damn u u perfect lil shits

anonymous asked:

Advice for the signs

aries: all ur friends are annoyed that u forget they exist the second ur peen spots something exciting … mostly cause ur peen finds every third person exciting

taurus: stop retelling stories to make yourself look better it’s unsettling and actually makes u look worse … 

gemini: watch the alcoholism broh. ur perfect tho

cancer: speak ur mind a lil more often in vulnerable situations … it’s real sweet when u do :-)

leo: u drive ur life and opportunities into the ground over and over again by doin the same dumb shit and instead of changing your life in meaningful ways so’s it doesnt happen again ur just like “damn!!!!why am i such a mess?! i cant believe ill always be a mess!!!!” like … nice self fulfilling prophecy,asshole

virgo: stop trying to control other people and their perceptions of you

libra: you lose interest in things the second they get difficult or make you look bad no matter how long youve been cultivating it … this hurts people,ruins opportunities and also it’s why people call u shallow even tho u feel so deeply ;-0  

scorpio: the more you try and perpetuate ur dark and mysterious exterior the less dark and mysterious you get lol … it’s goofy 

sagittarius: losing respect for everyone the second u sleep with them doesnt make them vapid or whatever … it just makes u an asshole ;( 

capricorn: you’re not actually infallible and sometimes u gotta start from the bottom to get to the top.

aquarius: ur emotions get bigger and scarier and harder to deal with the more you pretend u dont have them

pisces: people think ur underdeveloped cause u obsessively hop from relationship to relationship and the in between times is u bein obsessed with ur ex … take some time to be single and do some soul searching and you’ll see how much farther that gets u lol

Me: *scrolling on tumblr*

Me: *sees bias*

Me: *internally screaming* OH MY SWEET BABY LOVE L O O K at THIS BABE omg why are u so freaking cute lil sugar pie honey bunch but hawt too? goood loooord r u trying to kill me?! like wtf ur perfect I love u like im actually in love with u ur so awesome and nice and sweet and like wow frick frack baby love shiiiiit ya know like damn 

Me: ?????

Me: *reblogs* 

Me: Soooo anyways….