dance moms melissa

The Signs As Famous Dance Moms Quotes

Aries: ‘’I cut my finger on my moms ring i hope i can still dance’’

Taurus: ‘’Abby doesn’t look like a model to me’’

Gemini: ‘’I don’t wanna go on broadway, all I wanna do is just stay home and eat chips’’

Cancer: ‘’Girls, what are you doing? Those legs are about as straight as Elton John’’

Leo: ‘’Stop eating that’s why you’re fat’’

Virgo: ‘’I would give Abby a three month trail membership to weight watchers if i were to give her a gift. It’s the gift that keeps on giving’’

Libra: ‘’I have more dirt on you than a broom’’

Scorpio: ‘’This is going to cost a lot of money in therapy!’’

Sagittarius: ‘’McDonald’s has a hamburger with your name on it’’

Capricorn: ‘’When can Kendall get a solo? When does Kendall get a special part?’’

Aquarius: ‘’I don’t even like dancing i’m just here because my mom said she would buy me tacos’’

Pisces: ‘’It doesn’t matter about dance, it matters about me. I’m emotional!’’

what the moms say when they come back after leaving the aldc: my kids want to be here, that’s why we’re back.

what they actually mean: y’all fuckers made me sign a contract, and i don’t wanna get sued.

Judging from the way she behaves these days, do you think the Zieglers and Abby had a falling out or do you think they never liked her and were simply in it for the long con?

Say what you want about PR reps requiring you to keep your distance from a problematic figure, but the way the Zieglers are behaving toward Abby don’t feel like something they’re doing purely for their career.

Don’t get me wrong, I am HERE for it.

8

I miss when Dance Moms used to be like this 😭😭

Now it’s all 30 minutes of pointless drama and Abby picking on the girls and 12 minutes of dance, which leaves no time for clips of the girls having fun 😔😔

Bree gets drunk and recaps “Dance Moms” Season 1 Episode 1, HOLD ON TO YOUR FUCKING BUTTS

Let’s do this okay so

  • The intro montage is SO. FUCKING. DRAMATIC. Which is funny because this season was so downright tame compared to future seasons.
  • Oh Cathy, what beautiful times we had.
  • Lol remember when it was “the” nationals?
  • I’ve never quite been able to figure out if Holly is 8 feet tall or if everyone else in Pittsburgh is a hobbit.
  • This season was so low-rent in terms of backdrops and stuff, it’s also clear why they provide that wardrobe budget because the moms used to dress SO much more plain.
  • Season 1: ESTABLISHING SHOT ESTABLISHING SHOT ESTABLISHING SHOT
  • Nia’s outfit is so adorably corporate, girl is gonna be a CEO someday.
  • Abby’s whole “I. Produce. Stars. I produce employable dancers” schtick always sounded like such a snake oil salesman.
  • I wonder if Abby hastily threw together her wall of crooked portraits in Walmart frames for the camera crew, or it they’ve always been there and she’s just a shit decorator. Either way, lol.
  • You can tell things have gotten nuts because Abby seems downright sweet in Season 1.
  • I CANNOT HANDLE HOW TINY THEY ARE.
  • I’m preeeeeetty sure all the red/orangey “You must win or else your parents will abandon you and you will have to sell your liver on the street for food money” signs in the studio were just put there to make Abby seem a lot scarier than she was because honestly she seems so tame at this point.
  • Kelly’s Kate Gosselin haircut :\
  • I miss Normal Holly.
  • Melissa’s facial expressions remind me of a newborn baby learning to make facial expressions for the first time.
  • Everyone’s names are so obnoxiously 21st Century Competitive Dancer.
  • Melissa’s whole “my girls are like little dolls” thing, omg they were so trying to make this show Toddlers and Tiaras.
  • The first season’s interviews were so poorly cobbled together.
  • Melissa is such an odd duck, gleefully admitting that her divorce isn’t final yet but her new boyfriend pays her dance bills.
  • With a huge smile: “IT’S ABOUT THE KIDS!” :D omg so creepy.
  • “Those legs are as straight as Elton John” so clearly put in in post production and a bad attempt at seeming edgy.
  • BABY CHLOE <3
  • With the emphasis on Chloe’s titles I sometimes wonder if they could have easily edited Season 1 to make Chloe look like the favourite.
  • Christi’s “but don’t tell my husband” what a shitty scripted line, like okay we won’t tell your husband just tell a TV crew.
  • OMG Nia just chilling on the floor lying down like a corpse while the kids are dancing in the background I can’t stop watching
  • Oh yes the rehearsals from Electricity being disguised as Party Party Party
  • Because we have to establish the whole “Maddie is a perfectionist” storyline in the first episode.
  • The scene where she goes back into the studio is so frighteningly intense.
  • Oh goodness the music for the MT trio just punch me in the fucking boobs how annoying.
  • “I’d rather be the one who makes your child cry in the privacy of my studio in stead of crying in front of 800 people at an open audition.” Okay well have fun making ‘em cry on national TV you daft woman.
  • I MISS PERPETUALLY MISERABLE BROOKE
  • Aww sweet normal Kelly
  • Brooke and Paige’s intro is so awkward. “Brooke wins everything ever, and also Paige has a lovely personality.” Poor Paige.
  • Paige has gotten so much more comfortable around the camera.
  • BROOKE GIVES NO FUCKS.
  • NO
  • FUCKS
  • Normal Holly, we hardly knew ye
  • Has Nia just been trolling us all from Day 1
  • That face
  • Nia
  • I love you.
  • OH SHIT IT’S VIVI
  • OHHHHHH SHIT
  • Is it just me or has Vivi, like, not evolved since she was six?
  • THIS KID IS SO FUNNY I forgot how funny she was.
  • “Carrots go hand in hand with bunnies.” The fact that Cathy exists, just, like, has gotten me through so much shit.
  • “I don’t want people to think I’m Vivi’s grandmother.” I mean at first blush it’s hard to tell Cathy’s related to Vivi at all.
  • Cathy is a pretty good actress considering the whole “Hi Abby I do not know you at all” scene was staged as hell. Damn this woman’s brand of crazy is special.
  • Vivi’s shimmies <3
  • ESTABLISHING SHOT ESTABLISHING SHOT ESTABLISHING SHOT
  • omg I forgot about Minister Dawn
  • The timeline of this is really strange because it looks like they’re rehearsing Ups and Downs?
  • Yeah Vivi is wearing the outfit from Episode 3
  • I still don’t really know what to make of this scene
  • I feel like I wanna go to Dawn’s church
  • That would just be
  • metal as fuck
  • FIRE
  • Probably mosh pits
  • Cops look so done with this.
  • I miss the competition montages.
  • Yes Christi no other competition team brings big makeup cases and light-up mirrors.
  • Abby’s rules about no walking through the hotel in flip-flops and bootie shorts make a lot of sense and are a really good thing.
  • If I were competing against them I’d be SO PISSED that they got their own room
  • I remember all the times I’ve had to share a cramped humid CLOSET of a change room with like three other teams. Are you larger than a Lego figurine? THEN STAY THE FUCK HOME (bitch)
  • But seriously who gets a French for their kid before a dance competition?
  • Okay the timeline of Christi and Kelly grabbing a drink is so not portrayed accurately, like Abby actually changes outfits.
  • Oh Kelly you lush you
  • Who wraps up a curling iron when it’s still hot? Kelly. You dolt. I love you though and I think you might actually be my birth mom.
  • Maddie you beautiful soul. Put your underwear on.
  • A TRIO AND A GROUP NUMBER HOW HECTIC
  • Abby’s little head cock before her “huh?” is so fucking deranged.
  • Brooke’s little look into the camera though this kid came out of the womb done.
  • The announcer for the competition reminds me of the overly smug way Jian Ghomeshi used to say “well hi there” at the beginning of every Q episode ugh fuck hat guy now I’m mad
  • I FORGOT ABOUT THE BAD FAKE APPLAUSE
  • This number was such a mess.
  • Stop crying Melissa OMG dry your tears on your weird velour top you look like a throw pillow
  • AND THE FAKE “AWW” WHEN THEY LOSE
  • NATIONALS NATIONALS NATIONALS NATIONALS NATIONALS NATIONALS NATIONALS NATIONALS NATIONALS
  • The most awkward part of this dance is that you can occasionally hear the real music ON TOP of the fake music ugh the cognitive dissonance
  • Like I’m sorry but the biggest argument you could have in the first season was about a headpiece
  • This was so lowkey in season 1
  • Abby admits that Christi is human and she is not
  • Abby Lee Miller: reptile?
  • Abby Lee Miller: mole person?
  • Abby Lee Miller: trash can with hair?
  • YOU DECIDE, AMERICA