I don’t care what your favorite trans YouTuber says. Do not, do not use KT tape. It can build bacteria, form lesions when you rip it off your skin everyday, and so much more. It’s not safe. Please.
A lot of the trans YouTubers talking about them are getting paid to talk about them. If a gaming YouTuber makes a video they say is an advertisement for a new Ubisoft game, telling you to get it, you’d be cautious about that, right? Because they’re getting paid to talk about it? This is no different.
This KT tape could potentially be as dangerous as ace tape.
And I want the KT tape company guy who keeps submitting stuff to us to FUCK off. We are not selling your dangerous product to impressionable lower middle class teenagers who can’t afford binders, that’s fucking evil, and a hearty fuck you to you for every trying to push that.
Summary: as he begins to resolve things with Ketch, Dean realises that the tapes need to be kept safe and hidden. He continues on to listen to tape 5 and finds out more about why you decided to take your life.
“I can’t let these tapes get out, it would be the end of me working for the Men of Letters,” Ketch snapped.
“You’re worried that these tapes will be the end of your job? They were the end of Y/N’s life!” Dean screamed. He didn’t care that so many guns were pointed towards him. He was tired of everyone making these tapes about them, they were about you! “Look, I don’t care about your damn job, OK? But those tapes aren’t going anywhere, no one you work for is going to find them and there’s not a chance in hell that you are burning them!”
“I have to,” Ketch replied with a calm voice. “I can not let these get out, your word means nothing to me. You Winchesters have screwed me over more times than I can count.”
“Right back at ya, buddy,” Dean replied. “How do we know you’re not gonna take them back to the Men of Letters for some weird analysation crap?!”
“We can burn them here if we must,” Ketch complained. He didn’t understand, Dean was not letting him take them.
He looked over at Sam, gave him the nod and just like that, all four of them had their guns out. Mary shot the man to her left, John shot forward at a woman and Sam chased someone into the library. Ketch ran to Dean and knocked his gun out of his hand. More people around Ketch and Dean just started dropping like flies. Sure, there were more Brits in that room, but the Winchesters were the best. They protected those tapes because they were important to you. You needed them to be heard by everyone on there, and Dean wasn’t done yet.
Dean had taken as many punches as he had thrown, yet Ketch still seemed to be becoming weaker a lot faster. The anger inside Dean must have been pushing him past whatever he was supposed to feel; he just felt numb and continued to go at Ketch, eventually knocking him to the floor.
Ketch picked up the gun he had kicked over and was about to point it in Dean’s face. That’s when Mary turned the safety off on hers while she pressed it against the back of Ketch’s head.
“Don’t move a damn muscle,” Mary growled as Ketch realised that everyone on his side was dead. They had killed them within minutes.
“Now, now Mary,” he said as he stood slowly with his hands up in defence. “Let’s not make any bad decisions.”
Sam walked over to the tapes that had been dropped. One of them had been crushed… Tape 5.
“You destroyed one of the tapes,” Sam snapped. His voice was dangerously low.
“What? Which tape?” Dean asked in worry as he stepped forward and noticed the number on the tape. “No, no no no,” he cried. “I hadn’t listened to that one yet, I can’t miss one out. I need to know what happened to her.”
“Dean,” Ketch tried to speak.
“Shut the fuck up!” Dean fumed. “You broke the fucking thing, now you are going to fix it.”
“And why would I ever do that?“ Ketch snarled as he spat some blood from his mouth on to the floor.
“Is it yours?” Dean asked calmly although the rage was still coursing through his veins.
“What?” Ketch asked, Dean looked at him as if it was obvious and once again, he was angry.
“Tape 5!” Dean screamed. “Is it yours?”
“No,” Ketch shook his head. He started to worry when he pieced together what Dean was planning. “You wouldn’t-”
“Oh, I would,” Dean snapped back as he held the broken tape in his hand. “You will fix this thing or I swear I will give your boss your tape. Don’t try me, Ketch.”
Ketch pressed his lips together and breathed heavily through his nose. He was more worried than angry, that tape would ruin his life. “These tapes aren’t going anywhere, your bosses aren’t going to find out about them,” Sam added. “Even if they do, they don’t have a chance against us. These tapes are Y/N’s legacy… And we protect our own.”
Ketch wasn’t left unattended. Someone had a gun at the back of his head at all times because he was the most untrustworthy person any of them had ever encountered.
When it was Dean’s turn, he sat opposite Ketch at the library table with his gun pointed towards him. “Why do you wanna be rid of it so bad?” Dean asked.
“When you hear it you’ll know,” Ketch replied as he kept his eyes on the tape. He was slowly but surely fixing tape number 5.
“So what you’re saying is you hurt her-”
“What I did wasn’t good. It wasn’t good for Y/N and it wasn’t good on my behalf,” Ketch admitted, his attention was still on the tape he was fixing. “If the Men of Letters find out about what I did, it wouldn’t only lose me my job, they would kill me.”
“Why?” Dean growled quietly. His grip on the gun in his hand tightened.
“Because it goes against orders, I lied to her about something they wanted her to do and then it led to everything that happened, you’ll see when you get to my tape.”
“Everyone talks about these tapes so simply, like they’re just so easy to listen to,” Dean snapped.
“I didn’t find them easy,” Ketch replied, his focus drawing away from the tape and his eyes looking at Dean. “I liked Y/N. Not in that way of course, she was very young, not really my type. But in my cold heart I found a soft spot for the girl… Knowing that I did something that affected her life so badly wasn’t easy for me to hear.”
“So why didn’t you just burn them after you heard your tape?” Dean asked with genuine curiosity.
“Y/N said in the first tape that I was being watched, so I listened to them all.” He returned to fixing the tape, it almost looked as good as new. “When I finished the last tape I was going to burn them, but Sam took them from me and passed them on. I was never able to track them again until they were back here… Every time I remembered who the next person on the tapes were, they had already finished them and passed them on to another,” Ketch finished explaining.
Dean was still angry, but at least now he understood why. He didn’t trust Ketch as far as he could throw him, but he knew that when he let him go there was no chance he would tell the Brits about what happened. He was too scared of them finding out about the tapes.
Once the tape was fixed, they let him go. Of course, not without a stern warning from each of them first. Coming after you was a mistake that Ketch would never make again. At least Dean knew now how careful he had to be with the tapes, he couldn’t just leave them lying around for someone to find easily.
This was a lesson that Dean needed.
Ketch was gone, the dead Brits were still left in the bunker but they all bagged up the bodies and prepared them to be salt and burned. Sam quietly suggested to Dean to go and listen to tape 5 while the rest of them took care of the bodies.
Another tape. Another sad story, another thing Dean may not be able to handle. This time he took the tape to the kitchen and sat in there to listen to it. Your voice played through the headphones.
“Bad decisions. We all make them, right? I mean, some worse than others… But we all make them. Sometimes even if we know it’s the wrong decision, we just want a sense of security. We want to feel safe and sometimes making the easy yet wrong decision is the only way.”
* * *
It was a Monday which meant your brothers wouldn’t be visiting you until tomorrow. Although you were mad every time they visited because they didn’t get you out, the loneliness of them not being there was slowly killing you. It was awful. A pain that was inexplainable.
You sat in your room on the small, uncomfortable bed. It squeaked every time you moved, the springs inside stabbed into your back. All your thoughts were on every negative thing you could come up with, but you were drawn away from those thoughts when a man suddenly appeared in your room, causing you to scream. His hand came over your mouth to stop the screams. “Shh, it’s okay. I’m a brother of Castiel.”
His confidence in his words made him feel trustworthy. You never trusted any of the Angels, but this one seemed different. Even after slowly losing faith in all the people around you, it felt like you could somehow trust this Angel. He moved his hand away from your mouth and you began to question him quietly, you couldn’t let the nurses hear you talking to someone.
“You’re an Angel?” You questioned. “Who are you?”
“Oh, sweetheart. I’m not just any Angel.”
* * *
“And it was him, the sweetest and cockiest Angel I had ever met in that moment. The Archangel… The trickster…”
“No!” Dean cursed.
“Welcome to your tape, Gabriel.”
* * *
“Why are you here?” You breathed out shakily. “What do you want from me?”
“Well, your brothers have been praying a lot and quite frankly it’s annoying me,” Gabriel admitted. “They’ve been praying to Castiel, but brother dearest is busy and will not stop asking me to do the job for him. I’m here to check on you, to ask how you’re doing.“
“To check on me?” You questioned with an aggressive tone. “I’m in a damn psychiatric institution, how do you think I’m feeling?”
“Ok, you’re right. Asking how you were was a stupid question,” he admitted. “Maybe I can just cheer you up? I have nothing better to do.”
“Cheer me up, how?” You asked with genuine curiosity. Any other Angel would have just came to see if you were still alive and then left. But this one, this Archangel that the boys had told you about before, the so called ‘trickster’, was kind. Why was he kind? It didn’t make sense to you, but you didn’t want to wish it away. You needed to know what would happen next.
“Well what do you want?” He asked. “Are you hungry?”
With a click of his fingers a bacon roll appeared in front of you. “I’m a vegetarian,” you snapped at him. You wanted to see how far he could be pushed.
“My apologies.” Once again, he clicked his fingers and it was gone. “You tell me what you want, Y/N.”
“My hair is a little tangled, I hate it like this,” you complained.
“No problem,” he smiled as he passed you a hairbrush that suddenly appeared in his hands. “And here, a cupcake. It’s vegetarian, I promise.”
Gabriel placed the cute cupcake on the table next to you and gave you his sweetest smile. He was so kind. You still didn’t understand why, but you didn’t seem to care. “You want me to help?” He questioned as he took the hairbrush from you and you turned around. He gently pushed your hair back behind you so he could start brushing it. He was careful over the knots to be sure he didn’t hurt you. Who knew that Angels could be kind?
After that day, he began visiting you every day. He would bring you presents and take care of you, he made you actually want to be alive rather than cry and moan all day about how bad it was. He made you feel happy, and even though the nurses had no idea about his regular visits, they all noticed a big change in your mood. They told your father, John, that it may be time for you to leave the hospital because you were showing signs of the medication working and that they were finally increasing your levels of happiness.
It was a few months before you were allowed to leave and you owed it all to him. To Gabriel.
So, on that last day when you were released, you kissed him. On his last visit to your room you grabbed him by his shirt, pulled him close and softly kissed him. His lips were smooth, they moved gently with yours as his hand moved to the back of your head to pull you closer to him. It lasted longer than you had expected before you pulled away and smiled at him. He was perfect… But you knew it wouldn’t last. So why did you let yourself get so close? What was he going to do to hurt you?
When you were discharged from the institute, Sam and Dean were the ones to pick you up. You spoke to them happily and didn’t bother to be angry with them anymore, it wasn’t their fault you were in there anyways… It was Charlie’s. But you had to forget about her now, just focus on the positives. The things like the kiss with Gabriel.
“What’s got you so happy?” Dean asked from the drivers seat while Sam rode shotgun.
“What’s there to be unhappy about? I’m coming home from the worst place in the world and I don’t ever have to go back. I’m with my brothers, I’m happy now,” you smiled.
“Well we’re happy to have you back,” Sam replied gleefully. “And we know how much you’ve missed it so we’re buying you lunch at-”
“Louie’s Pizza Parlour Extravaganza?!” You screamed excitedly.
Dean chuckled. “How’d you guess?”
“You guys know it’s my favourite!” You exclaimed as you clapped your hands together. “This day can’t get any better.”
The boys both loved your excitement in that moment. All they were doing was taking you for pizza, to them that’s all it was. But to you it was getting to spend time with your family once again and eating a pizza from your favourite pizza parlour in the world. It was a huge difference to the food they had given you in Serenity Grove. To them it was another day, to you it was perfect.
You spent hours at the pizza place just talking and messing around, it was one of your best memories with your brothers. It was a moment you appreciated so much but it didn’t last long. Nothing good ever did.
You knew it was coming, but that didn’t make it any easier having to hear it. “Y/N, on a more serious note, we need to know what’s happening between you and dad.”
You shook your head. “I don’t have a dad.”
And you wanted that to be the end of it. No more talking about the ass that was John Winchester. Of course it wasn’t the end, but you continued to look down and eat your fries.
“Dad misses you, Y/N,” Dean spoke. “He’s happy that you’re coming home.”
“Home,” you laughed ironically. “That’s a funny word, really, isn’t it? My home is with you guys, not John and his bitch wife.”
“Hey! That’s our mom you’re talking about,” Dean snapped.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” you replied sarcastically. “John and your bitch mom. There, is that better?”
“Hey, come on,” Sam tried to speak reasonably. You had only just got out and he didn’t want to cause an argument. “You and dad may not see eye to eye on a lot of things, but he’s really excited that you’re coming home. So is mom.”
“If they wanted me home so badly they wouldn’t have put me in there to start with,” you replied quietly, avoiding eye contact with both of them. “But sure, let’s go back to the bunker. I knew this wouldn’t last anyway.”
So there it was, the pain once again. Why did John and Mary have to even stay with you guys? They were adults that could get out on their own and take care of themselves.
The trip back to the bunker was silent. You didn’t understand how you could go from having the time of your life with your brothers to complete silence and awkwardness. It wasn’t a strange occurrence for things to go from good to bad within a matter of seconds, but that didn’t make it any easier.
Since the ride back was so long you began thinking that maybe you could take control of this, you could control whether you were happy or sad. Even though you hated him with every fibre of your being, John was happy that you were coming home. Maybe you shouldn’t get all angry with him when you return. You weren’t going to forgive him of course, but getting angry wouldn’t bring back lost time. You just had to hold on to your kiss with Gabriel and hope that it was enough to push you to be nice to John and Mary.
As Dean parked the car outside the bunker, they both looked back at you in the back seat and were about to ask you to not react badly to John. “You guys don’t have to say anything.”
You opened the car door and stepped outside before making your way towards the bunker. You stepped in casually just like you were heading back home once again, which was what you were doing but it had just been a long time. You made your way down the stairs, your expression unreadable as Sam and Dean followed behind you. John and Mary were in the war room just waiting for you to arrive back. They stood and soon as they saw you, no one knowing how to react.
You stared at John and just thought back to the times he had visited you. You knew he was thinking about it too, those times you had attacked him and kicked and punched and screamed that you hated him. “Y/N,” he spoke softly.
And in that second, just the sound of his voice angered you. You hated him, but at the same time, you loved him. You could feel holes being burned into you from the stares you were getting from Sam, Dean and Mary. As you dropped your backpack to the floor and stepped towards John, you thought that everyone would expect you to attack him. But you didn’t speak, you didn’t say a word. You reached out your arms and hugged him.
For a moment John didn’t react. He had no idea this is how you would react. Then he sighed with relief. His daughter was home and she wasn’t mad. Of course you were, but you had to put it behind you. He wrapped his arms around you and held you close. “I’m happy you’re home.”
You smiled to yourself because his words felt real, like he really meant them. You didn’t believe them, but hearing them was going to have to be enough. You looked over at Mary after you pushed out of the hug with John. “It’s good to have you back, sweetheart. I made you something to eat,“ she smiled.
You could have just told her that the boy’s already took you for lunch, but of course you didn’t.
“What, did you poison it or something?” You snapped as you remembered her saying that you were better off dead. You realised what you had just done, and everyone stared at you just like they were waiting for you to fuck up. No, not anymore. You weren’t going to let that be who you were. “I’m kidding!” You giggled. “Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve been in a normal place. Appropriate and inappropriate kinda merge together in that place…”
“It’s okay,” Mary smiled as she reached her hand our for you. Her smile seemed genuine. It confused you, why would she be kind to you now after what she said?
Regardless, you needed to start putting effort in to improve your own life. That’s why you took her hand and let her lead you to the kitchen. You had expected the boys to follow you but they stayed where they were which just left you and Mary alone in the kitchen. She gave you the tomato pasta she had made you and sat opposite you while pouring a glass of orange juice.
Even when everyone else wasn’t around, she was nice to you. If she hated you so much and thought you ruined her family why would she still be nice even when you were both alone? “If you need anything else, just let me know.”
The whole day felt a little weird now that you had a new attitude. You all seemed to get along ok, which made you think even more that you were the problem. You weren’t the problem, families just argued sometimes and that’s part of life- no ‘one person’ is the cause of all fights between a family.
You returned to your room and began thinking of Gabriel again. You wanted to see him, you couldn’t stop thinking about the kiss. It was soft and tender, he was so sweet and slow. It was perfect, you wanted more. You needed more. When you prayed, he didn’t show. Why?
You thought that he must have been busy and decided to just head back to the library where everyone was. You sat at the table in the library and picked up a book, mindlessly flicking through the pages as your thoughts were back on Gabriel.
“You know-” you heard at the same time as a flutter of wings, “-I can hear you when you think about me.”
“Gabriel!” You exclaimed as you threw the book down. “What are you doing here?”
“I was about to ask him the same damn question,” John growled. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“Dad, it’s okay,” you replied and everyone’s eyes shot to you. “What? He’s a good Angel, he was there for me in Serenity Grove.”
“Yeah, I was ‘there for her’,” he winked at the rest of your family. “You know, helped her out when she was in need.”
“You didn’t need to be there for her,” Dean snapped. “Sam and me visited her every week.”
“Well, if you helped her in the way I’m talking about, that would be kinda wrong, wouldn’t it?” Gabriel asked in a cocky tone. You thought he was talking about the kiss, but then he continued to lie. “Those nights we spent tangled up the sheets really were special to me, Y/N.”
“You son of a bitch!” John screamed as he jumped forward to grab Gabriel but he just disappeared and reappeared in a different place.
“Tangled in the sheets?” You questioned. “No! Nothing like that happened.”
“You can’t deny it when I have this to prove it,” Gabriel smiled as he pulled out his phone and pressed a single button before all of your phones went off. You pulled it out to see the picture that he had sent to every single person on his contacts and you knew that he got most of them from the boys and Castiel.
The picture was compelling. He must have taken if when you closed your eyes to kiss him. The photo was cropped so that it just showed above your shirt so it looked like you weren’t wearing one, the angle looked as if you were laying down. And of course, you were happily kissing him back and your hair was a mess.
You looked up and noticed the judging looks you were getting from everyone in your family… Even from your brothers. They were the only people you cared about the opinions of. “Ok, yes, we kissed but we didn’t-”
“Save it,” John snapped. Gabriel was going to ruin everything. “You stay the hell away from my daughter,” he growled at the Archangel.
“Whatever you say,” Gabriel smiled before clicking his fingers and disappearing from the room. How could he do that to you? After everything.
“I promise it’s not true!” You tried to explain.
“Out of everyone it could have been you chose him!” John shouted. “After everything he has put our family through, you just couldn’t help yourself could you?”
* * *
“Those words were heartbreaking. You said it as if I was just a common slut that sleeps with everyone, like some cheap whore. You called me easy… If I was so easy, why did everyone find me so hard to love? Why did you?”
* * *
You had stormed off to your room after they all failed to believe you. Why would your family not trust you that you would tell the truth? You expected Mary and John to not believe you but you had thought your brothers would support you. They didn’t. They said it wasn’t a problem but that you should have admitted to it rather than trying to hide it. It just resulted in you screaming at them all and then coming to your room to cry.
As you wiped the tears away, someone unexpected appeared in your room. Gabriel. “Y/N?” He asked as he noticed your tears. “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” You growled. “Are you fucking kidding me?!” You slammed your fists against his chest but as you went to do it again he grabbed your wrists.
“Just calm down, we can talk about this.”
“Why did you lie?” You sobbed as you stopped trying to pull your wrists away from his hands. “You’re ruining what I have with my family. I hate you! I hate you!” You tried to hit him again but it was just a failure and the tears continued to stream down your face.
“Hey, talk to me,” he tried to calm you.
“You lied about us having sex,” you cried. “Why?”
“Me and some of the Angels had a bet that I could convince a bunch of your friends that we really did, it’s no big deal,” he chuckled.
“No big deal?” You asked as you yanked your hands away from him. “It’s a big deal to me you asshole! What the fuck is wrong with you? Is that all I am to you? A bet?”
“No! Y/N, I wanted to kiss you.” He brushed your hair away from your face but you slapped his hand away.
“Don’t touch me. You can lie about touching me, maybe that’s one thing you can take from me, but one thing you can’t take from me is my right to say no. Now get the fuck out of my room. Unless you tell the truth, I never want to see you again.”
You felt amazing after what you said. You felt strong and powerful. You told him what was what and he knew it. You knew that through the change on his face when you told him what he could never take from you. “I guess I won’t be seeing you ever again then, Y/N, unless you change your mind.”
You stood there with your arms crossed across your chest and scoffed at his words. “Not fucking likely.”
* * *
“People were right about you Gabriel. And when I say people, I mean everyone that ever had anything to say about you. Some said you were sweet, but others said you were a liar and a cheat. They were all right. You were one book with two covers, I guess I forgot to read the other one before getting involved in your story.”
Tape 5 was over. Dean, once again, was left with his feelings after the tape. A few minutes later, Sam came in to the kitchen to grab some food. “You alright, man?”
“Gabriel’s tape was just. Wow, I mean,” he sighed. “Shit, dude. Why didn’t we believe her?”
Sam shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“I mean, at the time the evidence was there, he made a damn compelling case. But now I’m thinking back to it and… Why? She was our sister. We didn’t believe her, worst of all we believed Gabriel over her! She knew how much we hated that guy, how much he hurt us,” Dean began to rant. “She must have felt so betrayed… Every single one of these tapes, we always seem to have something to do with it. It’s our fault more than anyone else’s.”
“We can’t afford to think like that,” Sam said as he took a seat opposite Dean at the kitchen table.
“Why not? Because it’s the truth?” Dean growled. “We need to take some damn responsibility.”
“Not for the tapes that aren’t ours,” Sam replied quickly.
“You don’t even have one!” Dean snapped back.
“And I’m still blaming myself!” Sam finished. “You think you’re the only person that feels all this pain and that you’re the only reason why? It kills me every day to even wake up, Dean. I have to push myself to get out of bed and face another one of these fucking days where she’s gone and we have to keep living. She was my sister too… I loved her. You’re not the only one that lost her.”
“You don’t think I know that, Sammy?” Dean questioned with a softer tone. “Look, I’m sorry that all I do is complain. But I just feel like we did something wrong, like we didn’t do enough. I’m sorry, I know that you miss her… I do too. But Sammy, we can’t let it pull us apart like this. We’re gonna all have to be there for each other if we’re going to get through this…”
Sam just looked down at the table before nodding. “I was thinking about what you said before about Jody, that we haven’t visited in a while. She called earlier and asked if we wanted to go visit, she might have found a case.”
Dean smiled with a nod. “Just me and you? What about mom and dad-”
“They’ve already found a hunt somewhere else,” Sam interrupted. Dean knew that it was because they didn’t want to go, but he just nodded at Sam’s lie. He couldn’t be bothered with even more arguing. “Ok, better get packing…”
They both headed off to their rooms to just grab a few shirts and everything they would need for the next few days. As Dean was about to put his wallet away, he realised that he still had the note in there that you had left Sam for the tapes. He thought about it for a few moments before taking it out and holding the folded piece of paper between his fingers. He sat there on his bed, took a deep breath and began to open up the letter.
His fingers brushed over it as he smiled at the fact it was your handwriting. He always remembered that when you were researching you would write things down that could be of importance later. Then, before he could stop himself, he began to read the letter.
I know that this letter will be hard for you to read.
But I promise you, it can’t be as hard as it is writing it.
I need you to do me a favour with these tapes that I’m leaving you…
I need you to make sure that everyone on there listens to them…
And I want you to listen to them too.
These tapes are the only legacy I’m leaving.
When you read this letter it will already be too late, I’ll already be dead.
I love you and Dean so much, and I’m sorry for what I’m about to do to you.
Well, to you, it’s what I’ve already done.
It’s my time, I know it’s my time. I just can’t do it anymore.
You don’t need me, you’ll move on to the next problem that life gives you and forget.
I never wanted to hurt you and Dean, and I wish I didn’t have to do this,
But I do. It’s the only way for me to feel okay again.
I’m so lucky to have met such a amazing people like you and Dean. You’re my family.
I don’t deserve you guys, I never did. I would have destroyed you,
Just like how I destroyed my mom. It’s what I do, I ruin people’s lives.
I couldn’t live knowing that I could ever hurt you. I love you both too much.
I hope you can forgive me. I’m so sorry. I love you.
Love from, Y/N
Dean’s tear dripped on to the paper; that was how he eventually realised at he was even crying. The letter was powerful, it was so full of love for them but hatred for yourself.
“You ready to go man?” Sam asked as he knocked at Dean’s bedroom door.
“Yeah,” Dean hid the rest of the tapes in the safe in his room and put tape 6 in the player, ready for when he was at Jody’s. He finished the letter, and now he’d finished tape 5. He was ready for tape 6. “Let’s get this show on the road.”
a history of one’s own writing life, written daily
reading/music/art, etc. encountered each day
elaborations on weather
people one sees-description
subway, bus, car or other trips (e.g., the same bus trip written about every day)
pleasures and/or pain
life’s everyday machinery: phones, stoves, computers, etc.
answering machine messages
round or rectangular things, other shapes
daily changes, e.g., a journal of one’s desk, table, etc.
the body and its parts
telephone calls (taped?)
coincidences & connections
times of solitude
Other journal ideas:
Write once a day in minute detail about one thing
Write every day at the same time, e.g. lunch poems, waking ideas, etc.
Write minimally: one line or sentence per day
Create a collaborative journal: musical notation and poetry; two writers alternating days; two writing about the same subject each day, etc.
Instead of using a book, write on paper and put it up on the wall (public journal).
and so on …
*** Bernadette Mayer is an American poet from Brooklyn. My creative writing professor shared this document with us on our first day and I just wanted to share it with more people because it has some really great ideas! I highly suggest checking out Mayer’s poetry too.
Bonus episode - an excerpt from the next Night Vale novel!
Not everyone believes in mountains. Yet, there they are, in plain sight. Scientists insist, rather halfheartedly, that mountains are the bulging results of tectonic shifts along massive rocky plates. Mountains develop naturally over the course of many millennia, scientists say under their breaths.
Most people believe that mountains aren’t there at all, even if mountains are visible, as they often are. Nonbelievers will explain that our minds create sensory illusions to help explain what we cannot understand. Like the shapes of gods and monsters in the stars, or messages in tea leaves, or government codes in cloud patterns.
Mountains, real or not, ring this desert like the rim of an empty dinner plate. Scattered sparsely along the flat middle are small towns with names like Red Mesa, Pine Cliff, and right in the center, Night Vale.
So when it comes to humans, red often symbolizes danger. Red danger tape at a construction site means ‘do not enter for concern of immediate death’. Stop signs mean ‘stop here to make sure you don’t die’. Red stop lights also mean stop and pay attention.
It’s theorized that red is such a danger color to humans because of blood. Our blood, as you may know, is red. When it’s coming out of the body, that means something bad happened. Something dangerous that needs to be avoided. If a person sees blood on the floor, fear and concern might be something they think of first.
There is even research suggesting that using the color red in competitive gaming can give you an edge over your opponent because it subconsciously unnerves them.
Angara bleed blue, not red. To an angara the color blue is likely to them what the color red is to us. It’s an aggressive, eye-catching color.
And Evfra is blue. And not just a little blue. His whole body is blue. Even if he didn’t actively try to inspire fear in those around him they’d be predisposed to being afraid of him because Evfra is practically the color of blood to angara. And from everything in game it seems Evfra is one of the most feared and respected angara around. Especially within the Resistance. Some angara on Aya don’t even want to say his name aloud for fear of him hearing them talking about him.
It’s like looking at a picture of Hellboy. With his bright red skin he looks dangerous even before he does anything. Seems probable that Evfra could be like that for angara.
It all started because of Marinette’s going theory about Alya’s fear of heels.
“You never wear them!” Marinette cackled during lunch. “I’ve never seen you in a pair of heels once!”
“That doesn’t mean I’m afraid of them,” Alya sighed. “I just don’t like wearing them. They’re uncomfortable.”
“I was texting you pictures of those heels I wanted to buy online last night and you responded with a nauseated face emoji followed by the fearful face emoji,” Marinette announced, checking her old texts. “That sounds like fear and disgust to me.”
Adrien and Nino were huddled together overhearing the conversation. “Oh damn,” Nino whispered in awe. “Marinette pulled out receipts.”
“The plot thickens,” Adrien muttered.
“Okay, that’s taken out of context,” Alya defended. “You’ll remember that I said that after you showed me an eight inch pair of heels and said, and I quote, ‘wouldn’t these look so cute on you?’”
“They still would.”
“They’re eight inch heels, babe.”
Adrien raised a hand. “I don’t know, Marinette’s got a pretty compelling argument, Alya. It’s just a matter of facts and evidence.”
“Gotta agree with Adrien,” Nino shrugged. “It’s fine, Alya. We’re all scared of something. Nothing to be ashamed of. Marinette’s just braver than all of us and wears heels almost every other day.”
Marinette sighed. “It’s a gift and a curse.”
Alya stared incredulously between the three of them. “Okay, you’re all crazy, and I hate all of you, and this is such a dumb conversation. I could totally wear heels if I wanted to.”
Nino snorted. “You think you have the guts to pull a Marinette? Girl glides in heels, she makes it look way too easy.”
“I can pull a Marinette,” Alya insisted.
“Wait!” Adrien exclaimed. “If Alya pulls a Marinette, then Marinette has to pull an Alya.”
Nino gasped dramatically with a shit eating grin on his face. “Are you suggesting a style swap?”
or; anne of green gables, queer fables, and bad cable
~ the one where they’re all modern and queer, and there are road trips, and anne decides she doesn’t mind her accidentally green-blue hair (although she doesn’t stop it when the red grows back in, she learns to love the red too), and she can’t decide whether she loves the country or the city best, pastels or black, boys or girls. she’s a whirlwind, firecracker girl, but she’s not really the troubled type - i mean, yeah, she was the one who convinced diana to get that tattoo, and rachel lynde is pretty sure she’s turned half the girls gay, but what’s so bad about all that anyways? anne and her friends run around town and the island and beyond, raising hell and laughing loud, and are basically the definition of squad goals. ~