Hastily, Juliette finished off the last bit of her rum and rubbed her nose with the back of her hand. She couldn’t sleep. She felt completely empty. Long ago, she was okay with being empty. Used to it. But now, she loathed the feeling. She didn’t want to e empty anymore. She found happiness and failed to latch onto it. If anything, she lost it. It floated just out of her grasp on her own accord. That just made it worse. Guilt. She was no stranger to guilt anymore. Guilt followed her like a daunting black cloud wherever she went. It unclenched it’s spider like fingers and wrapped them around her, like vines. Choking her. It encroached every fiber of her being. She wasn’t supposed to feel. She wasn’t supposed to feel guilt. It all was mind blowing. She fucked up. Sighing, she slipped into an oversized sweater and ripped tights before walking out of her room.
It was almost funny how this night mirrored many others. How she would wait until it was at least two in the morning before dipping out of her house and to Daniel’s. She’d go to his room through the backyard and take one of his jumpers before crawling next to him in his bed. She sighed, feeling nostalgic. This wasn’t supposed to happen. She wasn’t supposed to get attached again and fuck everything up. The girl wrapped her arms around herself before going into his room. She went in his bed and pulled his arms around her like old times. She wasn’t sure if he was sleeping or not, but she kind of hoping he was. Being this close to him again sent shivers up her spine.
Swallowing thickly, she opened her mouth and began speaking in her hushed and rugged tone. This was her first time speaking in two weeks. Whilst speaking, she drew small circles with the tips of her finger on his skin. Again, shivering at the familiarity of it all.“I love you. So fucking much. So much, it scares me. I’m scared you’ll wake up and realise how fucked up I really am. You deserve someone better. Someone who isn’t a total freak who lacks emotions and hears voices. I just, fuck. I was scared of the feeling. Nick was feeling the same. We freaked out and decided to craft this lie. I do not love Nick. I’ve only ever loved you.” She sighed, pulling his arm tighter around her, “You’re probably really upset and angry and I don’t blame you. I broke your heart too many times. But I don’t want to break you, I just want you. But nothing is ever that simple. Nothing. And they’re after you, the voices. You make me happy, they don’t like that. Hes going to make me hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you. I should probably go before you wake up.” She untangled herself and ever so softy pressed her lips to his cheek. “I love you so much.” She mumbled before walking towards the door.
Juliette curled and uncurled her palms repeatedly. Control was slipping through her fingers as Daniel reappeared. The normally apathetic girl was suddenly starting to feel emotion. Anger ran through her veins. She was hurt. Yes, she abandoned him, on more than one occasion, but he was supposed to always find her. Always. She liked being cared for. She liked being worried about. She would never admit it, but it was true. After all, that’s what most people wanted out of life - someone to love them and call them beautiful. Daniel did that with her. She knew all about his BPD and drug addiction, as he knew all about her voices and psychotic tendencies. They opened up to one another. They got along. They understood each other. Juliette’s mother was never around, and her father was even worse. When he was around he was drunk and would do horrible things to her. Daniel knew that and would take her in, letting her sleep the night at his house. They wouldn’t fuck, they would just fall asleep holding each other. Juliette frowned feeling something that resembled sorrow.
The girl made herself translucent and floated through Daniel’s door, not bothering to knock. She studied him from behind. He looked the same. The same slightly mussed dark hair, the same slender but toned build. She almost turned around and left before standing in front of him and becoming visible once again. She hid all of her feelings away and just looked at him for a moment. She kept her expression stoic and unreadable. “Daniel.” She uttered. The slightest bit of hurt could have been detected in her voice.
She quickly pushed him against the cold, white wall, balancing so her slight weight would crush him and keep him in place. “You disappeared. For fifty fucking years. I fucking looked after I heard a rumor that you were here. But I saw you with the addicts. I decided to go back on the roof then. Made it my turf.” She glared at him. “You made me go mad. You were supposed to always find me. I wasn’t supposed to find you. I couldn’t let you know anything because I came here from the fucking hospital.” A dark chuckle bubbled out of her. “Why am I even explaining myself to you.” She stepped back and sprawled out in the middle of the floor. “I don’t explain myself to anyone. I’m Juliette Kennedy. Phsyco. I hurt people and I enjoy it. I don’t need to explain myself to you.” She shut her eyes waiting to see his reaction.