damn that tongue

(Our tiefling warlock, Malveus, has a nasty habit of interacting with things by licking them. So far, this has included dripping dungeon walls, hallucinogenic mushrooms, a spider’s butt, a gray slime, and various other creatures.)
(Early on in our third session, the party comes across a corridor scattered with glowing crystals which shatter with a blinding light when handled roughly. A couple of us manage dexterity checks to collect a few, and then the expected happens.)

Malveus: I lick one.

DM: (exasperated) It explodes. And it takes all sensation in your tongue. You can still talk, but you can’t taste anything any more.

Malveus: What?! No!

Other warlock: Oh, man, that’s your special thing! How can you live without licking shit?

Malveus: Can I heal myself?

DM: A Lesser Restoration would do it, but none of you can cast that yet.

Malveus: (mutinous grumbling)

(We move on. After a minor scrap and some uneventful trekking through caverns, Malveus suddenly snaps.)

Malveus: I can’t take it any more! I need my freaking tongue back, guys! I summon Asmodeus to heal me.

(General commotion. Most of us think this is a stupid idea.)

DM: Fine, try it. But I hope you know just how high of a roll I’m going to make you –

Malveus: Natural 100.

DM: Bull!

Cleric: No shit, (DM,) he actually did it!

DM: Fuck. Okay, fine! Fine. Fuck it. Asmodeus the demon lord appears in a gout of sulphurous flame, and says, (scary voice) YES, MY SON?

Malveus: O my father, I beg of you, heal my broken tongue!

DM as Asmodeus: … WHAT THE FUCK, MALVEUS. YOU SUMMON ME FOR THIS SHIT? YOU’RE RIDICULOUS.

Malveus: Please, father, I –

DM as Asmodeus: SHUT UP, MORON. FINE, I’LL HEAL YOUR DAMN TONGUE. BUT IT’LL COST YOU YOUR SIGHT.

Malveus: Done!

Cleric: What? Are you nuts?!

Sorceress: Don’t be a damn fool!

Malveus: Guys, it’s fine. I can see through the eyes of my familiar, I’ll still be able to see. Ish. Totally worth it. Take my sight.

DM as Asmodeus: DONE. YOU’RE AN IDIOT. (regular voice) He heals your tongue, blinds you, slaps you across the back of the head and you take six bludgeoning damage, and then he vanishes.

Other tiefling: (waving cheerfully) Bye, Dad!

Malveus: I summon back my quozzit and put it on my head, so its eyes are about where mine are.

(So now our Malveus wanders through the Underdark with his centipede-formed familiar permanently affixed to the front of his face.)

youtube

 Jensen Ackles and his habit

Thank you @wi-deangirl77 for giving me this wonderful video right before bed. Sweet dreams for me tonight.

TODAY ON BTS THROWBACK

[VID] 140826  BTS x Show Champion in Cheongju

The extremely awakward day when it was just too obvious that Yoongi and Kookie had issues

  • Clue #1: Jungkook awkwardly looking towards TaeGi side
  • Clue #2: Taehyung’s look of concern at Kookie
  • Clue #3: That exasperated sigh Yoongi let out after looking at Kookie then proceeding to wrap his arms around Tae… which, by the way, Yoongi honestly almost never does to anyone.
  • Clue #4: The look Kookie gave Yoongi after Yoongi did clue 3 then Kookie walking to the end of line to get the fuck away.
  • Clue #5: Comforting Hobi (I think he was trying to get comfort from Jimin first but Jimin didn’t give any) and obviously troubled Kookie who just seemed so done.
  • Clue #6: Another concerned glance from Tae to Kookie… :(

BONUS! #JiKook, #TaeGi, #HopeKook, #TaeKook… damn that tongue Namjoon! AND DANCING JIN!!!

“Hopefully, no one will notice” - Bruce Wayne x Reader (NSFW)

Summary : the story of how Bruce and his wife ended up with so many…marks on their bodies (stories this is referencing “She should cut her nails” and “Bruce…sucks”).

Hope you’ll like it, it’s kinda long sorry about that, I felt inspired ahem, especially you @harlequin-swan and blahblahblah : 

WARNING : If you are uncomfortable with smut, NSFW things, please, DO NOT read that fic. It is one of those that I have absolutely no shame writing. But I understand that not everyone like it. You can go check my not NSFW work though, I have way more of those :-). Anyway. Boom 2. :

(My masterlist blog here : https://ella-ravenwood-archives.tumblr.com)

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It started rather innocently, as it often does, with Bruce saying that you had the house for yourself. 

The kids were out with Alfred for the ENTIRE day, because it was grandmother’s day and…Well, they considered your lovely and sassy butler their grandfather, and thought it was unfair that there wasn’t a “grandfather’s day”, so decided that grandmother’s day was also for grandfathers and…Yeah, basically, they weren’t there. 

He wasn’t even implying anything. Just saying that you could relax together, without any of your kids coming to bother you. How great was that ? 

Usually, no matter what, if you’d just settle down to watch TV, or do anything really, if one of your children was in the area, you could be sure they’d come ask you for something, or just stay with you. You didn’t mind of course, but sometimes, you had to admit that being just with your Bruce was nice. 

Your initial plan was to watch a few movies, and rest, because the week you just had had been hectic, and you were both exhausted…Really, it was all about enjoying each other’s presence more than anything else. 

Laying on the couch, watching a stupid rom-coms (but if you and Bruce were honest, you both loved stupid rom-coms), you were just so damn comfortable.

He was laying across the couch, with you on top of him, a blanket thrown over you two, so warm, so relaxing, so comfortable.  

Yes. It started out so innocently. 

You went through two movies (which was a record by the way) before your fingers started to slowly go up his shirt, and his hands were sneakily moving down your pants. 

Keep reading

Eat me out (M)

Words: 1253

Warning: Smut

Taehyung X Reader

Based on this request


Originally posted by gmndrmr

You knew it was wrong. You knew that you shouldn’t be thinking about that, but you couldn’t help. He was such a tease and you weren’t being able to hold it back anymore.

 Kim Taehyung. He was driving you crazy. He was messing with your head.

 No, he was driving you insane, and that tongue and the way he played with it… Urgh!

Yeah, you were friends, but you couldn’t help but have to deal with your other side. The one that was making you realize how hot Taehyung was, and the fact that you shared apartment with him wasn’t helping at all.

All started after you see a video of him. He was licking his lips in that, putting it out of his mouth teasingly. Shit. Thenceforth, you understood all the girls that always fell for him. You understood the whole “thing” people had about his tongue.

You had to feel it.

  However, you were friends. You couldn’t just go there and say “please eat me out”, or “please use your tongue on me”. Despite the fact Taehyung was ALWAYS with some girl in his room, you were not just a girl. You were his friend and it could ruin it.

 All you used to hear was their moans and curses at his eating out. Usually you didn’t care about it but now that you wanted to be the one who was being eaten out, you were getting upset.


“Come on, fool girl, it’s gonna be fun” he insisted.

 He was going to meet with the boys that night and you were invited. He was in your bedroom, complaining, insisting for you to go with him. But sincerely, all you wanted was to avoid him. Your amusement was too hard to hold back and you needed to release.

“No Tae, seriously, just go. I’ll be fine here” you said for the millionth time.

“Fine. See you later” he said, not happy about your final decision but grabbed his jacket and left your bedroom.

Once you heard the front door being opened and closed, you automatically threw yourself onto the bed.

 You let your mind fly, thinking about all the things he could do to you. How his body would feel against yours… Unconsciously, your hands started exploring your own body, your fingers playing with the waistband of your pants as your other hand rubbed your nipples over your shirt, imagining it was his hand. You closed your eyes, lost in the sensation. You started to let out low moans. It didn’t take long for you to be hissing Taehyung’s name louder and louder, not realizing that the front door had been opened again.

“Y/N have you seen my ke-” Taehyung opened your bedroom’s door, not finishing his sentence when he saw the sight of you touching yourself, calling his name. You froze, your eyes snapped open when you heard his voice.

“Oh my…” You tried to say, but all you could do was sat up on the edge of the bed and stare at him. “Taehyung, I…”

“What are you doing?” he said, starting to walk towards you, eyes widened.

“W-hy did you come back? Oh my god I’m so so-” you started saying but were cut off when he sat beside you and placed one finger on your lips, silencing you.

  “I heard you moaning my name” he said. Your face couldn’t be pinker. You couldn’t be more nervous. Shit shit shit.

“I’m sorry, Tae, I didn’t want to-” You said but he placed one finger on your lips again.

“What were you thinking?” he asked. No. I’m not saying. I’m not telling him. I can’t.

He noticed your hesitation and breathed deeply.

“I’m not gonna ask again”. Ok. Here we go.

“W-Well… I, hum… I was wondering, well, your tongue…” you cut yourself off. Fucking hell, Y/N, just say it.

Before you could think he leaned in and placed his lips against yours, licking your bottom lip and sliding his tongue in. Ah… that tongue.

 At first, you couldn’t move. You couldn’t reply or stop him. Your brain was screaming. What is he doing?

 He pulled away.

“You mean this tongue?” he asked, licking his lips. God. You nodded slowly, watching him. “What do you want it to do?”

“I want you to eat me out” you said and the sec the words left your mouth, you looked away from him, embarrassed.

He chuckled and pushed you backwards softly till your back hit the mattress.

 He spread your legs and placed himself between them, kissing you once again. Then, he traveled down to your jawline and neck.

“You know…” he said between wet kisses, “I never thought that you had a kink for my tongue too”

 One of hands were grabbing your thigh, squeezing it.

“If you wanted me to pleasure you, all you had to do was ask. We are friends” he said.

“I-I didn’t know how… and I thought that it would ruin our friendship” you said shyly, watching his ministrations on your body.

 He took off your shirt, smiling when he saw you weren’t wearing a bra.

“Don’t worry baby girl. We are not kids anymore”

 He took one of your nipples in his mouth, circling his tongue on your nipple as his other hands massaged your other breast. Low whimpers were now leaving your mouth.

“Wait, Tae, what about the boys?” you said

“They can wait” he answered simply. He started kissing your belly, stopping when his mouth reached your pants.

  You noticed that he was fully dressed but didn’t have strength to ask him why. Once your clothes were completely off, he pulled away from you to stare at your body. You felt nervous but didn’t cover yourself.

“Fuck, you’re hot. I can’t wait to taste this pretty pussy of yours” he whispered and let his head disappear between your legs. He kissed your inner thighs, avoiding the place you wanted the most. Fuck you were dripping wet already.

“Tae…please” you whimpered

“Please what?”

“Just eat me out already” you begged. He smiled successfully and his tongue finally find your clit. You gasped, his tongue making small circles on your clit as his finger teased your entrance. He gave you a long, deep lick and breathed in heavily.

“Your taste is amazing” he said. Then, he pushed one finger in, pumping it in and out in a slow pace as his tongue was massaging your clit. He stopped, but just to switch positions. His tongue were now at your entrance and his fingers rubbing your clit. He started to fuck you with his tongue, licking your walls. You couldn’t hold that back anymore, moans and curses leaving your mouth as he started rubbing your clit more harshly.

“Are you liking that baby girl? Is that what you expect about my tongue?” he asked against your pussy, his warm breath sending you shivers. Shit, now you had completely understood the other girls. His damn god tongue was amazing.

“Fuck yes, oh my god Tae” you whimpered. You started to feel that thing in your stomach, and it didn’t take long for you to cum on his mouth.

  He ride your orgasm, his tongue moving rougher and rougher.

Once you were done, he cleaned his face and waiter for you to get dressed.

  “I gotta go, baby girl” he said and placed a kiss against your lips.

“When I am back, maybe I can fuck you with another thing” he said before he turned around and left.


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Femslash February

Heather Chandler/Veronica Sawyer (Heathers: The Musical)