dan is our man

How dan and phil probably broke up #41
  • Phil: *to dan* If I was an enzyme I would be DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes ;))
A thieving roommate and a "haunted" Xbox.

Warning:Long, but totally worth it!

During freshman year of college I roomed with my cousin and our friend Dan. The three of us happened to be quite the marijuana enthusiasts and enjoyed smoking…a lot. As great a luxury cannabis is, it wasn’t cheap, especially to three college kids. So naturally, when we wanted to smoke together we’d all chip in an equal sized nug so no one ended up getting short-changed and to obviously save a little cash here and there. As time went on, Dan began to run out of money due to his constant smoking. No money=no weed. So what went from rolling a spliffs everyday suddenly became smashing bowls and scraping resin off the shards of glass and mixing it with tobacco to get high. In our very small and cramped room, I had a mason jar filled with a baggie of my weed hidden in a spot that NO ONE (I thought) knew about. After class one day, I wanted to sit back and enjoy a smoke when I pulled my stash out of the hiding spot to find that the weed was missing. Instantly, I knew Dan did the dirty deed. My cousin wasn’t struggling too bad financially at the time so it couldn’t have been him. But before I pointed any fingers, I decided to wait it out and be 100% positive.

Keep reading

my theory is dan was murdered at playlist and phil is MIA bc he’s mourning the loss of his bf (best friend) and he doesn’t want anyone to know rn bc he wants to mourn in peace so he hired a 12 year old to run dans twitter

A thieving roommate and a "haunted" Xbox

Warning:Long, but totally worth it!

During freshman year of college I roomed with my cousin and our friend Dan. The three of us happened to be quite the marijuana enthusiasts and enjoyed smoking…a lot. As great a luxury cannabis is, it wasn’t cheap, especially to three college kids. So naturally, when we wanted to smoke together we’d all chip in an equal sized nug so no one ended up getting short-changed and to obviously save a little cash here and there. As time went on, Dan began to run out of money due to his constant smoking. No money=no weed. So what went from rolling a spliffs everyday suddenly became smashing  bowls and scraping resin off the shards of glass and mixing it with tobacco to get high. In our very small and cramped room, I had a mason jar filled with a baggie of my weed hidden in a spot that NO ONE (I thought) knew about. After class one day, I wanted to sit back and enjoy a smoke when I pulled my stash out of the hiding spot to find that the weed was missing. Instantly, I knew Dan did the dirty deed. My cousin wasn’t struggling too bad financially at the time so it couldn’t have been him. But before I pointed any fingers, I decided to wait it out and be 100% positive.

When Dan came back after class, I noticed he was more nervous than usual and didn’t make eye contact with me when we were shooting the shit . Red flag 1. Per usual, he’d throw his jacket on the floor, like he did with any other piece of clothing, and started to make ramen noodles. While he was busy, I slowly lifted the jacket with my foot to reveal the top of a baggy with a few nugs poking out of the inside pocket. Red flag 2. I’m not a big fan of thieves, so I decided to get my revenge on Dan in a very petty way. Just to let you all know, Dan is a very gullible human being and tends to believe anything, even if it’s a little far fetched…

One day, my roommates and I planned on having a Netflix night with a bunch of our friends later on in the week. Me being me, saw this as an excellent opportunity to do something devilish, but “What devilish thing should I do?” At the time, there was an Iphone app called Xbox Smartglass that had just come out (I think). Basically, one would log in their Xbox Live account information, connect their phone to the Xbox, and control basic things like direction (think directional pad) and clicking the “A” or “B” buttons.

With this newfound information, I knew exactly what I was going to do, but had to bank on doing it right.

The Netflix night comes and all 10 of us are outside finishing up a spliff before we head back in. I, however, excused myself early to go to the “bathroom”. During this time, I quickly went inside my room, turned my Xbox on, connected my phone to Smartglass, and left it on my bed (it would disconnect if you were too far away). A few moments pass and we are all jam-packed into the room. Dan and I had bunk beds on the right side of the room. He had the top bunk and I had the bottom. My cousin, Gucci, had his own bed on the left side of the room. Everyone else was squeezed in the middle. What’s perfect about my position is that I could conceal my phone very well with no one being the wiser.

Dan had the controller and began sifting through possible movies to watch. I started off with clicking to the right, left, up, and down every so often making it appear that Dan was fucking around with the controller.

“Yo Rivy, I think your controller is busted.” said Dan.

I obviously told him it wasn’t and that he’s scrolling through everything too fast.

So I continued to fuck around more and more until I started moving everything faster and faster. Naturally people were like, “Dan! Stop being a dick!” He responded by letting go of the controller to show that it wasn’t him and everything was indeed moving on it’s own. Everyone was confused. This being the right moment, I stopped for a few seconds….then slowly shifted down to the “Horror” section, scrolled to the right until I saw the movie conveniently titled “Hell” and clicked on it.

Everyone screamed and hollered. Dan jumped out of his bunk, nearly crashing into everyone, and ripped the plug right out of the  Xbox. As he turned back, I could see the look of true fear in his eyes. Everyone was scared shitless and the commotion caught the attention of the RA. It was painfully hard trying not to laugh during this whole ordeal.

Our room was the talk for the entire week. Dan was going around telling everyone, “Yo man, our Xbox is fucking haunted/possessed…”

From friends, to classmates, RA’s and even the hall janitor, Dan told EVERYONE. He was so infatuated and scared, I decided to keep going with it. It got so crazy that Dan, and I swear to God I’m not lying, would talk directly to the Xbox as if it was a person. He’d ask it questions like “Who are you?” “Are you a kind spirit?” “Can you communicate through other forms of technology?”

This was absolute gold.

Before you know it, I started communicating with Dan by typing on the keyboard for Xbox live messaging. I got more daring and wrote words like:

“Dan”….”Death”….”Car”…”Demon”…”Hell”.

I also wrote places he would be that day, clothes he was wearing, people he knew, etc.

He was too busy freaking out that he never took a moment to logically think about the whole situation. Never in my wildest dreams could I imagine pranking someone this bad….especially with an inanimate object. I do want to note that my cousin found out about my prank/revenge due to the fact that he saw “Smartglass Connected” pop up on the Xbox dashboard. I told him everything and he promised not interfere and encouraged me to continue on :).

One day after class, I walked into my room to find Dan sitting upright on his bunk staring into space. I asked him what’s up and he went on about how scared he was and how he believed someone was hacking the Xbox and sending him threatening messages. He also believed that whoever was doing it was also hacking the webcam too (lol). Dan went on and on and even considered calling the cops (yikes).  Realizing how out of hand this was getting, I stopped fucking with him for a little while.

Overall, I kept my vengeful prank a secret for a few months before I finally told him. He was livid at me and firmly believed someone….or something was out to get him. But he did admit to stealing my weed and soon paid me back. A word to the wise, never steal from someone, you never know what appliance will become possessed and haunt you ;)

TL;DR: College roommate stole weed from me. I got my revenge by making him believe our Xbox was haunted.

Quand le roublard prend un niveau de paladin.

Mr. Nobody || Transistor (Game) Fanmix

Rough-voiced, lovesick existentialist, nonconformist, anonymous.

(A little tribute to our mysterious man in the sword.)

Jeopardy Dan Mangan // Crazy Ray LaMontagne // Robots Jamie Woon // Are We The Waiting Green Day // Wake Up Arcade Fire // Yellow Coldplay // One Song Glory RENT // Starlight Muse // Soul Meets Body Death Cab for Cutie // I’m Still Here John Rzeznik 


LISTEN()

*art credit to alonmarquez.tumblr.com

Lead Me Home

Playlist: I listened to “Lead Me Home” and “You Are the Wilderness”, both songs on The Walking Dead soundtrack. Listen to them while reading if you’d like.

Request: Can I have Daryl x blind! Reader where he’s with those group of rough guys and they find y/n and daryl “claims” y/n to save them??

Rating: PG

Pairing: Blind!Reader x Daryl Dixon

Warnings: Implications of rape, mild violence

~*~*~*~

You sat, huddled in your closet, rocking back and forth with your knees pulled to your chest, trying to block out the noise. Your eyes were blurred with tears at the sound of your family being torn to pieces by the abominations that were the un-dead.

Nowhere left to go. Nowhere left to run.

Before they overtook the home you and your family had taken refuge in, your older brother had kept you hidden away in your closet, armed with a knife and a Glock 19, loaded with eight rounds. You could defend yourself if need be.

It wasn’t that you were too little to see the horrors of those demons - it was that you could not see them at all. When you were younger, you had come down with an illness that had taken your eyesight as a result.

Finally, the screams of your family died down, coming to an end completely. You assumed they were dead. You were alone now - too scared to venture out to try and escape. 

Perhaps the un-dead would leave and you could safely get food and water. But what about your family? They would surely turn too. Soon, probably.

It seemed hopeless. All very hopeless.

Fear pricked at your skin as you heard the sound of shuffling and banging against the front door. 

Suddenly, a loud “crack” could be heard. It was if someone - or something - had broken through the door downstairs.

They’re going to fine me, you thought, I’m going to die.

“Looks like whoever lived here was killed.” a gruff voice sounded from inside the house.

The voice was very masculine and dark. It made you feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Grabbing your gun, you cocked it. Just in case you had to defend yourself.

Suddenly, several gunshots went off. You could only assume this man and whoever was with him had taken out the biters and maybe…even your family.

Keeping quiet, you scooted as far back as you could against the back of the closet, praying that your life would not end.

“Ain’t got nothin’ good here.” another voice growled, this one equally rough.

“Daryl, you check the upstairs. Dan, you go with ‘em.” the first gruff voice ordered.

There was no response except the sound of loud, pounding feet climbing the stairwell. 

Your heart beat faster and louder with every step they took. This group of men - whoever they were - would surely find you. You would not be safe. The type of men these seemed to be were rough and evil. It sickened you to think about the types of things they would do to you.

In your left hand, you gripped the knife tightly, ready to strike when you had to. In your right, you held the gun as well, cocked and ready when needed.

The two voices that spoke, Daryl and Dan as you heard they were called, were closer now. They were definitely inside of your room.

“Pretty little thing that lived here. Didn’t see her body downstairs. Think she’s still alive?”

A shiver ran down your spine at his words. He made you feel disgusting. He was slimy and vile. The kind of man that women were afraid to walk by at night.

“Let’s just do our job and get outta here, Dan.” The other man, Daryl, replied. His voice softer, but still hoarse.

“Check that closet over there. I’m hittin’ the other bedrooms.” Dan growled, and you heard the pounding of his boots on the floor as he left the room.

Your breath hitched as the closet door was yanked open. Being blind, you could not see what this “Daryl” looked like. All you knew was the horror that kept you in place, freezing every fiber of your being as your shaking hands held your weapons.

“Please…don’t hurt me. I don’t want to shoot you.” you tried, your eyes darting around. It was a nervous habit you had.

“You’re the girl in the picture. That your family down there?” Daryl replied. You could feel him bending down to meet your level.

“Yes. They were being torn apart…completely mutilated. There was nothing I could do…I…” you trailed off, the memory still too fresh and painful.

“I ain’t gonna hurt you. You remind me of this girl I was with before.” Daryl said, offering his hand to you. Not that you could see it.

“Those other men I heard…are they kind like you?” you asked timidly, your grip on your weapons still tight.

When Daryl did not answer, you knew that they were just as you feared. 

Suddenly, the pounding of feet could be heard and you felt several presences in the room.

“Daryl what’s takin’ y- Well, well. Whadda we got here, boys?” the first voice from downstairs called, letting out a low whistle.

Your eyes widened. You felt like a bug under a microscope.

“Can’t wait til’ I get my hands on her.” one of the other men growled, laughing.

“Haven’t had me a woman in a long time, brother.” another called.

“Claimed.” said Daryl suddenly, his voice ringing loud through the crowd of guffawing men.

“What?” cried several in protest.

“Aye, Joe. That ain’t fair. We all know the rules. Women are shared.” Dan complained.

“Dan, you know the rules. Whoever claims it, gets it.” Joe, the first voice, replied in a condescending tone.

“Look at 'er. Ah, whatever. I’ll have her when Daryl’s gone.” Dan muttered.

Seeing as the show was over, you heard them leave the room. You said nothing, too shaken up to even move.

“I ain’t gonna do anything to you.” Daryl said, causing you to jump. You didn’t know he was still in the room.

“What does 'claimed’ mean? Why did you do it to me?” you demanded, a surge of new-found confidence within you.

“Jus’ somethin’ stupid these guys do. Means no one can touch you now.” Daryl replied, his voice rough.

“Why would you do that?”

“Like I said, you remind me of a girl I was with before.”

“What happened to her?”

Daryl hesitated before answering, “She’s just gone.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

Changing the subject, he asked you, “What’s your name?”

“I’m Y/N.”

“Listen, Y/N. The group I was with before - they’re nice people. We’ll help you defend yourself. When I get the chance to leave this group, I ain’t lookin’ back. You in?” Daryl questioned, his voice low.

“You wouldn’t want me in your group, Daryl.” you replied quickly, though the thought of being safe tempted you.

“Why’s that?”

“Well…I’m blind.” you explained quietly. Having a disability such as being blind made surviving in this world almost unbearable.

“Hey. I ain’t gonna let you die. We’re in this together.”

“How can you trust me so easily?”

“Someone told me I needed to have a little faith before.”

With that, Daryl took you by the arm, helping you up, before leading you out of the closet.

-End-

A/N: This was actually fun writing. Obviously, I didn’t capture Daryl’s true, introverted, “tough guy” character, but I thought it would be nice to have a softer side to him. As for the reader “getting over” her parents death so quickly, I don’t think they got over it quickly. It’s just the rapidly moving apocalyptic world that forces people to act in the present, not the past. Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it! 

3

✨Spending the next six days at our Ohana:: Dakota and Dan The Mans magical hOMe!!! We have felt so excited and thankful all day long exploring the property, featuring:::: indoor sauna, grand piano, jacuzzi tub, on a river with a bridge that leads to their healing temple lined with crystals and a massage table ~~ Dan is a vegan raw food chef who goes by DanTheMan on YouTube or LIFEREGENERATOR (check him out and make some delicious food!!) Enjoying a raw vegan pumpkin pie him and Dakota made :) Giving thanks to the creator for our happy family!!!

Get To Know Me » 5 Favorite Relationships OTPs (in no order): Matthew & Mary Crawley

MATTHEWYou know, Cousin Violet came to me and told me to marry you.
MARYWhen was this?
MATTHEWA while ago. When we knew I would walk again.
MARYClassic Granny. What did you say?
MATTHEWThat I couldn’t accept Lavinia’s sacrifice of her life, her children, her future, and then give her the brush off when I was well again. Well, I couldn’t, could I?
MARYOf course not.
MATTHEWHowever much I might want to.