dance with loneliness

Drunk enough to desperately crave your touch
(oh darling, let’s not lie,
your words would be enough)
but anxiety knows my new address
and still it comes knocking.
My knees buckle, victim of a lazy puppeteer,
and I dance away,
avoid your eyes,
avoid recognition.
My heart dives through my stomach
when you do not follow.
I do not know what I want.
I want you here–and yet–
better to keep you away,
better to pretend I do not know your name,
better to wrap myself around my anxiety at night
and pretend it feels like you.
—  Alcohol and anxiety (h.r.s)



Nüwa [女媧] is a goddess in ancient Chinese mythology best known for creating mankind and repairing the wall of heaven. 

Nüwa is not considered a creator of the entire physical universe, but a creator and protector of animals and people. It is said that Nüwa existed in the beginning of the world. The earth was a beautiful place with blossoming trees and flowers, and full of animals, birds, fish and all living creatures. But as she wandered about it, Nüwa felt very lonely, so she began to create animals.

On the seventh day of creation, she bent down and took up a handful of yellow clay, mixed it with water and molded a figure in her likeness. As she worked, the figure came alive – the first human being.

Nüwa was pleased with her creation and went on making more figures of both men and women. They danced around her, and her loneliness was dispelled. She created hundreds of figures, but grew tired of the laborious process. Then she dipped a rope in the clay mud, and swung it around her. Soon the earth around her was covered with lumps of mud. The handmade figurines became the wealthy and the noble; those that arose from the splashes of mud were the poor and the common.

Coldest winter for me. No sun is shining anymore. The only thing I feel is pain. Caused by absence of you. Suspense is controlling my mind. I cannot find the way out of here. I want you by my side, so that I never feel alone again.
—  Milky Chance (“Stolen Dance”)
And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.
—  Friedrich Nietzsche

I’m leaving love notes in abandon things
hoping someday they’ll be read
but when that day comes I hope
I’m long gone
I just want the nostalgia to creep in your bones
life is like a big, dusty book
yellowed with age
If I close my eyes, I could smell it
The stench of loneliness
Dancing through my skin and
Fluttering, settling on my lips with a kiss

-m.r.s(life is nostalgia)

anonymous asked:

What are your all time favorite fics? (If you don't mind answering this type of question)

Liz’s Top 20 Absolute Favorite Fanfictions

(opusamore) (j2wincest-recs)

I don’t mind at all! ♥ Here’s a list of  my personal absolute favorites, out of the total more or less 900 fics I’ve read till now. I may get more favorites in the future, but these are my favorites at this moment, and were from the moment I read them.

You didn’t specify what pairings you wanted to see, so I went with all of them, which are basically wincest, weecest and j2. 20 fics in total on this list so it’s a long one but I couldn’t really make it smaller either. I’ll probably make a “fics that aren’t favorites but are still amazing fics” or “favorites part 2″ or something like that later but for now the top 20 list is below the cut.

Keep reading







  • “this wedding is so boring, no one is dancing, everyone looks miserable and its unacceptable so im gonna try and bust a move on the dance floor and encourage people to come out here with me to get this party started and while im trying to drag people out you see me struggling and trying so you come join me with ur horrible dance moves (i love them) and u dance with me and help me get people to get on the dance floor which ends in success bc people are pouring in and we end up dancing with eachother the rest of the night and u are super fucking hot can i have ur number so we can do this again and maybe make out later” au
  • “im at my ex’s wedding and im miserable idk why i came but i did and it was a bad idea so im dwelling at the bar in my sorrows planning on getting very drunk and u are the really goodlooking bartender that i end up talking too and you are really nice and it turns out the wedding wasn’t that bad afterall considering once it was over you were driving me home with your kiss burning on my cheek and the following year im the one sending out the invitation to the ex that im getting married to his wedding bartender so hA im also v happy so thanks asshole ex” au
  • “you are the host of the wedding entertainment and when the dancing/DJ segment comes in yOU KEEP DRAGGING ME OUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR and everytime you saw me sitting back down yOU AGAIN DRAGGED ME OUT why are you doing this to me i want to sit my feet hurt and i feel awkward dancing while you are an amazing dancer leaVE ME TO WATCH EVERYONE DANCE AND DWELL IN LONELINESS And oh why are you bringing me out to slow dance??? oh nO- ok fine yes your hands feel nice in mine and i like being in your arms so this is ok” au
  • “You are in the band at the wedding and you drag me out to sing with you even though this isn’t really a duet but i guess u don’t care (of course u had to pick me why am i not surprised, sad i had to put down my martini im not drunk enough for this) and wE JUST HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL’D THIS SHIT WE SOUND FANTASTIC TOGETHER AND EVERYONE LOVES US I LOVE YOU- i mean i love singing too yeah singing. also ur rlly hot.” au
  • “im the wedding planner of this wedding and im super stressed bc everything isn’t going the way its supposed too and the bride is my best friend and her to be husbands best man/woman is annoying the fuck out of me acting like everythings fine and noTHING IS FALLING APART WHEN IT IS. MONTHS OF PLANNING ALL GOING DOWN THE DRAIN AND HE’S MOCKING ME AND DRINKING FUCKING BEER WHILE I HAVE A BREAK DOWN AND- wait did he really just manage to fix half these problems and make this wedding out to be one of the best i’ve ever been too??? and is he actually doing everything he can to make sure im having fun and not worrying about things??? iS HE ACTUALLY GRABBING MY FACE AND KISSING ME AT THE END OF THE NIGHT???? wow like i said; best wedding i’ve been too” au
When we feel lonely we keep looking for a person or persons who can take our loneliness away. Our lonely hearts cry out, “Please hold me, touch me, speak to me, pay attention to me.” But soon we discover that the person we expect to take our loneliness away cannot give us what we ask for. Often that person feels oppressed by our demands and runs away, leaving us in despair. As long as we approach another person from our loneliness, no mature human relationship can develop. Clinging to one another in loneliness is suffocating and eventually becomes destructive. For love to be possible we need the courage to create space between us and to trust that this space allows us to dance together.
—  Henri Nouwen

punishment | part one

part two

luke + reader
word count: 867

writing masterlist | request/ask/feedback

summary: you cheat on luke on a drunken night out and decide frostbite is the only way to punish yourself


I didn’t mean for it to happen - now, everyone says this after they cheat on someone, I know, but I honestly didn’t mean for it to happen.

I just wish Luke understood that.

“I’m sorry!” I cried out, tears spilling down my cheeks as Luke walked away from me.

“I was drunk, Luke, I promise I would never mean to do that to you!” I ran after him, reaching out to grab his arm but he shrugged my hand off fiercely. 

“But you did do it! You cheated on me!” His blue eyes flashed with anger and hatred and I almost threw up knowing that it was all directed at me.

“I’m so sorry, Luke, I really am!” My apologies fell on deaf ears as he turned away from me once again.

“Get out of my house now. I never want to see you again. I’ll have your things shipped to you.” He didn’t turn back once as he stalked back to the bedroom.

“Luke!” I called out but he just slammed the door close in reply. 

I willed my feet to move but they felt like concrete. I tried wiping the tears from my face but they just kept coming, so it was no use. 

Finally dragging my feet out of the house, I sat in my car, trying to catch my breath for a second.

Resting my head on the steering wheel, my shoulders shook violently as I continued to cry my eyes out.

It had happened around six months into the tour, only two months left before Luke came back, but I was miserable.

The calls and texts he had promised disappeared over time. He was always too busy to talk to me even though I tried initiating conversations.

And this hurt me.

One night, i decided to go to a club to drink and dance my loneliness away. I felt lonelier than ever in the house and couldn’t take the atmosphere any longer, so I dressed up and headed to a club.

I hadn’t planned on going home with anyone that night - of course I didn’t, I had Luke. But later in the night, I found myself watching other couples dance and laugh and kiss and I was craving that attention.

The next guy that sat next to me at the bar and offered to buy me a drink, was the one I went home with.

I have no idea what in hell I was thinking, obviously not at all if I cheated on Luke. I was always very particular about this sort of thing, considering my own mother cheated on my father, but the alcohol clouded my judgement. A lot.

I woke up the next day in a stranger’s bed and for the first time ever, had to do the walk of shame out of his building and into a cab to take me home.

The rest of the two months was spent debating on whether to tell Luke the truth or not. I knew it would kill him, it was killing me as well.

I was so scared to tell him and have him leave me, but at the same time, it was eating me up inside and I could not take it, I had to tell him.

When he got back home, I gave him a little more than a day to settle and get used to home once again when I told him what happened.

A part of me wished he would understand my reason for doing so - even though other than being a stupid drunk I had nothing else to say, but a part of me wished he would hate me so I wouldn’t feel as bad as I did for doing that to him.

Before I knew it, I found myself at a bar downtown, drowning my sorrows in alcohol. You would think I would have learned my lesson by then, considering I was in this mess because of alcohol.

But at that moment, all I wanted was to forget, Forget that Luke hated me, that I probably wouldn’t see him again, ever. Forget that I’d messed up so bad I’d ruined the one thing I loved and lived for.

2 hours later, I’d somehow ended up back at Luke’s place. I was standing outside the house in zero degree weather, in only a pair of jeans, boots and a thin jumper.

I wasn’t quite sure what I hoped to accomplish by freezing to death, but I was desperate and upset, so I just went along with it.

It took around thirty minutes of standing out in the freezing cold for Luke to notice me standing outside.

I couldn’t feel anything, and was this close to fainting of exhaustion when the door swung open and Luke made a mad dash for me.

I barely registered him calling out my name as I felt my eyes droop, not being able to hold them open anymore. My teeth chattered and I could feel my frozen tears on my cheeks.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N)!” Luke said, shaking me vigorously. 

I couldn’t respond, I couldn’t move a muscle.

When he realised this, he picked me up and ran into the house.


a/n: i am so fucking tired its not even funny, sorry for the lack of content this month, i started school and i’m really hating it and i’m trying my best to find time to write for you guys!
if you want part two, let me know!
& if you want to be notified when part two is up, just drop me an ask requesting the next part and i’ll answer it when part two is up!