damn raccoons


so this just happened and i… i couldn’t resist xDD;;;;; yes please, ONE OF EACH and ship them together 83c (x)(x)(x)

Found this old GIF in my pic folder, and all I gotta say is: Damn Erron, welcome back to the fab lane.


Artyom cut down another branch as he ventured further into the woods. The urge to rip, shred, maim, kill…It’s been getting stronger since he got here. Normally in his Arena bases he’d hide himself away in one spot, picking off people until some BLU was forced to go up there and confront him…so they could fall into the trap that was waiting for them. Then he’d have all battle to ‘play’ with them as he wished. 'Take things slow’, as some said.

…But that was in the past…for now. In the meantime he’d been making due with these trips into the woods. But now he had a roommate that insists on unachievable levels of…ugh, cleanliness. It would no doubt be sooner rather than later that he’d complain about the smell coming from the wall. While he couldn’t do without at least one animal for stress relief, he needed to find a place to hide the others where no one could discover them—which was why he’d ventured out beyond the Respawn zone in search of a cave to serve his purposes.

Boots crunching on some brush, Artyom paused and looked around for any signs of such a thing when he heard a couple of low growls behind some bushes a few feet away from him. He narrowed his eyes and took a step toward the source of the noise, Shiv at the ready, wanting to taste blood. 

There’s a sudden flash of black and grey and teeth and he jumps back in surprise at the raccoon that’s sunk its teeth into his arm. A yell of rage and pain escapes him and he stabs at the menace several times before two more jump out of the bush and latch onto his pantslegs. Growling angrily, he rips the first raccoon off of him by the tail and whacks it against the other two. Throwing away the now limp one, he goes about angrily and repeatedly stabbing the other two assailants until the entire family is quiet on the forest floor and all that is heard is Artyom’s breath escaping between his gritted teeth.

He gripped his now torn up arm and looked it over. It would need stitches, that vermin did a number with its teeth real quick—and unprovoked. He looked over the three corpses. The animals here normally didn’t attack people…maybe rabies? He let out another frustrated grunt and stuffed the animals in his bag. So much for finding a cave today. There’s no way he’d be allowed to battle if he could have contracted something like rabies…Instead he’d have to visit a…Medic. And of course both the ones on base are Germans. The treasures today held were plentiful, weren’t they?

By the time he’d made it back to base the blood had completely covered his arm and soaked into his shirt and pants, thankfully he was used to dealing with a little blood loss. Red drops of blood trailed behind him on the floor as he stomped up to one of the Medic’s offices— Rittenmeier, he believed was the last name. The man was most likely the most loyal to RED and thus the most likely to patch him up correctly. And he wouldn’t deny that there was some sick satisfaction to be had in making a national enemy heal one of its natural predators. Growling in distaste at having to talk to anyone, he pounds on the Medic’s door.

Anonymous said: Stony; A question for Tony: how bad is Steve at lying from a scale one to twelve?

“Steve doesn’t like to lie and prefers brutal honesty, but it doesn’t mean he can’t lie. Like, he was very convincing when he told me a story how a raccoon got into my workshop and knocked over a glass with juice and spilled it on the blueprints I had been working on for the whole night.”

“I said I was sorry.. I panicked and thought you would get mad!”

“I did got mad. But don’t worry, it was that damned raccoon’s fault, not yours.”

“He will never let go of that one..”