damn my hair is on point today

I'm happy

Some people sing high praise of exercise and socializing…damn, are they right. I don’t know why, but today, a Thursday for crying out loud, my depression has vanished. I’m not cured, but for some reason, I was able to function. I washed my hair for the first day in a week. Someone praised my project that I worked really hard on. I went to fencing and won almost all my bouts. Someone said I looked great today. I met some new people. I actually went out of the house. I was productive for the first time in weeks. I received some really positive anons (thank you!!!)

I mean, my depression is in no way gone. I self-harmed last night. I’ve considered suicide for weeks.

But today, this weird, unusual, amazing Thursday, has been great.

I don’t know why Im posting this. I hope y'all have similar days.

We’ll see how long this good luck lasts….

-Happy Ev

3

Ok, so I’ve decided that it’s about damn time I put something like this up. I have talked a lot about being body positive for a while now, on top of posting some lovely soft-core pics of guys that I view attractive . For the longest time I have hated what I looked like and nitpicked at pretty much every little detail about myself. I hated my moobs or my skin or my hair or even my damn love handles. And when my depression hits its hardest (which seems to happen every other week now) I can’t even look myself in the mirror let alone let my boyfriend touch me.

I want to beat all those thoughts. I want to beat all the shit that stops me from loving myself and others. I want to be able to look at myself and say “God damn it! I’m fucking hot”! Where I am in my mental health today is at a very high emotional point, so I want to do something brave.

I promise a few things. I promise that I will not take this down when I am at a very low point and hate how I look. I promise to do everything I can when I am at a high point to make the low point not hurt as much. And I promise to love how I look, which is nowhere near as bad as my depressed mind makes me believe.

I. Love. Myself. I am not at an unhealthy weight. I have much better skin than I used to. My hair is wonderful and easy to manipulate to be diverse. And I might have a body with weird curves (thus the last picture), but I am happy with it.