but “What devilish thing
should I do?” At the time, there was an Iphone app called Xbox
Smartglass that had just come out (I think). Basically, one would log in
their Xbox Live account information, connect their phone to the Xbox,
and control basic things like direction (think directional pad) and
clicking the “A” or “B” buttons.
With this newfound information, I knew exactly what I was going to do, but had to bank on doing it right.
The Netflix night comes and all 10 of us are outside finishing up a
spliff before we head back in. I, however, excused myself early to go to
the “bathroom”. During this time, I quickly went inside my room, turned
my Xbox on, connected my phone to Smartglass, and left it on my bed (it
would disconnect if you were too far away). A few moments pass and we
are all jam-packed into the room. Dan and I had bunk beds on the right
side of the room. He had the top bunk and I had the bottom. My cousin,
Gucci, had his own bed on the left side of the room. Everyone else was
squeezed in the middle. What’s perfect about my position is that I could
conceal my phone very well with no one being the wiser.
Dan had the controller and began sifting through possible movies to
watch. I started off with clicking to the right, left, up, and down
every so often making it appear that Dan was fucking around with the
“Yo Rivy, I think your controller is busted.” said Dan.
I obviously told him it wasn’t and that he’s scrolling through everything too fast.
So I continued to fuck around more and more until I started moving
everything faster and faster. Naturally people were like, “Dan! Stop
being a dick!” He responded by letting go of the controller to show that
it wasn’t him and everything was indeed moving on it’s own. Everyone
was confused. This being the right moment, I stopped for a few
seconds….then slowly shifted down to the “Horror” section, scrolled to
the right until I saw the movie conveniently titled “Hell” and clicked
Everyone screamed and hollered. Dan jumped out of his bunk, nearly
crashing into everyone, and ripped the plug right out of the Xbox. As
he turned back, I could see the look of true fear in his eyes. Everyone
was scared shitless and the commotion caught the attention of the RA. It
was painfully hard trying not to laugh during this whole ordeal.
Our room was the talk for the entire week. Dan was going around
telling everyone, “Yo man, our Xbox is fucking haunted/possessed…”
From friends, to classmates, RA’s and even the hall janitor, Dan told
EVERYONE. He was so infatuated and scared, I decided to keep going with
it. It got so crazy that Dan, and I swear to God I’m not lying, would
talk directly to the Xbox as if it was a person. He’d ask it questions
like “Who are you?” “Are you a kind spirit?” “Can you communicate
through other forms of technology?”
This was absolute gold.
Before you know it, I started communicating with Dan by typing on the
keyboard for Xbox live messaging. I got more daring and wrote words
I also wrote places he would be that day, clothes he was wearing, people he knew, etc.
He was too busy freaking out that he never took a moment to logically
think about the whole situation. Never in my wildest dreams could I
imagine pranking someone this bad….especially with an inanimate object. I
do want to note that my cousin found out about my prank/revenge due to
the fact that he saw “Smartglass Connected” pop up on the Xbox
dashboard. I told him everything and he promised not interfere and
encouraged me to continue on :).
One day after class, I walked into my room to find Dan sitting
upright on his bunk staring into space. I asked him what’s up and he
went on about how scared he was and how he believed someone was hacking
the Xbox and sending him threatening messages. He also believed that
whoever was doing it was also hacking the webcam too (lol). Dan went on
and on and even considered calling the cops (yikes). Realizing how out
of hand this was getting, I stopped fucking with him for a little while.
Overall, I kept my vengeful prank a secret for a few months before I
finally told him. He was livid at me and firmly believed someone….or
something was out to get him. But he did admit to stealing my weed and
soon paid me back. A word to the wise, never steal from someone, you
never know what appliance will become possessed and haunt you ;)
TL;DR: College roommate stole weed from me. I got my revenge by making him believe our Xbox was haunted.
They’re lounging on the couch when he feels it. A tickle of fingers on his arm that send the hairs jumping straight up.
“Daaannn, I don’t think I’m gonna make it through the night. Can you let me know who wins?” Phil’s voice is barely above a whisper, his ice blue eyes drooping more and more with each passing second.
“Aww come on, you spork. You told the whole world you were gonna stay up the whole night. Anyway, I need someone to hold me when Moonlight inevitably loses to La La Land and I lose what little faith I have left in humanity. Please? For me?” Contrary to Phil, Dan’s entire body is buzzing. This time of night, when the whole world is asleep, is when he feels the most energized. There’s just something about the twilight that fills him with endless possibilities.
“So…sleepy…too much Final Fantasy last night. I’m sorry, Dan.” And Phil’s eyes finally blink closed and remain like that, even as Bryrony lets out a loud boo at the TV. Dan merely shakes his head, rolling his eyes in mock defeat.
He reaches down to the coffee table in front of them, opening the sliding glass doors to pull out a pastel-coloured patchwork quilt. Thank God for his friends and their cosy blankets. Dan tucks the blanket carefully around Phil as soft snores escape the man’s mouth, somehow sounding almost melodic coming from him. He makes sure to lift Phil’s arms up gently and rest his hands on top of the blanket, as he knows how his limbs have a tendency to fidget when he sleeps. With his glasses still on and a stray bit of fringe curling on his forehead, Dan is sure he’s gazing at the face of an angel. Then he snaps out of it suddenly.
Wait a minute. Phil had told Twitter of his plans to stay awake for the whole show this year, but of course he had failed yet again. This was the perfect time for Dan to get his revenge on all those sleeping pictures Phil had posted of him over the years. He picks up his phone from the couch and switches on the camera, quickly flipping it to the back lens. No accidental front selfies tonight–especially not at this ungodly hour, when he had already pushed his fringe back and his eyes were likely rimmed with red. He stretches his other arm out, curling the fingers slightly in a “this guy” gesture, then quickly snaps the photo. His mouth curls up wickedly as he opens up Twitter and quickly finds Phil’s tweet, replying merely with the photo and two simple words: “he failed”. Phil may kill him when he wakes up, but hey, the world deserves to know.
And with that, Dan locks his phone and tosses it down on the sofa, cuddling up to Phil’s safe warmth and directing his focus back to the TV. Tonight was all about his friends and celebrating the triumphs of cinema–and as a massive film nerd, Dan wants to be present for every minute of it. Still, he presses a tender kiss to Phil’s head, gently pushing the stray curl back to where it belongs with the rest of Phil’s fringe. That man is just so damn cute–and honestly, the world deserved to know that. But right now, in this vulnerable moment, he’s all Dan’s–and Dan truly couldn’t be more grateful.
I doodled Jack getting revenge on Dan and Phil for using his Septiceyesam snake and saying they were “the real Jacksepticeye”. I don’t think Jack would take offence to them doing that. It’s just a doodle. ^_^
Dan has just moved into a new flat when he has an odd and awkward exchange with his new neighbour who then makes a YouTube video about it. Dan’s friend finds the video and sends it to Dan who vows to get his revenge by being the weirdest, strangest neighbour that this Phil guy would ever meet. Turns out he got more than revenge.