“Stop myself from fucking pushing you against the
next wall and kissing the living shit out of you!”
I felt the
heat rush to my cheeks.
I stuttered looking up at Dan unbelievingly. Did I really hear that correctly?
His words filled my entire body with excitement as quickly as the most
effective drug in the world
his eyes shut for a few seconds in order to collect himself.
“Look just forget
about what I said.” Dan told me, the tip of his ears was red from embarrassment.
sheepishly ran his hand through his messy hair and took a step back from me.
I felt my
heart sink. What did he mean? How was I meant to forget about the jump my heart
did as reaction to what he had admitted earlier.
at me like that.” Dan insisted, swallowing hard.
go now.” He added, staring at the floor to avoid eye contact.
I raised my
eyebrows and shot him a confused look.
Brandon is waiting for you at the party.” Dan muttered with a hint of angriness
back in his voice.
“Can we please
forget about Brandon?!” I snapped, tired of talking about him. It felt like we
were completely ignoring the elephant in the room.
you wanted to sleep with him tonight?” Dan questioned with a little smirk now
that he had won our little argument.
“I just wanted to tease you. You freaking
deserved it, Howell! And I still meant the rest that I said.” I exclaimed
relieved to find out that I had no intention to actually have sex with Brandon,
but his face fell as I opened my mouth again.
talk about the ‘I want to kiss you’ thing now?” I asked, getting impatient.
do I have to tell you to forget about it?” Dan hissed. He was being defensive.
“What if I
can’t and don’t want to forget about it?” I challenged him, raising my voice.
have said that, Y/N.” He stressed as he tried to remain calm.
you say then!?” I couldn’t deny that he got my frustrated and confused. I didn’t
like the feeling I felt in my stomach region at all.
Dan stammered, not being able to find the right words.
mean it?” I croaked. This was all or nothing.
matter, Y/N.” Dan avoided my question while scratching the back of his head.
His eyes were filled with sadness as he was trying to look at everything but
so complicated! Why wouldn’t it matter, Dan?!” I couldn’t stop myself from
screaming. Why did he have to make things more difficult than they already
whether or not I meant what I said it shouldn’t change things!” Dan explained,
not being able to stop his voice from getting louder.
“But I want
them to change things, Dan. They should change things, okay?” I admitted,
taking a step towards him. I couldn’t believe I was finally saying this.
bit his lip, stopping himself from continuing.
your honest answer: Did you mean it?” I intensely eyed him while my heart was
nearly jumping out of my chest.
“What if I
did? It would change -“Dan started, staring directly into my eyes. The mellow
brown of his iris glistened.
I finished his sentence for him. “Dan, I have had a crush on you since I
started high school.” I finally adhered to my feelings for him. I was biting my
bottom lip out of nervousness.
hear Dan swallow heard and he started breathing heavily. There was surprise
written all over his face. I caught a little smile play with the corners of his
mouth but his delighted expression soon turned into a stern one again.
“Y/N, this just
can’t change things.” Dan stated seriously, crushing all my hopes.
didn’t mean it. You don’t like me.”
really a question. I was just facing the hurtful truth. Honestly, I felt
humiliated standing in front of Dan in my party dress after admitting that I
was totally into him.
“I- I didn’t
say that, okay.”
barely heard what he said, because I was too devastated to listen to him
anymore, but at his words my bowered head shot up again. My hope was higher
than ever before.
you acting like this then?” I wanted to know.
silent for a moment before he answered.
we shouldn’t be more than friends, okay?!” Dan got louder, but he wasn’t angry at
me, he was angry at himself.
that?” I queried in frustration.
“I said that!” Dan shouted as his hands
turned into fists.
you say that?!”
getting slightly mad at him. He was confusing and not making any sense.
when I first met you, you were five and I was eight. You just started going to
primary school and our parents asked me to look after you, be your friend and
show you around.” Dan started explaining himself.
see why this is relevant…” I quietly interrupted him.
finish first, Y/N. I remember that we became great friends after that and you
cried the day I left primary school because you still had a few years without
me left?” Dan smiled a little before he continued.
started going to high school and you were really nervous on your first day, our
parents asked me to look after you, be your friend, show you around and protect you from stupid boys. And I’m
afraid that if I push you against this wall right there behind you and freaking
kiss you I will be exactly one of those stupid boys.”
short silence his words had sunken in. My heart was racing again. All of this,
because he was too caring?
A smirk was
playing with my lips as I took another step towards him. He got nervous at how
close we were and clearly wanted to back away, but he had lost all control over
Your parents trusted me when they let you stay here. I don’t know what they
would say if they found out that we uh we-” he stuttered with hot pink cheeks
and didn’t finish his sentence.
Dan. And my parents totally love you.”
not the flawless and good boy they think I am.” Dan warned me, probably
thinking about his wild university lifestyle.
“I know. And
I like that.” I smirked, shamelessly flirting with him.
cautioned teasingly still smiling. “Kiss m-“
could end my sentence Dan closed the distance between us, making my heart
explode with excitement. His large hands gripped my hips as he forcefully but
carefully pushed me against the white wall behind us. I could feel his fast
heartbeat as his chest was pressed against mine.
fanned my neck, making my inside tingle. In the matter of a second his soft
lips crashed down on mine and they were suddenly moving against each other in
complete sync. His mouth was so warm, the caress of his lips soft and hungry at
the same time.
get enough of each other, but we had to break apart to catch our breaths.
have done this way sooner.” Dan panted as he eagerly went in for another kiss.
“God, I would have killed Brandon for doing exactly
what I am doing right now.” I heard Dan whisper under his breath and as I
giggled he added something that sounded much like “Let’s get you out of this dress. It has been messing with me all
Daniel N. Durant (Moritz) / Alex Boniello (Voice of Moritz), Joshua Castille (Ernst) / Daniel David Stewart (Voice of Ernst), Miles Barbee (Otto) / Sean Grandillo (Voice of Otto), Austin P. McKenzie (Melchior), Andy Mientus Hanschen (Hanschen), Alex Wyse (Georg)
The Bitch of Living - Daniel N. Durant (Moritz) / Alex Boniello (Voice of Moritz), Joshua Castille (Ernst) / Daniel David Stewart (Voice of Ernst), Miles Barbee (Otto) / Sean Grandillo (Voice of Otto), Austin P. McKenzie (Melchior), Andy Mientus (Hanschen), Alex Wyse (Georg)