A month without uploading
He comes back with a tag
That no one even tagged him in
He’s not a challenge to drag
So prepare for an attack
And by that I mean cringe
Cause this mother fuckers bout to get
Dragged by his fringe
First things first you’re freakishly tall
Its weird you look like a noodle
You’ve got hair that was cool in 2007
And wet you just look like a poodle
Throw in a really annoying posh voice
And yup that’s dan
You’re what would happen if Winnie the Pooh
Fucked slenderman
You procrastinate making videos
Cause beeing judged is scary
You’re so close to being forgotten
The hate’s imaginary
The only reason you get views
Is youre another white guy
That people ship with his friend
Cause they think it’s kawaii
Reasons why dan’s a fail!
I’ll give you some
You never tweet
You overeat
All you do is cry and sleep
Your jokes are shitposts and memes
With no originality
Your family’s sad you flopped your law degree at university
And anything embarrassing that’s from your past
You just delete
You were vegan for like three weeks
Then what? You missed the meat?
Wow I’m so impressed
By your clear moral integrity
You try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic
But can’t make toast without tumblr saying you’re problematic
I could go on
There’s more if I check
There’s more things on this list
Than chins on your neck
On your birthday you joked you were a quarter to death
A hundred? Yeah
When getting out of bed makes you out of breath?
So your celebrity crush was j-law
But now it’s evan p?
What the fuck even is your sexuality?
Its hard go put you in a box
When you keep it so blurry
I think it’s just to hide
That you’re secretly a furry
Im joking
Ok that went deep
Repress it?
Before I start crying
Let’s wrap this shit up
Im gonna go and masturbate
Then cry into a slice of pizza
Shoutout to the other youtubers
Especially Ryan higa
A cringe compilation
Mixed with cultural appropriation
Met with no depreciation
Its the youtube nation
if you wanna watch four videos a year
To see my last one (from 10 years ago)
Just click over here
So leave a comment with your reaction
You can call me a liar
Cause you just witnessed the roast
Of danisnotonfire