-we need advice on how to win over our respective ladies and since you're the only one in a committed relationship, we were hoping you could share some pointers.
Robbie, Coulson, and Mack:
*take out their phones to take notes*
First you need to wait ten years before you even think about asking her out.
Then, get betrayed by your brother figure, leading you into a situation where you have to sacrifice yourself for your girl. Then for the next few months, miscommunicate like your lives depended on it.
Fitz this isn't really-
Then if all of this goes accordingly, she'll admit her feelings to you before you go into another life and death situation. But then she'll get sent off to some mythical death place where she'll fall for some random dude. Don't worry, it's temporary and has no true long term consequences.
Fitz! We just needed some simple tips-
Then, get into a heated argument with her, which should lead into the two of you passionately kissing. That step is one of my favorites. Afterwards, it should be smooth sailing once the random guy dies and you two reset your relationship because of all that shit I said earlier. Was that helpful?
This punk will fuck you up. You press hard, she fights back harder. No matter what you do, you can’t pin her down and you can’t stop her. Your only hope is to blackmail her into submission, and that’s too much effort. Don’t fight Sarah Manning.
Alison (chances of you winning: 0%)
Do not fight this woman under any circumstances. She looks harmless, but she has killed people. She will probably kill you by accident while kicking your ass, then hide your body where no one will find it and sip fine wine over your grave. Don’t fight Alison Hendrix.
Cosima (chances of you winning: 90%)
You can totally win if you don’t give her enough time to science you. But she just wants to be your friend, why would you do that?? Don’t fight Cosima Niehaus.
Helena (chances of you winning: no)
Why the hell would you think that was a good idea? Run away as fast as you can. She will literally kill you. It will not be pretty. Even if you managed to land a hit at a vulnerable moment, it’d be like punching a butterfly and you would be the worst person in the world. Don’t do it. Don’t fight Helena.
Rachel (chances of you winning: 100%)
You’ll probably have three hit men following you the next day, but it’d be worth it to knock the smug look off her face. Do it. You know you want to. Fight Rachel Duncan. I’ll bring pizza.
Tony (chances of you winning: 50%)
His bark is worse than his bite, but he’s still pretty scrappy. Also, he’s being an ass. Go for it. Take your chances. Fight Tony Sawicki.
Beth (chances of you winning: 5%)
Beth is tough, she’ll kick your ass. Unless you can catch her by surprise at the end of a long run, you’re done. Probably don’t fight Beth Childs.
Jennifer (chances of you winning: why?)
What did Jennifer ever do to you? Why do you want to pick a fight with a schoolteacher? Go away. Don’t fight Jennifer Fitzsimmons.
Charlotte (chances of you winning: stop)
You can’t pick a fight with an eight-year-old what is wrong with you
Katja, Aryanna, Danielle, Janika
How are you gonna fight them when you’re in Toronto and you’re not even on the same continent? Get a grip. Go chill with Cosima and stop trying to fight people.
A SUMMARY OF THE SHIPS (ACTUALLY SUBMARINES) THAT HAVE EVER OR ARE CURRENTLY STABBING ME WITH KNIVES. SHOUT OUT TO THE WRITERS FOR RUINING MY SANITY. SHOUTOUT TO WHATEVER DUMBASS CANCELLED FREAKS AND GEEKS WHEN AFTERWARDS WE FOUND OUT THAT DANIEL AND LINDSAY WOULD HAVE BEEN CANON.
Reblog if you feel me pls support is welcome
Leaked lines from the next episode of Agents of SHIELD
Okay, if I'm going to help SHIELD, I need to know who I'm working with.
Uh...how much do you wanna know?
All of it! Do you think this is a game?
Okay, fine, fine. Sit down, this'll take a while.
*ten minutes pass*
Wait...so this Coulson guy just takes on an untrained civilian and two dorks with no field experience at all? Are you sure you're not bullshitting me?
*thirty minutes pass*
So this whole time, Grant Ward was a HYDRA agent?
What, he was charming!
I saw that shit coming from a mile away! No wonder SHIELD needs my help.
*an hour passes*
This "Real SHIELD" shit is giving me a Real headache. Also, did you have to delve into the love lives of each person?
IT'S ESSENTIAL TO THE RETELLING OF MY TIME IN SHIELD.
Okay, fine, fine.
*an hour passes*
So...Simmons survived on another planet because there just happens to be another guy there. I'm just...wow, this is such bullshit. And then this Ward douchebag comes back as this ancient zombie god? Wait...that sounds pretty cool actually.
Trust me, it wasn't.
Well anyways, that was a lot to take in. Still not sure what a 'Fitzsimmons' is but fine.
i just love the fact that literally everybody started explaining dramatically why they should be the ones to sacrifice themselves and disabled daniel sousa with a crutch didn’t even listen and just did what had to be done without making a fuss and i think that’s one of the reasons why peggy loves him so much