danger thighs

i am super glad to have glasses now bc i don’t get headaches from computing/reading anymore but at the same time it’s so weird that like. after six months of wearing these, if i don’t wear them when i look at a screen, my brain gets confused and angry and goes on strike and is like I’M NOT INTERPRETING ANY OF THIS, HAVE SOME WIGGLY LINES ASSHOLE

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hey friends i know a talk a lot about zombies run and i was really intimidated by it at first bc i was completely sedentary and didn’t want to hurt myself

that’s why the company behind zombies run made a companion app - zombies 5k!! this is like the training wheels version that gets you in running shape using interval training (i.e., run for 30 seconds, walk for a minute, repeat)

it also stays in the narrative created by zombies run!! the comms operator and the doctor are getting you fighting (er, running) fit before you can go out on real missions - it’s a pretty standard couch-to-5k, but with zombies!

it’s an 8 week course (that i admittedly took 3-4 months to finish, replaying some sessions i liked and taking longer breaks between than i was ‘supposed’ to) that starts off slow and ramps up intensity and duration, building up your strength and stamina. it also plays music from the native player on your device, broken up by instructions from the doc and bits of dialogue

as a personal testimonial i started out wheezing and crying after going 3 miles (disclaimer that i bike rather than run bc i have silly ankles), and now i’m consistently riding 9-10 miles a day, at higher speeds and actually not feeling like i’m going to die when i’m finished (see my proudest moment here)

sam is very funny and maxine is super encouraging, and it’s an awesome and entertaining way to get into the habit of working out regularly - and if you like it, moving on to zombies run!

google play store link

itunes store link

watching anastasia while i do housework and gosh how formative was this to like. everything in my heart. HOW. notes (disjointed and incomplete):

  • dimitri is actually kind of ugly, lets be real. but in the hottest way (fig 1)
  • so many real, actual actors were in this. so many real, actual actors said things that are patently ridiculous for this movie. ‘enough already with the glowing and the smoke people!’
  • when i was a kid it was literally my one goal in life to have boobs as big as sophie’s. (it says something TERRIBLE about what we’re teaching 8 year old girls in our culture but that’s another post) my plan was to put on a bunch of weight, get big everywhere, then lose all the weight, and somehow i would control the boobs so they would stay big. idk
  • we must discuss how rasputin lives in like some fluid hell dimension past four or five different sphincters of unpleasant viscera like what the fuck is this (fig 2). god damn classic don bluth nonsense
  • i would poke fun at the in the dark of the night for being a big-lipped alligator moment, but i’m not going to mess around, that song rocked my fucking face off when i was eight and it rocks my fucking face off now
  • ‘do you think you’re gonna miss it?’ ‘miss what - your talking?’ classic his girl friday style banter
  • the???? demons????? this movie is seriously SO WEIRD
  • when dimitri is trying to uncouple the train cars (that were fused together by DEMONS, let’s remember) and says ‘there’s gotta be something in there better than this’ and anya hands him a LIT STICK OF DYNAMITE and he says ‘that’ll work’ and mugs at it for like three full seconds before doing anything. first of all anya, why, what, why. second of all dimitri, this is MERCUTIO levels of disregard for your immediate fatal danger. there is a better time to be a sassy late 90s love interest and that time is later
  • dimitri actually spends a lot of his time telling other people to remind him to do things. dimitri, get a day planner or smt
  • i have to look away every time rasputin is on screen. when i was a kid i was somehow unfazed by how distressing his #body horror is but like. he goes to catch the reliquary and his arms are too short so he detaches his hand and stretches his sinews forty feet to catch it. i am not strong enough to watch this, cartoonish as it is (today on alqualonding i disparagingly call a cartoon ‘cartoonish’)
  • ‘nobody ever said i had to PROVE i was the grand duchess!!!!’ what exactly did you think the plan was anya. what, exactly
  • ‘if i can learn to do it’ aka the song where i break my own vocal cords trying to sing three counterpoints at once
  • ‘i bought you a dress’ ‘it’s enormous!’ *it fits perfectly*
  • ‘it was nice on the hanger but it looks even better on you. you should wear it’ NO I AM STRONG I HAVE HAD DECADES TO GET OVER THIS, I SHOULD NOT BE THIS CHARMED BY A CON MAN GETTING BEFUDDLED BY A PRETTY WOMAN

(fig 1: busted nose, dark circles, big chin, inexplicable hair, the cheeks of a much older man. and yet, a stone cold russian fox)

(fig 2: where rasputin apparently lives. this is seriously dragonball z levels of weirdness. where is king kai, is bartok going to train at 10x earth gravity)

i turned off the movie when they got to paris bc my husband came home and he is too old and british to understand my ways. more to come possibly

sam wilson cajoles tony into making a set of wings for everyone on the team (who can’t already fly), specifically so they can play quidditch, discuss

sam wilson is a massive harry potter geek, discuss

tony pretends he needs to be talked into it but he is already mentally recoloring his armor in green and silver, discuss (THIS IS NOT THE PLACE FOR TONY STARK HOUSE ARGUMENTS PLEASE AND THANKS)

natasha shouts jinxes at the others to throw them off their game (“clint, EXPELLIARMUS WILL NOT ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING TO YOU, YOU KNOW THIS”), discuss

sam insists on his new wings being called nimbus 2000, discuss

bruce is wheedled into doing commentary although he never read the books, he sighs in relief when darcy takes the mic away from him and does lee jordan proud, discuss

jarvis is put into a prototype snitch and he’s wily as a motherfucker, discuss