dans face i was smiling so much

Weave Me into Your Skin

Summary: When Phil finds a pair of panties mixed in with his and Dan’s laundry, he’s not sure what to think, consider he’s certain neither of them has brought home a girl in the past few weeks. What’s even stranger is what he finds in Dan’s room when he goes to inquire about the offending garment.
Word Count: 6,781
Warnings: Smut, feminization, praise kink, dirty talk, riding, barebacking, dan in makeup, face fucking
A/N: This fic was inspired by a gorgeous edit of Dan in makeup by @pamyudan ! I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and this happened :’) also, as always, thanks to @snowbunnylester for listening to me rant about this and writing my literal summary for me lol. Let me know what you guys think and if I should write more kinky smut like this, bc this is the kinkiest thing I’ve ever written!
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There were panties in Phil’s laundry. Why were there panties in Phil’s laundry?

Well, it wasn’t specifically Phil’s laundry, he supposed. Dan’s laundry was mixed in with his because they had no boundaries whatsoever, but Phil was the one doing the laundry today and he hadn’t thought he would get attacked by a light pink, lacey pair of women’s underwear. Then, there was the matter of where it came from.

As far as Phil knew, they both hadn’t had any girls over recently. Phil knew he hadn’t had anyone over since literal months ago due to their busy life, and he would probably hear if Dan had taken a girl back home as well. So how the hell did a pair of pink undies get in their flat?

Phil should have left it. He should have just folded it and handed it back to Dan without a word. But maybe it was the lack of caffeine after his coffee maker broke that morning, or maybe it was that he was acting way before he could think properly, but he found himself clutching the fabric in one hand and waltzing up the stairs with so much confusion that it was all he could think about.

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if dnp do another tour do i get vip tickets bc like on one hand i’ve never met them but on the other i wouldn’t be able to actually Speak or Breathe or uh Function so like would it really be worth it

drunk boyfriend tag

summary: dan and phil get drunk and film the boyfriend tag (similar to what shane dawson did)

tags: alcohol, so much sweetness and cuteness your teeth will hurt, extreme fluff

by: angelboydjh on tumblr

word count: ~1.8k

first fic posted!! please, ignore any mistakes and reblog and like!! ilu!! send in requests for fics :-)

゚*。:(人´v`*)☆゚:。*゚

dan and phil got a little drunk. they originally got out some Ribena, which is completely unharmful, until dan spotted vodka on the kitchen counter, which they only keep for parties. its almost gone, with a half a bottle left, so dan thought of an idea.

“phil, lets get drunk.” phil looked at dan confused; dan never really likes drinking as much as he used to, hes grown, the satisfaction of being drunk doesnt really thrill as much, and its the same with phil.

“why?” asked phil, sipping his Ribena.

“because why not! we have no meeting tomorrow, we are bored out of our minds, and itll be fun! we’ll even be safe, we can control each other well.” phil thought about it. he never really likes hangovers, who does? he gets them bad, and he knows dan gets them worse, but dan was right, they were extremely bored and had no meetings tomorrow. phil shrugged, and replied with a sure, causing dan to jump up with joy.

dan grabbed the bottle and went to phils room, closing the door, and sitting on his bed. he opens to bottle and pours a lot in his drink, doing the same to phil. there is now many 4 shots full left of the drink and dan was happy he rationed out well.

“wanna do a toast?” asked phil.

“with our vodka filled ribena?” chuckled dan. phil nodded, giggling a little.

“why not?” phil responded, and dan nodded agreeing. they lifted their glass cups up and they look at each other. “to us!”

dan laughed at the cliché, but echoed phil, and a clink noise was heard when the touched glasses. dan downed about half of his drink in that one sip, phil only taking a baby sip.

phil made a face, hating the taste of vodka. dan hid his disgust, looking at phil.

“now we wait.” dan took another sip, already feeling slightly dizzy.

*:・゚✧

dan was fully drunk. he was giggling, putting his head on phil, slurring his words, all of it.

phil was only tipsy. he didnt drink much yet, only about half of his drink. dan, of course, drank all of it, even the rest in the bottle!

“phil!” dan slurred out, and phil glanced over slowly, so he doesnt get dizzy, and raised his eyebrow. “we should do a boyfriend tag.”

phil thought about this. is he that drunk that he doesnt really care if they do one or not? yes. he doesnt really care, its not like itll be posted. phil knows better than that.

“sure.” phil got up to get his camera from the other side of the room, and dan plopped on the bed laughing at who knows what.

it took phil about 2 minutes to set up everything for filming, and an extra 5 minutes to find good goddamn questions.

he finally found some question, a total of twenty. he can barely read them because of his blurry vision, and since he didnt have neither his contacts or glasses on. so he grabbed his glasses from the bed side and put them on to see if itll help. nope. he took another sip of his drink and locked his phone. he’ll cross that bridge when he gets to it. he gets up and turns on the camera, praying to god its in focus.

“dan, its on, we are filming.” once those words left phils mouth, dan shot up from phils bed and looked at phil.

“okay, okay, okay, okay,” he kept repeating that until he finally was next to phil on the bed facing the camera. phil giggled at dan, dan looking at him with his red cheeks.

“okay, ready, babe?” asked phil, seeing double of dan. dan nodded, and smiled at phil and then at the camera.

“okay,” phil breathed in and then ‘took in his persona’.

“hey guys!” he said cheerfully, but all it did is make him dizzy. dan was like, on top of phil, so hes grateful that he was, or phil wouldve fallen over.

“im here with dan.” phil pointed at him, and dan waved, his white oversized cat shirt being exposed, and you could even see his naked legs, since hes wearing shorts. “we are doing the boyfriend tag.” phil said slowly, and dan nodded jumping up and down on the bed.

“phil is my boyfriend! boyfriend phil! philip lester, boyfriend!” he yelled, making phil giggle.

“okay, want ask the questions, or do u want me go ask them?” asked phil to dan.

“ask me the questions! then we will do it back!” dan suggested, and phil nodded encouragingly.

“okay, first question.” phil unlocked his phone and read it very carefully.

“when is my birthday?” he asked. “bonus points for the zodiac sign!”

“january 30th, that makes you a……” he strung out the 'a’ to think. “an Aquarius! aquarium.” he laughed, and phil chuckled.

“correct baby.” he leaned in to kiss dan, and dan kissed him, tasting of vodka and ribena.

“okay, now,” phil was going to go to the next question, but dan protested.

“now do mine! do mine!” dan pouted, crossing his arms.

“june 11th! youre a gemini.” phil stuttered out, making dan laugh.

“lucky guess.” he muttered jokingly.

“next question,” phil scrolled down the page. “where did i grow up?”

“im too drunk for this phil!!” he moaned out. “the north! thats all youre getting.”

“well, youre not wrong.” said phil. “ill give you the point.”

“what about me?” asked dan.

“the south.”

“ugh! exact place!”

“not fair, you didnt do that for me!”

“ugh, whatever.” dan pouted again.

“wipe that pout off your face princess.” phil whispered, grabbing dans chin.

“im just kidding philly!” dan kissed phil, getting him off guard.

“okay, next,” phil asked. “whats my middle name?”

“michael! these are too easy! i want harder ones. test me!” dan groaned out, and phil rolled his eyes.

“okay, okay,” phil said. he scrolled down to another website, which had different questions. “how about this: where was our first date?”

“EASY!” he yelled, throwing his hands up. “well, kinda,” he muttered. “its hard!”

“well, tell me.” phil said suggestively, leaning closer to dan.

“we first met of course at the train station,” he muttered out. “and then we went straight to your house, and, did things. does that count as a first date?” this took him way too long to say, as he was stuttering madly.

“yes, it does. great job, cutie.” phil said happily and leaned in for a kiss.

“okay, let me ask the question!” phil started to give him the phone, but dan refused, saying he wants go make one up.

“whats the first thing you notice about me?” he asked a bashful.

“your smile.” phil said simply. no explanation was needed to make dan feel all warm inside. dan covered his face and leaned on phils shoulder, grinning like mad.

once he got up, he looked at phil, seeing his wonderful, eyes.

“you know what mine is.” he muttered, almost inaudible. it was phils turn to blush. they lean in and kiss once again, but longer than before.

when they pulled apart, dan was seeing actual stars, and couldnt even understand what was happening, completely forgot about the video.

“oh my god, i love you so much.” he said in a shush tone, with phils hand on his cheek. they were only a few inches away from each other, and phil loved it. phil was exploding every inch of dans face, and so was dan. every moment phil made, it made him more dizzy and more dazed, but he didnt care.

within a few moments, they both locked eyes, and somehow, both remembered they were recording.

“uh, one more question,” phil stuttered out, as dan looked around for his almost empty drink. “okay, last question. what is my favorite color?”

“easy, blue.” dan said, as he drank his final sips of his drink before crushed it and threw it.

“hey!” phil protested, looking over at the cup.

“ill pick it ip later, babe.” dan slurred out almost incoherently. “whats mine?”

“easy, pink.” phil mocked. dan smiled softly, putting his arms around phils neck, phil put this hands on dans waist.

“what kind of pink?” he muttered, with his sloppy grin on his face, his curly hair perfect in tack still. (which surprised phil)

“pastel.” dan groaned jokingly, letting his head drop down onto phils shoulders.

“oh my god, i tried to trick you!” dan yelled.

“well, you didnt. 8 years of friendship pays off.” phil joked. dan put his head on phils shoulder, his head facing the camera.

“can we finish? i wanna cuddle with you watch disney movies.” phil chuckled and nodded.

“we’ll finish, lets do the outro.” phil tapped dan, so he can get up from his shoulder, but dan didnt move a muscle, indicating hes not moving.

“okay, well, goodbye everyone, please like a subscribe to me and dans channel, and our gaming channel! love you!” he waved and awkwardly looked at dan.

“i need to turn off that camera baby.” dan groaned and got up from phils shoulder. phil got up and turned off the camera, sitting right on his bed again next to dan.

“can we just cuddle?” phil can tell dan was getting tired, and getting all drained. he gets like this when hes drunk, but also after recording videos.

“of course, princess.” phil laid down, then wrapping his arms around dan who is not next to them. they peacefully fall asleep, with the lights on and phils snoring.

*:・゚✧

it was the morning, and phil is posting his premade video on lessamazingphil, just a quick vlog from florida. its taking surprisingly long to process, since its only 2 minutes, but phil didnt question it. its almost done, so phil went to go see dan, who has the worst hangover ever.

“how are you baby?” asked phil, laying next to dan.

“better, how bad was it?” he asked, and phil laughed.

“you were fine, not as bad as a few months ago, but you were not any better.” dan groaned, and at that moment his phone dinged. he unlocked his phone to see the notification, YouTube popping up, and it was phils new video.

“uh, phil.” dan said.

“yes?” phil hummed.

“you posted the wrong video.”

“what?” phil yelled a little too loudly for dan, as he backed away and gave phil his phone in just one beat.

“i uploaded our drunk boyfriend tag.” dans eyes widen.

“we filmed a video? no way, i dont remember this. did we kiss?”

“i was drunk too!”

“well, i would keep it up.”

“why?”

“we already made this mistake once, lets just let them have what they want.”

Stood Up?

Summary : Dan gets stood up and Phil (a stranger) decides to act as his date so that Dan doesn’t feel bad. Also because he thinks Dan is kinda cute.

words : 2457

Genre: fluff

Dan squirmed in his seat, shifting uncomfortably and fidgeting with his hair as his stomach tied into knots and realization crept onto him. His face burned with humiliation as the occupants of the nearby table stared at him with a pitiful expression, looking away as soon as Dan turned his gaze towards them. His vision became blurry as tears threatened to fall from his wet lashes. He blinked hard, trying to dispel them and maintain a straight face as he came to terms with the fact that he had been stood up.

He pulled his jumper sleeves past his fingers - something he did when he was nervous - and wiped his eyes discreetly. He gazed out of the huge French windows he was sitting beside, trying to take deep breaths and tell himself that he’s fine, that everything was fine.Just as Dan was starting to calm down, the waiter showed up for a second time, asking Dan if he would be joined by company soon.

Dan just sighed, trying to convince him that his date would be arriving soon. He was embarrassed as it was, and the waiter’s smug expression didn’t help his confidence.

“Yes don’t worry, my boyfriend will be showing up soon and then we’ll order.”, he huffed out for a third time, gritting his teeth in exasperation.

The waiter gave him a disgusted look upon hearing the word “boyfriend” but covered it up with an uninviting smile before Dan could react. He gave Dan a withering look and went back to a corner from where he fixed his unwavering gaze on him.

Dan felt awful. He couldn’t believe Brendon, his boyfriend of two months had stood him up. He knew how anxious and awkward Dan got in social situations, and yet he did this to him, not bothering to call him and cancel the date.

Dan didn’t know what to do, his appetite lost. He decided to just order something and ask the waiter to pack it for him and leave the restaurant as soon as possible. With a defeated expression he gestured for the waiter to come over, trying hard to ignore the presumptuous smile on his face. He didn’t meet his gaze as he opened his mouth to speak, and just as he was about to admit to the waiter that company would not be arriving after all, a tall man burst through the doors Dan was seated across from, striding over to his table - his black hair in a windblown quiff- and sliding into the seat beside him as he removed his dark sunglasses and smiled warmly.  

“Aw babe, I’m sorry I’m so late”, he said nonchalantly as he shrugged off his jacket,“traffic was nightmare”. He leaned across the table, engulfing Dan in a warm hug as the waiter’s hawk-like eyes watched them from a corner. Dan didn’t mind being hugged by the man - if only he knew what the fuck was happening. As the man pulled back, he leaned into Dan’s cheek and poked it with his nose - and Dan made a surprised choking sound when he realized that he was trying to show the waiter that he was kissing Dan’s cheeks.

Dan was too stunned to react, and by the time he wrapped his head around the fact that a gorgeous man with dreamy blue eyes and black hair was seated next to him where his date was supposed to be sitting, the waiter had already left with a disgusted and defeated expression.

The man turned back from where he was staring at the retreating waiter and gave Dan a warm smile that made him forget that he was literally a stranger he knew nothing about. He ducked in close to Dan’s ears, out of earshot of the nosy waiter and whispered, “My name’s Phil by the way. Just go with it and don’t freak out yeah?”, he said softly, his blue-green eyes glinting as sunlight washed his face in an angelic glow.  A warm glow spread across Dan’s chest and for some inexplicable reason he decided he trusted this stranger - Phil- and he didn’t mind pretending that this wildly attractive man was his actual date.

“Oh and whoever didn’t show up is a dick. If I was in their place I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”, he added, pink dusting his pale cheeks as he softly whispered.

“T- thanks”, Dan finally spoke up, his face and neck covered in a light blush. “My name’s Dan actually, Dan Howell, and thank you so much for helping me out. I couldn’t have handled that snobbish waiter alone”, he added with a giggle, slowly getting comfortable around Phil.  

Phil just smiled in reply, extending his arm and placing his left hand on top of Dan’s that were resting on the table. Dan’s eyes widened slightly, his blush turning darker by the minute. It seemed as though Dan had been blushing a lot since Phil walked in - and with good reason too - it’s not everyday a handsome stranger with the prettiest eyes offers to fill in for your douche bag of a date.

They sat there talking for a few minutes during which Dan discovered Phil was a writer who wrote for various magazines. There was something about him, Dan realized, that made him want to get to know him better. Whether it was the way Phil’s lips curled upwards in a sharp smile at the smallest things, or the way he talked passionately about how much he loved painting, his hands jerking up in animated gestures when his words weren’t enough. Finally Dan decided he liked how easygoing and carefree Phil was, with his confident aura and his dumb dad jokes.

Soon enough Phil gestured to the waiter to bring them menus, and keeping in mind that Dan had bad anxiety, even offered to make Dan’s order for him.

The rest of the afternoon went by quite smoothly as the two talked about anime and books and their mutual dislike for sports.

At one point Phil had said, much to Dan’s surprise at his openness, that “sex is probably the only exercise I ever get, otherwise I’d be dead by now!” Dan had just choked on his drink and coughed until Phil decided to stop laughing and help him out.

Dan had claimed the only reason he wasn’t dead was green tea and “..not.. s-sex like you”, he had laughed.

“You do know I’m joking right? I mean I’m not one of those guys who sleeps around all the time”

“I mean there’s nothing wrong with sleeping around.. monogamy is just a social construct y'know?” “You don’t have to follow social constructs”, he had added as an after thought.

Phil had just stared at him for a few seconds until his face broke into a sharp smile as he said,“Finally someone who thinks the same way. You, Dan, are my kind of guy”

Phil had come to realize that the boy he had decided to help out was more than just a nervous, shy guy with blush-y cheeks and soft smiles. He actually enjoyed talking to Dan, they had the same opinions about everything, except Mario Kart where they both claimed they could “beat the other’s ass”

“Wha- Dan! You just said a potty word!”, Phil had mocked him, mimicking a small child. Dan just shoved him off with a soft giggle before quickly giving him the finger, making sure that no one noticed.

Phil gasped loudly, trying to maintain a disappointed look as he tutted in mock-disgust. “Well, well Mister Daniel, look at you, not the nice innocent boy after all, are you?”

“Hey I’m so innocent I could be a priest in a church!”

“Hmm you’d be Sister Daniel, I quite like the sound of that”, Phil chuckled.

“Shut up”

“Make me”

“You really think I’m gonna fall for that cheesy line”, Dan giggled, his eyes shining with humour.

“Yeah?”, Phil answered, his voice a bit deeper than it had been a minute ago.

“Well try harder”, Dan giggled, winking at Phil for dramatic effect. Phil took in a sharp breath, deciding two could play at this game.

The rest of the afternoon was spent with Phil trying to make Dan laugh with really cringe-y pick-up lines.

“Hey Dan, are you Gillette?” - Dan gave him a confused expression - “cause you’re the best a man can get”, Phil finished with a giggle.

“Oh for fucks sake”, Dan snorted, “that was horrible!”

“Hey Dan hey this one’s really good listen!”, Phil said excitedly, his expression resembling the one of an excited puppy, and Dan just couldn’t say no.

“Are you my pinkie toe? Because I want to bang you against every piece of furniture in the house”, Phil finished with a giggle, blushing madly as he waited for Dan’s reaction, slightly worried that he may have crossed a line.

Turns out he hadn’t, because Dan started howling with laughter, making the man at a nearby table throw them some more dirty looks. As his laughter subsided, his face a mad shade of red, Dan whined, “Phiwww we’re in public you can’t say that”, a playful glint in his eyes.

“Are you saying if we weren’t in public you’d be okay with me saying that?”, Phil teased.

Dan’s eyes widened and he mumbled out a soft “maybe?” before giving Phil a playful shove and a “Shut up! dickhead”

“sister Daniel just said another potty word!”, Phil gasped

“If you say that again I will not hesitate to punch you”

“Look at us, fighting like a real couple”, Phil said winking cheekily.

“Did I not just tell you to shut up”

“Did I not just tell you to make me?”

“I would if the waiter wasn’t watching us right now”, Dan hissed before he could stop himself.

“wait.. what?”

“W-what?”, Dan squeaked in panic, looking like a dear caught in headlights.

“Don’t think I will forget you said that, Howell”, Phil winked, taking a bite of his pasta even as Dan kicked his shin to wipe that smug expression off his face.

———-

Just as they finished having dessert, the waiter returned with their bill, and both the boys instinctively reached for their wallet.

“Oh no babe, I’m paying don’t worry”, Phil said with a smile that made Dan wander whether it was necessary for Phil to call him cute nicknames or if he was doing it for fun.

“umm.. we could jut split it..‘darling’?..”, the last part of his sentence came out more like a question and Phil had to bite back a laugh because of how flustered Dan looked.

“No, Dan, I was the one who asked you out on this date so I’m paying. Quit arguing love.”, Phil said with a gentle smile.

The waiter gave them a weird look, as if not entirely understanding the situation.  

“Yeah okay butt cheeks.. i mean  sweet cheeks - I mean wha-” Dan’s eyes widened as he was about to mumble out an apology and maybe go hide at home for 5 years because he couldn’t even speak like a normal person.

Dan couldn’t finish that train wreck of a sentence, however, because suddenly Phil was leaning in, their faces now inches apart as they shared warm breaths. Dan’s breathing was labored, his eyes half lidded and cheeks dusted with pink, their lips almost brushing but not quite.

“Dan shh shh it’s okay calm down bear, you’re alright, yeah?”, Phil mumbled softly, not pulling back. When Dan slowly began to calm down he softly asked, “Can I kiss you?”, his blue eyes searching Dan’s brown ones.

Dan had barely nodded his assent when suddenly Phil’s lips were on his, warm and soft, moving lazily and determinedly even as Dan hesitantly kissed back. Phil tasted of mint and cherries from the dessert he had ordered,and Dan was sure some people were looking at them with disgusted expressions, but for the first time in his life he didn’t care what the people thought.

They left the restaurant giggling like shool boys because Phil had used another pick up line.

“Dan this ones actually good, I promise”, he giggled. “Did you s it in a pile of sugar? because you have a sweet ass”

“I- PHIL-what”, Dan sputtered laughing hysterically. “These would get you more restraining orders than dates honestly.”

“You’re just jealous of my flirting skills”

“You don’t have any flirting skills”

“Is that why you’ve been blushing so much? Because my flirting skills are shit?”, Phil asked, a cocky smile playing on his lips.

“I hate you”

“No you don’t. You think I’m adorable”

“Fine whatever makes you shut up”, Dan rolled his eyes  jokingly.

Phil dropped Dan at his house on his motorbike, ignoring all of Dan’s comments about how he could just go back himself. And he would be lying if he said he didn’t secretly enjoy it every time Dan wrapped his arms around his torso because he was going too fast. Phil thought it was really adorable how scared Dan was and Dan thought Phil looked really hot riding a bike so neither of them had anything to complain about really.

“So I guess I’ll see you around then?”, Phil asked uncertainly as he scratched the back of his head, looking at his shoes.

Dan decided he had to act now if he wanted to see Phil again, and for once swallowing his fear and anxiousness he said, “gi- give me your phone?”

“What?”, Phil’s eyes lit up expectantly, he had not expected Dan to want to talk to him again.

“Phil I’m very nervous rightnowpleasejustgimmeyourphonesoIcansavemynumberandthenwecanmeetagain”

“what? Yeah okay here you go”, Phil quickly took out his phone, handing it to Dan who looked just as flustered as Phil felt.

Dan quickly saved his number on Phil’s phone, handing it back to him before turning around towards the building he lived in.

just as Phil was restarting his bike Dan quickly went back up to him, kissing his cheek softly as Phil let out a flustered gasp. “Thank you for making my day Phil, you’re the best”

“Am I now?”

“Shut up! I’ll call you”, Dan said, a smile playing on his lips as he walked into the building. Maybe being stood up wasn’t the worst thing in the world.

~ 15 minutes later~

To Dan : Is your offer on shutting me up still valid? ;)

To Phil : yeah :3 I will shut you up when we meet this weekend.

To Dan : we’re meeting this weekend?

To Phil : we are now. But only because I wanna shut you up. :)

To Dan : sure babe if that’s what you wanna believe

—————————————————————————————–

okay so this is pretty shit.

but if somehow you liked it please like/share/reblog :)

also, English isn’t my first language so sorry if there are any errors

anonymous asked:

Thoughts on the new gaming vid? They seemed so happy and cute and lighting has improved everything A++ ^_^

(faceapp)

  • 2 seconds in and i’m already shook i can’t believe this is real we are literally looking into their new house they are literally actually filming in a new HOUSE and it’s all just too much to process
  • phil sitting cross legged on the same old futon and fixing the tetris lights and balancing them and the pacman light on cardboard boxes is all too cute his enthusiasm is too much for me and dan definitely thinks it’s so cute too and this whole intro is just so soft
  • i love that phil owns up to the fact that this was his idea while dan is tryna go for his traditional ugh this is too stupid and vapid and too mainstream and not creative enough shtick. phil giving no fucks about a got damn quality threshold is my kink
  • when phil is attempting to take his neutral expression selfie and slightly pouts and he and dan giggle (i’m being generous w that term bc dan’s was more like a squawk tbh) at the exact same moment i just smiled so hard. they’re so cute. and they’re both apparently kind of uncomfortable w the notion of like trying to look sultry in photos which is why that pouty expression made them laugh immediately, and also is a good precursor to the whole discussion that comes later about phil’s ladybird selfie
  • dan’s look into the camera at 2:13 gave me lifeeeeee i like that he’s trying to shade phil for taking forever to get his fuckin selfie but instead he has this ever so subtle up tilt to his lips bc he can’t completely hide his smile ughaierjoaierj
  • omg underrated discussion in this video: at 2:26 once phil has finally succeeded in taking the selfie he turns to dan and says “i look alright there” but w the intonation of a question, like he’s literally asking dan for affirmation that he looks good and  not only that but he full on turns to look at dan and gauge his reaction and that felt so special and genuine to me??? like??? not a sort of thing i would expect to see tbh? and in general this video was obvi silly and just a bit of fun but also i thought the level of feedback they were giving each other on their photos and the way they were reacting was all so,,, warm and comfortable and surprisingly open. in this instance i’m also just frustrated bc dan was about to say something in response to phil asking dan if he looks alright, but he cuts himself off. he says ‘that’s an excep—’ and it def sounds like he was gonna say exceptional or exceptionally and i need to know what his thought was. i also like that the thought he interrupts himself with is about phil still having slight crazy eyes. we’ve talked about phil’s own explanation for his wide-eyed deer-in-headlights expressions in selfies a bit on this blog. according to him, he resorts to doing that bc having his photo taken makes him uncomfortable, so it was cute to me that dan noted that phil still did a little bit of the wide eyes without giving any context for why he was pointing it out bc it’s just an understood thing that they obvi have talked about a lot
  • 3:14 dan’s horrified and squeaky “what have they done to your face?” is so good. it’s just. so good. he sounds so outraged that they’ve fucked w phil’s face i lov it
  • 3:20 is the besttttttttt. this is the exchange where dan teases phil for being old and i love everything about it i love how dan made that comment without even thinking which sort of suggests that teasing phil for being old is just a regular/habitual thing and i love the way phil reacted bc it wasn’t rly irritated or even mock irritation in the end. instead he just played along w dan’s joke and accepted it and the whole exchange was so warmmmmmmm and comfortableeeeeee and flirtyyyyyyyyy and it reminds me of a few other comments that dan has made here and there that allude to their age gap and they’re always v cute and gentle teasing and it’s just so good
  • 3:42 they’re talking about the ‘old’ selfie and 1. dan is captivated and i can literally see him contemplating his future w phil lmao and 2. phil talking about joey graceffa and calling him good-looking w a blatant pause before he said that, making me wonder if he was going to use a word that was a bit more emphatic than “good-looking” either way i’m into it and then there’s a blatant jump cut and i’m wondering if they had a lil side conversation about joey being cute lol 3. phil is still looking at dan basically every time he makes a comment and it’s rly surprising but lovely 4. dan needed to come in w that compliment about old phil rocking current phil’s fringe and how cool he looks :) 
  • here’s dan howell caught right in the act of contemplating growing old w phil:
  • bless them for calling out how dumb the concept of a “female” filter is. also dan’s once again violent reaction to phil in the female filter is so cute and funny i love how incensed he is with the whole concept of anything being different about phil’s face
  • 5:36 dan looking at phil in the male filter and saying “you look so average” in such a disappointed tone is rly one of the best fucking things i’ve ever seen in my life. i’ve often thought about dan’s attraction to phil being based in some of the things that are most striking about his appearance. for example he always talks about how black phil’s hair is and how pale his skin is and back in the day he obvi left that infamous comment on phil’s dailybooth about how blue his eyes are and i feel like dan is probs drawn to these features that are just,,, extreme,,, and i love that even a slight change to phil’s jawline/face shape made dan think phil looked decidedly more average precisely bc what he loves about phil’s face are all the things that aren’t average at all!!!! i’m emotional!!
  • phil was so hype to see all of dan’s ones!!!! i’m crying!!!!! the way he was doing his hee-hee laughs and bouncing up and down quite literally and like hitting his hands on the table and saying things like i wanna be friends w him instead of you and ‘i wanna see old danny! old danny slice!!!’ like calm down mate!!!!! ur cute!!! we know u think dan is cute!!! y do u love every single version of him so much!!!! when he sees the old one he immediately says he likes it and compliments it!!!!! when he sees the old one on the daniel x dream pic he calls him cute!!!!!! and then makes this face at dan while dan looks at it!!!!!! 
  • help!!!!
  • dan talking about embracing makeup was amazing and phil being totally down with it and immediately suggesting a smoky eye look and consulting some tutorials was also amazing and i hope thats something they’ve discussed before tbh
  • dan @ manly dan: ‘i mean i would.’ nice. dancest is real and it’s right before our eyes ppl
  • 8:28 dan saying he hates his current profile picture was so surprising and lovely when he gave his reason—it doesn’t reflect his natural curls. i’m honestly so pleased to hear that he views the natural hair as such an important change for him that he wants his display pic (something we know he spends way too much time thinking about and therefore treats as an incredibly important thing) to reflect this shift
  • 9:05 ahhhh the controversial dan reactions to phil’s ladybird selfie. here’s the thing. i think when dan says it’s a “really cringe selfie” he’s talking about the discomfort they both feel about doing posed/sultry shots. he corrects himself after phil protests that it’s not cringe to saying it’s only slightly cringe instead of really cringe, and that he should’ve included an ironic (i hate dan’s use of the word ironic so much bc he often uses it when what he really means is “sarcastic” or, in this case, self-deprecating/humorous) caption. when phil then says that he did use a funny caption, dan basically entirely revokes his criticism and says that phil actually “nailed it” w the photo/caption combination. basically i think both of them get embarrassed about the idea of unabashedly posing in an attractive way for photos and since they’re so close dan feels that embarrassment for phil as well. i don’t think he was saying he actually dislikes the selfie or that phil looks bad or unattractive or anything negative about phil himself. the only comment i did find questionable was when he almost said that the smile filter was an improvement!!! it seemed weird when compared to how much he disliked all the alterations to phil’s face on the first picture lol but then he also made fun of it so i didn’t take it to mean that dan literally thought the filter is an improvement to phil’s real face, just that it was pretty remarkable how cleanly the filters worked on that particular selfie
  • overall: really liked this!!!!!!! such a good intro to the new office!!! such a warm and chill lil vid where they were mostly casual and just being so soft and flirty w each other and basically calling each other cute in creative ways whats not to love about that it was great
Thigh Kissing

Summary: Phil loves everything about Dan, but he loves kissing his thighs more than anything in the world.
Word Count: 1,144
Warnings: None
A/N: Y'all asked for thigh kissing, so I granted your wishes. If you would like to support me and my writing and get perks such as getting my fics a day early, head over to my patreon!

Read it on AO3!

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Phil loved everything about Dan.

He loved the way he smiled, those dimples caving in on his cheeks, his entire face brightening up as though he was the happiest man alive. Phil had no doubt that, for a while, he was the happiest man alive. He was always grinning whenever Phil was around and then he would look at him with those gorgeous chocolate eyes, ones so soft and filled with fondness that it took Phil’s breath away.

He loved the way Dan had started to wear his hair curly, showing a confidence that didn’t used to be there. But it was there now, shining in a way that made him look like an entirely different person. He held himself taller, spoke loudly, and his hair was wild and so soft that Phil loved to run his hands through it.

“Phil, you’re messing up my hair,” Dan would complain when he did this, but he wouldn’t push Phil away and just let him twirl a curl around his fingers.

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Your Name and Kiss Belong in the Same Sentence

Summary: Neither Dan or Phil has ever had a boyfriend before and they think that part of the reason might be because nobody even realises they like boys.  So, as best friends do, they decide to pretend to date each other, that way at least it’s obvious they aren’t straight.  And with an agreed upon set of boundaries, nothing can go wrong.  Right?

Word Count: 9k

Warnings: swearing, anxiety attack, underage drinking/alcohol

A/N: me actually finishing a fic?? who knew this was even possible anymore lmao (although i found 6k of this already done in my drafts from october so?? does this even count).  also tysm to leah for letting me scream at her about this and for editing it for me, you’re the best <33

read on ao3 instead

Dan and Phil had been best friends for what felt like forever.  They had grown up together, in houses only a few blocks away and couldn’t remember a time where they hadn’t known each other.  They had always been Dan and Phil, their names never separated.

Everyone had warned them that friends often grow apart over time, especially as they moved from middle school to high school.  For some reason people seemed to think that there was no way that the two boys could stay as close friends as they were forever.

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what ever you do, don’t imagine amy going home after jake goes to jail. don’t imagine how quiet and empty their apartment feels without him. and how she can’t really remember it ever being just her apartment. it’s like he’s lived there forever. and now suddenly. he isn’t there. don’t imagine her waking up with a lump in her throat because he isn’t in the bed too. don’t imagine her not being able to bring herself to put away his leather jacket which he left hanging on the handle of their cupboard. or her staring at it for minutes on end sometimes. don’t imagine her looking up from her desk at work and almost expecting him to be looking back. don’t imagine her going to visit him at jail for the first time. how she smiles when she sees him, tears sparking in her eyes, but she swallows them down and doesn’t let them fall. not yet. don’t imagine her breaking down in the car after that visit. sobbing, her head on the steering wheel. instead imagine the smile that breaks out across her face when jake is finally released. imagine the sob of joy as jake runs into her arms and she hugs him like there’s no tomorrow. imagine her and jake going home. talking. laughing. hugging. kissing. imagine them together. imagine them happy.

1. I’m in love with your boyfriend.

UGHHH THIS IS MY FIRST ATTEMPT AT ACTUALLY WRITING A PHAN ONESHOT. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO FEEL ABOUT THIS BUT HERE IT IS AND I’D REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS WITH COMMENTS AND LIKES!

Also if you like the oneshot, let me know and comment some prompts because I’ll do them :)

SUMMARY: Dan’s girlfriend Ella comes to stay with him and Phil for a week and Phil is shocked by how he feels about it.

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“This is my boyfriend Dan, by the way” || Dan Howell

A/N: This was a really nice request I got, thanks for that. Also the title is a little bit different. Have a nice weekend! 

Word Count: 1.5K

POV: Reader

MASTERLIST

Originally posted by shinyphan

It all started on a Saturday morning. I was sitting on the breakfast table by myself. I munched on some toast and checked my emails, like I do it every morning. A cup of hot black coffee was cooling off next to my laptop that was in front of me.

All of the new messages were mostly spam and some business stuff but one email in particular caught my eye. As soon as I saw the title I instantly clicked on it:

“High School Reunion”

Suddenly I was filled with excitement and resentment at the same time.

As my eyes scanned the invite over and over again I heard Dan enter the kitchen. He was wearing his pyjama that consisted of boxers and a loose t-shirt and his hair was a curly mess that still managed to look good.

We had been best friends for years now and shared a flat together in London. Dan noticed my startled expression and immediately asked what the matter was with me.  

My eyes were still glued to the words ‘Partners are welcome as well’ as I answered him.  That sentence alone made me want to not go.

“I was just sent an invite to a high school reunion.” I explained while taking a sip from my coffee.

The dark liquid was still hot and nicely warmed my throat.

Dan yawned and poured some of his favourite cereal into a bowl.

“Why do you look like you were invited to a funeral then?” he asked me confused, as he added the milk and sat down on the table next to me.

“It’s says we should bring our partners and I don’t want to show up alone.” I sighed, the taste of coffee was still lingering on my tongue. It was as bittersweet as I felt right now.

Dan put his spoon, that he was eating his cereal with, down to eye me intensively.

“Why don’t you want to go there on your own?” he asked me, cocking one eyebrow.

I felt myself getting a little bit nervous and abashed. I played with my hands and sighed.  

“I always got teased because I didn’t date a single guy during high school. I kinda promised myself that by the time the first reunion comes around I would have a boyfriend.” I admitted embarrassed and tried to hide my flushed face behind my hair.

There suddenly was a hint of a smile on his lips but it only lasted a few milliseconds.

“Forget it, it’s stupid.” I quickly told him, shaking my head eagerly. I half-heartedly laughed about myself as I hid my face in my hands.

“It’s definitely not stupid, Y/N. If it means so much to you then I could go with you, Y/N” Dan whispered as he gave me a short but warm hug.

“Really?” I asked him in surprise. Was he really suggesting that?

“I’d do quite a lot to make you happy, even pretend to be your boyfriend.” He smiled down at me as I whispered a sincere ‘thank you’ against his broad chest.

We were that kind of best friends that everybody mistook for a couple anyway. We were pretty affectionate towards each other, in a platonic way of course. Making it look like we were in a relationship was therefore not a very challenging task.

I was still nervous though when I got dressed the following Friday. I wanted to make an impression. I wanted people to look at me and think ‘wow, she really made it.’ I wanted to prove all of those people who never saw my potential in high school wrong.  

“It’s just your friends from high school, Y/N.” Dan tried to calm me down as he walked in with his car keys in his hands.

I obviously didn’t grow up in central London, where our flat was, but in a small town about an hour away.

“I had like 4 close friends in high school, Dan.” I reminded him laughing.

I never tried to be popular or fit in, I found 4 wonderful friends and that was totally enough for me. My high school times were therefore quite drama free except for the fact that I was occasionally made fun of and told that I would stay single forever, of course.

We left our shared flat and drove to the place where we were going to meet up.

As soon as we got out of the car again, Dan automatically took my hand as if it was a totally normal thing to do. I looked up at him in surprise and stared at him with wide eyes until I caught on to what was happening.

We were here together, Dan was the ‘partner’ I brought along with me.

“Ohh” I mouthed, feeling a little blush make its way onto my cheeks. I hadn’t really thought about that.

I shot Dan a nervous look before we walked into the restaurant together where most of my old classmates were already waiting for everybody to arrive.

He reassuringly intertwined our fingers, making me smile.

I saw a lot of familiar faces, some hadn’t changed at all, some changed a lot. I didn’t stay in touch with anybody from high school, so I hadn’t seen anyone in almost 10 years.

“Hey Everyone!” I greeted all of them cheerfully.

Their heads turned and they eagerly eyed Dan and I up and down.

“Y/N Y/L/N is that you?” Kimberly, who had always been the straight A student, asked.

“Yeah, it’s me. C’mon I haven’t changed that much, have I? This is my boyfriend Dan, by the way.”

The last sentence felt weird and at the same time so… natural? Dan’s face beamed as the word ‘boyfriend’ left my mouth and I couldn’t hold back a sweet smile either. He said his greetings as well before we sat down at the huge table.

After everyone had arrived we ordered some drinks and started chatting. Everybody was asked to talk about what they have been up to since we all finished high school.

Then it was suddenly my turn.  

“Well… I work as a lawyer for Youtube and me and Dan live in London now.” I told everybody.

Most people seemed impressed by the words Youtube, London and lawyer. Our home town was quite small and boring. London on the other hand being a beautiful big city sounded exciting.

“You studied law?” Somebody asked and I nodded.

“Yes, at Manchester University, that’s where I met Dan.” I smiled up at my tall ‘boyfriend’.

“So, are you a lawyer as well, Daniel?” Stacy, one of our former cheerleaders asked.

Dan was definitely getting some attention from the female part of our group. I protectively placed my hand on his thigh to show everyone that he was with me… which he actually wasn’t.

In reaction, he showed me his famous half smirk, as if he were saying ‘jealous much?’. I rolled my eyes at him but we both knew that he was right deep down.

“I’m not.” Dan laughed at the thought. “I finished like one semester before I dropped out. I’m a Youtuber now. That’s how me and Y/N met again.”

I could tell that Dan was feeling awkward once again because he didn’t know if people understood his profession.

Luckily though most people did and were now really interested in what Dan was doing.

He was asked all sorts of questions, and most of the conversations were focused on the two of us now since everybody treated Dan like he was a super famous celebrity and those were extremely rare in my old hometown.

I was very proud of Dan while he explained his job and passion. He then talked about me and how we met and that honestly made my heart melt. Could this really be? Who knew that I had feelings like that for my best friend? Everybody but us two probably.

“Who would have thought that you Y/N, out of all people, would hit the jackpot.” Stacy uttered completely stunned and barely able to keep her eyes off Dan.

“Nah, I feel like I was the one who hit the jackpot.” he softly said, while looking at me with loving eyes. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks as some people around us ‘awwed’.

“Dan, stop it.” I whined smiling and gently hit his chest before I leaned my head against his broad shoulder. We were behaving like two lovey dovey teenagers, which we, let’s be real, probably really were.  

“You two are perfect for each other.” Kimberly swooned like some of Dan’s fans on tumblr.

Dan and I’s gazes met as we both blushed.

“We are.” Dan whispered into my ear, making my heart skip a beat.

anonymous asked:

I'm just. Well. Dan and Phil huh. I'm like

WHAT THR FUCK HONESTLU!!!!! today’s the day i’m litro moving out and i watched this on my phone m in between bouts of vacuuming and sneezing from an allergy attack and i am crying????!! IN MY EMPTY CLOSET??!!!!!!! i can’t believe so many things including

1. how good and soft they looked i felt a bit awestruck

2. the fact that we saw dan in phils new “”“"bedroom”“”“

3. phil dragging dan a little for the rebrand and calling him daniel

4. the way they talked about what last year and this year meant for dan omg all that stuff about triumph and success and hard work paying off and this yr being the end of a phase or an era and the start of a new one and a time to explore new opportunities and let his real personality shine thru a bit more and also how phil kept hitting dan in excitement while he read those bits before dan himself even rly said anything bc phil knows what dans years have meant to him just as much as dan does and to see them just like make wide eyes at each other as they mutually recognize how spot on these assessments were wowowoowowowow im ded???

5. them sort of openly mocking the notion of “masculine energy”

6. obviiiiiii THAT WHOLE BANANA BIT like WHAT THE FUCK,?? HALF THIS CIDEO WAS JST PHIL FUCKING W DAN AND THEY JST KEPT SO MUCH OF IT IN and Holy Shit man that was some of the cutest shit i’ve ever seen i mean phil was full face giggling so hard and dan reacted so hilariously and he was tryna seem OUTRAGED AS HE SLAPPED PHIL W A BANANA BUT HIS FACE WAS ALL SCRUNCHED N SMILEY TOO AND HE THINKS PHIL IS SO FUCKING FUNNY ITS PAINFUL and then the way he just sort of manhandled him and pulled him back to stick the banana down his shirt as recompense i mean srsly what kind of gross absurdly flirtatious bullshit i smiled so much my face hurt

7. oh and OF COURSE how could i even FORGET phil referencing ppl interested in seeing him and dan have sex and just giggling about it nothing awk or uncomfortable jst straight up acknowledging that ppl want that but never making it seem like the concept of doing dan is outlandish and all of this on his main fucking channel i am IN UTTER SHOCK AND DISBELIEF. WOW.

they’re just. in such a good place right now. it’s remarkable on every level and i’m fucking overwhelmed and enthralled and sosososo painfully happy for them fuckkkfjfjfjrj

Stitching Up the Seams

Summary: Phil can’t help but notice the boy with dead eyes who wears baggy jumpers all the time and barely talks anymore. Not being able to stand how sad he looks, Phil begins to slip notes into Dan’s locker in hopes of raising his spirits.
Word Count: 2216
Warnings: Implied self harm (doesn’t describe it at all, just implied), cussing, depression
Title Credit: Such Small Hands - La Dispute

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There is a boy with mocha hair and caramel eyes that turn slightly mahogany in the sun who has a dimple in his pale cheek and has long fingers that shake slightly whenever he talks or even when he reaches for things or writes. There is a boy with dark circles under his eyes who comes to school sometimes with curly hair and wears baggy sweaters that he constantly pulls over his hands like he’s nervous about something.

Phil didn’t know what he was nervous about.

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Heaven Scent Chapter One

Heaven Scent (1/?) | Dan Howell rarely leaves the house unless he has too, too socially awkward to function normally around other people, and generally making his only friends through Louise, a sweet beta who took him under her wing a few years back when they were both still in college. It’s no surprise, then, that the omega has yet to find a mate, despite craving one rather a lot. It’s not until he attends Louise’s birthday party and gets accidentally-on-purpose set up with an attractive alpha named Phil Lester who smells absolutely heavenly that Dan starts to fall into a proper romance, complete with courting and scenting and the like. | Phan | Mature | A/B/O dynamics (Omegaverse fic), Fluff, Getting Together, Eventual Smut, Courting | 6,931 Words this chapter

Disclaimer: In no way do I pretend that this is real or cast aspersions on Dan or Phil.

For the first time in a really long time, I’ve actually wanted to attempt writing a chaptered fic on my own with an idea that I’ve been in love with since time began, practically. Omegaverse fics are some of my favorites in the world, and the trope has intrigued me for just about as long as it’s been around - which is to say, forever, in fandom years. I’ve never particularly cared for the non-con esque sexual lives often built up in a/b/o fics however, nor have I particularly cared for the gender dynamics that often paint the alphas as hyper-high class characters who can and will abuse omegas, who are considered the hyper-lower classes. A lot of the a/b/o dynamics I’ve seen built up in fandoms over the years don’t feel particularly true, to me, of what a/b/o should or could be, especially as it’s based around animal mating cycles for the trope.

Therefore, I decided I wanted to completely and utterly throw the trope onto its head and create something entirely different to what I most often see in most fandoms. I was strongly inspired by the yuri on ice fandom interpretation of a/b/o fics, as well as by @phandommother, who this entire fic is dedicated too, in creating this chaptered series that I’ve already nearly finished writing. The three “sexes” in this fic are referred to as “secondary sexes” and while each secondary sex is sometimes ruled by specific instincts that a/b/o characters are known for, any and all sexes can mate with each other and produce kits. They all stand on equal ground in terms of hierarchy, in this fic, and while stereotypes exist, they don’t rule the story. As the story continues forward, more of their world will be explained to the reader.

I really hope you guys enjoy the world I’ve spent so many hours creating now, and please enjoy chapter one <3 :) Updates will be on Wednesday’s, though this chapter has gone up early on a Tuesday night hahaa.

Special thanks and love goes to @botanistlester who let me rant about this idea to her for hours and encouraged me to create this story, and for beta’ing reading for me as she always does.

(Ao3)

Chapter One

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anonymous asked:

could you do a blurb about y/n being dan's piano teacher? y/n is a bit younger than him (&he feels quite self conscious) and after a few months they fall in love?

- after your online ad as a piano teacher had been up for weeks you were starting to lose hope that someone would hire you

- so you’re sure as hell surprised when you check your email to see someone inquiring about your piano skills

- when you read the email, you notice his age of 25, facing a choice to delete the email in fear that he may be some random psychotic killer

- you decide against it and shoot him an email back, agreeing to meet at his house the next day to begin his lessons

- when you arrive the next day at his flat, hair slightly wind blown from rushing to the underground and dressed in your typical grandma-esque attire you’re amused when the tall man opens the door with a warm smile

- “hi! i’m dan. you must be y/n!” he grins, leading you into his home and to his tidy room where a gorgeous old piano sat

- “it’s beautiful!” you smile, excitement in your voice as dan stares at you, nodding to himself and smiling at you, “sure is.”

- dan surprised you with his evident talent, able to play most of the beginner exercises you had for him after you demonstrated once

- after weeks of lessons, you and dan grew closer and you felt very comfortable, more times than not bringing him coffee to lessons every week

- you walk in, having a spare key as he was sometimes too lazy to come downstairs to greet you, shutting the door quietly and setting your keys on the coffee table

- quietly walking to his room, you hear the faint notes of a very familiar song, the one you told dan was your favorite

- standing at the doorway, waiting for the song to end before clearing your throats and watching the older man scramble bashfully

- “why were you watching!?” he says shyly as you sit next to him on the bench, “because you play beautifully.” he scoffs, “nothing compared to your playing. you’re so young and you’re so much better,” he says insecurely as you roll your eyes, “you’re beautiful dan, don’t be so insecure.”

- facing each other, dan leans in, brushing hair out of your eyes before placing his soft lips on your own

- the kiss felt like hours, that is, until you leaned against the piano, causing a loud crash of notes as you both jump before bursting into giggles

- “i meant what i said,” you smile as he rolls his eyes, kissing you again, “and i meant what i said the very first day, beautiful.”

- soon after, dans piano solos turned to duets, enjoying himself more with your hands dancing beside his own and especially enjoying when your delicate fingers intertwined with his own, holding onto you; his muse.

The Pickle Fic

Note: I wanted to write something bad. I made no outline. I wrote whatever came into my head. This is the result. Things get weird.



“Have you ever deepthroated a pickle,” Dan asked Phil as he seductively opened their brand new pickle jar that they bought from the store on that same day.

Phil swallowed hard, turned on by Dan and the pickle jar. “N- No,” he stuttered to his boyfriend Dan, more commonly known to him as BEAR.

“You should,” Dan replied, pulling out a wet, sloppy pickle with his bare hands. He put it in his mouth, sucking it HARD as it hit the back of his throat. He swallowed the entire thing, not even stopping for a chew. “We should deepthroat a pickle together.”

“But, Dan!” Phil exclaimed with exclamation. “I mean Bear! We are just BFF’s forever and ever,” he said to his boyfriend. “That’s capital G gay. What would the fans of ours think?”

Bear (that’s Dan) shook his head. “They’d never have to know, Phil. We don’t have to do it on camera. We could just… pickle together.”

Dan pulled another pickle out of the jar, waving it around and around. “Pickle for your thoughts, my honeybear,” he said to Phil (that’s Honeybear), once Phil just stood there with his mouth hanging open.

“I, um,” Phil gulped. “I do enjoy a pickle, and I am a little hungry.”

Bear stepped closer to the blue eyed (and green and gray and lots of colors mixed together), black haired (dyed), older (by like four and a half years) man. “This should fill you right up, my sweetheart.”

Dan wiggled the pickle close to Phil’s mouth, letting the juices collect on Phil’s lips. “Open up, Sailor.”

Phil, totally turned on at this point, opened his mouth into an O shape, so he could collect the pickle.

Dan placed half of the pickle into Phil’s mouth, then bit down on the other end.

Cronch.

Cronch.

Cronch.

Dan bit at the other end of the pickle harshly as Phil stood there, shocked, eyes wide and mouth still dangling half a pickle.

“Good pickle,” Dan said, lifting the jar up to his mouth and chugging the juices.

Phil downed the other half of the pickle. “Now our pickles will be all dry,” he said to his Bear, who had brown eyes and brown hair, and dimples. His Bear was also younger than him, by about four and a half years or so.

“I’ll fill it with some water in the sink.”

Dan walked over to the sink, but Phil couldn’t move. His dickle was in a pickle of its own.

“Bear,” he said, as that was Dan’s nickname that he called him all the time. “My dickle is in a pickle,” he admitted.

“Would you like me to cronch it?” Dan asked, letting the jar overflow with water.

“No. No, my best friend Bear, my lover. I don’t want the cronch. I just want… I don’t even know.”

And now Phil was on the floor, sobbing. He was sobbing because Dan, his lover, his best friend for life, was using too much water. Their water bill was going to be so high.

Dan turned off the water, immediately knowing what his lover wanted. He was next to Phil in seconds, caressing his back, but thinking about the rotisserie chicken in the fridge. “I’m sorry for overusing the water, my lover, Phil. I was just trying to get back at you for being so against marriage. That Sims game from like two years ago, I still think about it. I just want to marry you, Phil, my baby.”

“I can’t marry you, Bear. And I’ve been commiting beastiality all along.” Phil’s tears dried, but he needed to let this out.

Dan laughed. And laughed and laughed. “My lover, I’m not a real bear. You just call me that as a nickname, remember? You silly baby, sugar daddy! You’re just confused.”

“Oh,” Phil chuckled, remembering the pickle incident from ten seconds ago. “Dan, I mean Bear, I love you so much. You are my lover. I’m gay, but only for you. I have never been attracted to another man.”

Dan smiled, wiping his pickle hands over Phil’s face. “I’m only gay for you too, Baby. Otherwise, boobs. Now let’s go into the bed and make sweet, sweet love.”

Phil stood up and Dan hopped up beside him. “Alright,” Phil said, walking toward the room. “Bring the pickles.”

Dan already had the jar in his hand.

Beetles Bath And Beyond

Summary: Phil just wanted a relaxing bath. Just wanted to soak in the warm water for an hour, listen to some music and read some Buffy comics. What he didn’t want, however, was to have his bath with a million beetles surrounding him from all sides, turning his relaxing time into an actual nightmare.

Lucky for him, he had a boyfriend who just knew how to make everything better.

Words: 4539

warnings: smut, rimming, anal sex  

read on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12745041#main

this fic is dedicated to my friend @p-hantasticpheels who’s been having some real life things she needed to deal with. so eve, i hope you like it! <333 (also, go send her some love! she is the best person ever and deserves the whole world!<3333)


“Dan!”

Dan was sitting on the couch with his laptop when he heard a shriek of his name coming from the downstairs bathroom.

He was enjoying some relaxing time by himself, scrolling on tumblr and twitter and letting his brain have a night off from all the thinking and stressing and working he had been doing the last few weeks.

Phil had walked into the lounge half an hour ago, announcing he was going to make himself a relaxing bath, asking Dan not to disturb him.

“Are you not inviting me to join you?” Dan asked with a pout, mostly joking. He knew Phil was at his limit in the last few days. He was constantly worrying and overthinking his and Dan’s decisions and feeling bad for missing on his family vacation and just generally feeling stressed.

They had a lot on their minds. With the approaching tour and new merch and regular video schedule they felt like they might have taken on a bit more than they can chew.

So knowing Phil as well as he did, Dan had no doubt that what he needed right now was some relaxing time by himself, not worrying about anyone or anything other than his own enjoyment.

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Coming Home

Summary: Phil’s away in the military and Dan is by himself with their young son, Mason. Phil promises Dan that one day he’s coming home.

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: None

Beta: Trinity ( @htmlpinof

A/N: This is short and not the best thing I’ve written (sorry) . I’ve just been busy with school and finishing work for the end of the year. I promise something much better I’ll have soon hopefully. I have a few prompts in my inbox I need to write to. 


Dear Dan,

I know I said I would be home for Christmas but I just can’t get there. I’m so sorry. I tried to get my commander to let me, I just couldn’t. It’s too dangerous for any of us to leave, and Chris can’t even leave to go see PJ.

I miss you so much Bear, it’s unreal. There is nothing to do here anymore but sit around and wait. Wait for what though, I have absolutely no idea. It’s stupid, none of us get to go home.

It’s not fair to you or Mason, but I’m trying, I swear I am.

You just have to hold on, okay bear? I promise I’m coming home. Don’t let whatever is scaring you right now take control. If you’re scared I won’t ever come home, don’t let that make you think crazy okay? I am coming home.

Just remember, even if it seems like I’m worlds apart, I’m always right there.

Tell Mason I love him so much and that I’m sorry about this. I’ll make it up to the little guy eventually.

Merry Christmas Bear.

Wait before I go, is it snowing out? I know you love having a white Christmas. Take a picture and send it to me? I miss home and spending Christmas surrounded by sand and the desert isn’t very seasonal don’t you think? Also it’s like one million degrees and I swear I’m melting and no I’m not being dramatic for once.

Okay now I really have to go. Just remember that I love you so so so much Dan. I’ll be home soon, remember that please?

~ Phil

Snow fell from the London sky, coating the ground in a thin blanket. Everywhere anyone looked you could see the Christmas spirit radiating from every doorstep. People were traveling to see family; soldiers were coming home. All but one person was coming home it seemed.

Dan sighed holding the letter close, the dim light casting shadows across his face. Mason would be up in a few hours and excited for Christmas, yet a part of him would be sad that Phil wasn’t there. It was obvious. Last year Phil wasn’t home at this time either and Mason started crying when Dan handed him a present that said from Papa, it took Dan hours to calm him down.

Tears welled in his eyes as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He knew Phil leaving for the army would be tough on both of them, especially with Mason, they just weren’t expecting it to be this hard. Hanging his head Dan heard the soft pitter patter of his son walking throughout the flat.

“Daddy?” Mason mumbled, yawning and rubbing his eyes as he walked into Dan’s room. He was the spitting image of Phil when he was 6, which made this all so much harder on Dan. He smiled softly as he looked up at his son, his ginger hair was sticking out in random places.

“Bub what a-are you doing up?” Dan wiped his eyes, who was walking over and climbed onto Dan’s lap.

“I miss papa.”

Dan sighed, holding him close, stroking his hair. Mason laid his head on Dan’s chest and messed with his hand. “I do too baby. But he’ll be home soon.”

Looking out the window Dan watched the snow fall down slowly. Each snowflake taking its time before hitting the ground softly, adding onto the white blanket that was there already. Sighing, he could hear Mason start to sniffle and it killed Dan inside. He knew there was nothing he could do about it, other than be there for him and wait for Phil to come home.

-

“Was he good today?” Dan asked Ms. Betts, Mason’s teacher, as they watched Mason grab his things.

“Overall yes,” She smiled before frowning slightly, pushing her blonde hair from her face. “He did get upset at one point about missing Phil though.”

The teachers at his school all knew that Phil was away. Mason always talked about him and all the cool things he did. His papa was a superhero to him. Everyone thought it was adorable that he thought of Phil in that sense. However, Phil being the hard head he is, he doesn’t see how he’s a hero to anyone, let alone his own son. He’s always gone, how was that a hero?

“How is he though?”

“I, um, don’t know.” Dan mumbled. “I haven’t been able to talk to him much lately. Ho-“

“Is this thing on?” A voice so familiar cut him off over the loud speaker. Dan watched the teacher smile and he watched as Mason dropped what he was holding and looked at the speaker. “Hey little man!” Mason’s eyes, along with Dan’s widened. Phil.

“I know I promised I would be home a long time ago Mason and I’m sorry about that. There’s a surprise for you in the office buddy.”

The loudspeaker cut off and Mason ran towards Dan. “Daddy, that was papa!!” He grabbed Dan’s hand and started dragging him towards the door quickly. Dan’s heart skipped a beat and his breath hitched. He let Mason drag him through the halls; noticing how the doors to the rooms were opening and the teachers were coming out and smiling. Some were clapping and others cheering.

Turning at the corner, the white walls were decorated in drawings made by the kids, Dan’s eyes widened when he saw him. Phil. He was in a mossy green tank top and camouflage shorts, with combat boots; and somehow he managed to get a slight tan.

“DADDY!!!” Mason screamed as Dan stood there frozen. It had been about a year since they last seen each other.

“Come here little man!” Phil yelled back and crouched down to Mason’s height, holding his arms out wide. Letting go of Dan’s hand, he ran and tackled Phil, both of them falling back onto the floor. Tears pooled in Dan’s eyes as he heard Mason start crying.

“I’m here little dude,” Phil spoke kissing his head and rubbing his back. “I’m not leaving for a long time.”

Dan watches as a tear rolls down his cheek. Phil promising Mason that he wasn’t leaving for a long time, that’s if he even had to leave again. Eventually the two broke apart and Phil stood up, staring at Dan.

“Hey, Bear.” He said quietly, smiling at Dan.

Dan ran up and wrapped his arms tightly around Phil, burying his face in his chest. A quiet sob escaped his lips as Phil held onto him, threading his fingers through his hair. Phil swayed them back and forth, Dan holding onto Phil as if he was going to leave again.

“I love you so much.” Phil whispered, lifting Dan’s chin up and kissed him softly, before Mason interrupted them.

Pulling away Phil smiled and picked up Mason, holding him between them.

“How’s about we go home little man?” Phil asked, ruffling his hair; watching Dan smile fondly at them before kissing his cheek.

Words Never Last

Summary: When Dan and Phil are informed that their daughter punched another student, they must figure out why. However, to do this, they have to face an incredibly homophobic headmaster. And a student to match.

Genre: Parent! phan, Fluff, Homophobia

Warnings: Swearing, Homophobic slurs

Word Count: 1.6k


“It was a call from the school,” Phil mumbled.

“And…” Dan urged Phil to continue.

“She punched a kid. Get your coat on, we have to go.” Dan slammed the lid to his MacBook and sat up.

“She what?” Dan convinced himself that he just misheard his husband.

“C’mon, we have to hurry up.” Even though the statement was nagging at his mind, Dan got up and slid into his jacket. He ignored the fact that his daughter might have punched someone. He ignored the fact that his husband seemed not to care. All he set his mind to at that point was getting to the school.

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A blanket, a tea and a mother's love

Summary: “I’m in love with your son.” “I know.” And that’s all it took for Dan Howell to break.

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Just some disgusting Dan-Mrs. Lester fluff. FLUFF enjoy.

When they got to the Lester’s house and were told that Dan usual room was being painted and that he and Phil had to share his room, the brunette didn’t think much of it, after all, they slept together all the time.

Well, they used to sleep together all the time back in 2009. I mean, it has only been, what? Seven years? They always fell asleep in the lounge and even ended up cuddling so, was there a differece?

The answer was yes. Yes there was.

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