dan wilde

the foxes as popular text posts #1

neil josten: i hate that my first reaction to stress is always Time To Die™ like ok calm down edgelord.

andrew minyard: they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because I keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it

kevin day: me rollerblading into my therapist’s office this week with sunglasses and a piña colada: maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,

nicky hemmick: *walks up to straight couple* which one of you is the bee and which one of you is the fully grown adult woman who left her fiance for the bee?

matt boyd: *begins breakdancing gently* what’s wrong, son

dan wilds: listen, I’m a nice person so if I’m a bitch to you, you need to ask yourself why.

renee walker: it’s all fun and games until you remember the person you were from 2007-2010.

allison reynolds: how to kiss a boy: 1. grab his waist, 2. slip your hand in his pocket, 3. steal his wallet, 4. dont even kiss him, 5. just run.

aaron minyard: Why are there 2 A’s in Aaron? Why not 6? What’s stopping us?

david wymack: you gotta put your heart into it! no. no, not literally– not your actual– no. how did you even manage to get that. is it even yours. put that. away.

betsy dobson: [at a session with neil, about andrew] It’s weird to think that people who are 5ft are only 5 subways long.

abby winfield: always practice safe sex!! until you have mastered it. then you are permitted to practice Danger Sex

The Foxes as things my roommates have said
  • Renee: (when asked if she could beat us in a fight) Well I didn't want to brag but I could destroy all of you.
  • Kevin: I have training in the morning but that's for sober me to worry about.
  • Andrew: I only like two things in life: being gay and getting into fights. And I just got done being gay.
  • Aaron: I'm going to the library. If you see me there, please pretend you didn't.
  • Nicky: oh man you're heterosexual? what a shame. what a fucking shame.
  • Dan: My mom was artificially inseminated. I didn't need a man to be born and I don't need one now.
  • Matt: You guys are my friends and I love you but you're fucking idiots.
  • Neil: I'm starting to realize I didn't have a happy childhood. Should I, like, see a therapist or something?
  • Allison: I'd invite you to thanksgiving at my family's summer home in Vermont but I can't let you see me and my family wear matching polo shirts and khakis
  • Bonus from my RA:
  • David: I want you all to consider me a friend! But also remember that I can get you kicked out so don't pull any shit.
  • Abby: No need to call 911. I have some bandaids in my room and also some vodka but don't tell anyone about that.
  • Bee: You can talk to me at any time, day or night. But I know you won't, you emotionally stunted bastards.